| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 3:36:16 PM | Hi pink martini
Well men who have had a bad experience in love generally are frightened of getting burned again but they still have physical needs
You think a lot of men lose money, families, children and gain embarrasement through breakups and say no way can i go through that again. Therefore, having their physical needs met and a bit of intimate friendship here and there is better than taking a chance and getting hurt again
The safe option is better than another failure
Personally i'm an all or nothing person, i either go for a full commitment or non at all and couldn't put up with a friends with benefits scenerio | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 3:57:02 PM | Dusty,
Oh not at all. I love men,why would I bash them? OK I'll admit that sometimes when I think really hard about it, the reason I love them absolutely escapes me!
I was simply relating a couple of personal experiences. I WISH FWB worked for me. But,SO FAR it just feels like I'm living in somebody else's skin when I get involved in a FWB. Maybe it just wasn't the right person, or it was the other person's attitude.
I guess my biggest concern would be about getting over focused on a FWB interaction and to totally miss (or drive away!) the real deal...
Cindy O | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 3:59:37 PM | In reference to some comments and views in msgs 164, 171 and 172.
Friends with benefits is NOT the same as FkBuddies, for Gawd's sake. FkBuddies are not FRIENDS.
What is "judgemental" about clarifying that FWBs is not FkBuddies and that friends do have feelings for each other anyway. They may not of course be "in love" with their friends but they love their friends. If you do not love and care for your friends, then they are not real friends. At best they are "buddies", at best.
FwBs of course can have erotic feelings for each other in addition to the love and caring friends have for each other.
Now about the "in love" aspect, how many people (%) who are in LTRs actually are still "in love" with their partner? And for how long?
What is "in love" and what is "needy" or "dependency syndrome" or a mere "partnership" based on convenience and (non-sexual) "benefits"?
2 cents | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 5:07:13 PM |
I don't have sex with my friends.
I don't have sex with anyone who's NOT my friend.
FwBs of course can have erotic feelings for each other in addition to the love and caring friends have for each other.
Pretty well sums it up. I have friends who I feel affection for, but no erotic feelings. Then there are friends I have affection for AND for whom I do have erotic feelings. Sometimes, under the right circumstances, they might become lovers. Not all of them, of course, considering the circumstances issue, not to mention they also have to be attracted to me.
But I'll repeat that it's all a matter of perception. I've read enough of these forums to know that what some people call a "relationship" and "love" is exactly the same as what I'd call a Friends With Benefits thing. Some of them apparently have one "relationship" with people they "love" after another. Okee, dokee.
I don't use the word love lightly. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 6:23:51 PM | FWB's happen on both sides of the aisle. Women as well as men are involved in thes little meetings, and they serve a purpose for those involved. Physical needs are served in a more interesting way than locked in a room with a copy of Playboy/Playgirl or a cheap video.
Now as to the statemnt that guys have a phobia about commitment, yea we do!! But it's coming from all too nay bad so called relationships,we're relationship challenged too, that have left some pretty nasty scars and marks which won't go away.
Persoally I always thought of commitment as placing someone in a rubber room or cell with no chance of parole. And relationship sounds like something illegal done with close realtives, maybe we could come up with something that has a better sound to it, like a serious firendship.
Anywa,if you haven't tried a FWB then don't knock it, it might be just what some of you TA's need.  | |
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lfrs
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 181 | |
| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 8:58:05 PM | Noooooooo, Sex changes things.........
It's been pretty tempting a couple of times, because I have had some good looking friends..........but, their friendships were more important to me than the risk of losing them because of sex............seems like one always wants to get more serious than the other.........
No thanks.........never worked for me, though what the lady said is true.......the men I chose to have sex with are Friends, but it's in a different kind of way..........
Course, that's been so long ago, I can hardly remember who I am talking about.... | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 5/31/2007 11:32:45 PM | So much badmouthing and misinterpretation of the Friends with Benefits type of rel! It is amazing! If people do not want to engage in such a rel, that's fine, but misinterpreting what a FwBs rel REALLY is, well that'shameful, IMO. And the same must be said for the "mythification" of the LTR type of rel. Plus I fail to grasp the concept of one night stands. How can one have a one nighter only with another person unless the experience is really bad (ie the other person really/seriously underperforms in bed)?
Is sex or making love something "dirty" or "sinister" that one only does with "strangers" and does not engage in with friends????????? What can one say!!!?
I think that post 179 sums it up very well.
I do not have sex or make love with strangers or enemies or woman I have just met. That only leaves friends, real friends. How can one have sex with strangers or enemies? Or people they have just met? There needs to be a connection and that connection takes some communication and time. Love at first sight is lust at first sight or at best a "pre-in-love" feeling/emotion.
Sex messes a friendship up? Well then IMO it is not a real friendship to begin with!
And it is high time to call a friendship a friendship. Too many people seem to call friends people who are not their real friends. Friendship is the most serious relationship in the world, IMO. You choose you friends, not your relatives.
How can people have feelings of intimacy or make love to strangers or near strangers? That's beyond me! Maybe because they are desperately seeking an "SO" or "partner"? Neither sex,n or making love nor friendship are things to be taken lightly, IMO. Betwen the extremes of one nighters with near strangers and LTRs for the sake of LTRs (or "commitment" for the sake of "commitment") there is a lot of space in between. In that space lie IMO most "prudent" types of rels. People should not rush into one nighters, FkBuddies or LTRS. If they do, that's their right but that not give them the right to knock or misinterpret the real FWBs rel. Nuff said.
PS. And of course a FwBs rel can later develop into an LTR. The most stable type of LTR, IMO
2 cents | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:50:48 AM | Here's my opinion, can't help but stick my nose in here.
You really can have FWB. Ive never seen anything wrong with it, and before you say anything about "not being good enough for anything but a roll in the hay" or "letting yourself be used" When this happens, it is on MY terms and with people I choose. and NO, it is not in perpetuation of the spreading of STDs. That's what protection is for.
Alot of people use FWB or even Fkbuddies for things that they wouldn't normally admit that they enjoy with someone that they love, or care about. (ex: bondage, submission/domination, etc ) Its very simply two people who get along OUTSIDE the bedroom helping each other out. And yes, friends care about each other, but are generally more accepting of one's idiosyncrasies. Or at least thats how I found. It can take a lonnngg time before someone your dating is too the point where you feel like you can trust them with that information. They wouldn't be my friend if i didn't trust them.
And when you get into Fkbuddies, there are people who you can't even stand that the sex is amazing. theres that love/hate edge, and thats where the appeal comes in. In fact, when I was younger, I had a FB that we were either in bed or in a fist fight. Too alike, but the sex was insane.
Anyway, thats my opinion on the whole thing. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:06:04 PM | Ok, people throw around a lot of terms here. Terms are thee for a reason. It defines a relationship. They help. You may have another term for a certain type of relationship, but there are types.
I will focus on the difference between booty call and FWB. They are 2 different things.
You may insert your own term for either, but the names should be different.
FWB: Friends with benefits. You are friends, likley were friends first (not always) and have sex occasionally, appear in public occasionally, your friends KNOW there is attachment of some type. You have some common interests. But you are not in an exclusive relationship. The degree of passion and emotion can vary greatly, from just a little affection to full on romance when you are together.
Booty Call: You cam call/im this person when you want to have sex. You likley don;t have the same friends (but could), almost no one knows about it. You don;t have to have interests in common that aren't sexual. A repor is helpful, but not a full on friendship. A small token of affection is allowed occasionally, but never expected or required.
-Reldra:) | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:19:55 PM | This is just a new name for booty call!
I have yet to see any real friends come of this.
Just more free sex.
Sorry not for me - I'll pass! | |
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lfrs
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 186 | |
| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:39:07 PM | Sex changes things, whether you like to admit it or not......
The longer one has been friends and has not had sex, the more that there can become a problem of Possessiveness once it happens......
Whether you choose to believe it or not, it happens.......I am not saying ALL the time. Should people meet as friends with the immediate availability of satisfying that Sexual Tension, seems there Are less problems later on down the road.....
If two have known each other for years, and finally make the leap, Trust me.....One is going to want to become Dominant...or the other will get his/her feelings hurt....Hell, Man, I am 59 years old......
Don't you think I know SOME things??????
Plu-leeze..........
If it's semantics and you want to make sure that Friends with Benefits are Not the same thing as F--Buddies, you made that point LOngggggggg time ago. We caught on. We just have other ways at looking at the thread, that's all........
You are not the only one who can Think, even if You Are a Greek God.....you surely are cute!! Very handsome....those darks features......
Give a little Respect to an older woman, please......I have a little experience with things myself........
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lorie1
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 187 | |
| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:57:12 PM | hummm.I thought that friendship with benefits like sex,was something called "being in love."
I like lady4c's frankness.Life is too short to live wasting it by not being true to yourself. | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:31:40 PM | Call it whatever you want, as long as both people are in it for the same reason, on the same page who cares.
I've had relationships and FWB's and all I ever asked for was that we both were on the same page. At this point in my life I believe I will have to spend A LOT of time with a man before I'll ever use the word "love". Dawn's right, it gets misused.
Oddly enough my last FWB's guy and I developed an extremely close friendship. Our lives have changed so we don't get together anymore but I miss him terribly. It wasn't all about booty calls, sometimes he/I would just call to talk. That doesn't make it a "relationship" (in a traditional sense of the word) either. We enjoyed our time together but knew it may end one day due to us being in different places in our lives. I'm done with "marriage and kids", he's only beginning.
I am a woman and YES I believe in FWB's as long as both know exactly the situation. It's what has worked for me at this point in my life. I don't pretend to be the victim or to be "used". We are humans. We need human companionship, I'm getting what I need just as much as he is. Why is that so hard to believe. Why do so many feel the need to judge.
Don't get me wrong, if there is a man out there who can change my mind right now..hey all the better...but I don't feel a need to rush into anything. I believe many fall in love way too soon. The lucky ones fall in love with the right person.
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B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 189 | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 7/13/2007 9:17:27 AM | I dunno. Personally, I have always had problems *really* enjoying ( and in some cases even participating in) sex with someone I did not like on some level other than physical appearance or window of opportunity. So FB-types and escorts are useless to me, personally. The only woman I waited until after the marriage for was a nut case.
Aw well, ya win some, ya lose some, and some get called on account of rain.  | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:03:58 PM | One question..if your friend with bennies has other friends with bennies and they have friends with bennies...doesn't you chance of getting the gift that keeps on giving increase greatly?
Dusty
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:19:46 PM | | i have fwb's and they are great... we really are friends ie: we kick it, hang out, what ever... and if by chance we end up hooking up on a random night for sex, its awesome... but its not a given that EVERY TIME i see him or her that we are going to hook up... its just an option *nods* | |
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:52:05 PM |
One question..if your friend with bennies has other friends with bennies and they have friends with bennies...doesn't you chance of getting the gift that keeps on giving increase greatly?
Dam good question, Dusty. But you do not need to have sex with more than one FWB . . . I believe some folks misunderstand the concept. FRIENDS means you talk about everything BENEFITS is a euphemism for sex . . .
So you've reached your 50's, you're divorced, perhaps you don't want a 'steady girl', but you like sex and you like having friends. So . . talk to your FWB. Perhaps you both want exactly the same thing . . . so . . you only have sex with each other . . you stay good friends . . and you have lots of other good friends too . . but the others are FNB (FriendsNoBenefits) . . End of problem and all it took was a little communication and a good friendship.
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| Friends With Benefits
Posted: 7/16/2007 2:54:11 PM | | It`s a lot less complicated and not always a bad thing.I think most of us hit a point in our lifes where this is all we want or need. | |
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