| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:08:49 AM |
seriously though, out of all the girls on here so far that i've actually had genuine interest in, not just physically, they have pretty much all replied... When it comes to this place, it's basically what you say... Come to think of it, it's the same in the real world. If you be yourself (that's if you aren't a total moron) girls will talk to you.
10xxxx people beg to differ. Don't go by me, read the posts. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:21:15 AM | Oh please...so someone doesn't reply that means they're coldhearted? Maybe the message they got didn't merit a reply...send a 'Hey...how r u? Want 2 chat?' and frankly, I don't think that merits a reply. As for one showing interest and being rejected, men and women have that happen to them all the time; it's not a gender-specific thing...and I don't see it as coldhearted. Nor do I see people treated like dirt when they show interest in someone who isn't interested in them. We all have our own ideas of what appeals to us, and maybe some people don't have good manners, but for the most part what i see are people who don't purposely set out to hurt someone else. rejection always hurts th eone being rejected; people need to learn not to take it so personally. Frankly, I want someone who's interested in me and who shows it; and if I'm interested in someone I'll show it also. Life is too short to play games. if people don't know after 25-30 what the frig they want in their lives then they need to sit down and figure it out before they start dating to begin with.
And as for the 'nice guys' who keep posting this same threads over and over...first off, please do a thread search; all your answers are already out there. And second, some of these posts don't make you look as nice as you're trying to convince people you are. Maybe you all need to look at your own attitudes and beliefs before you blame your lack of a date on coldhearted women. Just a thought... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:25:40 AM | Oh please...so someone doesn't reply that means they're coldhearted? Maybe the message they got didn't merit a reply...send a 'Hey...how r u? Want 2 chat?' and frankly, I don't think that merits a reply.
I'm not saying that. You're taking the assertion or even suggestion and isolating it based on one situation and oversimplifying which I did not do.
Read the original post again. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:04:16 AM | Let's see what you said:
I'm wondering why girls are so heartless. I am sure other guys would like to know as well.
Why is it heartless because some woman didn't reply or wasn't interested in some guy who was interested in her? That's life; it happens every day. Just because osme guy I'm interested in isn't interested in me I don't go around saying he's coldhearted...I figure he just doesn't know what he's missing ;) and I go find someone who accepts me for who I am and *wants* to be with me.
You read here over and over, guys posting 'how do I get a reply? Why was I blocked?" You also read some very heartless replies to guys' posts who complain or who are throwing up their hands in frustration.
Ditto...And people are actually letting the fact that they didn't get a reply bother them? Have they ever looked at the contact they initially sent to see if *that's* why they didn't get a reply?
Rejection is a big deal because so many men find it difficult to feel indifferent or to return the cold-hearted attitude and mentality that so many women show. If it wasn't the case, this topic becomes redundant and doesn't occur as often.
Everything in life is a risk...and one faces the chance of rejection no matter what. One either takes the risk or they don't. I'd rather take the risk than regret not taking it.
They want a confident guy but a guy who doesn't bring a heart of stone to the table is going to wonder what he's doing wrong and wonder how he can become a cold-hearted fish like the 'jerk' or the woman who didn't reciprocate (his feelings).
Who says anyone has the right to get their feelings reciprocated by someone? You take your chances, just as we all do. Some might reciprocate them, some might not. But no one owes reciprocated feelings to anyone.
If a guy tries to approach or contact a girl who rejects him, she will lose respect for him. This is the mentality we are dealing with. She is not flattered. She is annoyed. She treats him like dirt for what reason? Why do this? Is there something to this, psychologically speaking? You want to better your chances, girls, stop the behavior and show you have a heart somewhere beneath all the sexy clothing and expensive makeup. Just a thought....
I can only see that someone - male or female - might be annoyed if someone was obsessive about them, or stalking them, or just won't take no for an answer. And then I wouldn't blame them for getting annoyed. You can't force somene to reciprocate your feelings; they have to want to do that. Maybe you're simply going for the wrong women. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:04:28 AM |
Hey, in case you all didn't notice, I was speaking in general terms
And therein lies your problem. You have to tread very carefully when you make generalizations, whether it's about a gender, a religion, a race, etc. It perpetuates stereotypes and NO ONE likes to be put in a little box and told by someone else who they are and how they should be. You can never dismiss an entire group with one broad statement like that, because you don't take into consideration individual quirks and personalities. I don't know what kind of women you are meeting, but perhaps you should ask yourself why you (or anyone else) would draw these so-called "heartless" women to you in the first place.
Not all women are "heartless," as you describe. If you go through life thinking that way, then chances are you are going to draw those kind of people to you, get your heart stomped on over and over again, and then say "See! I told you so!" It's a vicious cycle. I used to go through life thinking that all men were jerks who just wanted to use us women and toss us aside. Over and over again, it seemed like every guy I was really into just dropped me at the speed of light for some Barbie bimbo from the bar.
It took a while (and a lot of soul-searching) but I finally realized that not all men feel or act that way, and my negative off-putting attitude (for example, "Yeah, why should I give you my number? You're never going to call!") is probably what kept the nice ones away from me. I still meet jerks once in a while, but the genuinely nice guys are there as well,and it makes it all worthwhile.
So you get rejected. Well, guess what? We all do. It's part of life. It's a learning process about what kind of people are out there. If one rejects you, shrug it off and move on to the next. You'll find the right one eventually. But not if you go around calling women heartless. That's really not a good way to get on her good side.  | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:11:38 AM | | I admit it it is a little whiny. But, rejection isn't easy to take men, women, dogs, or cats. If he airs his feelings, he is trying to get better. That is why teachers say there is no such thing as a dumb question. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 12:11:26 PM | He asked why are women so heartless when it comes to rejecting someone there is no reason to put someone down when rejecting them when a person walks up and says hi there is no reason to look at them and treat them like they are not even fit to clean your shoes. This is what I think he is talking about.
Now when a women looks at me like that I am like what did you get a whiff of your attitude and it bothered you. It tends to break the ice or cause a insult match back and forth which leads to respect from them if you can hold your own. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 1:39:20 PM | One would wonder why someone would bother with someone who treats them badly more than once.
One would also wonder why a 35 year old man, would still be referring to women as "girls." | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 3:36:11 PM | Hi Alex 1989,
Your post sounds all too familiar to me. I'm getting a little weary of this online dating stuff.
Since joining this site and another one in February I've been disappointed. I'll recount my experiences:-
1st date: She was small and plump with two very young children. We talked on here for two days then she asks to meet me. We meet on a Sunday afternoon in her local pub. We talk about general things including her and her children. Conversation goes very well After 15 minutes she gets up and goes to the toilet and never comes back! Due to the fact she has two very young children and is not exactly an oil painting, you might have thought she would have been VERY grateful that anyone showed any interest in her, but no!
2nd date: Not much to report here. We go out to a pub for a drink after talking for a while on MSN. She said she wanted to meet me again, but seems to have too many family commitments and something always crops up when we arrange to meet. Given up on her.
3rd date: She first contacted me. Apparently she likes to chat on MSN Messenger for months before meeting up. She met her previous date only 4 times and said he was 'too full on' IE: affectionate. She also wanted him to have a vasectomy! She was a real nuisance always jumping up at me when I turned my PC on. She had kept me up till the small hours of many mornings chatting on MSN. Eventually we meet. The date goes well, but afterwards she seems to have totally blocked me. Another very ungrateful women.
4th date. Met this one quickly. I liked this one a lot more than the others put together. Again we get on well and have a lot to chat about. Later that day she sends me a text saying that she's not ready for a relationship and wants to still be friends!
One silver lining to come out of this, is that I've made a very good pen friend who lives 100 miles away. I've recounted my experiences to her. She is doing a PHD in non-verbal communication (eye contacts, gestures) etc. She has taken a look at the profiles of dates 1 and 3. She says I made the mistake of meeting the first one at all, as she is not up to MY standards. It's the same with the third one. She scolded me for not taking notice of my own instincts in the first place and sending her a 'polite no thank you'!
As you can see Alex you are not on your own. I prefer talking to one person only at any time then meeting them so that no one else gets hurt. However after my experiences I think this is the wrong approach. What say you? | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 3:49:41 PM |
10xxxx people beg to differ. Don't go by me, read the posts.
they beg to differ because they think that what they say is the right thing...
how interested are you in a person who's profile reads...
im 28, i work in it, i like baseball, i have a dodge charger, i collect stamps.
and then their message reads
hi, my names john, im 28, i work in it, i like baseball, i have a dodge charger, i collect stamps... wanna chat?
if that isn't remotely correct the other answer is, they are socially retarded completely and their profile reads,
WAAH WAAH GIRLS JUST HATE ME etc.
and then their message reads like
you're really pretty, *massive spiel about their last girlfriend dumping them over 10 years ago and not being able to get back on the horse since* wanna chat...
more or less... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 5:30:28 PM | | Honestly Alex89...suck it up man rejection is part of life... weather we like it or not... and I don't mean to sound harsh, but if ALL the women you have takled to have rejected you then maybe it's not all of them and has a little something to do about you, if not all the women you have talked have rejected you then, then do you yourself a favor and focus on the ones the don't. Life can really suck when all you pay attention to is the bad. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 5:57:18 PM | | Wow, Mr Snickers for a young guy your msg #13 really hit it on the nail! If you were 20 years older I'd be e-mailing you! Keep going in the direction you are heading and in 20 years you will be long off the market. | |
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trikki
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Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 38 | |
| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:09:53 PM | | maybe the girl doesn't feel u guys are compatible to be together. We're not being heartless just bc we won't do something that we don't want to for you. get real. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:03:14 PM | maybe the girl doesn't feel u guys are compatible to be together. We're not being heartless just bc we won't do something that we don't want to for you. get real.
More excuses. How do you know you're not compatible if you're rejecting automatically and instantly?
It was already posted that I'm talking about general tendencies and that's correct. I backed it up by alluding to various posts of guys complaining about deleted msgs, being blocked or whatever. The responses from most women in this thread illustrate my points quite well.
I'm not saying you can't reject a guy. I was talking about HOW you do it. Why is that so difficult to comprehend? I guess if you feel 100% indifferent when you're reacting to someone, it is understandable that you wouldn't be aware of your own behavior (towards someone). Or care. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:33:48 PM | First of all, not replying is not treating someone like dirt. Some women get hundreds of e-mails a day and they can't possibly reply to all of them. And I know this is true because I once changed my profile so my main photo was a sexy photo and recieved on average 75 e-mails a day, and one day I had over 300.
As for the blocking thing, I don't get many e-mails anymore since I took down the sexy photo and make a point of replying to every single e-mail I recieve. Most of the time I'm not interested, for whatever reason, and will send a polite 'Thanks for the e-mail but I'm not interested. Good luck with your search.' 90% of the time I get one of two e-mails in reply. Type one: they call me a fat, ugly b!tch and say they weren't really interested in me in the first place (or use some other manner of insult, slut was a popular one too). Type two: they try to tell me I'm wrong and ask why I'm not interested and list off all their good qualities and try to get me to change my mind. Both of these apre pretty rude and since I tend to get a lot of these after sending a polite reply I'm thinking of just deleting every e-mail from a person I'm not interested in and blocking the sender. I really don't need that type of harassment.
A person can only treat you like dirt if they see you on a continual basis, and I'm assuming most women you message who block/delete you only do so once. I'm also assuming that girls who reject you are only doing it once. They may do it in a rude way, but that doesn't mean they're treating you like dirt.
Two final thought to ponder, people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. If you stop allowing people to treat you like dirt/ a doormat whatever, people will stop treating you this way. And p.s. I know this from experience.
Also, the girls with the 'sexy clothing and expensive makeup' usually have a sense of entitlement. They think they're the hottest thing next to the sun and should be with someone equally hot. They usually don't care much about other people's feelings, only their own. But a lot of the time, the plain looking girl with no makeup and sweats will be a total sweetie. Maybe stop hitting on fake plastic barbies and you'll be treated better. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:24:09 PM |
Also, the girls with the 'sexy clothing and expensive makeup' usually have a sense of entitlement. They think they're the hottest thing next to the sun and should be with someone equally hot. They usually don't care much about other people's feelings, only their own. But a lot of the time, the plain looking girl with no makeup and sweats will be a total sweetie. Maybe stop hitting on fake plastic barbies and you'll be treated better. .....This is quite clearly a case of judging a book by it's cover. It's not the 'outside' of the person that makes them think the way they do, and NOBODY has a right to judge a person as such without having met them in person. There are plenty of plain looking girl's who can be just as rude and heartless.
Because a guy consider's himself a 'nice guy' doesn't mean a woman has to be attracted to him. It's all a part of the selection process, and if a woman doesn't feel a chemistry with a nice guy, she has every right to reject him. I'm a nice person, and I have been rejected  .
It's NOT a gender thing at all. Women send emails too, and get no reply. It's a free dating site, and how people use it is up to the individual. It's rude, sure not to get a response, but why have a cry over it?
Some emails sent do come across as desperate, especially the one's that tell you their life story BEFORE you have met them. Who needs drama? | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:39:17 PM | | If shes attracted to you ,your not going to be rejected or ignored as you say,keep fishing till you find someone who is....instead of carrying on about it. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:50:02 AM | I agree with you on that one big time...in fact you know... if anything when you really look at it if a girl/guy doesn't msg you back in the long run they are doing you a favor why go thru all the drama if oneside just doens' t feel "it" there and for as little a science can explain it, first impressions are a huge thing and on here the first impression usally is looks... is it right i can't say either way but honestly i would prefer just not being e-mailed as opposed to this
"hello (name here)
just so i'm not heartless person i just wanted you to know i think your really ugly/freak/other heatbreaking comment here.... and can't see us doing anything productive in life so to save you the drama of me having to tell you that in person after a few dates...have fun!!!
yours truly
(name of brutally honest person here)
ane Alex89 i do and have felt your point of view on this subject and i agree girls and guys both can be very heartless...I have found the best way to change the people around me are to make small suttle changes to myself and hope that people will like the change and follow suit be a leader. After all we have no control of other people only ourself | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:11:52 AM | @Varoom1971
"you might have thought she would have been VERY grateful that anyone showed any interest in her, but no!"
"Another very ungrateful women."
Can i ask just exactly what these women were supposed to be grateful for? Because you took the time to talk to them? Perhaps this attitude is why all these ungrateful women dont want further contact with you........... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:42:54 AM | Varoom…you’ve been on sites since February and had at least 4 dates…that’s better than some people have done in over a year, and many have had much worse dates than you did. If you’re weary after 3 month, you might as well give up now, because meeting people online is no guarantee…just like real life isn’t.
1st date…maybe your attitude came through and she had more respect for herself than to sit around with someone who sounds so full of himself and like he was doing her a favor?
2nd date…you’re dating not setting a date to get married…you gave up too sonn, IMO.
3rd date…*ungrateful*??? She should be grateful for meeting you? Spounds like here’s one reason you have problems finding women.
4th date…So she wants to be friends…maybe she has friends you’d find interesting…You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face, IMO.
If, at 35, you need help in dating and to get your ego stroked by someone doing their Phd, maybe you need to take a closer look at you than at the women you’re picking. Just a thought. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:10:31 AM | Hi,
With regard to the two posts above, I would like to point out that I treat people courteously and with respect and feel that it's reasonable expect the same back.
I allowed the first date to talk mostly about herself as I would with anyone. If she was not interested she should have just said so rather than doing what she did. I did a 24 mile round trip to meet her.
My friends and relatives tell me that I lack confidence rather than having any ego.
My pen/email friend who's doing a PHD says that my experiences 'suck' and that I should be a lot more selective who I contact in future.
I haven't the 'mental' stamina to keep chasing up people for dates who are not interested for one reason or another. Waste of time.
My parents also tell me that I shouldn't have even met the first one at all. The third one I was only being polite to. I didn't really want to spend all those hours on Messenger but did so as she seemed lonely. Seems strange that previously she wanted someone whom she'd only met four times before to have a vasectomy? | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:39:05 AM | Varoom...we all make choices that we later wish we hadn't...but then, if we hadn't we might have regretted not doing it...so it's called living and learning. It also helps us to become more selective in who we choose to meet in future, which isn't a bad thing. But thinking someone should be grateful you took the time to meet them isn't the greatest attitude to have. While I agree the woman shouldn't have just walked out, as we only have your side of the story we don't know why she did it. She could have done it because she was simply a rude person, or she could have someone found out you thought she should be grateful you met her...that kind of attitude does show through to people. You don't say how far she drove to meet you; if you drove close to where she's form, you should have made it so you'd meet halfway. And 24 miles round trip (if you mean 12 each way) isn't that far at all...even 24 miles one way isn't far. I doubt you're going to meet someone to date who lives within one mile of you.
As far as the messenger woman, you chose to continue talking to her, so you can't really lay that on her. At any time you could have stopped it. Relationships of any type (work, family, partner, etc.) are never one sided; each person involved in a relationship has the choice to be or do something or not.
Your Phd pen pal is also only hearing one side of the story...maybe if she talked to these women also - which she should do if she's studying this - she'd have a different take on things...or maybe not. As far as the vasectomy goes, yeah it sounds strange as you tell it...but maybe she was just saying that whomever she eventually ends up with she'd like them to have one, and is only mentioning it so that she weeds out those who aren't looking for the same things she is. If she doesn't want kids, she's probably looking for osmoene else who isn't and prefers that he get snipped rather than her, as it's much easier and less expensive for a guy to have it sone than a woman. Hey, it's much better to find these things out sooner rather than later anyway. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:25:47 AM | Hi,
I met the first date in her local pub. As in most cases they do not have their own transport so I meet them near to their own home.
My accounts are exactly as they happened.
I am not sure of vasectomies. A friend of mine has a nephew who was a soldier in Iraq. A few months after a vasectomy he has lost his nerve and is having to quit. My friend is wondering if the vasectomy has changed him. I've heard similar things have happened to other men. After all it's not natural, nor is the contraceptive pill.
The man the third date was going out with, before she met me was 40. He didn't have any children. I consider it selfish of her to ask him to have a vasectomy as the relationship didn't work and he may have later wanted children with someone else. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:40:32 AM | First off, what's with the generalization, as in "all girls?" Yikes.
I'm wondering what your definition of rejection and being "treated like dirt" is.
If a woman doesn't respond or deletes your message without reading it (most likely after viewing your profile), is it possible that's her deciding whether or not she feels you'd both be compatible instead of it being her outright rejecting you? Women are almost alwaysflattered by interest. It only becomes annoying when a guy can't take a hint and continues to pursue her when she has shown no interest in return.
And speaking of showing interest, are you emailing women a quick "hello" or are you pouring your heart out in the initial contact? Keep it short and sweet but interesting. Don't invest so much of yourself at first. Some women on here (especially those with photos) get a gazillion contacts a day. You have to figure out a way to stand out from the crowd. You have to give them a reason to contact you. Check out the profiles of other guys in your area. Then do something different.
There are hundreds of singles on here. Don't put all of your fishing lures in one stream ( --- let's all pause for a moment and enjoy my POF-themed analogy there --). Not being someone's type is not rejection. And it's no reflection on you as a person. It just means you're not that person's type.
Remember: If ANY woman is using words that are outright heartless, cruel or uncalled for (whether it's in her profile or in a response to you), she's not someone meant for you anyway.
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:41:11 AM | Hi VAROOM1971!,
With that kind of batting average, you must be doing something wrong! Is your pics representative of your current looks, are you saying stupid things, are you as exiting as a door knob etc. I hate to say it, but if you strike out 4 times, the problem is in the mirror. | |
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