| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/14/2007 3:18:41 PM | Thanks Handsome,
Your comment about the time factor is relavent and after reading all these post I guess I've pretty much concluded that I must not feel comfortable with this guy. (See my previous post)
Thank you all for helping me figure all this out!! | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/14/2007 3:19:41 PM |
You build up a fantasy of who you think the person is (you fill in the blanks with what you want the blanks to be filled with) - even though you are asking questions all the time when you are chatting.
Amen, and amen. I used to think that I'd want to get to know someone a bit first, so that when we met in person, it would be more comfortable and natural, and we'd be more likely to overlook whatever negligible little things we hadn't expected.
WRONGO grande.
What happens is that you get an idea in your head of who you're talking to, and it's so fixed that when you finally meet, it's a much bigger disappointment if they don't fit the template you created. And I'm not talking about huge misrepresentations here, okay. I've gone out on dates with men who were completely honest about who and what they were during the e-mail/im/phone chat stage, and was STILL just completely not jazzed once I met them in person. It wasn't because they lied about their age or weight or what a snazzy car they drove, it was because they just weren't the person I'd expected. Or our pheromones didn't connect, or whatever explanation you want to put on it.
Now I'm more in the "once I'm reasonably sure that you're not a serial killer, let's do something" ballpark. If he's going to decide that my ass is too big or I'm going to think that his wardrobe is funny (and not in a good way), then I'd rather discover all that before I have too much invested in the situation. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:40:31 PM | Wanting to meet after a few email exchanges I'd agree with - the purpose of sites like these is to have people find people, and once you do and get that introduction, the next step is to meet in real life, not continue ad infinitum online.
BUT - wanting to take you places on a prime dating night, IMO, is rushing things. You want to meet this person first without committing to an entire evening, say, a half hour at a coffee shop during the week. No obligations. Chat a while. Check each other out first, see if there's something there or not. Only then can you intelligently decide if you wish to spend a more involved time together.
This guy's anxiousness to jump into something more involved at this stage is what should concern you. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:23:40 PM | Personally, I hate the internet. It's unreal. It's fake. The people are just gobules of blob of electrons.
I've only contacted one person directly on this site, and it was for coffee, not for e-mail. If someone is actually interesting, they're worth meeting in person. otherwise it's just making a fantasy of a person who may or may not really exist on the other side of the web connection. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:38:19 PM | I've gotta agree that this guy is way too anxious and that's a definite warning sign.
Well, I guess if you like late night chat sessions, knock yourself out. As for myself, I rarely log into Yahoo anymore and all the people on my friends list are people that I both know in person and (assuming they still live in state) see regularly. Same for the cell phone...I rarely talk on the thing for more than two minutes. I found that email, chat, etc. was sort of ruining my friendships, as friends who lived 30 minutes away would just stay in touch via email as an alternative to meeting for lunch, grabbing a beer, etc.
Anyway, that's just me. I'll give people some of the basics online, but I'd rather save most of the details for a face to face meeting...those are awkward enough without people already knowing half my life story from months of chat. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 4:54:21 AM | Thanks Katie,
Never thought of it this way and you might be right. One does get an impression or false idea in their head and that can be just as much a turn off when not fulufilled by the initial meeting.
Like Creativ and most of the other post'ers say go for it after you're sure he's real but consider the possibility of something wrong if he comes on too strong and too fast.
I remember one of you saying, how does he know he'll like "ME" and want to spend so much time together. That is also a signal to me that he is presumptuous and not being realistic.
Thanks for all your posts, opinions, and help!!!!
I appreciate it! | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 6:56:00 PM | Hello,
At the beginning, it was going for weeks even over a month. Email, online chat, phone.
By experience, I noticed that it is better to meet early within 1-3 weeks and get to know in person.
There are a few key points that I follow:
1) There need to be a few email exchanged with some *content* so I have an idea who I am dealing with. I don't meet someone that I have no clue who they are because they have an empty profile and send empty emails. Basically, I don't blindly meet people even though I meet earlier now than I use to. Instead of trying to learn more online, once I have a good idea, I try to learn more by meeting in person.
2) Some people mention that a week is not long enough but didn't say anything about the email frequency. Four lengthy emails in a week, is quite a lot of info. Some people will write twice a week and not much. For me, it has more to do with the total info received so far than the time interval.
3) The first meeting will be kept very simple and short. Ex: coffee and walk.
Most of the advantages have already been mentioned by others. Just to summarize and what I find important:
1) online compatibility does not guarantee real-life compatibility
2) meet earlier means less affected by deception, easier to forget
3) can move on sooner to new girls
Also, no one mentions it, but some girls ask after the first email or two. So some girls are in hurry to meet too. :) It happened twice to me. I usually prefer a few more emails, for one of them, she was weird and maybe the weirdness would have been detected with a few emails. Actually, there was some hint but things kind of went to fast -- she asked on online chat and I was happy and I accepted right away. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:42:05 PM | eyesasmilin welcome to e-dating.
Frankly, it isn't as nefarious as it is made out to be. You need to be aware of
personal safety whether you are meeting a man through this site, or at a cooking class, or the grocery store. Just make the first meeting in a place that is comfortable to you. I have done that , and I have never had a man try to coerce me to do otherwise.
I realize that it might seem rushed to you, but a week + into e-chatting is a perfectly acceptable time frame to decide whether to meet or not.
It might feel nice to just chat with men, but if you intend to drag out the time before meeting, some very worthwhile gentlemen might pass you by. What harm can there be in a nice quick beverage in the sunshine? If there is any connection, you can decide from there. If not, well....there was sunshine.
This also set off a RED FLAG in my head. He keeps saying how he would like to take me to a baseball game and his favorite seafood house. I didn't even say I liked sports, which I don't!
It's not always about you. Maybe he's telling you what he likes....so you can get to know him better. Pay attention to what men say, but if you really want to know them.......you will have to meet them.
*quietly steps out of the Guy's Forum*
KK | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:08:50 PM | I try to never rush anything. But there is one very bad thing to the Internet... it is impersonal.
Meaning I could chat with you for a month and still have absolutely no idea if I want to have a relationship with you.
I don't know if your legit, if your pictures real, if there is any chemstry. Nothing.
I often would love to meet within 24 hours. Of course I suggest those meetings to be in a public place over coffee.
It just means they are impatient and would like to find out sooner if they would really like that relationship with this stranger they just meet. At least in my case it means that.
Which I am known for being extremely patient.
I would never consider those people Desperate, leach or clueless,.. nor anything else.
Now if he wanted to have sex with you in a very short brief period of time... I'd tell him in not so many words to take a hike.
I myself just like to meet people so I know if there is any connection so I know if I want to continue with the idea of dating that person. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:25:52 PM | Thanks Kitskitten, and all others,
I'm getting the message loud and clear from all you posters and I thank you for giving me your perspectives on this subject. I'm sure in time I'll get the hang of it and be able to figure out the real haves from the havenots! | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:46:58 PM | | I'm sorry, but the whole get-to-know-you-online thing is a bunch of crap. The idea behind it makes sense, sure. However, any @sshole can be Rico Suave when he has time to think and rethink what he wants to say to you. The whole personality aspect of it can be almost entirely removed/changed when typing something up. Doing such in person is more difficult and is just easier to pick up on. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:07:49 AM | | Let me ask you this...what's the difference between meeting this guy at a bar for a drink then meeting some random guy at a bar while your out with your girlfriends and talking to him? If it's safety your worried about tell him you'll meet him with your girlfriend there. If the guy is genuine he will understand your interest in safety and you'll have your girlfriend as an excuse if it doesn't seem to be working out. Besides you've already seen the guy and are somewhat interested or you wouldn't be communicating. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:30:37 PM |
OP. He is either desperate, a serial dater, or on the prowl for sex. Make no misstake about it; he is saying the same thing to all the other 1 million ladies on here. All the other explanations such as he is being old fashion are not accurate. Take care .
You're so full of crap..she's not asking why YOU do it.
Is he tired of NOT getting dates with online dating and wants to see who will say yes with the least amount of BS involved?
A few weeks investment for someone who ends up not wanting to meet you seems like a huge waste of time. And for men, it's even harder because the amount of women willing to talk to you is very low.
The longer you spend online, the more you build up a fantasy about someone, and then when you meet them, they better meet your fantasy or it's disappointing.
Either you're interested or you're not. It's one thing to try to get to know someone, but for the majority, shit or get off the pot.
I agree with this guy. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:08:34 PM | eyesasmilin,
how does he know he'll like "ME" and want to spend so much time together. That is also a signal to me that he is presumptuous and not being realistic.
It sounds like you just want support on your worries, and confirmation that being pen pals forever with someone like the movie "You've Got Mail" is the best option (obviously an exaggeration, but you get the point).
If you've been emailing someone for a week -- that's enough time to merely meet. Meeting doesn't mean going to one's place, sleeping in the same bed, or getting together in an alley at midnight. You don't have to know the details on their siblings, where they grew up, what high school was like for them, or what they had for breakfast that morning. Seriously.
You can't really get to know someone until you meet them, and meeting someone at a cafe on a Tuesday afternoon isn't rushing anything. You could end up talking to a stranger at a cafe if you were there alone one afternoon for crying out loud. There are emotional side effects to waiting several weeks or a month of talking via email until meeting someone.
(1) The Dream Effect - no matter who you are, you'll end up visualizing them based on a couple of pictures and what they write on paper. You'll build this more as time goes on, especially if you're new to meeting people from online, and you run the high risk of being disappointed or it being unnecessarily awkward because they were different -- for better or for worse.
(2) They Moved On Effect - if you wait too long, they could end up disappearing and have met someone really great. Or they could meet you, for some reason have lack of interest, and it's because they've already gone out on a couple dates with someone else as the reason, and you don't know why.
Bottom line is that you're timid, if you think a week of emailing is too presumptuous to meet for 30-60 minutes at a cafe. Definitely don't go to a speed-dating event in your local area! lol That's fine, just let a guy know off the bat (preferably in your profile), that you like to get to know a person pretty well before you'll meet anyone. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:26:39 PM | If you meet him in a public place, WHAT HARM CAN THERE BE? Plus....would you rather date a guy for months on this site and get to know everything about him, including his credit card number....and then meet him in person and find out that you two would not get along?!
There is nothing wrong in him being pro-active and having a desire to meet you within a weeks communication....because maybe he wants to see if there is any spark before he gets too involved. Keep in mind.....you might have already impressed him enough that he is sure about meeting you and wants to confirm that in person.
I must admit that for myself.....I took things a bit too quickly last week with a lady I met here who I think is pretty and charming...and she backed off. However, I RESPECT HER OPINION AND HER HONESTY...and loved the fact that she and I communicated our feelings openly.
I am a PASSIONATE guy and very romantic....and I certainly do not think it is too early to MEET someone....after all...you meet strangers EVERYDAY....who you don't have a clue about!!! Nothing wrong with meeting someone in a public place who is intersted in you! Flattering eh? ;)
Desperation could be a wonderful thing because.....if he has seen something in you that he finds very attractive, charming or beautiful...then him knowing that you are marketing yourself on POF to be seen by the whole world must make him want you even more.....again...flattering eh? ;)
Would you rather chat and email with someone online for MONTHS...and talk on the phone for hours...and get romantic and personal...and wonder why he has not yet asked to meet you?
Geez....I am so passionate about almost everything I do! Wooohooo!!
Goodluck and hope you two have sparks flying when you meet...IF you do meet him! Let us know....what happens...I would be interested in knowing what happened. I am taking notes.....KIDDING! | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:39:33 PM | In my experience, some girls will just quit messaging you if you do not propose a date within 3 emails or so.. Others take their time. He might just be trying to avoid being ignored or not taken seriously by you. If he is insistent, then worry a bit, but if he just asked once, let him know your feelings on the matter and gauge his response.
Note: if you do this please understand that for a lot of guys this puts the expectation on you to let him know when you ARE ready to meet. Don't be sitting there emailing away wishing he would ask you out when you have already told him to be patient once. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:06:10 PM | "Note: if you do this please understand that for a lot of guys this puts the expectation on you to let him know when you ARE ready to meet. Don't be sitting there emailing away wishing he would ask you out when you have already told him to be patient once."
So true, I had a woman I'd messaged from another dating site I'd been talking to for a few days, and I asked her if we could meet after a week of talking, and she shut me down real fast. So I left it open for her, and tried to continue talking to her, and it slowly just died out. Then one day she messaged me with a totally off the wall statement "I hate worrying that I'm not normal"..(Seriously, who would WANT to be normal? I pride myself on being weird)..after not talking to me for a week or two. I got angry, because I'd been investing time trying to talk to her, and she was totally ignoring me except when she wanted comfort for feeling bad about what others were doing to her, and I think she got offended and disappeared. (Not that she was showing any interest whatsoever in me anyway. Even though I was being quite open about how interested I was.)
You can't win them all, and sometimes, people just use you.
In this case, I believe I was being used as emotional support for when things fell apart with other guys.
My philosophy is, if someone shows interest/caring about me and MY situation, I'm MORE than willing to show it back.
Anyway, long story short, just because someone wants to meet, doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing. Some people just want to meet and get to know you in person.
Online is a cold and unfeeling place, and feelings/intonations do NOT go across well.
One of my favorite types of humor, sarcasm, goes over amazingly poorly online.
Meeting people in real life, takes out this harsh environment, and puts it's own environment, but at least you get to SEE how they respond. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:58:21 PM | | Eh, what's wrong with meeting after a week? Just go to a public place and meet for coffee. Keep personal information to yourself, and let a friend know where you'll be. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/17/2007 12:57:28 AM | | You are all so freaking hilarious...spinsters sitting in their spiderwebs petrified of meeting men because they may be serial rapists, at Starbucks in broad daylight...if you click enough to actually converse even a couple emails that's more than enough to just MEET! In real life, haven't you already met when you even say hello much less plan a date together? | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/17/2007 1:05:12 AM | eyesasmilin, just because the guy want to meet you does not mean he only want sex or is what another post called a serial dater.
Is it not nice to meet and see how you get on?
Some people like to spend weeks on here just chatting, and they are quite happy doing that, others would like to meet. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/17/2007 1:11:35 AM | | I only tried one other dating site a couple years ago, but the only three instances where I actually met someone were coffee dates set up after only a couple brief emails. I prefer to save most of my personal info for, well, meeting in person. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/17/2007 1:22:34 AM |
This also set off a RED FLAG in my head. He keeps saying how he would like to take me to a baseball game and his favorite seafood house.
Well, if he's asking to do things you're not interested in... then he's not really been listening has he? Which means he doesn't really deserve your time.
Yeah, nationally televised event, probably 40,000 people in attendance, America's pastime, great sounding dinner, broaden your horizons, he's probably dropping a few hundred bucks, what a d!ck. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:03:03 PM | Well just to let you all know that after a couple of days of not hearing from him he wrote me again and I told him to give me his number so we could talk. Then after that we would see where it could go from there. He hasn't written back yet and that was two days ago and he has read that email. Sooooooooo..........guess that's the end of that! Either his intentions were less than favorable...or...he is not that into me...or...he is painfully shy...or...he is an axe murderer (LOL)!
Thanks for all your input and I've come to the conclusion that emailing for a long time IS NOT a good thing because of the 'fantasy' effect. I'm not as scared as I was a week ago to probably meet someone in a public place. I will keep an eye over my shoulder as I leave to make sure I'm not being followed, though. But if I have put myself out there for the world to see then I might as well take a chance to meet some of the men who approach me to see if something can develop. Otherwise, I might as well have not come to this site. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:10:19 PM |
And yes I do consider myself t0 be very leery and cautious! It's the 21st century, with too much sick stuff happening all around us!
The same "sick stuff" that has went on for centuries? The only difference is now we are aware of it. Use some commone sense for safety and don't hide behind a pc monitor. Personally if I had met someone recently and was interested I wouldn't think twice about setting up something to get to know the person better, so why should the net be different from real life. Of course if someone doesn't respect your concerns for safety "just incase" since you wouldn't atleast know people that know this person and would vouch for them .... then cast that line back in and keep looking. | |
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| When a guy wants to get together right away?
Posted: 5/18/2007 10:17:00 PM | I am with the guys who say "what's the big deal," and as usual ubk has it right.
Think of it this way. Meet for drinks or something. How risky can it be? And I really disagree with the "I want to get to know him first." You aren't getting to know him until you spend time with him. He could be a 12 year old boy or 65 year old man for all you know. But once you meet, it's real. Isn't that what you want? Something real?
Maybe that should be part of the profile. Some kind of a "how long will it take me to be comfortable meeting someone" question. The answers could be "an email or two" or "a week" or "when hell freezes over." Now that would be relevant information. | |
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