| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 11:56:57 AM | It may be "wrong" as many posters have suggested and as one poster put it or NOT:
"but it would certainly change the dynamics of my friendship...how could it not?"
So for the sake of analysis and understanding the cornerstones of the issue at hand:
The question is WHY:
Why precisely is it wrong?
Why precisely would it change the "dynamics" of the friendship?
What is (implied) so "wrong" or "something" with such dates or relationships? WHAT exactly? What is the underlying thinking/syllogism? | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 12:26:41 PM | Okei.
You have a friend...what do you talk about with this friend? We talk about people we have met...we talk about who we are going out with...we moan and groan to each other about what happened with a current date...we say things like...i don't get it...why does he/she do this...etc. etc. etc. do you not have friends that you do this with? Do you not sometimes complain to your friends because you wouldn't necessarily want to complain to your SO?
So now you have a daughter...you are close to her...you talk all the time...she tells you who she's going out with...she tells you funny stories...tells you the silly things so and so did...and sometimes she tells you the not so silly things...she says things like ....i don't get it...why did he do this?
Do I want to hear about the personal things going on in this new relationship between my friend and my daughter? no.
Do I want to hear negative things about my daughter? no.
Do I want to hear negative things about my friend? no.
So the conversations and the relationship between myself and my friend...changes. Im uncomfortable knowing his sex life with my daughter...and Im angry if he makes her unhappy...where is the happy medium here.
If this was not my friend in the first place...if she found an older man and started dating him and then I became friends with him...I might not see a problem....I could easily lose him as a friend if their relationship changed.
But things change when I have a friend...and the next day I know he's sleeping with my daughter.
Sorry if that makes me bad...or makes me narrow minded...or makes me anything else you find lacking.
You can analyze this until the cows come home and my answer won't change. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:21:30 PM | So for the sake of analysis and understanding the cornerstones of the issue at hand:
The question is WHY:
Why precisely is it wrong?
Why precisely would it change the "dynamics" of the friendship?
What is (implied) so "wrong" or "something" with such dates or relationships? WHAT exactly? What is the underlying thinking/syllogism? I'm wondering the same thing, Nick.
Isn't it possible that these three people could possibly be mature and respectful? Why always assume the worst in people? Just because you have friends and tell them about your lovelife doesn't necessarily mean that this woman and her friend do that. Or if you consistently talk about your lovelife with your parents doesn't mean that this dude will talk to his mom. Like I said, they might be mature and respectful people. Why assume that they aren't? Not everyone "kisses and tells". Maybe they can maintain mature, respectful discretion. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 1:54:58 PM | so if you stop talking to your friends like you used to because you are trying to be
respectful of his relationship with your daughter...and you want to remain mature and all...how is your friendship not changed? its different...things you could laugh and joke about are now taboo...you have to watch what you say...
the same with your daughter.....she might feel she can't say something because she knows we're friends...who the heck knows.
who's assuming the worst of anyone?
If that makes me immature and disrespectful...so be it.
Ill add that to the list of 1001 reasons why im still single. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:12:33 PM | I think "mature" is the key word here. I think it is much easier for us to assume a 21 year old guy is not going to be the most mature tree in the forest. When I was 39 I had a 21 year old that wanted to date me and we talked a lot and went out with friends from work as a group a few times, but as mature as she seemed, we were still light-years away as far as dating goes and the immaturity definitely reared its head on those outings. Was it a boost to the ego that someone that much younger was interested in me? Sure...but common sense and knowing that I wanted someone who was a little more familiar with where life is at when you are older is what I wanted.
Now, if the OP is just interested in a casual, fun fling with a young guy and your best friend doesn't care if you are doing the horizontal bop with her son...have at it. ...If you want to pursue a relationship and don't care if someone has some life experience and wisdom as far as what life is about, I guess that is your choice. Not for me, but this is a "to each their own" world. If the person were my best friend's daughter, it would be a no chance without even needing to think about it. Very young and best friend's daughter is just a recipe that has too much chance to go sour. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:15:27 PM | Maybe they can maintain mature, respectful discretion.
Even if they do tell and discuss with parent/friend, I still do not see where the REAL problem is.
(But then, I am European!!!) | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/18/2007 8:50:25 PM | Why always assume the worst in people?
WHY? Because that seems to be human nature for people these days!
At least on POF.
I don't think I've ever come across as many negative/jaded/cynical people as I have in this forum/on this site.
I never assume the worst in people. Unless I'm walking down some dark alley (example) and it seems someone is following me suspiciously. lol
That's just being cautious, exercising survival instinct.
I usually look for the good (and assume a person is good) until I am proven otherwise.
But hey, that's just me. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/20/2007 8:29:44 PM | Wow! I can't believe how narrow minded some people are. I don't think Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are regretting their decision nor is Micheal Douglas and his wife of many years. I bet you all the people that think it's "sick" also believe that it's what's inside that really counts. How hypocritical is that?
Do what your heart and head say. I personally wouldn't go for it unless you two have a super fantastic connection, and he's REALLY mature for his age. If it's just for fun sex, I would pass, but if the two of you fall in love - great. All the power to you. Some of my friends parents are 12-15 years apart, and they been married forever. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:41:42 AM | I agree with the previous poster. And I would like to add to the proviso that the younger one acts more mature than his (or her) age the alternative that the older one (woman or man) acts less mature than her or his age!!!! What's wrong with that? What's REALLY wrong with a 45 year old acting like a 32 year old or a 35 acting like a 23? Or vice-versa? Why do people have to "act" their age?
NB: "Mrs Robinson" was among other things, a married woman. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 3:35:27 AM | OP: first you said " I am 15 years older". You're 36 ( from your profile) which means he's 21.
Now you're saying he's 24-as if THAT'S the issue?
Are are you going to go out with him even though he's still your best friend's son
but now ( magically) he's only 12 years younger ?
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:53:36 AM | well in case anyone is paying attention to some of the posts...
which I can see they aren't.
Let me say again...
NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE AGE DIFFERENCE.
NO CARES IF SOMEONE GOES OUT WITH SOMEONE YOUNGER THAN THEM.
The issue here is...would you want your best friend to date your son/daughter.
Im not uptight...and Im not a hypocrit...you guys can date anyone thats legal if it
makes you feel better about yourself...but don't you think there is some sort of line
when it comes to your best friend dating your kids? | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:14:29 AM | Hi, I can see how some people could misread your subject, but it still seems no one got it. I believe she is now wanting to know how to tell her good friend no thanks without hurting her friends feelings.
It must be very ackward to say the least. Maybe just tell her you are talking to someone or emailing someone you are really interested in meeting and would not want to disrespect them, and wish him luck.
I am no expert on this subject, but may you should start a new thread with a clearer title to help you out.
This thread is just continuing on another topic, interesting one, but not helping you out. Good luck and keep us posted. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:23:29 AM | A 21 year old person is no one's "kid" anymore. A 21 yr old is someone's son or daughter, but they are ADULTS. And they do not "belong" to their parents anymore. If it's not about age, would then it be OK for a friend to date a friend's mother/father or sister/brother? Why not? What is so awkward or wrong about that and for whom, really?
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:25:04 AM | WTF: Now it's she doesn't know how to say no?
How about- I think it's inappropriate for me to date my best friend's son. I'm not comfortable with the idea, but I'm very flattered that you asked .
Or: I think he's just great , but too young for me- I prefer to date men closer to my age that aren't my best friend's children.
I'm so over this thread now.
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| HEY VERYFINE
Posted: 5/21/2007 11:28:36 AM | | If you value your relationship with your " best friend" then you should stay clear. Just my opinion out here in Chicopee. | |
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| HEY VERYFINE
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:08:38 PM | What 36 yr old guy wouldn't jump at the chance to date a 21 yr old woman?
 << 36 yr old guy
It's up to you if you want to see him or not
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| HEY VERYFINE
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:43:37 PM | i dunno squiffy, if my chum wanted me to start seeing his hot little daughter...hmmm
i'm not so sure that would go over all that well after awhile...maybe I'm wrong, but i just picture a jerry springer episode out of this...i'll have to buy some beater shirts for the show...
OP: if it wasn't for the fact it's your girlfriends son, i'd say go for it...but hey, who knows, maybe go for it anyway...
maybe the mom's already done him and he's bult like part horse, part tank and she wants to share because you're her friend. I dunno...
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| HEY VERYFINE
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:45:46 PM | First for the sake of the topic I will comment by saying that I don’t feel ordinarily that age makes no difference. But there are problems regarding a long term relationship in that men and women alike go through tons of changes between 21 and 35. Women in particular between the ages 28-35.
But I question whether the poster is telling the truth or not. Sorry! but no profile photo or any real information in text. Causes me to wonder… That and the self serving nature of the post leaves me with the feeling that this is a false topic designed to feed the posters ego. | |
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