| | My New Girlfriends Nuts!Page 2 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | If she is so jealous why do you have that testimonial at the bottom of your profile, or is that her?
Regardless............run for your life and do it now. It ain't gonna get no better. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:23:02 PM | Ahhhh... I'm enjoying a very VERY rare moment here.... So let me enjoy it for just one more moment.... yep it really does feel good.... Oh wait the rest of ya'll are proably wondering what that rare moment is huh?
It's me and tdh46 actually seeing eye to eye on something.....  ....
but tdh46 is right 100%....
QUIT MESSING WITH THE WOMANS HEAD AND SHE WILL MOST LIKELY QUIT ACTING LIKE A NOSEY PARANOID FREAK!!!! | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:23:23 PM | Yes that's a big problem and it is nuts. I am honest and loyal. To have it questioned is insulting. Why aren't you insulted?
She has some big problems...you can't help her with. It will get worse. Not better. There is no reassurance enough for someone who has abondonment issues and can't trust. If however you feed her insecurites by not being transparent you may be bringing out the worst in her. That's possible. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:26:11 PM | She is prob reading this and not liking what she sees lol You may have already sealed your fait anyway! You think she's nuts! and this is your girlfriend? Seriously, if you have that little respect for her then you should just forget it.
I don't think you should give your passwords to her, that's just asking for trouble, but if you have profiles up on dating sites she's gotta we wondering why! Hard to know tho when you haven't said how long you have been with her.
The whole eyeballing when there's a hot girl on tv...yeah..that's unreal...have you been out with a group of people together yet? Maybe you should hold off on that one | |
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tdh46
| | Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:30:10 PM | Dammit sleepluvbird now i am going to have to reevaluate my position in this thread. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 8:48:34 PM | 100% After a few weeks - Ok - I understand that - 100% into her - And I do. But I have a serious problem with people always looking over my back, or suspecting me of things when nothing is going on?
I understand, if I was a flirt, or was always downtown, or chatting with strange woman, but this is not the case.
Answer me - Would you allow someone to look through your mail or any other person belongings? And before you answer - remember, it's a new relationship - we are trying to figure each other out - this doesn't happen overnight.
Now - If we were living together - As a couple - Things would be different. But - As it stands, she doesn't even know what I make a week, so do you see what I'm saying?
Yes - We care for each other - but it's still NEW. Untill then, I don't appreciate people going through my mail - Online or in the Box.
And yes - I fully understand about giving 100% - But - It's something that is earned in time - not overnight. It's all about Trust - Without it - What's left? And if someone can trust someone 100% in just a few weeks - wow - All I gotta say about that is - Jesus Loves Ya - Because yer nuts too :) | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:08:16 PM | And by the way ....
Undercover Angel
My profile is still here for events & other reasons, but the personal info has been removed to not mislead anyone into thinking I am solo. As I stated above, I have made friends (Not relationships) with a few Pof members both male and female through these events. I also receive a number of calls for my occupation listed in my profile. So, I have a few reasons to keep myself here.
And yes - She did see this thread and it doesn't look good. But, I still don't think I'm in the wrong. All I'm saying is - I want my privacy, I don't think it's right for someone to be constantly questioning you when your doing nothing wrong. Innocent untill proven guilty - Not Guilty Guilty and Death?
I woulden't dare even look in my girlfriends purse! Come on? | |
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tdh46
| | Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:14:52 PM | Op i honestly can't keep up with your contradictions. On one hand you say "it's all about trust-without it-what"s left?". Then in the next breath you come back and say "and if someone can trust 100% in just a few weeks-wow-all i gotta say about that is- jesus loves ya- because yer nuts too" so tell me OP which is it?
If it all about trust and faith, should you not be taking down all those profiles and putting 100 % into trying to make your relationship work.
If it's the second part them why are you blaming your girlfriend for wanting you to show her she can trust you?. Like i said before you are full of mixed signals, no wonder the poor girl is confused. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:21:13 PM | | if i was u i say good -bye u never getting my password .. And if there no thust why u with her i have kids and i never ask 4 there password... | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:27:46 PM | You have been seeing this girl a few weeks? Is that around 3? That is a short time and you have already put up there that you are not single/not looking. That's pretty good actually for the short time you have been seeing each other.
In that short of time, maybe she should accept that gesture and be happy for the time being, and if you want to give more later, it should be because you want to give it freely. You just can't bully it out of someone.
Someone constantly questioning you will drive you "nuts"....I've been there myself, only I stuck it out for a couple of years because he was a really great guy in all other aspects..but in the end..I just couldn't handle it.
Good luck to you...sounds like you are going to need it. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:31:07 PM | lol - Your good tdh46 :) Another Dr.Phil
There are many types of trust. I will repeat myself. After just a few weeks - 100% trust - That's nuts! But, I do agree with trust as a major tool used to work on a relationship, without it there is nothing - but 100% is earned - Not Donated.
Mixed signals - Lmao - Please - Your only commenting on what your understanding, not on the full picture. Don't worry my friend, you'll find someone soon enough - mixing words or not reading the full story, and using what you want people to hear will not cut it.
I also know what your saying about removing my profile - If you would have also commented on my full comment - not just the part you figured you could use, you'd have also included I have my reasons, including business and friends.
But, you insist on saying how my poor girlfriend is confused, I bet she is when she only reads half of what was actually said :) Smooth on your part - but lame. Nice try :) | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:36:39 PM |
Am I the only one who misread the title of the thread? I thought we were going to get something really dicey here!
har har
"My New Girlfriend is Nuts." not so amusing as the first, but yeah, she is. Has it not occurred to her that you could easily praise her to the skies on your current profile(s), give her open access and reign over your cyber world while opening new, private profiles on the side?
She be checking your computer history, maybe install a keystroke tracking device or something to keep proper tabs on ya. Pop a gps device in your shorts... | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:37:47 PM | | she os way too controlling and posessive, though the fact that you are actually wondering if she is going to far is rather sacary in itself | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:47:11 PM | ~OP~ Welcome to my world. I can so totally relate to what you are dealing with. I met someone here last summer. The first person I had dated in three years (the first person I met in all that time.) And oh dear. Nosey, sneaky, jealous, insecure, and just out and out obsessive. I was on no other site, and hadn't even been on a date in three years. Sigh. It started out innocently, and then not so innocently. When I finally voiced my concerns about the controlling nature and manipulative actions ~ he went just a LOT overboard. He would copy my posts here in forums and email them to me asking "who" I meant by this, what I meant by that, etc. OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am extremely faithful and loyal and it took less than a month for me to call it quits. And, I can assure you ~ it won't ease up. It's not you who has this issue ~ she has a lack of self-esteem. I don't care how beautiful she is....no one should be "in fear" of you looking at another women. No one should make demands regarding what you do with your private time. If she can't trust you ~ she needs a new man, not the passwords to your private items. You can sugar-coat this, you can pretend it'll change ~ but in the end: What you ACCEPT in the beginning ~ you can EXPECT in the end.
Good luck with that! JMO  | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:49:24 PM | | I think she is controlling, AND I think you have one foot out the door. As long as neither of you can behave any better, you will probably split up due to both of you triggering each other's issues. You can't change her behavior. But you can take responsibility for your actions. Be honest with yourself. If you do have a profile up and you are looking around, fess up to it. It's not fair to put this all on her. If you do decide to commit to her, she will probably need some help learning how to handle her jealousy without being controlling. But it is not totally unworkable. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:51:23 PM | Thanks Undercover Angel
I appreciate the backup lol. It's more than 3 weeks - It's going on 2 months. And yes, I have added the "In A Relationship" "Not Single" stuff. and for me, that was a huge move concidering she didn't even know this place existed. But, out of respect and loyalty - I did it anyhow.
I won't go as far as saying she "Bullied" me - That can't happen - but - to avoid more "headaches" - I did it just in case someone knew me and more for respect to her.
The constant "debates" are getting to me about the online stuff - even though she knows my other reasons for it. I thought in time it could work itself out - but it looks like it's "Online Headaches" takes round 1 No 2nd round.
Live And Learn :) | |
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tdh46
| | Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:56:57 PM | By the way Op in all fairness anyone that's seen me post in the forums knows how i feel about the kind of things your girlfriend is doing. But i honestly don't think you are helping the situation any with your actions.
If you have a very insecure girlfriend you can't be sending her mixed signals. she obviously has trust issues and you need to do your part to help her over come those or end the relationship.
One way you could help with her trust issues is to put on your profile that you have a girlfriend. That might be a start in the right direction. Not that i am buying you needing your POF account for business.... Tell us OP what kind of business are you in that needs your pof account to stay up? | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:58:31 PM | I have a question op:
How old is your new girlfriend?? She sounds as though she may be younger than you, which could account - in part - for her insecurity.
Another reason: you are a very attractive man.
I have a personal experience I would like to relate. About fifteen years ago I met a guy through the newspaper classifieds (yup, no online dating then!!!). We ended up dating for four years. Near the end of those four years I discovered that he had continued to run personal ads (to clarify- I answered his ad), and was answering ads of other women. What it boiled down to was that he was addicted; the "grass is always greener syndrome", and couldn't stop himself. I had no clue, and to this day have no idea what he may have done in those four years.
I trusted him completely. But, I was young. I didn't see a reason not to. Now, I'm older, a little wiser
 , and not quite so trusting. I honestly don't know if I could feel completely secure with someone I met off here if I knew they still had an active profile. I have yet to date anyone I've talked to online, so I can't honestly answer that question.
And to the new girlfriend: I'm sorry everyone is saying you're nuts. People around here like to jump to conclusions based on a minimum of information. I'm sure you have your reasons for reacting the way you have, but if I may offer you some advice, give the guy a chance. He seems genuine, and he's very cute.
I wish you both the best of luck, and please take these opinions (including mine) with a grain of salt.
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:11:27 PM | Hey tdh46 - lol - I'm trying to Sleep - lol
Dude - You don't know me. There are many here that do. They also know I am who and what I say I am - If I say it's business and friends - It's business and friends. Don't get me wrong - When I'm single - You'll know it ;) Lmao
My actions are my business - Thats the whole point. I am not misleading anyone, I was here before I met my new girlfriend, and made a few friends. Period. Also, about the business part - I am in construction/renovations .... the majority of my clients are female - so before you decide what is BS - Please know what your talking about. You would quickly understand that - a lot of females - not males - hire contactors to do stuff around the house - so you see .... business as well :)
Put on my profile that I have a girlfriend? It says I'm here for "Friends" - I think that's good enough? No? Have a Nice Night :)
To Be Continued ................... ;) | |
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| My New Girlfriend's Nuts!
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:12:19 PM | I'd draw the line at giving anyone my passwords, but I also dated a real player--complete with log book of habits, likes, dislikes, physical details--disgusting in that he was carrying 3 or 4 women at a time. THAT was nuts.
It was also nuts to have one man I had started dating parked in my driveway when I came home from choir practice--and he got out of his car with a chip on his shoulder. Hey, I was at choir practice. At church. He could have come and listened. I told him so, and ended the relationship there. I wasn't involved enough to work on resolving anything, but I did owe him my point of view.
Or a confusing one, who wanted to see me every night (that's TOO much, but maybe I should feel flattered). However, he was bent out of shape if I came home 15 minutes "late" (like BE home by 5:10--assuming I hear a magic bell at 5 and fly out the door. That has NEVER been my habit, but it might have been his). He was languishing on the couch like a southern bell with "the vapors." I laughed! But he had a real migrane. And that was a problem. His actions (and attitude) DEMANDED that I change my habits to fit his. And there were a bajillion more habits/values that were driven by the same obsessive compulsive force. Eventually the critical distrusting attitude (which I knew preceded me, and which I knew was not a problem with me being untrustworthy...began to shift my sense of self--what new thing was going to be MY fault that he was displeased...I guffawed when I really DID make a mistake worthy of offending someone. But it made me nervous, too. Finally in exasperation one day I blurted out, "Now I know why your three ex wives were all on antidepressants."  That was the end...he was
Now that was nuts. But he had made a livlihood of finding reasons and ways to berate others--not just women--I couldn't quite get the gist...his brother told me the rest of the story.
So. If you go into a relationship with your heart--with someone who has a value system you find warped in some way--talk to them about it. If they listen, that would be a minor miracle. If they talk about trying to change, that would be a miracle. If they actually start to change--that would be a major miracle. If they get defensive--well, at least you gave them a data point to consider, and YOU were being consistent (congruent). If they get retaliatory (either by the silent treatment or by notching up the accusations), THEN you can run.
If you want to stay, talk about it. If it goes badly, you'll be able to walk away with a clear conscience, knowing you gave a person you think you care for a chance to build a relationship, yet valuing your self enough not to become part of a problem that obviously existed before you came into her life. | |
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| My New Girlfriend's Nuts!
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:17:32 AM |
Put on my profile that I have a girlfriend? It says I'm here for "Friends" - I think that's good enough? No?
Yes, OP. That is more than good enough. Not single/not looking and friends ~ it would take someone in a coma to miss the clue.  | |
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| My New Girlfriend's Nuts!
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:14:44 AM | I wouldn't be cool with someone placing so many demands on me so early in a relationship. As long as your profile is clearly stated , NOT SINGLE I don't think it's an issue - you've put your feelings out there on the world wide web for pete's sake!
I can't believe people would be okay with this kind of controlling behaviour.
I don't think it's about anything other than the girlfriends OWN insecurities and self esteem issues.
I dated someone like this once and it got much worse, he always wanted to know who I was talking to , and if it was a guy , how did I know this guy , was he single blah blah blah etc etc.
If you are in acommitted serious relationship , yes, there are expectations (namely that one wouldn't be scoping the internet for dates) but if you trust your partner all the silly "I want your email password" demands aren't necessary at all.
as for the rolling eyes while looking at other women , I've learned it's human nature for men (AND us womenfolk too!) to appreciate beauty in it's physical form, unless someone spends all their time looking pervy and ogling every single passerby , well it's a fact of life, getting all pissy about it isn't gonna solve anything - especially if your partner still ogles , compliments and loves on you. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/16/2007 3:53:53 AM | | I had a woman like that once she did the exact same thing. Beautiful, but very insecure. I couldn't take it anymore and eventually I got rid of her and let her be someone else pain and problem in the ass. If I can go a back to when she was deleting my contacts I would have told her to leave back then or stay and start trusting me. There is nothing wrong with have online chat friends who are only just friends. | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:25:41 AM | RUN !!! It will only get worse, from here. There is that enoughs enough point. She will always question, probably never trust you and be you know it You will have a real live Fatal Attraction, (a bunny boiler) first she is nice and sweet, then a little jealous, then deeply infatuated, progressing to obsession, then stalker, and last a border line psycho capablle of murder. Just leave and cut your loses before it is too late!! So say bye bye to the nut.  | |
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| My New Girlfriends Nuts!
Posted: 5/16/2007 4:33:34 AM | 2 months is still a very short time. She must have been burned pretty bad or something.
Sometimes I think I can be a little too trusting..I was seeing this guy for 6 months, met him online, and I thought he was pretty great. We both still had our profiles up and had online friends and I had no problem with it. One day tho, I am showing his profile to some friends and I see this hot and steamy testimonial on it! My friends were just looking at me like "yeah, he's really something all right!" I was pretty shocked.
At first I just asked him what was up with his profile and he gave me some vague "nothing". Now this testimonial was pretty incriminating that they were doing the nasty! I did get upset then and told him that if he was going to sleep around, I'm outta here. I didnt' yell or cry or pull a fit or anything and in fact it was all done thru email. He tells me that she is just a friend....uhhhh ok...I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday! He got nasty with me saying I freaked out and then continued to insult me in numerous ways. I got my own and told him off pretty good too. So, it ended badly.
Recently I see his profile come up on my "viewed me" section and so I decide to take a look. We pretty much just erased each other and had spoken or anything. His profile was pretty negative and actually it looked like he was going thru a rough time. I decided to phone him to see how he was doing, as enough time had passed and I felt I could prob handle a conversation, no hard feelings left for me. And I was genuinly interested to see how he was. When he didn't call me back that night I figured he didn't get the message so I emailed him a short how are you note. I practically got my head chewed off! Let me tell ya, I will never make that mistake again Apparently, I am the freak of all freaks in his books. He tells me his profile is not real and that the whole time we were together, he was helping a friend with some social research on internet dating, unlike me of course, who's profile is real...although I did have down that I was just looking for friends.
Am I buying the whole,my profile's not real....ummmm nope lol..but doesn't matter anymore anyhow lol | |
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