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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/13/2007 6:38:00 PM | Good for you Fran How could anyone possibly know unless they have been in that situation, its a difficult subject which unfortunatly still has a lot of stigma attached to it. Sorry havent read all the posts so may say something which has already been said. Sometimes life doesnt go the way u planned, as for me I lost a baby my mum died reaaaaaaal young but that was life, then husband left no explanation just up and went we never argued nothing, well now understand how people can go to the depths of dispair, not intentionally I had what is termed as mild depression, how they classify this heaven knows cause its all there just I try to get on with my life. Have two kids what else can one do. But and this is the issue how do u make someone you know who has clinical depression realise how much u like them?? any help would be appreciated cause will never turn my back on them.
Memphis21uk | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/13/2007 8:03:51 PM |
But and this is the issue how do u make someone you know who has clinical depression realise how much u like them??
You just have to keep plugging away at it and make sure that no matter what you are there for them and make sure they know that too - and thats the most important bit !! It can be a bit like like playing the same record over and over but if they mean that much to you then you do it - eventually they realise that no matter how badly they think of themselves - there is someone there that thinks that bit more and better of them than they do !!
I would say that depressives tend to be a bit hard on themselves and have very little if any self esteem so this needs to be nurtured. You have to be very, very , very patient !!
Fran xx | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/13/2007 9:22:27 PM | I just finished reading EVERY post on this thread and still didn't really see anything that addresses my problem(s). My second marriage is ending. As a matter of fact, I'll be in divorce court on my 50th birthday...I could not believe my eyes when I saw the hearing date on the papers! Both of my kids are grown and on their own now, so it's just me here now. Even THAT wouldn't be so bad if I could get out once in a while, but I'm a medical transcriptionist who works out of my house...which means that I don't even get to rub elbows with co-workers...I work the second shift which means that when I have free time before work, all of my friends are AT work, and when I get off work (11 p.m.), my friends are already in bed. Top that off with the fact that I also work for a hospital, which means I work every other weekend. I literally go for weeks without seeing another human being, let alone being touched by one; and every one knows that humans don't' thrive without touch. Even when friends call, I have nothing to say, because truthfully...nothing happens in my life...who wants to hear about the lastest "Scrubs" re-run?!!!
I'm feeling a little better lately, but I can tell you that back in April I had my bottle of Tylenol with codeine out and sitting on my desk just begging me to empty it! I left it there and actually "rode out" the temptation until it passed. I wallowed in it until I was sick of the thought MYSELF. I have no intention of killing myself...I WILL NOT leave that legacy to my children, but how do I get past the utter hopelessness of every day being as bad as the last? I've looked into support groups, but they're all scheduled during my work hours, so I can't even get therapy! I could get professional counseling, but I can't imagine how that would help, when I can't change my life circumstances. I've asked my supervisor if I can change my shift...no go. I'm not going to quit the job outright...I've got (big) bills, and my job pays pretty decent, and besides... it's what I've been doing for 25 years. At 50, I can think of smarter things to do than change careers.
If you met me, you'd NEVER guess I had these dark tendencies. I love to laugh, I'm a people person by nature, but what do you do when, because of your own personal situation, you never even get the opportunity to experience who you really are? How many people can live for too long in a vacuum? | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 5:08:25 AM |
If you met me, you'd NEVER guess I had these dark tendencies. I love to laugh, I'm a people person by nature, but what do you do when, because of your own personal situation, you never even get the opportunity to experience who you really are? How many people can live for too long in a vacuum?
I'm the same - I love to laugh - usually being the life and soul of the party but I think that comes with the territory - I usually know when I'm gonna hit a big downer because before that comes the laughter  and I think sometimes we "act" all happy and cheerful because we don't really want people to think any worse of us than we think they already do (hope that makes sense!!)
As to living in the vaccuum - I keep trying to get out - but to top it all off - I've not long moved to a totally new area - no friends except my ex hubby and his girlfriend - no job so no money so no social life but I keep plugging away - one day, it'll come together - one day !!!
Fran xx | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:31:29 AM | | I am constantly hitting my depression low points due to my loneliness. there are times that I do not think that I can live with my situation but I take myself to work everyday and try as much as possible to carry on with my life. so yea the thought is there but not the ambition | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:50:46 AM | OleTimeMusic....
I for one would never let this life or anyone in it get me that low to ever get to thinking like that.... I lost someone very close via suicide and there were no visible signs... one day he was here the next day gone.... so tragic to think that he was so alone inside that he felt he didn't want to be here.
Very very sad as he left behind a wife and 3 small children.... his wife was so devastated as she had no idea that he was even troubled.....
I so feel for those who feel they have nowhere to turn and nobody there for them that they take their own life as the only way out.... some say its a cowards way out but it soooo is not.... it takes a brave person to die at their own hands.
It changed the way I live my own life and see the people in it, after seeing someone die at his own hands..... I will always offer my time and my ears for anyone who needs that extra something to help them through such times. It must be the darkest coldest loneliest place imaginable to feel that life and people have let you down... So I vowed from that day on I would never let this life beat me down. I am a fighter and always will fight life and what it throws at me.
Some of the comments in this post have brought tears to my eyes and goose bumps all over..... my heart so goes out to some of you in this thread..... hugs all round for you all that have been in this situation and for being brave enough to talk about your feelings here...... nothing but admiration for you xx | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 7:01:13 AM |
I lost someone very close via suicide and there were no visible signs... one day he was here the next day gone.... so tragic to think that he was so alone inside that he felt he didn't want to be here.
Me too...My Uncle Doug, this past September...what crushes me is, I know that if I could've had the five minutes before he did it, with him...I'd still have him here.
To all of us who are suffering from depression...you are not alone...you have friends caring enough about you to post here. You may feel as though you are alone, you are not. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 7:09:36 AM |
I literally go for weeks without seeing another human being, let alone being touched by one; and every one knows that humans don't' thrive without touch. Even when friends call, I have nothing to say, because truthfully...nothing happens in my life...who wants to hear about the lastest "Scrubs" re-run?!!!
I used to work from my home when my kids were younger and for that reason it works really well. But a few years ago, like you I decided I wanted to be with other people during the day... go to lunch... get out of the house everyday... so I started looking for a job.
It has been 6 years now, and for me has made a big difference. You will need to change your situation if it no longer works for you, and maybe even do a different type of work that is more people interactive. If you are a "people person" don't deny yourself what it is you enjoy... take care and be strong! | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:33:04 AM | | dont think ppl can understand depression or suicide unless they have been there them selves its classed as a mental illness but u can get out of it evan thow u my not think so u can i no ive been there myself but each day that goes by am getting strong just take each day as it comes u will get there xxxx sammy | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 8:37:13 AM | | if u would like too talk too me about deppresion at any time u can amail me now at kitten2345@msn.com i will be there too listen at any time x | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:07:31 AM | Its true what they say - to know a man you have to walk in his shoes !!
Hugs to everyone
Fran xx | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:36:28 AM | It was in one of these threads (not sure if it's this one though) that one woman said regarding a guy I think hypothetically, wanted to commit suicide over a break up or something of that nature. She said something to the effect that ....."if such a case should happen, the girl should not feel guilty or worried about him"..... it was something like that,.... I paraphrased, ....but I rememeber her saying that and I just couldn't get that out of my head since.
The bottom line is these sorts of situations should be taken VERY seriously and one of the last things anyone wants to do is be apathetic about it. This is a situation where someones well being is at stake, and also their life....not to mention their families well-being,..... and it's imperative that we try to help people in these kinds of situations. To not do so....would be very crule and .....especially when lets say you were the one that caused them to feel that way, and then causing them to want to take their own life in the first place. One should be willing to help the other person out and make the best effort to try to get them on the right track and perhapes get some more friends involved in to help too. To say , it is up to the person whether they want to die or not , and to just willfully and totally ignore them because you don't think they are worth helping or that they are undeserving your help ,..... KNOWING that they feel like this and knowing that you were instrumental in them feeoling that way,.... is one of the lowest things a person can do....utterly depraved of conscience, remorse, affection, compassion or feelings, ....and it is an utterly deplorable crime to commit just by ignoring a person whome you were responsible for willfully, and with full knowledge, putting them down and indirectly making them depressed in the first place. You would owe it to the person to atleast try to help them out and talk to them. That is just a scenario that I wanted to paint based on that ladies comment that was made...., and not regarding the OP in anyway.
Plain and simply.....people who are depressed to a point where they get potentially suicidal, really need to be taken into serious consideration and they should be helped and approached in a loving , caring manner,.... and they should be also adviced to seek the right kind of help and treatement.
I had to deal with this kind of incident of a suicidal person two different times, and both times I poured everything I had into that person telling them why it's wrong to think this way, and that they DO have GREAT worth and they do not deserve to harm themselves in anyway. Thank God I managed to convince them , and everything was ok. But my point is these situations should be taken seriously and these people should be helped and we should be able to privide that for them (should we encounter someone like that) as much as we posssably can. Life is too precious and so are people!! | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:19:30 AM |
...especially when let's say you were the one that caused them to feel that way, and then causing them to want to take their own life in the first place.
Wow... I don't know the context of the thread you are referring to, but to think someone would be the "cause" of another in committing suicide? Someone would have to be terribly depressed to consider ending their life and I don't think depression is a wound someone else can inflict. It comes from within -- as does the strength to overcome it.
If in the context of ending a relationship, the one that feels rejected is threatening suicide is a cruel form of manipulation. However, my advice would be the same as in any instance where someone is saying they want to end their lives... call 911 and report it. They will either get the help they need, or learn that it is a bad defense to try and win you back. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:39:34 AM | Yes Depression is a very real illness which unfortunately has a moutitude of outside infuences. If you heep hearing negative comments you're entire life spends countless hours reading self help books, bending over backwards to help everyone else, etc. Then when you ask for help and are rejected in your request it just reinforces all the negative remarks you ever heard and they become like non stop records in your brain telling you you are not worth anything and are nothing but trouble for anyone around you you tend to start believing it not matter how much you know it isn't true.
I've met some very nice people in my life time but too bad my family was nothing like them.
Power and Greed Corrupts. To be honest I am quickly losing my ability to think of human kind as a civilized group. The animal kingdom takes better care of their own.
It's true there are manipulative people out there who will do what ever it takes to get what they want. I don't consider myself to be part of that.
As for happiness to be an inside job, you have to have the ability to see that their is some potetial of a happy future and not be left miserable and alone | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:58:59 AM |
Wow... I don't know the context of the thread you are referring to, but to think someone would be the "cause" of another in committing suicide? Someone would have to be terribly depressed to consider ending their life and I don't think depression is a wound someone else can inflict. It comes from within -- as does the strength to overcome it.
If in the context of ending a relationship, the one that feels rejected is threatening suicide is a cruel form of manipulation. However, my advice would be the same as in any instance where someone is saying they want to end their lives... call 911 and report it. They will either get the help they need, or learn that it is a bad defense to try and win you back.
I was using an example of a possible case. Also I don't mean that someone else can DIRECTLY cause someone else to feel depressed or suicidal, I said indirectly,....ultimately it is ones OWN choice on how they respond to situations and certain people. What I was suggesting in this example, is that if someone else WAS infact instrumental in that person getting down or depressed.....meaning if they willfully and with full knowledge of what it could do and how it can effect the person, treated them poorly or did bad things to them over a long period of time and put them down time after time and provoked them always to the point where that person eventually would feel down, discouraged and even depressed, ....then that person does have a responsibility to try to help the person he or she put down and to try to make it right if they could possibly help it. It's called personal accountablity and responsibility to another human being....knowing the seriousness of this matter.
Also I am not talking about the person trying to manipulate or try to fake it just so you would stay with him or her....that is another issue. I am talking about people who have been GENUINELY hurt and repeatedly put down , especially by the same person or same group of people....in this case, that person or people that were the culprits in this scenario, should be willing to take SOME (not ALL) but SOME of the responsibility for how that other person feels....and thus appropriately (and ideally) they would try to help the person and try to make things right and just apologize to them and help them get better, be influential in some ways to them and so forth.
I know this may to many people sound kind of like "wishful thinking" but this is precisely what needs to be done. On top of that, calling 911 and advicing them to get the right help would obviously help also. But what I'm saying is IF you are the one atleast partially responsible for them feeling that way, it would be nice and appropriate to try to help them....on top of notifying someone and getting further help for them. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 1:42:01 PM | The thought has come up but never out of seriousness, more out of "what would happen." Never was their intention but being somewhat of an 'asperger' type guy, loneliness has followed me around ever since I can remember. Even WITH people, I feel alone. It really takes a certain someone to make me feel more in tune with the world and they don't come often. Normally, I will meet guys like me, but females? Wow, REALLY rare. I mean rare rare.
This past year, it got to me pretty bad. I had no direction. I had friends but none that would remotely understand an aspie (aspergers/autism) point of view. Eventually, I stumbled upon those who were like me and ever since, everything has been going splendidly. Sometimes I wonder if I ever even want to date again and if it's even worth it. I'm focused on life, itself, and things like sex, romance, all that stuff, it just doesn't seem worth it. The romance, hell, thats gone and its just pointless as its not appreciated for one second. You'd be shocked, well, maybe not, at how much time one focuses their energy onto another person in regards to "love" and the like.
So, what used to drive me to tears is now what motivates me and has brought the most to my life. Oh, and Buddhism, meditation. I could become a monk, a running joke of mine, but jokes rely on elements of truth. It took 24 years and finally asking "why" to get here. Most would not understand but if I ever find someone that does, it would be a super day! | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:08:14 PM | Thanks Fran,
Thanks for listening. For myself my best therapy has just been having someone listen without telling you how to think, feel or act. Just listen and let you figure it out for yourself with maybe a touch of advocacy.
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/15/2007 1:50:41 AM | I've only just looked at this thread, so i havn't had time to read all the posts, but do have personal experience of depression. Basically, my doctor diagnosed me with having 'acute, and very serious depression' three years ago (although i'd probably been suffering already for a year or so). My wife decided she wasn't going to help me, and this culminated in her asking me to leave 12 months ago. I was already contemplating doing away with myself (i couldn't see the point any more), so this event put me into an even worse state.
Fortunately for me, this disastrous situation i found myself in quickly turned around. My doctor quickly got me onto a psychiatric nurse, and she in turn put me in touch with various help groups in Bolton. At first, again, i couldn't see any point in these help groups, but one in particular MhIST in Bolton were fantastic. We have a depression self help group every friday afternoon, and it is very re-assuring to know you are not alone. All the members of this group have now become good friends, and i look forward to meeting with them every week.
I am now recovering very well from this depression, hence my entry on to the POF website, as i now feel able to cope better. I still get the odd bad day (usually very bad), but i can now cope with it. The only side effect left over, is a terrible memory ! This has been very irritating, but now, even my friends and family laugh and joke about my memory - so they all understand.
In short, there are help groups etc around, and if you are suffering, you should use them as much as possible. It all may seem a bit daft at first, but in the long run, you will get better. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/15/2007 6:34:36 AM | ive been suicidal at one point in my life, but it sure as hell wasnt over being alone or lonely.
i feel sorry for people who do get that lonely. and would hope they would get help first. | |
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yahmez
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 245 | |
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:29:27 AM | Depression is one of the easiest conditions to treat chemically because it appears to be a chemical/physical. It is not all in your head and something you can snap out of.
Take drugs, stay away from women, deal with the underlying issues that screwed up your life.
Find a psych which will medicate you and tell you to get the hell out of his office until your next visit. If he wants to talk about your childhood and endless psychobabble leave and find another. If the drugs work and you get bored then do the psychobabble thing to work on the damage done. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:08:23 AM |
Thanks Fran,
Thanks for listening. For myself my best therapy has just been having someone listen without telling you how to think, feel or act. Just listen and let you figure it out for yourself with maybe a touch of advocacy.
No problem at all hun - anytime !!
Keep smiling
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/16/2007 11:43:16 AM | | Been experiencing the Blue Meanies myself the last three weeks. When I've mentioned how low I'm feeling my friends only have on bit of advice... Get Over It! It's easy for someone who's never been lower than a snakes belly to understand how hard it is to drag yourself back up. Even trying to get out of the house is a chore... but seems to be rounding the corner this time... My suggestion is grab the good moments.. and make them into a steady stream of good moments... congradulate yourself everyday that you did this or did that.. small steps and you'll be up for the game again. As for the underlying depression.. if it persists go to a doctor, he went to school to be able to help you... if you had a boil would you be embarassed to go and have it lanced? Same thing for an ongoing depression.. just pick up the phone, make an appointment and move yourself to going... the side effects can be bad... constipation, weightgain, maybe even crying before it gets better but it does get better. I went through it after my father died.. thought those old synapsis were aligned again... but you never know when the imbalance will happen again. Being aware of yourself is the most important tool we have in maintaining our physical and mental health. Like the old saying goes if your don't love yourself, no one else can love you.... | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:52:31 PM | I would be lying to say that I never felt suicidal, but since my separation it's been through the roof at times. I went on meds but they didn't work so I increased the dose, then I felt numb and was just going through the motions. Everyone around me thought I was coping well with everything, but the truth is, I was doped up and most of 2006 still seems like a blurry nightmare. I tried to go off them but within a week I was writing out my suicide note and planning to gas myself in the car. The only thing stopping me was the fact that I couldn't do that to my child. I didn't want her going through her life thinking that she wasn't enough for me. Quite the opposite...
Like most folks, I just felt like I couldn't go on coping the way I did. I was crashing, and going cold turkey off antidepressants is NOT a good thing. I learned the hard way you have to wean yourself off them. I am still on them and have difficulty losing weight (I put on a ton of weight as a result of stress and the side-effects of the meds) but that doesn't mean I don't keep trying.
I just have to keep telling myself that I am a lucky person and that things will get better for me in my life and slowly, things are actually turning around. I finally got my career going in the right direction, I like where I live right now and am meeting new neighbours, I am starting to go out more with other divorcees, etc. So with some effort on my part, I know that I am the one in control of my destiny and it's all about perception with regards to how I cope with things. Having a positive attitude really can make the difference, plus being able to identify when you are down in the dumps that instead of isolating yourself, you need to call a friend or family member and talk to them about your feelings. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, then call the suicide help line, even if your not necessarily suicidal. They are there to listen to you. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:44:17 AM | Sassifrazz your ontrack!
As the Blue Meanies Turn....
The thing about the meds is it takes a few weeks to take hold. I have no children and I remember an acquaintance asking me when I'd gone off them.. When did you have your baby? My tummy was that bloated! If the one's the doctor is prescribing aren't working the Doc should try another... mine was a combo that finally got the old synapsis connecting again! I envy the health program you have in Canada.. we in America have to suffer the depression if we do not have health insurance... a recent study says that the uninsured are charged more for visits and meds... gee is that kicking someone when they are down? I've been researching any clinics in my area and find them lacking. The only one that treats depression is a clinic that also serves the herion addict! The appointment is $150 and the Zanax is $50 per prescription... if a person is unemployed, depressed and suicidal I wonder how many will brave the stigma of walking into a Heroin Rehab Center to get help! So the isolation continues.... if you're older without family, new to a town so friends are limited what is a person to do?
I recently met someone on POF that was probably the best candidate in years and because of my depression I ran him off within days. That has only deeped my depressive feelings... I have stopped dating because of the low selfesteem that comes from the depression (yes lack of sexual appetite is part of it) . And have been isolating myself... since I work from home no one seems to notice that I'm not getting out as much. I think the only thing that keeps me going at times is I have a dog I love and who would care for her?
The Blue Meanie Saga... Life Sucks , then you Die... saying is so true when your suffering a down period in your life... | |
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