| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/24/2008 1:39:23 AM | | Lonliness is a permanent problem. It does not matter how much we put ourselves out there it always ends in rejection. If we are supposed to go through life happy that we are single then those that are tellings us to suck it up, things will get better, it will happen when you least expect it, and the ever popular be happy that you are single, do not know squat about how we are feeling. I can hide my depression from those I come in contact with but at the end of the day, when I am sitting alone in my bedroom watching the tv, checking my empty email box, and just wondering why it is that not one woman that I find attractive wants the slightest bit of contact from me, that bout of depression just gets that little bit worse, and I start thinking how suicide would be a better alternative then living alone. I find that a permanent problem deserves a permanent solution and you all may say get help, but let me tell you, you do not know me, and those that you spring your advise on, you do not know them either so you can not tell them that their life is going to change because you do not know if it will or not. Live for your kids, yea I will buy into that, but when they are fully capable of caring for themselves and do not need us around what are we supposed to do then? become outcasts of society and just work and stay in our home with nowhere to go? No I did not bring this upon myself and I strive to change but to inevitability I will have to face what my future will be. Right? | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:19:29 AM | James... The problem that seems to be compounding itself for you has a number of sides but the primary one is that you are not getting back into the mainstream of life. Why do you go home and sit watching t.v. when there are so many worthwhile things you could be doing? If you're not into sports or fitness, there are 100's of causes that are desperate for volunteers. Surely there are some that fit an area of interest to you? The one thing you can know for sure is that there are going to be very few knocks on your door by women who might be interested in a relationship so it is up to you to take the bull by the horns and get yourself back into life.
The more you sit in your room and wait for some e-mail on sites like this one, the more myopic your vision will become. I am not currently looking to add a relationship to my life but if I was, I certainly wouldn't sit staring at the computer screen in the hope that someone would notice me.
I don't know how old your children are but you must know that how you handle life's disappointents is teaching them how to handle them as well? Once we have people who love us in our lives (regardless of whether it's a girlfriend or a child) our lives are no longer our own to take...
Suicide does not end the loneliness or the pain. It does not provide the "relief" most people considering suicide are hoping for. If you truly want your world to change and want relief from your loneliness, get back into the world instead of sitting in your room hoping that someone who cares will suddenly appear. No one wants to be an "outcast of society" so quit treating yourself as though you are. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:44:37 AM | | My brother attempted suicide at 16. We were both adopted at ages 4 and 5. My adopted parents were only going to adopt a girl at first,my biological mother said,why don't you take that boy too. My brother over heard that remark. For years he felt unwanted,like a buy one get one free deal. The pain of being thrown away by ones own parents and thinking even the adoptive ones didn't really want you almost pushed him over the edge.I am so thankful we found him in time. He has always been my hero. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/24/2008 3:46:03 AM | Just how many here have become depressed over loneliness, and how many have actually thought of suicide?
I've had my plan in place for over 10 yrs.
Recently, in the last 6 mths Ive decided how Im gonna do it.
Ive still got about 7 yrs before I can. Then Im outta here.
Nothing to do with depression. Its a choice I've made. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:19:13 AM | I have had a friend staying recently who tried to kill himself over a girl he was with after she dumped him.
I honestly think its pretty pathetic to try and kill yourself over a broken heart and very bloody selfish too.
I do understand that people get depressed, as part of a health condition i have i suffer with depression and i am on alot of occasions very lonely but i have forced myself to do something about it. Its not easy but the only person who is responsible for my feelings is me. To kill yourself over being lonely, to me, shows weakness.
I am sorry if this offends anyone who has been in that position but its truely how i feel. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 12:04:31 PM | | I really dont think its a question of strength or weakness . Its facing up to an an almost certain future alone. The older the harder often wondering if your not going a bit crazy. I have seen a few people drop over that edge. Maybe jump before your pushed at least thats your decision. Some poor people dont have that option. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:31:44 PM | James I have put a piece on the other thread about suicides page 51. I used to bottle everything up and it didn't do me much good. I understand where you are coming from, as I have some serious swings into depression. I found myself telling women, after I we had met a few times, all about my problem, some where understanding but most weren't and of course they thought they had a loon on their hands.
I don't know where you are from but if you want to chat by all means please do so. Its when you get an understanding and empathy you automatically feel better, I know I. Just don't bottle up and suffer in silence.do. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:23:39 PM | Been there, done that friend. But maybe not to that extreme. I've had two happenings that ride to the top of the depression/suicidal chart in the past year. First my companion of 30 years and wife of 28 left me for an online romance, whom she moved in with 3 weeks after meeting, got engaged too two weeks later and married less than 7 weeks after their first "date."
As if that wasn't enough my two children (21 and 17) begged me to get the house in the divorce and keep them in it. They didn't talk with their mother for 2 months, but met with her a week before the three of us were to move to a new house. Three days before the move, they informed me I was "no longer welcome to move with them."
Now they call the piece of garbage they've "known" for a month their "dad" and want no communication with me whatsoever.
I banged my head against the wall trying to save my marriage for the first three months... enduring a daily 50/50 battle between suicide and insanity. Didn't eat or sleep for three weeks. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
Not to be a "bible thumper" because I'm not... my conversations with God are not in a church, they're in my car on the way to and way back from work. But I DO believe in God and begged him 24 around the clock to flick the devil off of my shoulder.
I had to learn a very valuable lesson the hard way. In my belief, God DOES answer prayers... just NOT in the "time frame" you would like him to and NOT in the "way" that you feel is best for you.
I begged him to help save my marriage, but he decided that she was not good enough for me and wanted me to embark on life without her. I begged him to "correct" or "cure" me ASAP, but he chose to stretch it out... seeking to build a stronger relationship with me in the process.
I've always believed that the greatest challenge in life is to face adversity head on...and channel it into something positive. But for the life of me I could see no good coming from this. I write and deliver stand up comedy on a regular basis and once my 3-4 month "writer's block" ended... I received more solid funny material than I could ever envision. I have to admit telling jokes about the "whore I was married to for 28 years" is a bit theraputic as well and well received.
To tell you the truth being on these on line dating sites for the past 6 months has been depressing in itself. Whether it's because I'm 50, have a few too many pounds or because I don't look like a male model or movie star, I can't buy a date. For every 100 messages I send out, I'm extremely lucky if there are 2 responses.
I could care less what happens to the ex-**** and her new hubby... I wouldn't lose any sleep if a semi hit them dead on. The thing with the kids hurts and will always hurt, but I'm not going to stoop to their mother's level and try to buy their affection.
So that leaves me with myself and the friends and relatives who DO love me, but just didn't know how to get me through the darkest hours.
It's looking more and more like I will live alone for the rest of my life.... hard to meet someone when they won't even respond to a complimentary message.
But as long as I live my life in a way that makes God, my friends, my relatives, my co-workers and myself proud, that's okay. Frankly these women don't know what they're missing. No... I'm not Brad Pitt, but I have a never ending supply of love, devotion and old fashioned morals and values that could never leave them wanting again... and searching for something that they're not finding.
I firmly believe that each of us has been given the gift of life on Earth for a reason. I believe mine was to bring people more joy in their lives via comedy. You need to find your reason and exploit it. We all have different talents... some of us just don't take the time to explore them.
In closing, buy yourself a dog. That might sound to simplistic, but when you have something else depending on you, you tend to feel a better sense of worth.
A much better life awaits you...both on the Earth and beyond... but you must exercise patience. Folding your tent and hanging it all up is far too easy... challenge yourself. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:33:03 PM | | I am as well a cutter and as well suicidal. I have been fighting the urges since i was 10 years old. There has been times I have attempted and failed... Almost to a point I want to believe that I am invincible because of the things i have done to my body. Now, I'm not going to give any excuses or anything like that but i have to agree with what james said. When you have myspace or your on this and you have no mail for days on end. No matter what people say it hurts. Makes you feel as though your not worth the air you breath, not worth the food you eat, not worth the space you take up. Personally, i absolutely hate it when someone tells me or someone else that is as depressed as you would have to contemplate the idea of killing yourself, Suck it up, be a man. That is the worst things you could tell someone that is in that situation even if you say "suck it up everything will get better". The best thing anyone has ever told me was after i lost my fiance, my father told me that you have to look at the big picture and in it this is only a little small part. Talking to someone does help...but only for a short amount of time. Sometimes it doesn't help at all it makes it worse by getting all of the thoughts really running through there head. Main thing is...if someone you know is like that don't leave them until they are smiling and laughing and there over it. Even if they tell you to. Surprisingly the people that are a cutter or suicidal are the people you would least expect it. We are some of the best actors you will ever see. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:36:50 PM | Depression is a real medical condition, and not something one just snaps out of. Often, during times of high stress (aka, breakup) the stress chemicals can literally modify the biochemistry of the brain...resulting in depression. A clinically depressed person truly can't see through it to know they need help, let alone where to find it or that it might be worth it. Unfortuantely it also becomes difficult to see the impact it is having on lvoed ones and friends too. Its difficult to help someone who can't hear or doesn't want help.
There is SO much help out there these days. Maybe its good to know about resources BEFORE things get so terribly desperate. If there was a way to help people undersatnd that our mental health is equally as important as our physical and spiritual health, perhaps things could be different.
Thanks for bringing up this topic. I can imagine its a horrible place to feel so far down that suicide looks like a good option. But lonliness doesn't have to equate to desperation.
Get to know yourself and all that you were created to be.
The saying is true that you can't give wht you don't have....so "date yourself" and fall in love!
And yes, I agree that a 'cure' for lonliness is not isolation, but getting out into society again. NOT into another relationships that may or may not fill a void. But into exercising, meeting people in the park, shopping, or wahtever it takes to have some "safe" human contact.
God bless | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:44:03 PM | you whould not feel sadness if you never tasted joy
that is the curse of humans in passion you destroy
i think i relate to that the most. i was homeschooled through a very christian home. kinda lacked the companionship that whould of helped me develop as a happy individual. i have cut myself, and put myself in various situations that could of gotten myself killed. (walking in the worst places in detroit in the middle of the night on a regular basis) i feel now its almost to late. my lack of social skills and shyness puts myself behind many people. i donno everytime i tried dating it always lashed back. and perhaps the fact i never had friends to begin with. i dont know what a close relationship is. and with no friends. its hard to meet people as social networking through peers. is the prime way of meeting anyone. im 22 and it feels like well i missed the starting gun for this fast paced society. i dated one girl for 7 months, best thing ever, but eventually i became unattractive to her due to my shyness and li was a bit clingy.. i kinda fear this whould happen again. and iv been even more depressed now that i know what being happy with someone feels like and well that being alone again for long, you just miss it.
perhaps i just have isolation issues, in a already isolated society | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:47:09 PM | "I had to learn a very valuable lesson the hard way. In my belief, God DOES answer prayers... just NOT in the "time frame" you would like him to and NOT in the "way" that you feel is best for you.
I begged him to help save my marriage, but he decided that she was not good enough for me and wanted me to embark on life without her. I begged him to "correct" or "cure" me ASAP, but he chose to stretch it out... seeking to build a stronger relationship with me in the process."
You have no idea...."I begged him to help save my marriage, but he decided that she was not good enough for me and wanted me to embark on life without her"....that one sentence has just made all the difference for me....why didn't I see it like that?!
Thank you,. Thank you. Thank you! | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:47:58 AM | Lambchops I have to agree with every word you say there. I know when I slip, I can't see my nose let alone anything else.
Mark | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/26/2008 11:07:20 AM | Hey all, i know where you are all coming from, my girlfriend of 6 years has left me for a new guy she met in work, I know you will all say im still young(22) but it feels as if she was the only girl who would ever make me happy.
I find myself thinking of ending it all the time, but i know i cant because it would kill my family. Find myself thinking of ways i could do it without making it look like suicide but i dont think i could actually ever go through with it. There are some nice stories on here that make me realise there is a lot worse that can happen. Thank you all. | |
|
| |
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:17:29 PM | I do not understand it at all!!!! I lost my 18 year old son nearly 9 years since, and course i was devastated and down but hell, life HAS to go on. Not only for your own sake but for everyone elses too!!!
I just mustn't understand it cos i have the 'get a grip' attitude. Sorry to anyone i offend. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/26/2008 1:37:09 PM | | If you are being abused in this world, is suicide an out? Many animals will cut their own legs off to escape... | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/26/2008 1:47:24 PM | depends on if you believe in the afterlife. if you dont the idea that your just flesh and bone and dna makes it more plausable. usually when loyalty is destroyed or another death happens. or a terrible childhood that sets you back on the social ladder that is always incressing in steps the more we advance in society.
the fact that people want to get married after there successful has a lot of pressure on those who dont desire 2 cars. big screen tv, a cellphone. and a house that has enough room to fit 20 people. like i say social ladder puts pressure on people to. some people like me feel that we have missed the starting gun. or ran the race to slow to compete with the majority in order to be accepted as a equal and not a less. the middle class might of helped but also made the poor class look even worse. a new generation is being born into consumerism, and many are rejecting it completely now. some dont want to live in the world where vanity and greed are above family values, and loyalty to community | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:18:11 AM | Listen. There are always signals... sometimes people even talk about it. Most times people don't know what to do or how to handle the depth of pain that some people have and express. Most times people don't realize that Listening just might be what the person who is depressed needs. Most times people are arrogant and think they're supposed to have some majical answer or solution - Telling a depressed/suicidal person what they should or shouldn't feel .. what they should or shouldn't do - is NOT the answer. Listen. If you think "hearing" that deep pain is 'uncomfortable' - imagine what it is to feel it. Listen. Don't judge, don't assume, don't try to fix .. just friggin Listen. Be there. IF you're a friend, IF you really care, Being there - Listening is often the first step to that path out of darkness and into the light.
Those who make comments and Judge those who feel those deep dark feelings are lucky they've never been THAT down.
If you knew that listening to someone would save their life - wouldn't you take the time to just shut up, turn off the judgement voice in your head and Just Listen?
Very often it takes an act of kindness, a little compassion ... someone who cares about 'your' life ..just enough .. Suicide is Not the act of a coward. Suicide is what happens when the pain is too great and the person feeling is doesn't have the strength, the resources or the coping skills to get through it. Being alone is Not the answer, but so many people back away from a person who is depressed - because They are uncomfortable. Suicide is Not an act of cowardice, it is all too often the result when those who are supposed to care walk away out of selfishness.
Thankfully there are some with the fortitude to work on Suicide Prevention lines, Help lines .. Volunteers willing to listen and 'be there' for complete strangers ... If You are feeling suicidal - please call. Believe it or not those volunteers really do care, why else would they be willing to listen to stuff that is sadder and more depressing than what some of us could imagine, let alone listen to. Listen.
My heart to anyone who is feeling that this is the way to end your pain. I understand the feeling and it sux. It is hard to believe that anyone cares when it seems like no one does .. I didn't know the young man across the street who hung himself just a couple weeks back .. but I can tell you ... I felt horrible for him, that he felt such dispair, I still feel awful for his mom, dad, g/f and friends ... I have cried for him and those he left behind.
There is Always someone who cares .. keep reaching out, keep calling .. hang on .. Please hang on ... Someone Will Listen.
A.S.is
 | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:38:04 AM | People go through extreme crisis and loss. I had thoughts of suicide only once. After a 22 year marriage, my husband left me. My son was fighting the war in Iraq, on a second tour. The first six months were tough..... especially at night. I remember being outside of my body, and looking down at myself, and watching a movie of myself. That's how traumatized I was. It felt like someone gouged a huge hole in my stomach. I could not eat or digest food. The feeling of loss and loneliness, and worrying about my son in a war zone was overwhelming. I just lived one day at a time, trying to immerse myself in work, and taking care of myself. A good sleeping medication saved my life, because I knew that seven hour of sleep was crucial for good health. Finally, I started eating, and now I am still surviving... even though I am still lonely at night. I sleep with my dog. We eat treats at night and watch TV. If I didn't have financial stability, I may have done myself in. But, I squeaked through by the skin of my teeth, and I am on my way to complete happiness.
My son is back from the war and suffers some PTSD. He is living with anticipatory grief and survivor's grief, and 40% hearing loss. He helped me alot with some of my sadness and hopelessness. Soldiers also commit suicide during wartime. Sometimes when they hear of tragedy and cheating spouses at home. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:39:19 AM | | You should be in night school. You will meet fun people and learn new things. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:38:02 PM |
My son is back from the war and suffers some PTSD. He is living with anticipatory grief and survivor's grief, and 40% hearing loss. He helped me alot with some of my sadness and hopelessness. Soldiers also commit suicide during wartime. Sometimes when they hear of tragedy and cheating spouses at home.
Smileee4u... I am recovering from PTSD and upon reading your post about your son, want to highly recommend his finding a therapist who practices EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). It's simply amazing and it does work. PTSD that remains untreated doesn't go away or get better.
My understanding is that we all have 3 responses in moments of trauma - Fight, Flight or Freeze. The first two are self-explanatory but the third one is where PTSD comes from. When a person suddenly has reason to believe that their death is imminent, their brain "freezes" in that moment in time. Later on, should they be lucky enough to survive, the brain keeps reviving that moment (or those moments, as the case may be) and this is where the flashbacks, nightmares, depression and free-floating anxiety come from... It's damn awful but with EMDR, they have had a LOT of success... It is sure working for me! I am more at peace now than I have ever known and I feel so very blessed.
I hope you find this post... | |
|
JC1981
|
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 323 | |
| |
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:54:14 AM | | I am sure you mean well but you have no way of knowing how I feel and how i show myself to others, but that is ok you do have a right to an opinion. I just think that if I were allowed to choose between being alone for the rest of my life and death I would pick death. | |
|
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:18:03 AM | Thank you Silken Fire, for sharin... Ive come along way: EMDR, Reiki, intense therapy and such...
and to know you've gained some peace is encouraging, to say the least!!
Im happy for ya...
Now when it comes to bein in a relationship, the d*mn PTSD is easily triggered...
it just becomes extremely exhaustin and challengin for me
...and Im so sure, for the person who's involved! grrrrrr
Ima fighter, and I always hold on to the word "hope"!! *hugs ya* Thanks again... | |
|
Home
login 
