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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 8:53:27 AM | Real depression is way beyond self help advice. If meds can work for you, and they don't for many, then by all means, give
your mind and system a break and take them long enough to see things from a different perspective. People who tell people
to "get their chin up" or any other well meaning but worse making advice should stop it- depression is very serious business
and even if you don't kill yourself, it will ruin your quality of life and shorten your life. You need the pros- not some well
meaning friend or self help book. Life is tough and lonely for many and no one really wants to know about it. Even if they
listen, mostly their advice, other than to get help is "company" or an "ear" at best-
I know people that have "it all"- love, health, money- friends, kids are fine, chose the right careers etc
they are seriously depressed- it's way beyond outside things for many. Get some professional help. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:10:21 AM | | I am a single mom and I know no mother would do that but it comes some times to a situation where the pressure and continung life becomes sucha difficult task. I had no one and raised my own child alone by my self. BElieve me it was very hard, his father jsut took off to turkey and found a turkish mail order from there, how can you work, take care of a chid adn have no family or friends soem times in a new city, but because I kept my religious and believe always up to date, I survived. You think you are a logical person with all th eanswers and hearts and empeties but when you are in that situation, believe me any one even you can have some horrible toughts very illogical about life. A lot fo mothers do nto have helps and suports they need as well. the society does not give enough support to single parents either!! We hate single momsa nd always think they are the problems and they are lazy but that is not true! Eveyr body blames women if any thing happens, what if they have post traumatic stress after giving birht. the bormonal changes in a woman s body has such a big effect on how she will think and react, some thing men do nto have to go through!!!! Then next time if you want to judge a single mom, think twice! No mother wants to hurt her child but is there any oen who can actually help a mother to go thorugh a difficulty, not many will give support. If the society cared about that little girl, they would first help the mother to get help and support she needed!!!! | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:14:52 AM | Well I have had many attempts at relationships and I am in recovery if you know what that means. Well I was a party animal and addiction to mind altering substances including alcohol was my thing.
I am now a couple of years abstinent. I am 33 now and terrified. I mean looking at families and children breaks my heart and fills me with fear as time ticks on.
I am good looking but feel so lonely at times, not being big headed by the way lol.
I have had thoughts of hanging myself at times and its a dis paring place to be.
Can anyone relate ??? My limits with going clubbing and pubbing are short due to my boundaries around my recovery. don't get me wrong I am so proud of myself but I feel so trapped in this British culture that relies on this.
Anyway good to talk
Al | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:16:08 AM | If I may, what set it all off? Was it a particular incident that brought out the desire to die? Was it several things? Usually, this kind of depression is chemical and it can be set off.
I have lived through so much. I grew up in housing projects that were not great. When I was 9 I had rhuematic fever. We had to move because my father's life was being threatened. At 13 I had hepatitis. At 14 I was raped by a neighbor's nephew. At 16 I was gang-raped on a beach. At 17 I tried to kill myself by swallowing every pill I could find in the house. At the same age I started college upstate NY. I was abused and some of my things were destroyed. I left college and worked. Meanwhile, my sister was becoming more and more ill. My older brother was living on the streets and getting very high. I went back to school in Brooklyn. I moved to my first apartment.
My father's company moved to Austin, TX. He stayed here in NY. He was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of cancer. It mastecized and now he's been dead for almost 5 years.
My brother moved into my mother's place. When he started doing drugs while living there, my mother through him out. He kept doing drugs and was staying at the Bowery mission. He died from an asthma attack. That was last December. We did not find out until February.
As of June 1st I am losing my job. Our company was swallowed up by another company that has a risk management department in California and I was told that I was no longer needed. I am having trouble finding another job.
Yesterday my doctor had a heart monitor put on me that I have to wear for 24 hours. I am only 40 years old and I have to wear a heart monitor.
I am overwhelmed with awful things. You know what - This too shall pass.
Most of my life has been horrid. BUT I AM ALIVE AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE. I MUST CONTINUE TO PUSH ON. So long as I know I can laugh, I know my life is worth living.
This is my life up to today. Tomorrow will come and I will be there to greet it. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:28:51 AM | to the OP: It does not sound to me, like you need anti-depressants. Do you suffer from organic depression,
or clinical depression? Do you even understand the difference? Many doctors offer people with organic
depression these drugs & it's a very bad idea. They were originally designed to combat clinical depression
(depression with no emotional cause). There is no evidence that they work for people with organic depression
(people who are depressed for tangible reasons) & in fact the FDA has recently announced new warnings,
on their uses, recently.The side-effects can include insomnia, agitation, violence & suicide. Get a second
opinion, make sure you are getting the care you need! If you suffer from organic depression, then you
need to look at your life & try to fix it.
I tried suicide when I was 18. I suffer from depression from time to time, even now. But it can get better. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:31:13 AM | I'm 49 too OTM... & I haven't had a partner for a very long time, I don't have any friends either... my mum passed away last month & she had always been my safety net... sure I get lonely at times & think I deserve better from life. The way I've dealt with my situation is that I've convinced myself this is the way I want to be, as opposed to "I need a million friends & a loving companion to be happy" I've taught myself to be happy with what I have.
It's sort of like wallowing in self pity.. buts it's not. It's learning to enjoy the hardships & the challenges that life presents to us. But not being masochistic about it.
One of the main things that keeps me going, is knowing that I am a good person deep inside, & no amount of misconception by anyone, will ever change that. I've been misread most of my life... it annoyed the fuk out of me for a long time, it's what you know yourself that counts... not what others think.
High expectations will only bring about disappointment.. aim high but expect nothing.
We all have our failings & shortfalls. If there was no sadness there would be no happiness.
If you buy new shoes & get blisters on you feet .. are you sad to have blisters or happy to have new shoes or are you thankful you can put you feet up & watch telly?
All the best buddy.... | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:33:02 AM | I think 85 percent of marriage, some one will cheat but ending a marriage because of that is not a great idea. YOu can keep your family and have yoru own fun but going through the divorce adn loosing yoru family and divorces is even more horrible! Lots of successful marriages did not happened i heaven either. They ahd ups and downs, some one always ended up cheating at least once but I think we are now loosing our tolerance to the values and families. If my partner cheats on me, I will go and cheat on him but I will nto put the whole situationa dn my own son in such a situation. Marriage consuling is a joke, they always tell you to get divorce adn even put more fire to yoru situation. I will trust my future partner even more and trust those groups even less. No one knows better and knows how to make my self happy except me. If my partner in the future cheats on me, I will hav emy own fun too, it happens but Getting divorced is turly is a huge head ache specially when you have a child, this child deserve to be happy nad you owe yoru life to your children. Only because you want to have fun should not sacrifice his or her life and future, right?? I believe couples should start to learn to compromise more and stop using the divorce as an excuse! | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:41:12 AM | No one here is qualified to be making a diagnosis- everyone and their great advise-
get some help from the pros
help tailored just for you and your issues
not someone elses
meds work for some and not for others-
sometimes the side effects of no meds are a ruined life, or death from suicide
and I am no fan of meds
but they do help at times to let someone just "see" differently | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:55:16 AM | My daughter committed suicide on June 12, 2006. She'd been divorced about 6 months. My last phone conversation with her was her crying that she never wanted to be hurt again like that, but that her new boyfriend was pressuring her for a committment she wasn't ready to make. I won't get into other particulars, but I believe that my experience, and great loss entitles me to an opinion on this issue.
Suicide is an act of selfishness, made by a person who has rarely ever been selfish. It's a desperate act in an attempt to control that which is NOT yours to control.
You cannot control what others think, feel, do or say. YOU cannot change people by YOUR desire for their well-being. YOU are not responsible for ANY of the craziness that other people want to bring into THEIR lives.
You are only responsible for YOU, and you can only change YOU. There's no sense in trying to make sense out of something that makes NO SENSE! Learn to recognize when something simply makes NO SENSE...and WALK AWAY...don't let it drive you crazy!
It took me over 45 years to LEARN that there's no point in trying to please or satisfy a person who doesn't WANT to be pleased or satisfied. Shortly after learning that lesson, I realized that it was NOT my purpose in life to see how much "abuse" I could take before I opened my mouth and said..."OUCH, that HURT...don't do it again!" When you encounter someone who treats you like you have NO RIGHT to feel "x,y or z", then you NEED to walk away. By the same token, when you encounter someone who is "hurt" by EVERYTHING, this is a person who CANNOT be satisfied, and again...you NEED to walk away!
Life does NOT have to be one drama after another.
On Mother's Day this year, my other daughter threw 1 dozen roses on Adele's grave, called her a ****, and walked away. It's been almost 1 year now and I haven't been able to work up any anger. I just shake my head and say, stupid, stupid, stupid....baby, how could you have been so stupid. Adele simply didn't THINK about the mass of depression and grief she would leave behind her. If she would have considered it for 1 moment.....
I offer my ear to anyone considering this as an option.
Karen | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 9:59:50 AM | and for michaelann- your info is no accurate
clincal or crisis related depression can trigger and does trigger a chemical response and becomes
what you call "organic"
sometimes temporary stabilization with meds can help
that's what post partem depression is-
andrea yates was not on meds
although she obviously had other issues- all she was given was a heavy dose of
guilt and jesus christ
not good enough when you are suffering
neither is " you'll get over it" advise
sometimes you don't | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:13:27 AM | | I am really trying to understand myself. My boyfriend committed suicide in March. I am desperatly trying to recover and go on. It's such a huge area to understand. I loved him so much. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:15:37 AM | | my marriage broke up about 5 years ago and apparently caused PTS which made me suceptable to major depressive episodes. i never had symptons of depression before. after my marrige i self-medicated with disfunctional relationships. after one traumatic breakup i considered suicide. i have to say a combination of talk therapy and medication has kept my head above water. i feel pretty good now. if you have never been to that dark place it's like we've been somewhere that only others visit in there nightmares. like i said i'm feeling well and thank god everyday for my mental health and my children. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:16:58 AM | Its ironic that the cutting of one's skin causes the release of endorphins which brings a person out of depression.
To those who make an effort to weather it through, slamming a toe with a hammer will cause the release of endorphines to bring you out of it. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 10:20:53 AM | How do I help someone realize that its not just words that I'm throwing at them??? What words can I say??
I can say "Get help from the pros! It will HELP!" I can deliver the message. It falls on deaf ears though and I worry. Some pros are not as qualified as others IMO and even if they go a few times, they quit because they think it's not going to do any good.
Maybe they don't have the energy or desire to go to counselling?
Maybe they think its okay for now, they'll get through it AGAIN?
Maybe the sun shines today and tomorrow and they feel better so they say, don't worry, I'll be fine?
What if you believe them? What if they CAN handle it by themselves. Maybe it WILL eventually pass.
What if you don't believe them though? What if they are trying to fool themselves?
I phone, email, they write 'notes' on facebook that I respond to sometimes, plan family get-to-gethers, send words of inspiration ... and I don't think it seems to matter.
... And I DON't EVER want to wake up to the sound of the phone in the middle of the night, to the call that says "They killed themself, Sam! They left a note. They said life was too hard. They're gone!"
My family and I would be devastated. The children in the family would be devastated. There are about 20 of us that would be DIRECTLY affected for a life time. There would be SO MANY others that would be also affected for a life time. Then there would be each of the people WE come in contact with in OUR life time that would be affected. I believe the children would pass the hurt on in to their future families.
Do I sound selfish? I admit it ... I AM!
If I didn't care, it wouldn't bother me!
Heck, I worry about those of you, here, that have had even ONE thought! My heart goes out to you. And my heart goes out to those who have lost family and friends to suicide.
I worked with a lady two nights ago, midnight shift. During our conversation, she broke down crying. 50 years ago ... yes 50 years ago ... a man took the lives of his whole family, and himself. The one little girl had been in her grade 2 class (she remembered her name and her 'pig tails'). She can still totally see the little girl in her minds eye. She still suffers pain, knowing that the family were shot to death. Why did that man do it? He wasn't well? He was hurt, sick? He needed help? His pain has caused a life time of suffering for countless others. What could have been done about it. How could he have been helped? Did he never made it as far as a doctor? Did someone reach out? Did it work?
Those I know suffering from depression say they are LIVING that life time of pain. I can understand that. No, definitely not TOTALLY. In theory, I CAN understand though. Everyone gets 'bummed out'. Multiply that times ... more than I can imagine at times?
However ... I would wonder ... and be guilt ridden asking ... HOW could I have avoided this? What could I have said or done?
Sorry so long ... its that family members birthday this weekend ... we're planning a party ... and the topic is on my mind.
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AB2
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 40 | |
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 11:05:30 AM | First let me start off by giving you guys and girls a big kiss and and hug.
Even though i don't know any of y'all.I still care and have love for y'all.Were all human beings cast to a big planet with no instruction Manuel on how to work everything correctly.Thats why we have the saying you live and you learn.
You got to understand one simple thing.Depression = sad. Its no different no matter what some people or doctors say.What do you do when your sad? You try to find a way to be happy.
The medications out there that supposedly help "get rid" of the depression works for most but the rest it doesn't.But the ones that it does work on,it doesn't get rid of the depression but only sedates your brain not to think and analyze so much of your thoughts as much to worry.It pretty much puts it in a closet in the back of your brain until you come off of them.There are better ways to deal with depression,I'm just going to name 2 important ones.
Ask yourself what makes me me depressed? Find out what does and do something to get what ever is making you depressed out of your life.I know its easier said than done,but the first steps are always the hardest.
Get a piece of paper and write down what makes you unhappy and sad and find out what you can do to eliminate those and the next one is get with a group of friends and go out and have fun.You don't have time to be depressed if you are too busy enjoying ones company and havening fun.I know that is easier said than done too because a lot of people have kids or just don't have enough time.But you HAVE to make YOU time or else you'll go crazy.
And to those people that are quick to dismiss deep depression and suicidal tendencies.You don't have any ground to commit on that unless you have been through some harsh times,not bad times but harsh.Depression--Sad and suicidal thoughts can happen to ANYONE.All people are going to experience being sad,but not all of us are going to experience it on the same level.
So don't be a prick and say just move on and forget about.It just makes you look immature and childish.Would you comment on mechanical engineering and rocket science too like you would this?Its NO where as easy to just do that or we all would.It takes time,love,support, and friendship to beat this bad emotion.
A doctor/therapist is not going to recommend something natural like those 2 things which i know works better because it did for me and some other people i know that tried it because if they told people to get a friend and go out to swimming,sailing in the ocean,rock climbing in another country,They wouldn't have any money to make off of you.and the giant pharmaceutical companies that work for would start taking huge hits in their wallets.
I wish everyone the best of luck and send each and everyone of you lots of love.
Stay focused on being happy and find that peace within.
There is a lot more i can add and other things i can suggest but i have already wrote a lot.But this is a serious subject.
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 11:40:35 AM | | Most depression is short term caused by things going on in our lives. It usually lifts when our life style changes. True depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Nothing cures that, medication helps, some medications can even intensify the desire to commit suicide.. So damned if you do, damned if you don't. I suffer from depression and anxiety, not bad enough to want to take medication, just bad enough that it makes me want to stay home and do nothing. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 12:00:59 PM | | i don't know who you are but your nuts. exercise brings out endorphines also. gee what's better for you? it helps depression but it's not the cure all. | |
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AB2
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Joined: 2/26/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 3:25:17 PM | I didn't say anything was better for me.It helped work for me and for people i know.
and its no cure by any means.But it is a way to battle a very dark emotion.
There really is no for sure way to totally eliminate depression.One of the best ways would be to try to go to the root of the problem and handle it from there and whatever has you depressed fix it.But somethings you cant do that like if you had someone that you cared about die.There is nothing you can do to bring them back to life.But if you take something like being in debt or wanting to lose weight you can get up off the couch and do something about that.
I only gave my opionion,i didn't say it was the cure of all cures,because if it was it would be all over the news and i wouldn't have to be the one to tell anyone.
But i don't want to stand by and not say anything.If what i said can at least touch one person on this forum,i feel good that i stopped and wrote my thoughts.People should have to die by there own hand because they are happy and think there is no hope left.
But please keep in mind that is my opinion and theory and do not mean any disrespect to anyone. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 7:23:18 PM | msg 41,
slamming a toe with a hammer will cause the release of endorphins to bring you out of it.
yeah right, might have more to do with the fact id be hopping and cursing that would take my mind off things.
also, im allergic to pain | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/17/2007 7:35:04 PM | | AB2 Its good to have the opinions of people who are making it work for them! You only fail when you don't try? | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:23:25 AM | that is very true sam.
the thing is, some people are negative by nature, and some are negative because they are sick of the down side when the try something.
let me put it this way, if your depressed and think something good is going to happen, and it doesnt then its a long way down,
however if your depressed and dont think anything good will happen then you cant fall very far when it doesnt. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:51:35 AM | HELL NO! Never give up on the good fight!
Listen, I lost my house, put my household belongings in a storage bin, it was stollen.
Left a good job for what I thought was a better job in the same field, got fired last year. I complained about not being paid the same money as the guys. Heck, I was doing more work!! Been looking for a good job for over a year.
Went back to college to finish my degree, disagreed with my professor on a subject we were discussing, I was right so I stuck to my guns, even sent him the article I had read.
Got my ONLY failing grade that dropped my GPA down below 3.0 for the first time in my life. Left school for a bit.
Moved in with my crazy sister, what a mess!
Been looking for a job with no luck.
Phone, car insurance due with no income.
Have three more cans of soup left.
Its bad and going to get worst.
Got into a slump where I sleep all day and night, sometimes over 24 hours at a time.
Lost twenty five pounds in a few weeks, still losing weight like mad.
Need to see my dentist, can't afford it.
Need to see my doctor, cant afford that!
Need to eat a steak or chicken or any kind of solid food for a change, can't afford that.
Depression, loneliness, fatigue, and pain I live with everyday until one day I get a letter in the mail or I get a phone call on my sister's phone that I have a job again. Sure I'm slighly depressed, who wouldn't be. BUT, I would never think of taking my life for one good reason. Just as things took a terrible turn so can they turn the other way back to joyful times.
In my current decline I do prefer to stay by myself. I'm good company for me right now, maybe not for others. If I can't stand myself, how would anyone else stand to be with me? Anyway, it won't be for long.
Smile. Think of good times. Just the act of putting a smile on your face will actually raise your mental outlook. The have done studies on it. Go to a movie, a funny one and watch it twice, and laugh. Get a dog or cat, I prefer dogs, the things they do sometimes will put you in very happy mood with their silly antics. And they are some of the best company you can find on the planet.
One thing for sure, if you do continue to think of taking your own life remember its a waste of a good person - YOU! Love yourself first. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 2:57:54 AM | | all very good points, and the one thing i am glad of, is my allergy to pain. ergo, no self harm or slicing of wrists, jumping under a train ect. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 6:23:35 AM | I don't agree with the statement that people are negative by nature. Have you ever seen a 'negative' baby? Maybe a 'horrible' 3 year old! lol
I believe we create our own negativity when we don't try to understand situations, thereby blaming others.
I believe that 'understanding' and 'responsibility for our own happiness' (among TONS of other 'lessons') should be something that is first introduced and TAUGHT to us when we are VERY little. Not every parent believes this or has the skills or energy to do so.
I believe it should be a skill we should have to practise while we are growing up, but again, truly believe that ALOT of parents don't have the skills themselves, so are UNABLE to actually TEACH their children.
All those years of learning available ...
And then we're thrown into the world of adults!
Without the necessary skills, we are unprepared for what things will get 'thrown at us', as inevitably, things WILL get 'thrown at us'.
Was life MEANT to throw us perfect situations? Or was it MEANT to test us and make us the best person we can be? Is our happiness, ultimately, our own responsibility?
When we blame and don't take responsibility for our role in the situation, it makes us feel weak. The weaker we feel and the more shiot that happens, the more we blame.
We hide under so many layers and years of blaming others ,and get SOOO weighted down with lessons, we aren't able to see LIFE for what it truly is ...
I believe we have to learn 're-parent' OURSELVES, for a lack of a different phrase.
... but THATS just another one of my opinions ...
... and I realize I am NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO professional!!!!!!!
What I AM, is the custodial parent to 3 wonderful children (as most of you know though, the challenges can be HOURLY!), from 2 different fathers. My parents are divorced but working at great jobs and living in nice homes (and very unhappy), my siblings are divorced but living in nice homes (and depressed). I'm living in a small 2 bedroom apartment, far enough away from my family that I have to work DAMN hard ON MY OWN (happily) to get things done, working at a great job but struggling because I live 'pay cheque to pay cheque' HAPPILY. My ex husband lives in the large, beautiful home on the lake that we purchased 14 years ago but I didn't want to take as part of our split so he's mortgage free in 5 years, he's an electrician with a supportive family, he pays $200 support himself for 2 children so he has extra money to join 2 volley ball groups, go hand gliding and go on fancy dates if he wants. He can call or see his children whenever he wants - and he's depressed.
The only difference BETWEEN MY FAMILY, who I love dearly and want SO bad to become happy again, and I is that I KNOW that my situation was created by ME. And I work DAMN hard every day to make the best of my situation and try and improve it EVERYDAY.
This is not to say ANY OF YOU are in a situation similar to us. My attitude is just the product of MY personal experience.
I truly just would just like to know HOW to help family members and friends SEE that LIFE can be truly wonderful, REGARDLESS of what is 'thrown at us'!
I truly would like to know how to get them out of their 'pit'.
And I wish I could offer a way to help YOU if I am 'virtually' able to. | |
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| Depression and suicide
Posted: 5/18/2007 9:52:59 AM | I must say i find it very sad to read of a plight like this OTM, i feel for you - i really do, but then sympathy is not what you need, its the correct help, and the one thing i am picking up from reading all of your comments is that you are just not getting that.
It hurts me very much to hear people talking about ending their own life. 12 years ago, when i was married, my father in law hanged himself, it was my mother in law who found him, and me that had to tell my ex wife her father had taken his own life. I will tell you something, from my heart, i will never forget the look on her face when i told her, to see that pain in the face of someone you love is unbearable, so imagine what it was like for her. I had to say that at the time i felt extremely angry with him, this man had robbed my wife of many more years with her father, and my two children of their grandfather, he left many people behind shocked, confused and devastated, i felt such anger towards him - how selfish could a person be? But of course i had to curb my emotions and be a tower of strength for my family.
A few years on, i found myself diagnosed with clinical depression, only then did i truely understand what possibly could have been going on in this mans mind, it shocked me to the core to think i could do to myself what this man had done. I took anti-depressants for quite a while, and they of course relieve the symptoms and get you feeling normal again, but thats not the cure, counselling certainly helps - but only if you stick with it. You may try lots of different therapists like i did, before you find the right one for you, but if you are lucky enough to find a good one then stick with it, dont just give up because you suddenly feel good one day.
I wish you all the best OTM, dont ever give up - even when you cant see that light at the end of the tunnel, focus on people that love you, think about them really hard, think about why they love you, what is it about you that they love? Picture yourself being viewed by them, stand out of yourself for a moment if you like, its an age old technique - but it works.
My very best
Joe
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