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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:40:16 PM | I prefer a guy who is my size or taller and want him to be average in weight...I keep myself healthy and prefer he would also.....Plus I would be afraid I might kill him if things got a little........interesting... | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/26/2008 11:11:18 AM | | Both sexes have preferences. Most men won't even look at a chubby gal, and the claims about healthy lifestyle, yadda ,yadda ,yadda...BS. They won't consider big girls for a relationship because they don't find them physically attractive. That is the same reason I do not date short/small men. I find them physically unattractive. I like a big man, period, no exceptions. I have no scientific data, but I suspect short men do better in the dating world than heavy women. Short men always point out that a fat woman can lose weight, but they cannot change their height. That, to me, is one more reason why men could take a chance with a chubby chick...she might lose weight. When women chose a short dude, they know he is always gonna be short. Preference is just that; deal with it. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/26/2008 12:01:00 PM | I think it just shows that a lot of people hold double standards. Many people really do expect/hope to be treated better than they have any intention of treating anyone else. So when they talk about wanting to connect around inner beauty, what they are really saying is "please overlook my physical non-conformity with the current cultural beauty ideal and give me a chance anyway." But they don't have any interest in overlooking the beauty ideal for men, which does happen to include the man being tall relative to other men.
Note that I say "tall relative to other men" not taller than the woman, with or without heels. That's another thing women say and probably think they mean, but those are women who are tall enough that a man who is taller than them when they're in heels is going to also be tall relative to other men. What a lot of women really want is a man who unconsciously makes them feel protected from other men when she's out with him.
There is also the issue of how his size relates to hers when cuddling and kissing, but speaking personally that one matters less to me, and I think it varies among women in general. I don't like to kiss up by much because it hurts my neck and prefer guys closer to my own 5'8" in that respect. But there is no doubt that the larger body mass that tends to go with taller men shouts out "man" even in the dark. Still, shorter guys can compensate by working out with weights to get more muscle mass.
Once you get below 5'7" for men, I think there is a real problem they are going to have finding women, just like women over 300 pounds are going to have a real problem finding men. And hey, people in wheelchairs have a hard time too. And on a slightly less restrictive note, what about racial issues of dating? A lot of women aren't interested in Asian men and a lot of men aren't interested in African women! Some of this is social conditioning through the images we are inundated with from our earliest years (e.g. light skin is more feminine) but some of it is more evolutionary (wanting men who can protect us from other men). And some of it just comes down to sexual experience (men getting turned on by how slim/medium build women feel in their arms and women getting turned on by how taller/muscled men feel in their arms).
In the end, almost everyone has some physical attributes that will cause some people to reject them as a dating partner without looking any deeper. That's just reality. And would you really want someone to date you who after a few dates is going to say "well you are really a great guy, but I just can't seem to get physically turned on by you. I guess I really do only go for tall guys." Is that really what you would prefer? My time is too valuable for me to want to go out with guys who aren't into my physical type. Tell me up front, please. Of course, I'm thin, but I'm also brown skinned, which a lot of guys aren't into.
I think what these women should be saying in their profiles, if they had a little more self-awareness, honesty and courage, is more like : "I only get turned on by men over 6' and I hope you can get turned on by a woman over 200 lbs, cause I am and I really want to find someone anyway." They don't necessarily have what would really be called inner beauty. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. It's a fallacy that just because someone doesn't fit the outer social norms for beauty they are necessarily better people or that if they do fit the ideal they are necessarily somehow lacking inner beauty. They are using "inner beauty" as a euphamism for lacking outer beauty, in their own estimation of how they measure up socially.
Real self-awareness, honesty and courage would shy most people away from "inner beauty" remarks entirely. A person who really has inner beauty doesn't set themselves up to seem better than other people because of it: "oh those skinny girls need to rely on outer beauty, but because I'm overweight you can count on my inner beauty, so if you want a woman with substance, don't go for the skinny girls." That shows inner beauty? How about we let our descriptions of what we think and do and want speak for us and allow others to evaluate how beautiful they think that is. I don't think hypocracy is coming across as beautiful to the man who wrote the original post in this thread. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/26/2008 1:41:30 PM |
I think what these women should be saying in their profiles, if they had a little more self-awareness, honesty and courage, is more like : "I only get turned on by men over 6' and I hope you can get turned on by a woman over 200 lbs, cause I am and I really want to find someone anyway." [...]
Real self-awareness, honesty and courage would shy most people away from "inner beauty" remarks entirely.
Are you more concerned with "remarks about 'inner beauty'" or with finding a man???
See my various posts (and other people's) on the dating statistics associated with height. It is statistically impossible for nearly a majority of women to meet and marry the man of their "height dreams". No level of self-awareness, honesty, courage, or concern about remarks is going to fix that.
The imbalance between relative weights of men and women is nowhere near as drastic. If you want to meet a person of the opposite sex who is near the same to you with respect to your BMI, odds are, that person exists. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:06:31 PM | Trailviews, I don't get your response. I mean I get the point you are making about the statistical improbabilities of all women being able to be with tall men, but I don't get how that has anything to do with my remark that people writing about their "inner beauty" is superfluous and likely euphamistic. They aren't looking for or offering inner beauty (to the exclusion of concerns about physical attraction), so why say that? If one wants to "find a man" I think it would be better to be self-aware and honest in one's expectations.
Maybe you mean that if people really wrote the truth no one would respond to their profile? If that's the case, all the more reason for them to be honest with themselves. As you say, the odds are that not every woman can find a tall man, and not every man can find a thin woman either. So if they assess that their chances aren't good of being one of the lucky few who beat the odds, instead of making comments about "inner beauty" as if they are waging a campaign to convince more men to want plus-size women, instead they should be selling their specific good points as much as possible.
Talk about interests, ideas, plans, accomplishments, affection, generosity and specific virtues. That's my .02 anyway. Maybe some people read "inner beauty" and think it sums all that up, but for me I'm more interested in seeing the specifics and deciding for myself what constitutes inner beauty. In the online arena you have to sell yourself with ideas instead of familiarity in social situations. So if you are presenting one less desirable idea (height or weight outside ideal ranges) then you need to compensate for that with more desirable ideas, and vague phrases that convey no real information are not the way of doing that. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/26/2008 5:06:40 PM | | A large number of women hide their bigotry and discrimination behind the veil of attraction or preference to make themselves feel better about being superficial. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 8:22:46 AM |
Trailviews, I don't get your response. I mean I get the point you are making about the statistical improbabilities of all women being able to be with tall men, but I don't get how that has anything to do with my remark that people writing about their "inner beauty" is superfluous and likely euphamistic. They aren't looking for or offering inner beauty (to the exclusion of concerns about physical attraction), so why say that? If one wants to "find a man" I think it would be better to be self-aware and honest in one's expectations.
Your earlier post (and in some ways this one) comes across as saying that oh, if we could all just post exactly what we want, and avoid vague terms like "inner beauty", then threads/discussions like this could be avoided. That is far from the reality. On most dating sites, women do list their height preferences which on average exclude about half of all men. Those men get few dates, those women may occasionally get to date their tall men, but the odds of them ending up with one are not good. This discussion cannot be avoided by being self-aware or honest in one's own expectations (unless one realizes their expectation is unrealistic and changes). I agree that writing about "inner beauty" is superfluous and likely euphemistic. But the two things are mutually exclusive. "Inner beauty" is a straw man argument that you built up and then went on to trash.
As you say, [...] not every man can find a thin woman either.
That's a bit of a misinterpretation of my point. It is my impression that *most* people with respect to weight expect to end up with someone close to their own proportional size. That doesn't mean that plenty of bigger men AND WOMEN wouldn't *prefer* to end up with someone thinner or in better shape ... but in general, their expectations match up with the available population. I don't see active threads here by overweight men saying , oh why, oh why won't thin women date me? Women will say, oh, but I'm thin, good shape and I get all these messages from overweight men ... yeah, but their expectations also match the likelihood that you'll reject them. IMHO, if people's expectations match up with supply/demand, it's a different topic than height.
There are other flaws in your earlier post that I didn't even get to. Science has shown that people prefer darker skin ... not dark, dark, but certainly not "light" (if I remember the study right "olive" colored Mediterranean was the winner). People go tanning a lot for a reason. A lot of women don't like Asian men ... well part of it is that they're shorter (hmmm ... topic of this thread), and part is that their culture has adjusted more recently to Asian women being more independent than when western culture did. "Men getting turned on by how slim/medium build women feel in their arms"? Not exactly. Men are "programmed" to look for women who are healthy to bear children. Historically, this included and tended toward larger women (and still does in some cultures). But in those times/cultures women physically worked hard and food was not a plentiful resource. Being large historically does not equate to the obesity epidemic of today (where people eat way too much, don't eat decent foods and/or don't get physical exercise). Men look for health in a female. Studies have shown the body proportions of women which men find attractive is actually larger than what women think are attractive female proportions.
Anyhow, my point mainly was that while I may agree with much of what you're saying, not much of it (including the previous paragraph) has a direct relationship to the height topic. I think it'd be great if more women and men would "talk about interests, ideas, plans, accomplishments, affection, generosity and specific virtues" more in their profiles, but there still won't be enough tall men to meet the height demands of women. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 8:44:45 AM | I'm 5'4 but I like boys to be 6' or over, not sure why probably because my daddy is tall and he always makes me safe - or maybe it's not that deep & psychological, LOL, maybe i just find it HOT :D
I would never apologize for it or think it's shallow, you can't help what attracts your or turns you off -- much like, I'm sure, men putting their preference for "slim & petite girls" Maybe they've never dated a big heavy woman? Let's all pick on them next! | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:31:20 AM |
I'm 5'4 but I like boys to be 6' or over, not sure why probably because my daddy is tall and he always makes me safe - or maybe it's not that deep & psychological, LOL, maybe i just find it HOT :D
I would never apologize for it or think it's shallow, you can't help what attracts your or turns you off -- much like, I'm sure, men putting their preference for "slim & petite girls" Maybe they've never dated a big heavy woman? Let's all pick on them next!
The fact that you only want tall guys shows that you have insecurities with yourself. And this is the 21st century...What are you doing that you need so much protection.
And yes, you can help what you are attracted too. Your mind is the one that makes this decision not some gene or anything else. It sounds more like our MTV culture has made the desicion into what you are attracted to.
As for your last point. I woman can change her weight at any time...A man cannot change his height.
Our society basis love on physical attraction. It's no wonder we have such a high divorce rate. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:45:33 AM | No woman in her right mind "wants a man to overcome her weight issues" as you state. I would hazard to guess that most women want a man that actually is attracted to them and not in need of overcoming anything to be with her.
Likewise-as a vertically challenged dude...do you want someone to overcome their preferences in attraction and settle for you? I again I hazard a guess at.....no. You want someone who is attracted to you.
No matter how fat I get-I think I will still be 5'9" or so. Using your logic-if I gain weight I am suppossed to suddenly be attracted to shorter guys?
Re: Msg 251. I truly think that for most women it really is just a preference to have certain physical attritbutes in a man...and that as long as he is truly a good guy/treats them right-they would still love him. I hate to say-but I think that more men find physical attributes a total requirment/deal breaker vs. personality. Not that many women stay with gorgeous guys that treat them like crap..imo....but many guys seek gorgeous..and sometimes not so nice...women. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:08:06 PM | In opposing 'heightism,' she has found her cause
By Taryn Plumb
Globe Correspondent / January 17, 2008
Hold the comments. Ellen Frankel, from her neck-craning 4 feet 8 inches, knows them all.
more stories like thisShrimp. Shorty. Pee-wee. Oompa Loompa. Smurf - or Smurfette, if the jokester prefers gender-specificity.
Then there have been the cheek pinches and the head pats, and comments from height-challenged friends that they're at least "taller than Ellen."
Co-workers and business associates have scooped her off her feet to say, "You're so little, I can do this." Others have used her head as an armrest, or dropped to their knees to shake her hand.
At an airport, one particularly rude businessman even asked her why she didn't just stuff herself into her suitcase to save money.
That's just a sampling of denigrating situations from her 46 years - but it's proof enough to Frankel that height discrimination, or what she and a growing organized group of short-statured adults refer to as "heightism," is still condoned, and sometimes even encouraged.
To battle it, the Marblehead mother of two teenagers - who, incidentally, also are of below-average height - has written a memoir about her travails navigating a tall world, and is working with the Legislature in hopes of adding height and weight to the state's discrimination laws.
"Heightism is rampant in this culture, but it's also invisible," the activist, author, and motivational speaker said during an interview at her home. "It's really one of the most extreme forms of discrimination."
And, she and many others in the petite population contend, it's one of the final frontiers of prejudice in an otherwise politically correct society.
We live in a world where the small are expected to be meek and childlike, they say - and those who have aggressive personalities are dubbed "Napoleon." It's a world where women never seek out "short, dark and handsome," and where height-endowed professionals see a benefit in their paychecks. (Tall businesspeople get roughly $789 more per inch, per year, than their shorter colleagues, according to a study in the Journal of Applied Psychology.)
Stature discrimination is even prevalent in language, where some of the worst affronts or indignities are to be shortsighted, shortchanged, sold short, and cut short.
For years, retailers and doctors also have pandered to the short person's insecurities, offering insoles, elevator shoes, "proven" stretching exercise systems, herbal supplements, and, in more extreme cases, the excruciating process of limb lengthening.
Another new alternative is growth-hormone injections, which have been approved by the federal Food and Drug Administration for undersized children.
That's when Frankel finally became appalled. "With what other prejudice would we try to change characteristics?" she said, shaking her head.
The decision has riled many in the short community, prompting the organization of such groups as National Organization of Short Statured Adults. Some among that enraged population even equated growth hormone injections to eugenics, the genetic exercise of removing undesirable traits to further evolution.
According to numerous studies, the benefits of growth hormone aren't at all significant - a paltry 1 or 2 inches, on average. On top of that, Frankel said, is the exorbitant price - $20,000 to $40,000 a year - and the severe side effects, which can include high blood pressure, glucose intolerance, scoliosis, and bone fractures.
more stories like thisFrankel called the development "tragic," adding that "we need to celebrate size diversity."
The hope is to start that at the state level. Byron Rushing, a Democratic state representative from Boston, filed an antidiscrimination heightism-weightism bill last year; it's his fifth try in eight years. The bill, which would allow people to file complaints against alleged height or weight intolerance, is in committee and is likely to get a hearing this year, Rushing said. "It is not fair to raise arbitrary issues, which are essentially based on prejudices, to deprive people of opportunity," he said.
If passed, it will be one of the first antiheightism laws in the nation: Michigan, San Francisco, and the District of Columbia are the only other areas that prohibit prejudice based on height and weight.
Where the stigma against society's shortest members originated is nearly inexplicable - although some say it is fueled by Hollywood and pharmaceutical companies, and is a throwback to ancient times, when strong, tall leaders were needed to offer protection and kill animals.
Still, Frankel wryly noted, we're not living in the wild and slaying boars anymore.
"There are very few things in this world where height would affect what we do," she said. "It's about fighting '-isms' and making sure that people are judged on merit."
Even so, she is sympathetic to anyone who has ever longed to be taller. She certainly has.
Growing up, there was an intense focus on her height: Her mother took her to endocrinologists and put her on high-protein diets. (And to this day, her mother still thinks she would have been happier with a few extra inches, Frankel noted with a roll of the eyes.)
Faced with those pressures, Frankel struggled with eating disorders as a teenager, striving to meet at least the weight part of a "tall-and-thin, vanilla-Barbie" ideal. Those trials later led to long-term eating disorder counseling.
For a long time, she also felt compelled to fit into the silly, acquiescing, "little female" stereotype. She became a cheerleader, acted giggly, flirty, and powerless, and self-deprecatingly poked fun at her stature.
At the same time, she suppressed her spiritual growth. Raised as a Jew, she explored Buddhism as a teenager. It was then that she began to realize that she could be small physically but "full of stature" spiritually.
Now a practicing Buddhist, she finds peace in meditation and has made a pilgrimage to Tengboche Monastery, which sits at the base of Mount Everest in Nepal. She described the nine-day trek to a 13,000-foot height as "incredible," with snow-drenched mountains and the clanging of yak bells as backdrops.
Now, in her motivational talks - and in her 2006 memoir, "Beyond Measure," published by Pearlsong Press in Nashville - she uses the mountain as a metaphor for height. "Ultimately, we are all dwarfed by Everest," noted Frankel, who said her idols are the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa - who was, by the way, 4 feet 9 inches tall. Among her other mantras: "Stand on your own two feet, short legs and all." "True stature is fully growing into yourself." "Self-esteem can't be governed by inches on a tape measure."
Her inspirational words - and her outspokenness - have made her a legend among the short populace.
"She's got her finger on the pulse of the short person's pain," said Matthew Campisi, president of the National Organization of Short Statured Adults, which was organized in 2005 and has 400 worldwide members.
Being short is a constant challenge, Campisi said. "At work, many of us are treated as children. We have to work harder just to prove ourselves as capable adults."
Even so, Frankel wouldn't change an inch. "See me as a short person," she said, "because I am." | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:16:25 PM |
heheh I had to check this dude's profile, and of course he's only 5'8 I love it when people blame someone's insecurites because they don't find them attractive
I KNEW IT!! all those idiot men who prefer TALL LEGGY BRUNETTES to ME, a little shrimpy blonde girl, are just soooooooo insecure to ask me out! that's awesome thanks :)
I can really get behind this thinking now!
No picture...What are you hiding?
Since you mentioned my profile height I'll be honest here. I am really 5'4" but I wear shoes that add an additional four inches. They have a normal looking heal with another built in heal on the inside. I must admite that it is a little painful and I now know what women go through and have no idea why they willingly wear them.
I began to wear heals about a year ago because of the superficial nature of women. Looks are important here in LA and Hollywood. Even ss a business owner height is important. But, I just got tired of going to clubs and stuff and being looked down upon (no pun intended). So I got the shoes and it made a pretty big difference. At first it was more of a bet with a femal friend of mine whether height was such a big deal with women. I won the bet and wear the shoes all the time now since it made such a big difference. Now when I go out there is no problem picking up women. I'm still not tall but it makes a difference. Plus, women dont know my real height until morning, but it normally equals out because now I know their real breast size too. haha. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:23:30 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^chucky do you reply on any other posts that aren't height related?
i got a suspicious feeling that you are trolling to put your 2 cents in when a height thread comes up.
Why don't you peel yourself away and post in the many other forums on pof.....or are you on a crusade? | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:59:09 PM |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^chucky do you reply on any other posts that aren't height related?
i got a suspicious feeling that you are trolling to put your 2 cents in when a height thread comes up.
Why don't you peel yourself away and post in the many other forums on pof.....or are you on a crusade?
I'd rather have you stalk me. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:14:52 PM | I've had more than a few people get mad at me after we met. Some were WAY beyond "average" for weight, should have put "a few extra lbs." on several occasions. If you have a gut, please PLEASE put few extra. Overweight chicks seem to be more resentful because for whatever reason they see the need to be more forgiving of their physique and less honest about it to strangers.
Also had people not send pictures, then send me them later (annoying) and they were from 7-15 feet back so I couldn't make out fine details and really get to see their face. This is a "i have something to hide" maneuver and they know it, just as well as we do. Be honest about it though because there simply isn't going to be a second date if you can't be straightforward from the start. You can't trick people into a relationship so cut the BS and put yourself out there for who you really are.
OR women who wear those gigantic welder's goggle black sunglasses, they look like they're about to go drive some rivets on a skyscraper. Yeah seriously? I'm not ABOUT to guess what you look like behind those enormous heat shields, send another picture.
Height has never been an issue for me, I'm 5'10" which is pretty average for a guy. Rarely do I meet women taller and if they are, it's not by much. Haven't had any issues dating a girl who is taller as well. I feel the taller girls just like someone who is about their height so they can wear heels when they wanna dress up and don't feel large and awkward by comparison to you.
Please be careful giving out your phone #, I get a lot of bizarre calls at all hours of the night from this girl I prematurely handed it out to. Yea...bad call on my part. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:45:05 PM |
^^^Are you really only 5'4"? That would suck...
Yup...just 5'4"
Good things come in small packages.
Since I am only 5'4" a wear shows with a hidden heal on the inside that gives me an extra 4 inches. Normally she doesn't find out until morning and by this time I also know her real breast size and we're even. Most women that I have been with could care less about my height in the bedroom or even when we aren't around others. Height is an issue only out in public because they are affraid of what society thinks of them. This is what most women have told me. The shoes fix the public issue. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:23:01 PM | | Why do fat men have the nerve to ask for"" miss America""" and most men think and say they are good looking when they are not...What is this all about Is it double standards???? | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 3:46:58 PM | Most women prefer tall men, I said most NOT all and most men prefer short women. Thats just the way it is.  | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 4:28:49 PM | It's really is confusing why people don't get it.
Man is an animal, with animal instincts which tells us how successful a potential partner would be at producing and rearing offspring.
All female animals prefers the larger, taller, stronger mate because there is bigger chance he will be a better provider/protector.
With men its slightly more complicated. What he is first attracted to in a woman is her shape and studies have shown that the most appealing shape is the hour glass.
The second attractive factor to both genders is youth and this is because the most healthy children are produced shortly after we reach puberty.
Then we get down to individual characteristics. Bigger boobs mean that women will be able to nourish children better.
More muscle on a man, again means he's likely to be a better provider/protector.
A little bit of fat on a woman is a good thing, again, its down to ability to nourish.
Too much fat sends a signal of inactivity which means the kids would be well nourished but the ability to ward off potential preditors comes into question.
So when anyone expresses a preference for an individual 'type' its purely down to them following their instincts. Aint nothing shallow about it  | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 4:45:28 PM | | I also would like to meet a tall guy. Everyone has their own preferences, being taller than me or even the same height as me is one of my personal preferences. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:21:49 PM | Most women prefer tall men, I said most NOT all and most men prefer short women. Thats just the way it is.
The majority of men don't care about height. Any time there is a thread about height, many men have stated that they would date a taller women. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:30:36 PM | | ^^^NO, no they have not...They like small petite women. Funny too more so the tall men.... | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 1/27/2008 7:30:18 PM | NO, no they have not...They like small petite women. Funny too more so the tall men....
Do a thread search about height. Look at men's profiles. Not many men have stated that they prefer or ONLY date short women. | |
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