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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:19:11 PM |
Welcome to the 'real world', OP. I truly believe you'll find it a lot more enjoyable than the fictional one you used to wish to make real.
Thanks, SapphyreSkye!
Actually, I came to those conclusions about 7 years ago, and have been MUCH happier for it. My showstoppers are boiled down to about 4 things: don't smoke, don't get drunk, be willing and able to communicate, and keep yourself clean and reasonably well-groomed. Beyond that, I agree that half the fun is finding out who the other person is. Do we have to agree on everything? No. Should you be willing and able to discuss just about anything? Yes. Those are two very different things.
My point in posting, was to try to get others, many others, thinking about their own expectations in a mate. If you are not finding what you want/need, then maybe some self-analysis is in order. What is it that you are looking for? Are those expectations reasonable in a real world? Maybe they are. If so, great! If they aren't, though, then changing them a bit could make all the difference in the world!!
Good Luck to ALL, and happy fishing!! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:34:20 PM | | The flaws add just as much character as the great attributes and often create a more compatible fit in the process. We all have our flaws so perfection has never been something I sought out... just perfect for me - flaws and all. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:46:20 PM | Tug,
It's John Galt!
Then again, I will admit that I had to look up the correct spelling for Ragnar Danneskjöld. Glad my parents didn't name me that! Being half polish, I'm just glad I ended up with an easy to spell Irish name.
Cheers! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 7:51:02 PM | | I am seeking standards I myself cannot attain ........thus the incessant climb up the icy slopes of Everest,,lol. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 8:07:11 PM | It's all good, so long as the 'adjustments' we make in our expectations match the knowledge we gain of ourselves.
Dagny and Hank? You couldn't pick a more two-dimensional couple in modern literature. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 8:25:05 PM |
How many of us are seeking the impossible, looking for someone who doesn't exist, etc?
I'm starting to think I am. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 9:26:35 PM | this is a very good post vangrad.i dont think i am altough sometimes i start to wonder.lol
no seriously im not.o.k.
im looking for a honest,faithfull,romantic,sensitive,mature,affectionate,loving,down to earth.doesnt take drugs.responsable with good values and morals.also someone who i feel attracted to in my eyes.im not looking for a super model type here.not anyone perfect.just someone i find attractive.
so tell me??? do u think thats impossible to find??
i dont.but i surely think nowadays its hard to find someone whos gonna be faithfull and who is honest and doesnt play games from what i meet and see around. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:19:27 PM | We create our own characters in our own minds; Miss Right, Mr Right--I'm sure you all can conjure them up quite easily...of course we're looking for something that doesn't exist, but it's built around what we want and feel we need. It's a security to think there's someone out there that's perfect for us and that was made to match us...it's a fallacy.
Having said that...at the core of Miss and Mr Right are the things we want most in a partner. I won't waver from what's important to me; fidelity, funny, treats me and others well, works and will help provide, wants to travel. All of those things are at the core of Mr Right for me--the rest is window dressing.
It's been a long, long time since I read a Rand book so I can't remember all of the characters, but one thing I remember--the ultimate insult. In The Fountainhead one character asked another what he thought of him and he responded, 'I don't think of you'. Amazing the things that stay with you over the years....that quote and my favorite sweater that's not standard gardening attire... | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:27:02 PM | | I think that at one time I was seeking the impossible, however now I really do not seek anything. Im just going with the flow and seeing how it goes. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 10:43:03 PM | This thread has reminded me of a great quote... wish I could remember who to attribute it to....
"you fall in love with their personality and then have to live with their character" | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/21/2007 11:15:59 PM | While I admit to being too picky (for my own good) I honestly don’t think I am unrealistic.
I have my own “record” to fall back on. I have never NEVER EVER had a short relationship. I have yet to make a huge blunder and figured it out after the lust wore off.
Sometimes there is a fine line between impossible and possible. Staying realistic is the key.
Hold out for what you are looking for - hold out for the toe curling.
While you are looking - be busy. Be busy getting ready. Be busy becoming the best person you can be. Be busy creating love so you can have love to give.
Winners are busy doing within - while they are doing without. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 1:12:14 AM | Heard the exact same thing about jobs.
"Work is something you do for money, not love."
"Work to live, not live to work"
"Everybody hates their job"
Thought I would too.
Till my sis showed me an old copy of "What color is your parachute?"
Changed my life.
Made me realise as long as I was willing to consider every job, and then select the ones that fit my criteria, I would have just as many job opportunities as before, but these ones would be far more likely to fit my needs. Just meant thinking outside the box.
We don't need to be realistic. Not with 3,000,000,000 men and 3,000,000,000 women on this planet. Count those zeros, ladies and gents. Count them. Because if you went on 1 new date a day, it would take you 8,213,552 YEARS to go through them all. And if you only consider your lifetime, then you only need to find 1 in 117,336 for each day for the next 70 years!
So we don't need to settle until we've checked out what is available.
Maybe what we REALLY need is a "What color is your parachute? 2007" for relationships.
Maybe I should write one.
Maybe one of you should write one.
The point is: if you've read the book, you understand the concepts involved and how it is equally possible to be applied in relationships.
If you haven't you ought to. It'll help you get a better job too.
Happy hunting. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 2:42:51 AM | This topic is one that has been on my mind over the past few days, feels like I am looking for a needle in a haystack somehow, and I am less enjoying the site than getting frustrated with myself.
I always have this belief in fate and destiny, " if it happens it happens", I just need enough faith to click the delete profile button and move on!
Kazzy | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:04:13 AM | > How many of us are seeking the impossible, looking for someone who doesn't exist, etc?
** Hmm lets see... a person who makes your life better by being around you ( as opposed to someone who makes your life worse by being around you ).
To be honest, I think woman are more judgemental than men but I won't start that flame coz I'll win the argument and a woman will just go, ' so what? ' and it'll get nowhere.
Lets see:
a) - Split house on divorce
b) - Split assets on divorce
c) - Unplanned pregnancy and unwanted kids
d) - Wasted time when guys could be doing other stuff
e) - Expectation that a man owe's a woman a life
So, to answer your question as to whether what I am seeking is impossibly high? Well, yeah, probably. 90% of woman are nothing more than a pain in the ass and make your life worse. A man would be extremely lucky to find someone who isn't going to drag your life down. Though, sadly, my standards won't change because its not in my best interests to take on problematic woman... no matter how good the sex is, its just not worth the losses.
I don't think its something thats incredibly difficult to expect though. I just think woman are lazy and don't even try to please men. It comes across as if woman are trying but they're really more interested in how they can get stuff for themselves. Its all just a gimmick. For all the knowledge and experience woman have had handed down, they surely don't know how to make men happy. Most woman have pre-conceived ideas of men giving them money, having babies and everything they'd like to obtain from their partner. Men are more like, a shopping experience than a partner. They get cranky when a man says... No, not for me babe. Its a negative influence and only brings me down. Its not in my best interests. Then he becomes a chauvenist, a b*stard or whatever foul names go around.
Men have more rights to live in this world than woman as far as I'm concerned. They do all the work and in a lot of cases, don't annoy others in the process.
In my opinion, a lot of woman are like clusters of dogs. All circling and conspiring amongst themselves so they can find the right meat to lay their teethe into. Every man is like a bargain and woman are fighting over which one gives the most. I would of found this type of stuff funny if I hadn't seen a mate of mine die. The females who knew him said, ' he was a waste of space. '. Even at the guys funeral, they hated him and voiced it quite publicly. Their main complaint was that he didn't offer woman enough. That was even more interesting. I found it quite interesting how woman view men. Very interesting.
God forbid should a man say the dirty W word... Work! But its about time some woman learn it (and its not a bad thing to work for your husband). | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:25:31 AM | Mmmmhhh, signosis, do I detect a tad of bitterness here???
I find that, since the 70's, when I was dating, having fun, meeting my passed away husband, things were so much easier. Could it have been that I was much younger, much better looking??? Yes, I am sure it was. Then we met people thru friends, going to clubs etc. Now there is the internet and all the single websites. The choices are so much bigger and so is also the choice of giving up on someone that could be great, given a little effort. There are new expectations I have now. Is he breathing, can he talk, and is he somewhat presentable.
Yes, I have lowered my standards so much already, it pains me. Realization is, that older man seem to think they should still be able to draw a Gisele Bündchen, instead of looking for what is the attainable.
So, I am actually here on the website, and enjoy reading the forum . | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:41:58 AM | Am I seeking the impossible?
I'm not seeking anyone right now...But if I were...It would more than likely be the IMPROBABLE! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:51:44 AM | > Mmmmhhh, signosis, do I detect a tad of bitterness here???
Nah not bitter... its just me. I've been this way for years.
> I find that, since the 70's, when I was dating, having fun, meeting my passed away
( um... passed away? )
> There are new expectations I have now. Is he breathing, can he talk, and is he somewhat
( is he breathing? )
> presentable.
Listen lady, I don't know what type of guys your into but it sounds a bit strange to me. I don't really think thats one of the first thing I look for in a female ( if she's breathing !?#%? )... but you never know? I might be in a morgue someday and it might just hit me... love at first site. Who knows?
> husband, things were so much easier. Could it have been that I was much younger, much
> better looking??? Yes, I am sure it was. Then we met people thru friends, going to clubs
> etc. Now there is the internet and all the single websites. The choices are so much bigger
> and so is also the choice of giving up on someone that could be great, given a little effort.
Yeah, true. Very valid point. There are many more ways to meet people I suppose? ( Internet, Nightclub, Morgue? ) I think technology and feminism have made woman very lazy. I dunno whether woman have always been like this or if its just happened lately but, it seems the woman of today expect the world and have nothing to offer. I've met so many woman who live in a dream bubble and have their preconceived notions of the world ( in reality, its the world as they see it ). Most of these woman would be frightened to work a day in their life, for fear of breaking a fingernail yet their mouthes, never shut up. They whinge and whinge about ... gimme gimme ... I want I want ... Kids Kids ... Money Money ...
I wouldn't mind so much really, but in the past century its become beyond a joke. When you see a biased legal system that protects woman and makes men guilty, woman splitting 50% assets ( See the news on Paul McCartney? Gee that was fair! ). There comes a point when you think are men really stupid not to see this or are woman really that stupid that they need all this?
What I see, is woman are manipulating the pants of males in general and men just aren't seeing it. This is why woman are lazier than ever, becoming fat, uneducated and its too much effort to please man. Woman know men will come back anyway so... why should they work?
Not me... I have big stick... the b*tch is gonna work for her happiness instead of relying on a bloke to do it all for her... no fatness in my house... *whip* | |
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K-lo
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:53:00 AM | Psignosis might sound a tad bitter, but I couldn't agree more with his statement to only seek:
a person who makes your life better by being around you ( as opposed to someone who makes your life worse by being around you ). That is definitely the test I live by . . . and, by "test" - I mean, a test for myself, and not just to be applied to a "man" in my life, but all people in my life. And, as a perpetually single person who constantly hears people (and, yes, mostly women) complain ad nauseum about their husbands/boyfriends, I often wonder why they would choose a problematic mate who appears to be such a thorn in their side and a burden on their back in favor of a problem-free, single life. And I further wonder why someone would WANT to spend time and effort on another who seeks out those things to bltch and complain about.
And, no - I don't seek the impossible. I know this because I have found it, more than once. And "it" is knowing a man who I cherish and adore - - and cannot NOT cherish and adore. And it is truly enough to feel comfort, joy, warmth, and a sense of "all things falling into place" in just knowing that he exists in the world -- even if not WITH me, he exists . . . and it makes me happy that he does. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 3:53:24 AM | ItsMargo,
> This thread has reminded me of a great quote... wish I could remember who to attribute it
> to....
> "you fall in love with their personality and then have to live with their character"
Now there's a stroke a genius. Can't say I've heard that one before ItsMargo but must say, very well put.
Oh, and K-Lo, I'm not bitter babe ( thats a brand of beer and I prefer ales ). I actually believe what I say and have for many many years. You just can't keep up with me, thats your problem :)
Now if you had more money where a little younger then you might have the chance to work that out... but nyeah... I love myself too much to be with anyone at the moment K-Lo. Nothing personal or anything. Its me babe. I need more time. Everythings just been too rushed and since I met myself, I'm sorry... I'm in love with someone else. My ego, and he treats me very well. rofl... he certainly does. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:38:43 AM |
** Hmm lets see... a person who makes your life better by being around you ( as opposed to someone who makes your life worse by being around you ).
How about the reverse to that?
You want that... can you GIVE that?
Not so much I, Me, Myself?
Can you BE a person who makes another's life better by being around them?
Friendship and/or love is not only about "what can they do for me"! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:17:18 AM |
(Msg 43) I find that, since the 70's, when I was dating, having fun, meeting my passed away husband, things were so much easier. Could it have been that I was much younger, much better looking??? Yes, I am sure it was.
I think why people found it much easier when they were younger is because they had a shorter "must have" list assuming they had any list at all.
I know when I was younger I would see someone and if there was a mutual attraction we simply started dating. I didn't pull out a ten page questionaire and grill the person for days or weeks before deciding on going to a movie.
Frequently I see people say they're looking for someone to compliment their life. Someone to share their life. When younger, I don't recall ever hearing those sentiments. Once two people started dating they started a whole new life. The guy wasn't sharing the gal's life nor the gal sharing the guy's life. Neither one "fitted into" the others life. Both their lives changed.
When talking with couples who have been together a long time I invariably hear remarks like, "I had no idea where life would lead us." "I just wanted to be with her." "I knew I'd marry him."
The idea people have about finding a partner and keeping their present way of life is not realistic. It's like saying one wants children but still wants to be able to take off for weekends or come home whenever they want at night.
IMO, two people have to start a whole new life, a life as a couple. Otherwise, it's nothing more than friendship. | |
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