| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 7:41:12 AM | ItsMargo,
That quote is from Peter De Vries...
"The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. "
K-Lo,
The reason people do what you describe and there are a lot of them out there is because they geniunely FEAR being alone and confuse being alone with lonliness. One is a physical state of being while the other is a longing...a "want" if you will. Those who do what you describe would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship because they don't know how to take their energies and channel them into positive things.
Some of the most valuable, inspiring, life changing times in my life have come when I was completely alone. Time to reflect, and think...much better than arguing with someone over "what's for dinner".
Cheers! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:38:56 AM | "love your posts onesimpleneed"
As for me...am I seeking the impossible? Wanting to meet a man who is really himself and not a fake or totally opposite of his profile...is that impossible?
Finding someone who is honest? Caring? Trustworthy? Impossible....
Finding someone who isn't looking for Barbie and isn't exactly Ken either but can accept the fact that we both have flaws yet still have eyes only for each other?
Finding someone who actually views your profile, reads thru the serious poem, laughs at your "wants" or expectations and then REPLIES to you.....impossible you say....
LOL Definitely, but I keep trying!!!! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:07:20 AM | dave1234 > “Once two people started dating they started a whole new life. The guy wasn't sharing the gal's life nor the gal sharing the guy's life. Neither one "fitted into" the others life. Both their lives changed.”
Yes - totally different thinking.
My version of that is Billie meets Suzie. The simplicity of boy meets girl.
I have no idea why people seem to need to complicate it.
I was married most of my life and came out to this over analyzed - profile review world.
Sure we are suppose to change with the times ..... but NOPE I refuse to care if she likes sushi and I don’t. I’ve never even tried it - how would I know.
Anything past Billie meets Suzie is AFTER.
Many are loosing site of the main thing.
The main thing is to stay focused on ... the main thing.
Me - I want a cute gf. Below is the rest of the list of .... must haves up front before I consider her. It is the very same list I had when I was a kid for her to ... umm qualify. It must be a good list - my relationships have all been long ones.
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:11:08 AM | I don't feel like I'm seeking the impossible, just someone who would never be interested in someone like me! LOL
Of course, we all have our fantasies. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:29:30 AM |
(mtloophiker) Dagny and Hank? You couldn't pick a more two-dimensional couple in modern literature.
Whom would you recommend? Who would better make my point?
VanGrad | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:31:04 AM |
(ijustthought) I don't feel like I'm seeking the impossible, just someone who would never be interested in someone like me! LOL
That was my problem. I was looking for Hank or Francisco, but I was no Dagny. 
Jennifer | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:43:11 AM | | If wanting a woman who is kind, caring, and takes care of herself is asking too much I should just give up. I don't think it is impossible for someone to fit that criteria ! All I want is someone to have fun with, and have a good relationship with. Leave the baggage at the door, forget what that last guy did to you, because it wasn't my fault. Is that really asking too much ? | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:58:50 AM | ~OT~ I realized the perfect man didn't exist when I went to my first junior high dance. Wow, if I were just now realizing that ~ I would have spent the past 30+ years entirely alone and NOT even attempting to build something with a member of the opposite sex.
Do I have an "ideal." Yes, absolutely. I'm no longer willing to alter, change, or turn into a Stepford Person just to keep the man in my life happy. Nor will I attempt to change/alter someone else. I have spent years evaluating my past relationships: what went wrong, what was right, etc. I also looked at and reinvented myself to hopefully "fix" whatever I did/did not do in those failed situations. The most difficult thing I'm realizing is that most people (not just men) don't evolve much. They become who they are and stop viewing the world as a mystery. They don't think of personal growth on a daily basis. They are just happy to have arrived where they are. That won't work with me.
I'm not looking for perfection in another human being, I am however, looking for the perfect-man-for-me. Two entirely different concepts.  | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:01:54 PM |  Nice words
I know what i want i know what i need
Will i ever find Miss right, had relationships, last one six years, i was totally faithfull, but i then realised, god this woman cant reach or sense or feel things the way i can. Why.
I suppose i honestly believed with time that would maybe somehow change, no i had to get out which hurt me so deeply in ways that made me relise how habit forming relationships can become. To almost feel safe, but to admit to yourself you need more on a deeper level is hard to explain. We all have needs, some people dont like to be touchy feely, god that is something i cant ever get my head around. To express emotions is pure honesty.
I am 33 still young, but god you certainly must learn and take something with you out of a relationship. I suppose i surrended to myself, i admitted that i had to let go as the pain of being so emotionally out of tune with a woman who just wasnt the expressive type caused me a lot of inner pain. That is what makes us all so unique. No ones fault.
I have learned so much about myself in the last few months, i have had to work through so many difficult emotions. I will never ever get involved with a woman who cant express her own thoughts and feelings. God no way.
We live we learn.
My next partner must be out there somewhere and anyone else who is losing faith in that big lovey dovey world.
Ye we have kids, ye we may have many friends.
Lets be honest folks, to feel in love and get that back is a feeling that drives a person wild.
daydreaming, well for a while, then you have the arguements, then you just make up etc etc
Love is so wonderfull, until you see people get so hurt.
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:21:39 PM | I try to be realistic. When I find my own opinion of my dating prospects spinning out of control, I like to think back to the words of Warren Buffett (yes, that one). He had a some things to say on love and relationships. Here's a couple things he had to say...
"A friend of mine spent twenty years looking for the perfect woman; unfortunately, when he found her, he discovered that she was looking for the perfect man."
"Wouldn't it be great if we could buy love for $1 million. But the only way to be loved is to be lovable. You always get back more than you give away. If you don't give any, you won't get any. There's nobody I know who commands the love of others who doesn't feel like a success. And I can't imagine people who aren't loved feel very successful."
"There seems to be some perverse human characteristic that likes to make easy things difficult."
Best of luck to all. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 4:08:34 PM | Hmm...cut and paste copyright violations with no reference to the author...but the funny squiggly things in the last large paragraph did give away the cut and paste...
It from an article by a marginal reporter at best, quoting verbatim from material from two of Ayn Rand's largest critics...oh wait let me check into the background
of this Cathy journalist...oooh I see born in 1963 lived in Russia comes here, gets a BA in the late 80's...in English...this makes her an expert in Ayn Rand's
philosophy how? Jealous is more like it. I looked at several of her other "articles". All one sided...one sided journalists...yeah those are a dime a dozen.
The Brandens are about as objective about Ayn Rand as Hitler was about the Jews; though fortunately their unscholarly pseudo-histories have been fully
exposed in James Valiant's The Passion of Ayn Rand's Critics.The Brandens have every right, if they disagree with the philosophy, to make their claims. But their
claims were often unverifiable and emotional.
Might I suggest that if your "quest" for your "sub Franco and sub Hank" isn't taking up all your time that you read the book.
And yes, I have the Branden's books too because see I am an... oh yeah... OBJECTIVIST. Read both books and the truth WILL be obvious. Again, don't claim to be an expert in something without being able to back it up.
Look at it this way though, you might not be an Objectivist, but at least you are objective because like you said:
"That was my problem. I was looking for Hank or Francisco, but I was no Dagny. "
Its a start anyway.
Cheers! | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:57:37 PM | One Simple Need, c'mon man, I haven't read that book in ages! Cut me a break, lol....I couldn't believe I even remembered that phrase, much less how to spell it!
Anyhow, yeah, maybe we are all looking for something that doesn't exist. Look at it a different way though. The alternative is to settle for something less that we won't be happy with either. If I can't find what I want, fine. I'd rather wait. I don't wanna be glued to Mr. Wrong if Mr. Right DOES happen to amble by me on the sidewalk one day. I hate to be repetitive, but
Better to be alone, than wish you were.
If you'd rather be in a bad relationship, than none at all, knock yourself out. I've had enough of that crap though. You can't put a round peg in a square hole. You can't make it work if they're not what you're looking for. I know it's gonna be work no matter what, but if I'm gonna have to work at it, I want it to be worth the effort. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've busted my can on guys that weren't what I wanted anyway. It's bad if you're already forgiving their lack of interest in many things you enjoy, AND putting up with their crap at the same time, ya know? If I'm gonna put up with crap, it's going to be with somebody I really click with. Impossible maybe, but nice to get a break from pounding your head on a wall while you wait it out, lol. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 63 | |
| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:03:32 PM | Well, seems to me everybody is looking for that..  Until you really hit the jackpot I guess... But that hasn't happened to me sofar... So yes I guess I'm looking for the impossible too.. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:12:52 PM | | Well everyone has thier "dream" person. But we also have a realistic idea of who we want. u cant really go by thier outside, u have to look deep into the personality of someone to see if they will mesh with u. U cant help who u fall in love with. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:31:49 PM | I sure hope what I am looking for is not impossible....to be honest though, it kind of seems that way.
Simply, I am looking for a companion with good character. That's pretty much it. Can't get any more simplier than that.
But, I have met everything BUT that. Weird isn't it?
Then again, what is simple for some, is very complex for others. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:46:07 PM | Heart Bandid.....
But what seems impossible is that they would want anything to do with a guy like me.
This is a very negative view of yourself. I have had two guy's in the past few days say the same thing to me, and it annoys the crap out of me. They don't KNOW me, so what makes them think this? A photo?
I admit I am seeking the 'impossible'. I'm searching for a guy who WANTS to spend time with me, yet give me a little space. I'm searching for someone who is honest and easy on the eye who knows what they want from life after disguarding their painful past. Seems these types of people are few and far between.
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:46:20 PM | | I had SUCH a great spouse for 17 yrs, until Midlife Crisis took him from me, suddenly, like Death. NO-ONE can possibly live up to him. I have other parameters like no children (custody), etc. Then I'm not the easiest person to get along with; only a dispassionate persona like Hubby's could counter my spitfire. (Or is that hellfire? Ha ha!) | |
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nemlie
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 11:27:05 PM |  I just read your profile, and am puzzled as to why there are so many women on forums cmplaining that they are meeting awful fella's, and yet YOU are not getting any responses !! I am not available at the moment, or you would definately have at least one message  | |
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nemlie
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Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 11:29:23 PM | | I just read your profileheart bandit, and am puzzled as to why there are so many women on forums cmplaining that they are meeting awful fella's, and yet YOU are not getting any responses !! I am not available at the moment, or you would definately have at least one message | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/22/2007 11:51:55 PM | Apparently. I think subconsciously we all have an ideal, that's why some people click & others don't. I don't have specific requirements like a casting call or anything...whereas one would say he'd have to be a certain height, hair color, eye color, personality etc. I don't know who'll play a starring role, but I'd like to think I'd recognize a match when he comes along.
I think the main error people make is expecting too much of the people they meet. I mean a first date isn't a marriage proposal. Some people also care too much about what other people will think of the person you're with. Truth is, if they care about you, they'll respect your decision for a partner.
I think men and women have equally skewed visions of perfection for a mate. I've learned that such men are not right for me anyway. Even if they wake up and realize that the woman they think in their small minds is perfect really doesn't exist, I don't want to be the one they settled for.
I don't think there's one right person for each and every one of us. I'm beginning to understand monogamy, but maybe because I'm lacking experience in relationships I'm not convinced that there's one life mate for everyone. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:27:23 AM | I feel in all the words you speek, and its also taken me this long to realize that what you need is alot less then what you want..... (If I say man or woman, please note that it is reversible, and sometimes works oposite)..... I see alot of women here with ridiculous messages here asking for a man with a 10 body and loving and ririch and the list goes on.... The reality is if I take the time to maintain that body why do I want you?
Lets get real, most of you have body fat hanging all over, you dont quite fit a man like you used to, and you are asking for romance but not offering any! So in fairness to yourself, before asking for a man to date you of setting a standard, look in the mirror and decide what you have to offer! DO NOT ASK A MAN OR A WOMAN FOR ANYTHING UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT TO GIVE! Please know that this message is not to demain you, but to set you head size to that of a human with decency! If you plan on using money or sex to control a relationship then YOU ARE NOT WORTHY, if you demand romance in a relationship or whine that men don't give any, when you yourself have never given romance to a man then YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF A RELATIONSHIP! Sure I can work out regularly to keep my body pretty for you, but do you work out and keep pretty for me? Or do you just expect that I will do that for you because you have nice boobs? Like I premantioned it works 2 ways, and some guys are high on them selves, but more often I find women here think that offering boob is all they have to do......WRONG...... ITS ABOUT MATH PEOPLE!
EVER HEAR OF THE BALANCED EQUATION? >>> GIVE LOVE = GET LOVE >>GIVE ROMANCE = GET ROMANCE<<<. Why don't all of you re write your message to read what you are offering and you will be overwhelmed at the response...
Why? Because right now it will read: I am offering ZERO any takers? Once you understand these words it will read...... {I am offering love, romance, loyalty and plenty of hugs to a good man and only want the same in return! As an added bonus I will not use sex as a tool to control or manipulate you but as a tool to show you that i care about you !} Well as soon as it reads that then ??????? Possibilities are endless! | |
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D3nis3
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Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 72 | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:35:19 AM | Yes, signosis "is he breathing" is meant to be a joke. As we get older (and hopefully, you will) some of us tend to lower our standards, and start to realize that looks are not everything. Personality is what really attracts me now.
"Passed away" as in dead. My husband passed away at a young age (39) of terminal cancer. He was perfect, we were perfect for each other. In the beginning of my quest for another partner, I looked for someone kind of like him (looks, personality and intelligence). I had to let go of some of my ideals.
Women not working????? I know of no women not working. Every woman I know has a job, they go to every morning (or afternoon). I have worked all my life and thanks to that I can live in a very good lifestyle. As a matter of fact, I have a well paying full time job (Auto Industry), and a well paying parttime job (Insurance), I don't need support from a man, just a little companionship. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 1/13/2009 12:09:27 PM | I some what avoided the usual "what I want" by just listing thing's I am attracted to in a woman...
I get a kick out of some of the profiles I read where women want a guy that looks like a certain actor or some sports figure. | |
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| Are you seeking the impossible?
Posted: 1/13/2009 4:26:36 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.............................
It's becoming more and more apparent to me.. that just seeking someone IS the impossible!
Now.. how do I narrow those prospects down? | |
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