| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:01:36 AM | In general.....I'd say no; however, circumstances can sway me. For example: I dated a guy who had been separated for a while, but had promised to put his ex through college and they'd agreed to file after she graduated at the end of the year.
More important to me is how long the person has been separated in relation to how long they were MARRIED. Someone who was in a very long relationship (like me...15 years before separating) needs to spend time just....being, IMO. You know, getting comfortable being on their own and learning to like and accept themselves as a single instead of part of a couple.
I think it also depends on what you, personally, are looking for in a date. If you're looking for something casual, with no expectation or hopes that it will become serious, then dating someone who's separated might be ideal.
I happen to expect that any date I go on will be with someone that I see long-term potential with....and under most circumstances, I won't see that with someone who's separated. I'm not so afraid that he'll go running back to his soon-to-be-ex....more like I'm afraid that, six months down the road, he'll say "what the hell was I THINKING, getting into a relationship so soon?!" | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:34:58 PM | Again, it's all about what you're looking for...what your expectations are...and knowing what's right for YOU.
I expect, with rare exception, to have an enriching relationship with someone who is officially and legally divorced...and WELL over it. If I was interested in healing people, I'd have become a physician.
To each his/her own, right? | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:57:25 PM | i wouldn't date a seperated guy. I would never feel comfortable until the divorce was over.
I think the rate for reconciliation is probably pretty high
I automatically see it as a waste of my time and energy, almost like dating a guy that is "really married". It will probably end badly for me in the long run. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 1:06:01 PM | I've learned a valuable lesson here on POF. Canadian divorces take a long time and are rather costly. I was not aware of that when I first came to POF. That being said, I suppose if I were to meet a Canadian, who had been separated for an extensive period of time, I would consider the facts and make a determination.
On the US side of things. There is NO way I'd knowingly date someone who is not legally divorced. Being a member of the legal community for way too many years has taught me one thing: anyone can get a divorce if and when they choose. Every county in every state has federal funds available for moderators to help people represent themselves. No lawyer needed. That includes custody settlement, property settlements, etc. If someone wants a divorce here in the states, it happens. In addition, I don't want involved in the "he said" "she said" that goes along throughout divorce proceedings. Nope ~ he's either single or he's not. At least for me. To each their own, it's just not something I'm interested in.  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:05:57 PM | So lets get this straight - a lot of you won't date separated people or people going through divorce (another thread)! Maybe thats why these dating sites are full of people. Folks separated does not necessarily mean emotional baggage etc etc. Everyone is different and tarring us all with the same brush doesn't help!
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:15:41 PM | | Not at all. Separated to me means still married and frankly, I don't want all of the drama that goes with the territory. They are very fragile and could possibly reconcile. In a perfect world, they should be spending the time working on themselves, adjusting to being alone and learning to like it, and if they have children, making sure that they are ok during this transition and...in some cases, going to therapy, not dating. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:22:02 PM | verygreeneyez,,,it took my ex and I less than two weeks..and we live in Canada...if you agree on everything...and say you have not been cohabitating with each other for over a year...even though you have...
Back on topic,,,only if its been yrs after their separation,would I get involved again...it happened to me,she went back to him,,and he lied to her again,,,C'est la vie | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:29:13 PM | | I wouldn't date someone that's separated, because if i fall in love with the person and he decides he doesn't want to get divorced, i will get my heart broken. He may want to go back with the wife because of the kids, etc. I rather be friends | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:30:14 PM | It isn't that Canadian divorces take a long time.....but we do have very different laws here.
A legal seperation usually settles all matters such as child custody, support and division on matrimonial assets etc. A divorce is merely a piece of paper allowing you to remarry.
I personally see no hurry to get a piece of paper allowing me to remarry when I am a two time loser already. Maybe it is just a little piece of insurance? 
So yes, I would date someone who is seperated....as long as there is a legal seperation agreement in effect. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is separated
Posted: 5/23/2007 3:41:27 PM | | No I would not feel comfortable at all. The reason for that is that no matter how smooth things are going before papers get filed, a whole new emotional situation evolves as soon as divorce papers are filed. The person going through the divorce is absorbed in the legalities and financial wrangling around issues pertaining to the divorce. Those who have gone through a divorce can attest to the relief and change in emotional status once the decree is issued. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 4:27:50 PM | Fox ^^I don't considered you a loser and when the right man that comes along, will adore you and I like to think everyone will find that special someone. 
I believe some relationship aren't meant to be, at the time when we marry, we think it will work. When the relationship ends and both sides have tried to work things out, if the step to seperate with time apart, I would date a man. Only if the details have been worked out and no one is planning to go back with one another. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:06:02 PM |
it took my ex and I less than two weeks..and we live in Canada...if you agree on everything...and say you have not been cohabitating with each other for over a year...even though you have...
Firefighter.. that's cheating!!! Wish I'd thought of it tho...
Took us about 18 mo to get the separation agreement sorted out. A whole lot of back and forth on things, stupid lawyers. My understanding is that legally we could have filed 12 mo after we separated, but due to the whole children, custody, support, insurance BS it took a little longer. Paperwork got lost on one of the lawyer's desks for about 6 wks. Bottom line is what it cost me to get divorced was MORE then it cost for the damn wedding in the first place. Something seriously wrong with that. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:17:07 PM | been there ...done it...got the t shirt...
a disaster every time.
my rule of thumb now is not to date separated women, nor those who are less than a year
out of a divorce. seems that one year mark is a magic number for some reason... | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:13:50 AM | | It depends when they seperated, last week, 10 years ago. For some people its strictly a matter of finances. If you are a single parent or just single anything, paying rent, food all that important stuff comes first before paying a lawyer huge gobs of hard earned money to make it "legal". Seperated is as much a state of mind as anything else. I would be hesitant if someone was very [as in a year or less] seperated but I would take each case on its own merits. I'm a widower, so its a question I get,"Are you ready to date yet" ? | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 3:18:59 PM | | I have met several people in the past that were separated. I didn't persue this because I felt like a therapist...listening to all the drama and problems. Even though they liked my company..I chose to let them know they should just patch things up or get a divorce and contact me in a few years when the dust has settled. | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:34:57 PM | I would rather not date anyone that is seperated. I've spoken with men that say they have been seperated for 4 or 5 years or so. I think what is taking them so long to get a divorce. They may say finances. But frankly I don't have a good feeling of knowing any guys that say they are seperated. They could easily go back to their wives, no matter what they say!
They are not for me.  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 7:54:19 PM | Hey BabyCrackCrack,
Do you really think they heard what you said...
I kinda doubt it 
However, I got your back on that One! 
Since when does seperated not mean Married? Oh I forgot that is 2007 and there ain't no rules 
Would I date a seperated women? I got one thing to say...Not no but I'd...
Rick TensawEagle | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/12/2007 8:05:02 PM | The Term "seperated" is a very broad term.
i've heard of people saying they're seperated and come to
find out that it meant to them, HE lives at one end of the house
and SHE lives on the other end of the house. OMG!!!
i learned the last time i believed her, Seperated is STILL married.
There's No comfort level in that type of relationship
that i can see.
So H*LL NO!!!!  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:08:28 AM | They say it's wise to wait at least 3 years for a divorced person to date. But for a seperated one to date is unthinkable. That is not fair to anyone involved then. They tend to not know which end is up in doing that. Living with the estranged spouse then is like they are in denial of them cheating on each other as they say they agree to that,are "discreet" when they have kids, etc.
I feel a bit "confused" on the first part of this input though: "To answer the last question first, I believe that women have a slightly higher tendency to go back to their wives than vice versa. For whatever the reason, women tend to be more devoted to a relationship than what men are." Are we talking about lesbianism? I didn't think that was actually acknowledged as a marriage .. I missed something here. LOL. I doubt that women are more devoted to a relationship also. Not by what I have seen on cheaters episodes. They seem to equally share the spotlight doing that. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:21:30 AM | I'll probably be banned for this, but I have to point out that some one of the mods is deleting and renumbering posts without any indication they've done so. I know because I had a post in this thread that has now disappeared.
FYYW | |
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