B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 51 | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:46:48 PM | I find this post riduculous! I have been seperated 6 months and it was a long time coming - lots of people have baggage they dont have to be seperated.
If the marriage is just waiting for the paperwork which can be a year wait or more why shouldnt people be able to move on if they are ready without statements like this.
Each situation is different, but personally it would be a cold day in hell before I ever went back, and I have nothing to be ashamed about moving forward away from someone who had not been comitted for a long time. | |
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nmwjmw
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Joined: 6/23/2007
Msg: 55 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 3:57:22 PM | In response to your post ... yes I do feel uncomfortable, not so much that they might go back but divorce is a major life change and the person going through it is not normally being themselves. They are emotionally unavailable and should spend the time healing instead of using another person to mask the pain. My humble opinion...... | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 4:05:09 PM | I would feel too much like the rebound guy.I don't want to fill a recent vacancy for the convienence of someone trying to avoid the consequences of a divorce.That's just not where I'm at now.A few years back maybe but, to be honest it would have been 2 people just using each other.  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 4:17:03 PM | OP I have dated a couple of seperated women. I'd consider doing it again. One went back to her husband after a few months. The other never did, but we didn't end up as a forever thing. I wouldnt have any long term expectations before their divorce was final. Some rebound relationships work out, some don't. It isn't like I am going to completely discount them for being seperated.
In Kansas there is a seperated and LEGALLY seperated. I'm talking about legally seperated. Not just some woman that left her hubby home watching the kids while she goes out on the town without her ring on.
Someone else can have all that action they want , not me.
The WoodsMan | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/13/2007 6:17:24 PM | I would, and do, wait, and here's why.
You separate. Your hub does not date. You do. He has you followed and photographed. Your court date comes up, and he shows up with a briefcase filled with photos of you out with other men while you were still married. He now files for divorce with abandonment and infidelity as the grounds, and he gets away with the house and no alimony because "See, your honor? While I was remaining faithful to this woman to whom I was married she was out carousing. Now I ask you, does this not demonstrate the immoral nature of this woman to whom I was faithful to the very end? Is there any doubt WHY I want to divorce her given all this evidence of infidelity?" And with a slimy enough lawyer, that would work.
Separated is still married. The court doesn't consider "but they were separated". The court looks at dates. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:26:21 PM | | As a separated person, I would have to say that each situation is unique. I have been separated from my spouse for months, and we are both happier and better friends and people for it. We have no ill will towards each other and talk about why we ever got married in the first place. So, if you find someone interesting that is separated, dont be too quick to judge, you might just be throwing away your one chance at true happiness with the future love of your life!!! | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:24:36 PM | Mr.margaritaville1972
The point is...You are still married and NOT available until you get a divorce that releives you from your prior commitment.
Why would anyone in their right mind want to date someone that is not free?
I waited until after I was divorced to come up here on line to date. Not only that I have been single for some time...to give time to work out the issues, that inevitably comes when one leaves a long term relationship (mostly sub-concious).
Your probably not going to like this for it seems you have no problem jumping out of the fryin  pan into the fire...
Before you even try the you have the "no issues" line...save it... Your just lying to yourself if you try to pull that one.
Your forgetting that most of us up here have been where you are now...
Rick TensawEagle | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:44:13 PM | Been there - done that - and never again. Will not date anyone who's separated or even recently divorced or broken up from a long-term relationship - too many issues at hand. This would put us on two very separate pages at opposite ends of the spectrum - i.e., rebound, unresolved issues with ex/relationship...... etc... | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:53:16 PM | First off I don't think there's one sex more likely to go back.
On the topic of dating someone who's separated - I feel it depends on what effort they have put into becoming "unattached". If they are just lazy and not actively pursuing the divorce then I would not want to get involved. But there are many circumstances that I could think of where I would feel fine with it.
I guess in short, it's a gut call. Follow your radar screen on this one. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:10:02 PM | | Been there, done that--would NOT do it again. Both situations were quite different and while neither one went back to their spouse, there were other issues related to the separation that made the dating experience very undesirable. Lesson learned! | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 12:36:44 PM | Did it last year. I was the 'rebound girl'. After 3 months of angst and listening to rants, I moved on. Great guy, not ready for a relationship, he just wanted an ear to listen to him vent.
Since then, I've had a clear rule - no separated guys. Now, true story that just unfolded last night. Have been chatting with a local guy (not from here). Said he was separated 6 months, a decision that was years in the making, was moving on, ready to date again. Last night, he IMs that he still lives with the ex and it's 'very civil'.  Me "That's not separated." Him "Why is that a problem?" WTF?  Got off line and blocked him.
My fault really, I broke the rule and got sucked in. Thankfully, it only took a few hours of my time to find it out.  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 2:14:45 PM | | I would not date someone who is seperated, just because, when I was seperated and I went out with a really nice guy, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex, and the next time this guy asked me out, I told him I was just not ready. Now here I am divorced, and I know I really hurt this guy. There is just too much of a possibility of them returning to their spouses. Seperated people really are not ready. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 2:29:17 PM | Angelnurse, have you tried calling the guy and explaining that the timing was off but now that is not the case?
If you are ready to date him now, I think he would understand if he is still available.
If it was me I'd crawl across 5 miles of broken glass to get a shot at you.....
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 5:13:11 PM | I agree with Master irisheagle. The term "separated" is a very broad term. If the paperwork is done and divorce is filed, well, I would cut the person some slack. Until then, they are still "married".  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:27:21 PM | | Personally i think women are more likely to go back and forth yoyo but Now that I divorced I understand why the worry.Besides where's the legal proof they have filed and not living with the mate still.And the reasoning if they will do the same to you.Remember married is still legally not free to roam!Men are more likely to lie about marriage period and cheat!And have nerve to call it a business deal or meeting!Now honey I am up on that number my x tried all the excuses .I don't believe none of them now!Women just want their loving and attention and a bit of appreciation and not being beat on and emotionally controlled and one that dependable to be there when needed thats exception to being exclusive.especially if the hubby is a cheater or and not taking care of her needs at home. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:36:48 PM | | I've twice made the unfortunate mistake of dating men who were not yet legally divorced, and I will never do it again. Too bad I didn't learn the first time, right? People who are not yet divorced are still, in the eys of the law, "married" so, therefore, you would be seeing a married man. That alone puts a cold feeling in the pit of your stomach. Plus, you get drug through ugly divorce proceedings right along with them; and if they have children, you get to be the mean lady who is standing by their father's side instead of their mother. It's ugly all the way around. As far as I'm concerned, men who want to date as soon as they leave the marital abode are just lonely and looking to fill a void. They haven't even begun to heal and should not be dating. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:40:54 PM | Hell yeah. I would feel comfortable dating someone separated. So long as it was a legal separation. Mind you that is the equivalant to a divorce here. With the exxception of being able to do the one knee thing again. I also feel it would depend on the situation.
Ex: Separated for a year and you have felt this person out on their state of mind with their ex. Pretty simple thing to overcome if you communicate with people.
Maybe I just have a little more faith in people than most?
I thank you. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:42:27 PM | | East Side Eddie says it very clearly!And I know I worked my own case and took sole custody of my children!Not to mention had the courts collect the support.And had proof of his abuse.You can get that without a nasty lawyer.My case was so yuky no lawyer wanted it.I had tears of proof.You can make the spouce pay left over bills too.Or at least those they rack up on your cards and name now go ahead cheat!There will be heavy price to pay.Concider self already self spanked. No I want nothing to do with a seperated man. And just concider this proof of unfit parenting and moral.Is it worth the heartache? | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 75 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:56:42 PM | i h ave done it several times before and it has worked out very very well for me each time....great long term relationships came out of it for me. however, now, that i put a little more thought into my actions id be reluctant to do it again. Separation time is a time for the person in the FAILING relationship to make some decisions and do some hard work... decide if they want to and are able to repair their current commitment. That should always take top priority and even if repairing it is totally impossible, then the Separation Time is best spent by the person in the FAILED relationship by self evaluation, learning from his mistakes and taking time to "chill" out and be on his own before jumping on me as some kinda rebound thang.
merry xmas everyone! | |
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