| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 9/16/2007 9:32:07 PM | | your last divorce? how many have there been? I think divorce should take a long time. Marriage is just not looked at as seriously as it should be. My x moved in with a woman 3 days after we separated. But of course she had nothing to do with our separation. Right? tell that to the judge. thankfully I live in the bible belt and it was considered adultry which was good news for me and my children since he was trying to force us to sell our home. We were married for 20 years, 3 kids and 2 grandchildren. They knew each other maybe a month. I didn't date until after the divorce and it took about 2 years. healing takes time. If you have lived with someone as man and wife it takes a while. I am still healing and he is a WRECK. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:52:32 AM | I do not feel comfortable dating a man who is "separated", because, for me, that means STILL MARRIED -- even if he and his ex loathe each other and want nothing to do with one another, for me, they are still married, and I'm kind of an old fashioned woman in the sense that you don't get involved with married men.
There are also a lot of separated people, dating, who could use a little time on their own -- and should not be leaping from one relationship to another. That's comes off so co-dependent to me. It's good to take some time off between relationships -- it's HEALTHY. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/11/2007 1:53:46 PM | Funny you should ask...
I just had my heart broken by a man who was seperated from his wife. Guess what? He went back to her after she found out we were involved, all the sudden wanted to work out there problems together when she would have no part of it before.
He went back to give it "One Last Shot". It's been 4 months, they are still together, but I think it is just a matter of time before they figure out it is next to impossible to change 16 years of bad habits.
Will I ever date another seperated man? HELL NO! Wouldn't myself through that hell again and would highly recommend anyone else considering such a thing to RUN LIKE HELL!  | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/12/2007 8:34:17 PM | | I am seperated and i would have to say on my behalf that it would be nice to go to dinner or a party or something social with somebody who has "no fear".. Maybe i am being a hypocrite and yes i do have baggage because my divorce is taking so long and there is a child involved but if it is just a date what is the harm? If you get seriously involved and the person has a child or more do you not think you will be subjected to the dreaded "ex" anyways via child sharing? if the seperated person is still hung up on all the crap then won t you figure that out real quick? do you have insecurities that only belong to you? I am not trying to be ignorant or rude but the only person responsible for you is you. I am a kind hearted girl and if i am labeled undateable because my lawyer is slow or my soon to be ex is stubborn and wont sign then i feel like a leper and my ex is winning on his control game. Thanks for reading and i hope ii made some sense. like i said i am speaking on behalf of me | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/12/2007 10:33:52 PM | | I wouldn't date someone that's separated, no way. I'm fully, completely single and am able to give myself to someone with no strings or loose ends needing to be taken care of... I want the same in return. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/13/2007 12:10:38 AM | I find it slightly amusing that people think only "separated" people have baggage. I was married for 4 years and have been separated for about 18mths. I will get a divorce when I get around to it :P There is zero chance of reconciliation, we are friends and thats all it will ever be. I had no baggage coming out of my marriage and 6mths later met the "real" love of my life. HE broke my heart and left me with some baggage, all because HE had trust issues from a previous relationship (not a marriage). A piece of paper doesnt indicate how much a breakup will affect a person.
So it would depend on the circumstances but yes I would certainly consider dating a separated person now AND in the future. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/13/2007 2:52:36 PM | I once chatted with a seemingly nice lady online,then on the phone,then we decided to meet for coffee.The night before we met and when we were chatting on the phone,she goes,"Oh,by the way,I live with my obsessed ex-BF,but we live in separate rooms in the apartment".
I then declined to meet her for that coffee,and I was pondering about changing my phone number,after a week of listening to her obviously qualude/drunken pleas to me to meet her just once left on my voice mail.
Ya think????? | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/13/2007 4:38:26 PM | Just like the old drug commercials ....JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!
Did it twice, once was a 2 1/2 year separation.,,...guess who came back????
Once was 6 months that with all indication SHOULD have been done.......guess who is back???????????
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:42:08 AM |   I once dated a woman that told me she was seperated...... and when her USMC Husband showed up to Kill me,I baffled him with BullDung and sent him on his NO SO MERRY WAY...
 Sorry. I've been once bit and now I'm forever shy!!!
 If I DATE, she has never been married, or is very LONG SINCE DEVORCED!!! 
 NOT ON YOUR LIFE,WOULD I EVER EVEN THINK OF DATING A MARRIED OR SEPERATED WOMAN EVER!!!!!!!! | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 5:42:53 PM | Wow! I'm surprised at the negative response to dating separated people. I'm separated & fine or after reading the above, maybe I just think I'm fine. If there are no kids & the money is split & you live apart, why not? Are we not allowed to date?
Must admit though, not looking to jump into a totally serious relationship right away.
Maybe I should be asking, what is dating? | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 5:50:46 PM | Scares me for future possibilities.
. I dated a woman I got along well with. She was separated for about 6 months when we met. Things were going well when her husband, who wanted the separation initially, came back on his knees. And I was out the door. The thing that pissed me off though , was the attitude that my feelings meant nothing. I got a pat on the head, one final romp and I was supposed to just roll off w/a smile as if I should be happy that I got what I got. I understood she was separated, but that's not what I ws told regualrly for 6 additional months.
She had the balls to come back divorced and pregnant. No dice Johnny. | |
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nvu
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Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 90 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 6:10:47 PM | | well sure! would you feel better i they were still together sneaking off to days inn why do you have to have sex right away ive gone almost two years!i was dating and went four month,s and we are still friends you see people on here saying see ya i found soul mate two months later there back if sex is so important set your profile to it and you will have 3 girls bye the end of the night to chose from and read their profile it says if you think your getting breakfast move.trust me it,s worth the wait. | |
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jdb57
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Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 91 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:02:36 PM | Whole 9 Yards:
Scares me for future possibilities.
. I dated a woman I got along well with. She was separated for about 6 months when we met. Things were going well when her husband, who wanted the separation initially, came back on his knees. And I was out the door. The thing that pissed me off though , was the attitude that my feelings meant nothing. I got a pat on the head, one final romp and I was supposed to just roll off w/a smile as if I should be happy that I got what I got. I understood she was separated, but that's not what I ws told regualrly for 6 additional months.
She had the balls to come back divorced and pregnant. No dice Johnny.
There is a lesson to be learned from every experience. Perhaps from this one you learned that you don't "romp" with people whose status is "separated" and all the drama that and hurt feelings that was involved could have easily been avoided by simply avoiding her. Sometimes the best decisions are not always the easiest. | |
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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 92 | |
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jdb57
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Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 93 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:28:30 PM | newlifestart:
I find this post riduculous! I have been seperated 6 months and it was a long time coming - lots of people have baggage they dont have to be seperated.
If the marriage is just waiting for the paperwork which can be a year wait or more why shouldnt people be able to move on if they are ready without statements like this.
Each situation is different, but personally it would be a cold day in hell before I ever went back, and I have nothing to be ashamed about moving forward away from someone who had not been comitted for a long time.
If it was a long time coming and you exhausted all means of working the marriage out, then you are probably right. You are entitled to be happy. Why spend your life any other way?
It is the partner in the marriage separation who is undecided about what to do - mainly because they want to sleep around with others - that total avoidance is highly recommended. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:32:30 PM | People have told me they were separated when in fact they were still MARRIED. I don't want to be the rebound girl, so sorry. I can be a pal but that is it! For anything more, I prefer to wait till AFTER the divorce. Too much RISKY business and relationships are difficult enough as it is, thank u very much. | |
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fem38
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Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 95 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:48:55 PM | And how do you know for sure if so someone is deivorced or separated if they live apart with their ex?
My last hmmm was "divorced" and "having his sone over every other weekend" on his initial email to me.
Pretty soon it turned out he was only very recently (since Jan - and we met in Feb !!!!) separated (not legally, only moved out), had his son every weekend from Fri night till Monday morning and was seeing him every weekday after work too. Also, he ha decided NOT to apply for a divorce for at least 2 years "to keep his ex with the son in the same town and prevent her from moving to another town" (he wotrks and still pays for all - she does not work)...
And then he decided that he does not want to have any kind of relationship at all, he does not want any "grief" (red: going out, phone calls etc) but he would be happy "to be friends" (read: sleep with him when he feels like it).
Hell no, never again. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:16:25 AM | I 've dated a separated man before and will not do so again - too much unfinished business. Relationships can get complicated enough without starting out with someone who isn't really available.
A divorce doesn't necessarily mean that the person has dealt with the emotional issues associated with a relationship ending either. It's not how much time has gone by, it's what the person has done with the time. After a relationship ends, we all need to heal, learn from the relationship before we can begin a new and healthy relationship.
At the end of the day, it's about getting to know someone and figuring out if they have moved on from previous relationships and are at an emotionally healthy place for a new relationship. I stay away from recently separated (even from a ltr, not necessarily marriage) or separated for a long time with no intention of ever getting divorced.
Cheers
Jewlsey | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:26:19 AM | Well said jewlsey
I will not date someone who is "seperated" either....handle your buisness with the ex FIRST then pursue new avenues....
Relationships are hard and complicated enough without the extra drama of that going on......
Tori | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:38:25 PM | | from my experience, men tend to be the ones looking for that shoulder to lean on, pretty hand to hold (and more) very quickly after a marriage/relationship ends..women tend to take time out ...makes you wonder who is the more insecure sex?! | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/9/2009 6:52:01 PM | | I am seperated.not on the rebound,not looking for a shoulder to lean on. But ready to move on.Just because some woman have had a bad experience with seperated men,all of us should not be judged has bad.That would be like me not dating blondes because I have had a bad experience. I am a nice guy that has his act together,dont drink,smoke,gamble,do drugs. I have a nice job,nice home,car and truck. I am getting a divorce from a woman that is bipolar. We were married for 28 years,she was always right,I was always wrong.I would help clean the house,do the wash,and the dishes. And she would **** that this is wrong and that is wrong. So when she cheated on me the second time,I had enought!!! She was ungratefull,and unfaithfull. So when a woman passes me over because I am seperated,all I can say is it is her loss and someone elses gain. | |
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