| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:49:29 AM | No, especially when there are delays/excuses/reasons why the divorce is not progressing to be finalized. I dated a guy that had been legally separated for 3 years. I thought he was ready to "move on" (told me he was, and that the separation was mutual). Well, I find out later, his ex never got over him, the divorce was stalled, and then she had health issues, and their adult children were trying to get them back together - well, it all worked - he's now back with her, and I had my heart broken in the process.
So until the divorce is FINAL, no dating a separated man. I ran into one on here ...
I actually had a great talk with him, and encouraged him to try to win his wife back. It was obvious from my conversations with him, he was still very much in love with her, even though he had strayed a couple years ago. I noticed recently that he removed his profile information, so hopefully they will save their marriage. I know how difficult divorce is, especially after a long-term marriage over 20 years, so I'm happy when people can work it out. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/10/2009 7:53:33 AM | | Oh, I'm sorry. I was responding to your post after reading other posts down the line. Bipolar is VERY difficult to deal with. And being cheated on is the worst feeling in the world. But after 28 years, you really need some time to heal. I was married 21 ... and it's been 3 years since we separated ... I'm finally at a point where I feel I am able to think clearly, even though early on I thought I was ready to move on. Looking back, I made some bad choices right after I was separated. Just be careful out there. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is separated
Posted: 1/10/2009 8:31:24 AM | I was separated and going thru the divorce for over 2 years. I thought I was ready to date and did date soon after separating but have found in the last year that I really wasn't ready. Not ready for a commitment with someone else anyway. At around the 2 year mark I think I was getting to the point of wanting more then dating, but since I am still single, maybe not. ;)
Dating a separated person is one thing, getting into a serious relationship is another. IMO | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/11/2009 7:50:47 PM | | As many have posted, it's a case by case issue. If it's a fairly recent seperation, say within a couple of months, I'd be hesitant to. The longer the seperation, the more I'd be comfortable with it. If it's something that makes you wonder, ask the person why they think it's taking so long if the divorce papers have been filed. The explanation could be as simple as the judge just still hasn't made a ruling (they can be lazy like anybody else) and the other person can't afford to make them mad by inquiring why they haven't issued a ruling. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:29:38 PM | Alot of thought goes into separation leading into Divorce, the type of person I
would be interested in would be assertive and if the marriage is over, he would
arrange a settlement not to expand the time of separation. The longer time
in separation can lead to many disputes on both sides, as well as a shaky social
life, many questions can arise which can conflict with relationships, families,
reaching peace would be recommended. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/12/2009 2:33:19 PM | | I sure wouldn't. I did once and boy was he a jerk. Actually, he lied and said he was divorced, when he was actually just separated. Many women such as myself only want long term, leading to marriage. A guy who's separated usually just wants to date around and isn't ready to jump into a marriage again. I'd be a little wary if he were. I think people should get all of their things in order (including no longer being married) before they jump into dating again. IMO, separated would definitely be a dealbreaker. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:48:53 AM | I feel, once you separate, there are reasons as to why you separated, which
requires looking into before going into another relationship. If you fell out
of love, there are reasons that made it happen that way, if the chemistry is
gone, it takes time to accept it. I could go on and on, however, the bottom
line, is: it's better to heal, before entering another relationship.
One example, a man told me, when I was separated just 6 months, is that let's
say you have an arm coming out of your chest, and you know it is wrong, yet
you've had it for 20 years, and you know it was wrong, avoiding surgery to
remove it, then one day you do, and eventhough it was wrong, and people weren't
nice to you, you will still miss it. A person will miss a bad relationship, until
they are healed and want to sincerely move forward, not just temporary
lonliness. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 10:17:01 AM | Separated is not divorced. Until the judge signs that little piece of paper (or few pieces) you are still married. I don't go out with married men. I found out what a mistake that was after my first year of being separated myself.
I can still remember when I was in my 20's being told this guy was separated only to find out that he was still living with his wife. That stuff still happens.
Some guy said that he wasn't separated long enough to file for a divorce
My usual come back was let me know when your divorce is final. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 11:06:32 AM | There are lots of people who are separated and remain that way for a long time for a slew of reasons; It’s far more common than you think, health insurance being a big one.
Every one is different as is every case. It all depends on your comfort level and ability to get to know the person. If it’s off limits to you, than so be it.
There are a lot of people on here that state divorced and are only separated. Before I deleted my old account, I was contacted by quite a few, 4 were separated more than 5 years. Not every one who is separated is a walking pile of emotional damage, but if your looking to get married soon, I would avoid the separated. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:02:53 PM | I have known two separated men who went back to their wives, after
dating around for 2 years. Now that's a dangerous situation to be in,
especially if you care for the man. Luckily, I know men, when they
separated, got the divorce as quickly as possible, in order to move forward
in their lives, and they did. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:36:52 PM | | I don't feel comfortable dating anyone newly out of any relationship, whether it's a marriage, an engagement or a live-in situation. I have had far too may disastrous experiences with people in these situations. For one, I dated a guy in the midst of a divorce, and found myself in the middle of squabbles between him and his estranged wife. Not pretty! I also dated someone who ended a 41/2 year relationship with someone he was engaged to just five months before we met. He was very bitter and angry, and took it out on me. The bottom line is, a person needs to take the time to heal before they wade into the dating waters. So my answer would be no. Sadly, too few people take the time to heal and work on themselves before jumping back into the dating pool. They feel they have to be out there dating, or they'll be perceived as social pariahs. Ironicall, that's exactly what they become. I wish more people would take the time to resolve their past issues before going out there and taking it out on innocent bystanders. The world would be a much better place! | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:45:23 PM | | I believe separated is still married.....and frankly on here.....sometimes separated means the wife is at work.....lololol......anyway I say if you are interested then look me up once the papers are signed.... I dont like that kind of drama...... | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 2:38:52 PM | The last guy I dated was separated.
This guy was physically separated from his wife but mentally he was still so very "married".
Never again will I go through that. Unless someone is actually going ahead with a divorce, its just not worth it 
~~weeone~~ | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:52:20 PM | | Not anymore, I learned the hard way....trust me, especially if there are kids involved. Sad to say, maybe all seperated guys are not like him, but now I stay clear of them, I don't want to go through that again. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:00:26 PM | too bad they don't allow simple one word posts here, for that one word is the most applicable answer to this question...........
NO!
I did it once against my better judgement and it ended up being the single ugliest relationship I've *ever* had , and yes , say what you will about not all situations being the same , but a good chunk of the problems stemmed from his "status"
namely :
* "ex" using that term to try to get him back (the divorce isn't final yet , lets give it one more try etc etc)
* ugly custody/visitation issues (these don't seem to happen with someone who has been divorced for awhile , possibly because of the legal stuff that comes with divorce? who knows?)
* the feeling deep down that he wasn't quite ready to be divorced yet (in relationship limbo if you will) but not sure he wanted his ex back (is this fair for the new person in your life? no!)
* bonding with a child that isn't yours , only to never see them again if/when said separated person goes back to their ex (hey it happens)
could go on and on but , I'm just not comfortable putting myself out there again to someone who isn't ready to date ,and I think people need time , a break ,after a serious relationship ends (I know I did , and I wasn't even married!) before they start to date again.
JMO | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:32:49 PM | i don't think one gender is more likely to go back to an ex. than the other...
and i'd be very reluctant to date anyone who was separated - until they are divorced, i consider them married
dating married people=not a good idea (:understating somewhat...:D) | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:54:22 PM | | well - i was on sick leave with a bad back (May 07) - and i got up to find my husband carrying boxes out the back door - i asked what he was doing and he said he was moving out! As it happens - he moved back in a few weeks later due to finances (spare room of course) and actually moved out in June 08. We have no plans to divorce at the moment. I would most definitely not have him back. So what is the difference between a couple who live together for 15 or more years and split up - and a couple who are married for 15 or more years and separate? As long as you are honest with new people you meet then that should be fine. relationships can go wrong anyway - nothing to to with the separated/divorced issue. I am still on friendly terms with my ex - we just stopped loving each other and now want to move on. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:03:18 PM | | Not comfortable. If someone is confident that their relationsip is over, they will get divorced. If they haven't, then they want to 'have their cake and eat it too', if they are dating while separated. Woe to the one willing to date the separated-they must not think they are worthy of a solid commitment from someone who is truly available? Or, maybe they are impatient, and they want this one and they want them now, no time to wait, essentially leaving their own self out in the process. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:53:35 AM | Depends on the state, some are far easier than others.
I have seen people who were divorced get back together, along with LTR where they weren’t married. There are no guarantees, when you find the one, I’m sure a lot of us would alter our hard line rules.
I hear what a lot of people are saying, but then again, those picked unstable people to date that were separated also need to look at why it is that they picked the people they did. It’s easy to point the finger at them because of a condition; it’s much harder to look in the mirror though.
I know separated people who have done the work and have moved on, I also know people who have been divorced for 10 years and they act as if they are still married. They lug their anger, resentment and hurt around like their own personal cross. I know which one I wouldn’t get near and it isn’t defined by ink. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 1/26/2009 12:40:34 PM | I never even tried to date when I was separated............
I don't feel comfortable dating anyone who is separated. I guess to me it causes drama.......because there is usually one person in the divorce that didn't want it or is taking it worse than the other......I don't want to get caught up in any drama.....
but, some people are separated for long periods of time because of certain situations............so it really does depend on individual situations. | |
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