|
|
|
|
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:13:01 PM | I'm 27, single and sans kids in Washington! I feel like a total anomaly now.. I spend quite enough time with kids all day long and don't know if I even want any of my own. Time will tell. I may not be a born and bred Washingtonian, but I have been here for 9 years, so I think that qualifies as native enough.
Unfortunately I'm significantly south of Seattle. :) Sorry boys. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/30/2007 1:04:11 PM | | I didnt know single mothers were such an epidemic in Washington. Most of my friends have children but all of them are in a relationship or married (for right now at least). I am one of our only single friends without children and because I've seen what an adjustment it is when kids come into a relationship I would definitely prefer someone who didnt have any already. On that same note, I dont think I would rule out someone had children if we had a great connection and he was a good parent. But men and women are different creatures I suppose. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:16:41 PM | After raising a total deadbeat Dad's kids, I'm so ready to meet a woman with no kids. I have wanted my own for several years now.
If I could find a maid service with parenting skills I should be given the opportunity to adopt. At least I'd have part of my family... | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 1/4/2008 3:37:08 AM | Hello
It is an interesting topic and one that has allowed the sexes to battle and rage on several interesting views.
Dating regardless of sex and children involved is very complicated. I think it would be fair that sexes under 22 can probably find a fair choice of options with kids not included. Once you approach the female 23 age range and up to 50 your choice are highly limited depending on who has custody regardless of how that happen, (divorce, death, or other). I know it is small but there is a small percentage of great dads out there slugging it out daily to provide for their family and they are single. I know that a greater number of women are given legal custody and also moving forward with their responsibility. It is fair to say that parenting is a honorable, difficult, can be rewarding, and hair pulling too. I know this because I had 8 years of raising my son through the teenage years, if you children are not at this age brace yourself the fun just beginning. I love my son he is the best now, but those years can be trying.
I empathize with those who have tried dating and taking on the responsibility of being a part of this person and the children that are not of your blood. I have done that experience too and when it goes south not only is your heart broken, but the loss of your valuable time of love and caring you give is also taken away like trash. It does total suck. I have tried to keep this a neutral statement with no dismantling of either sexes.
Here is some truth:
Single people are greatly out numbered 6-1 in the 23 -50 age range.
Mother with children in the 23-50 age range is almost 87%.
Father that have acting children between 23-50 is over 65%.
Single parents home in America is over 60%.
Yes, I think we have a moral, and family break down problems.
Yes, I think we as a nation has lost our value system on what is important.
Yes, it is very apparent that our children are not getting the important message but confusing signals of material wealth is what matters.
Look, what is being missed. I don't know I am single but I think LOVE is something that is important. I think kids are important, and teaching them that relationship, family, friends and how to LOVE in those relationships are much more important than pushing for that Mercedes or Corvette. Maybe playing tag instead of Xbox, going for a hike and reading a book. Talking to our kids as two parents, meaning setting aside the petty indifference of why the parent cannot get along to remembering they have a responsibility of teaching their kids to have LOVING caring relationships.
Here is the challenge:
First as a parent your role is to be a parent, tough break but that the way it goes.
Second once you as a parent gets involved, it is important to get involved and put the Relationship first, Love second, Joint parenting follows. Money, and all the other stuff needs to be part of the first three.
Third if you are single and needing to meet single this will be difficult but it is possible, but do not discount the rest of the pool. You might be that one person that makes the differance and your contributions will be invaluable to you, and the new family you might be able to create.
Fourth be reasonable, if you are a parent remember when you date someone single they may not have reasonable expectation on time and constraints that children come with. So take the time and help them by showing the real time you have to give to a relationship. For example single have 100% to give if you can only give 25% back allow that person a clear time schedule of why in black and white. Then the single person can decide if they can handle their return of 25% to their 100%.
Money is always a burner here, look single parents it is important to try and not burden the dater until the relationship is several months along. Yes, I am suggesting you want to date you have to take the financial responsibility of your children for a period of time. Perhaps that means you have to suggest planning changes. Watch a movie at the house instead of going to the movie. Make a dinner at home instead of going out to dinner. What, that means more dishes, cleaning and ect. The date will bring the movie and maybe some of the main course meal. But if things don't work out they don't feel stuff for the hundreds of dollars they did not buy into at that moment.
Be gracious if thing do not work from either party be gracious for the experience.
Be respectful to each other.
Don't cheat, just don't if you date don't cheat regardless if you are single or a parent. If you want more sex, then don't date the same person, or join a swingers group. What burns most people is the integrity of the relationship. If you don't have respect for self and cheat you will not have respect for others either and that is pure evil mean. You want to cheat, then exit the relationship, get your respect, and date the other person and have sex.
Be honest.  | |
|
| |
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:58:20 AM | | I find that is also true about people in other countries. And yes unfortuantly the values of today's society have degraded that low and if you really look even lower. The same goes with marriage and solid good foundation relationships. I have found that the common reply to this subject is "why, there is such a thing as divorce you know?" With that attitude and the media, our country is based on nothing but money, sex, politics and looks (or so it would seem). How can you really question why our youth is hammered down with kids or that our society no longer values the traditions and ways of the past? I find that they seek to find a richer tomorrow with higher tech stuff but forget that we still live in a world where there are other real people out there!! unfortunatly my friend, it would seem that the values of this country have not only degraded but have been close to non existant. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:04:11 PM | | I have no children of my own, and due to circumstances beyond my control, I never will. But I love kids and think they are great at keeping a person on their toes...lol. | |
|
| |
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/9/2008 8:41:37 PM | | I am a WA lady without human children. Mine are the 4-legged variety. From what I have been told they act like toddlers, however. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:25:14 AM | First, please note my lack of using the terms "always", "never", and "forever". That is by design so that no one can accuse me of being a cold-hearted generalist. With that being said, I'll continue.
Yes, you are probably right, but there are a few out there that have managed to control their reproductive capabilities well. However, Mississippi holds the record for most unwed mothers giving birth (53.7% or 24,939 children born to unwed mothers in 2007) (Bergeron, The San Diego Union-Tribune, 2008).
Here are my 'personal' thoughts that I've 'conceived' over the last 5+ years of dating (please don't sent me hate mail, I already know these aren't popular ideas):
1.) I am looking for a woman that I can eventually marry and start a family with (yes, in that order). When two people begin a family together and are focused on the child equally in their respective familial roles either partner generally does not find themselves feeling left out because the focus on the most important thing, the child, is what's common to them. No one's feelings should get hurt.
2.) This section is a three-part one, please hang in there with me. When a man attempts to date a gal with children there are several factors that can cause interpersonal relationship problems. The child's job is to get attention from his/her parents -- as it should be. So, when a child gets less attention from his/her mother because of a new boyfriend then the child will most likely act up and cause problems for the mother which then trickles down to the new boyfriend which frustrates him and causes what I like to call "drama". Secondly, when an ex boyfriend/fiance/husband finds out that his ex has a new man in her life and is or maybe around his child he'll act up as well. Showing up at inappropriate times, not showing up when he's expected to (to pick up the child, etc.) or will be late or absent in providing child support as he should be. The third factor is the ex getting a new girlfriend and flaunting her around his ex. This will stir up jealous emotions and comparisons that, along with the other aforementioned items, causing unneeded "drama".
3.) For myself, I want to get to know a woman and be focused on her, and her focused on me. Wether it's a job, family (e.g. hasn't cut the umbilical cord with her mommy yet), hobby, or child, taking focus away from a relationship is essentially a form of cheating, albeit possibly not as damaging. Women complain about this on occasion: He'll hang out with his buddies too much, plays sports too much, works too much, plays video games too much, watches too much TV, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So, when there's a child involved a mother's focus is generally on her child -- again, as it should be. So with her focus generally on her child more than on her developing relationship the new boyfriend is going to most often feel like he's a third wheel. Thus stunting the normal growth of a healthy, mutually focused, long term relationship.
Exceptions: Here are some things that may be exceptions to the above listed scenarios. If the mother is a widow, some of these things may not apply and it may be possible to focus together on the child because of the non-ex factor. Husband and/or child are not present, but then you have to ask yourself the question, "Why?". This may hold a whole other bag of "drama" that you don't want to go anywhere near without a BioHazard Level 4 compliant suit on. If you yourself have a child or children and you can both be equally focused and love each others' children together while focusing on each other and building a strong and healthy long term relationship -- but even this isn't foolproof.
Warnings: Anyone (men and/or women) who have a history of sexual, physical, or psychological abuse in their past you should treat lightly until you find out the extent of the abuse and how far reaching the effects are (if you listened to the radio show Love Line) you'll know what I'm talking about here. While they may be great in bed it's going to be an uphill challenge to form a strong, trusting, loving, long term relationship with someone who has these relationship handicaps. Just tread lightly and cautiously. Your job (man or woman) is to protect yourself, your heart, don't settle for 2nd best if it's not what you want, and take care of your own mental health. If you have issues, get counseling, take some medication, when you're better you'll be better for someone else too.
Good luck in your quest to find the perfect mate for you! | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/14/2008 5:46:06 PM | | Wookin, I'm impressed with your analysis. You have very valid reasoning about dating childless women. I agree with the damage control. It's a slow process to love a person who has been damaged. It takes time and patience. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:38:12 PM | to Wookinpanub18, unwed mothers?
Many people dont get married these days. I was with my sons dad for 10years ( my son is 9), glad we didnt cause it didnt work out cause of his drinking. No lawyers ect. that goes with divorce. Unwed is a old term, single mothers is better used.
As for drama with kids, thats unfair to say. At this age most have kids and that goes for the men.
I am 46 and choose to not have kids early and at 36 and (I thought the right man) I was ready. So dont turn us single moms away because we have a child, your women may be out there with one, give them a chance.
As for seattleartist, not all single moms are "low class" some of us own homes and have great jobs. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/15/2008 12:11:05 AM | Wookin~ I have to admit, that was interesting reading. Is it oversimplifying what you wrote by saying your main concern is not getting enough attention from a woman with children? I noticed you mentioned "focus" and "attention" several times throughout your post, in reference to children and exes taking attention away from you. As someone who has had mature relationships with involved fathers, I find this part of your analysis to be rather silly. It's also telling that you reference a "perfect" mate & allude to a "foolproof" relationship--neither of which exist in reality.
You also left out one of the long-term "relationship handicaps", which would be dating 18 year olds! But at least they're easily controlled and have no history that you'd have to compete with. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/15/2008 6:58:38 AM | First, I made it clear that those were MY preferences. I prefaced it all by saying that my ideas weren't popular. And they were MY thoughts on the matter. I didn't say they were popular in this blue state, nor did I state that everyone thought as I do. It's what I have found works for ME over the last 5+ years of dating. I merely thought that possibly MY thoughts about MY experiences might strike a cord with another single guy out there -- oh yeah, it was the guy who originally posted the thread. ;)
I have chosen not to have children thus far in my life. This is a personal choice and don't expect everyone to be like me. This is what works for me. For some birthing children in a non-traditional household is what works for them. I didn't post this response to start a fight or to hurt anyone's feelings, only to state MY thoughts based on MY experiences. Also, I never indicated that "single moms" were "'low class'". Those are YOUR words. And I have a great job too! :) I am a nurse! Yet another threat in the tapestry that has brought me to the overarching conclusion that I'd rather wait until I'm married to begin a traditional family (e.g. marriage then children with my spouse).
As to the term "unwed" I was merely using the article's verbiage that I referenced. I would direct your concerns of this word to the aforementioned source at issue. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:10:09 AM | To get into the finer points of my thought process would take more time and words than most people would care to read in this forum. I have obviously failed in my attempt to indicate that mutual attention is what is at issue. A lopsided relationship leaves one or more parties not feeling that their needs in said relationship are being met. Be that myself or the other party the problem still remains in some cases.
Please re-read my post and take not of the context in which I used the terms you referenced "perfect" and "foolproof". I used "perfect" as a well-wishing term to close out my post, similar to saying "good luck", "Godspeed", etc. I hope this makes some sense. I also think the words following the term "perfect" "...for you." would apply to everyone, as eventually we find someone that resonates with our soul and they are in fact the "perfect" that we need in our life. And I still hope that you and everyone else finds that for themselves. As for the term "foolproof" I was merely stating that all the rules, ideas, thought patterns, and concepts for dating advice in the world aren't perfect (please read my first sentence -- it's the preface for my entire posting), hence my use of the term NOT "foolproof". :) I think your posting only further illustrates that point.
Yes, dating younger does have it's perks on occasion. For ME (not necessarily everyone else) I have found younger girls/ladies/women to be less educated, less worldly, and less aware of what they want in/out of life let alone a relationship. Sure, they can be fun in the short-term, but not so much for the long term. Unless you have met someone that likes to be, as you say, "easily controlled". Now, let's be honest here, if a man had made that statement he'd be crucified, right??? But I'm reasonable and I understand what you're saying based on the CONTEXT in which you used those words.
I do find it interesting that you think wanting attention in a relationship is a problem, yet you don't want to "compete" with their history at the same time. Quite a contradiction indeed. | |
|
| |
| |
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 11/19/2008 12:11:10 PM | Wookin, I said my comment to Seattleatist, not you!
Also glad to hear that men like you believe in getting married first then kids, I wanted that too, but by ex was scared of marriage, ( some men I know fear marriage, they say why get married these days) I hope someday I can find that man that believes in marriage, I have not been married. My exboyfriend and I lived togetther for 8 yrs.
You may find women at this age that may not want to get married or married again!?
Good luck to you! | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/3/2008 11:15:03 PM | | It sure seems like this is a mommy state that's bin a subject for years , i however don't let that bother me i never not wanted to get to know someone cause the had kids. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/7/2008 5:14:27 PM | Another WA girl here that has no kids. Not because of medical reasons, mental problems or any of the above mentioned reasons..... Simply that I have not been in what seemed to be the right relationship, time, place, etc in my life to bring a child into this world. Hey girls, maybe we should start a club! LOL
 | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/17/2008 2:08:39 PM | | That's what i was just thinking.... You think it's hard to find woman without children, try finding a man without children. Sure they dont have them full time, but isnt that worse? Weekend kids that you dont want to set boundries with cause you dont get to see them all the time. | |
|
| |
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:20:22 PM | Hey there are women in Washington with no kids :) Me and a friend of mine to name two. I hadn't realized that Washington had so little kid-free women.  | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/21/2008 7:14:37 PM | | Well, I am a 43 yr old woman with no children. And I wish I would have had them....but, I'm not going to have a child by myself...to have daycare raise them. So, we're out there. And for any single mothers out there who are raising your children by yourself....HATS OFF TO YOU...it's a selfless job. | |
|
| Are there any WA Ladies without kids???
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:18:14 PM | Most of the men I've talked to from this site also have children. It's fairly common for those of us in the 25-45 age range to be actively parenting.
I resent the posts that lump all single mothers into a highly distasteful category. SeattleArtist's quote: "...but also remember, the single mom's out here are also low class, and strange people who dont know how to start a strong and lasting realtionship because they dont know what they want in life..." What the hell is that about? I'd like to ask, how many of you men were raised by loving, beautiful, resourceful single moms yourself? How distasteful is SHE to you?
I would never presume to say that all men are jerks based on my experience of reading your opinions. I believe we are all entitled to our opinions and that's what makes us unique. But make no mistake - you are wrong.
I am a single mom who is gainfully employed and am raising my 2 young kids completely on my own. I have a steady job and the aptitude necessary for caring for them properly. And for the record, I never dreamt as a young girl about marrying, having kids, and then being cheated on and having to parent on my own after divorcing a man who refused to grow up. What *I* wanted in life was a loving husband, beautiful children, a good career, and happy memories. I've had 3 out of 4 of those, and have done it on my own. So don't assume that all single moms don't know what they want. There's nothing strange about me. Strange to me is being overly opinionated, shallow, and judgmental.
Can't we all just get along? lol
Merry Christmas everyone, and I sincerely hope you all get what you're looking for. Even if some of you annoy me, I love my fellow man and wish happiness on you all!
Keep fishing!
-Veronica | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
