Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 shieldvulf
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Relax, yank. Rules are for children. Once you're on your own, there are no rules.

Now, there are expectations. There are laws. There are advisories. There are employee handbooks. But you are free to follow them or not, just as you choose. That's why there are nasty looks, jails, I-told-you-sos, and e-mails from supervisors. Because a rule, all by itself, never made anyone do anything.

This is soooooooo the point! - you and everyone else are free to consent or not. That's what being free means. Adult lives are composed of choices and actions, not of rules and compliance. I know your consent to some "rules" is expected, even assumed, but nothing compels your consent. It is always your choice whether to obey, disobey, or kill the ruler.

That's what is so disturbing about OPie's question. He seems to presume that our lives are ceremonial dances, with our steps mapped out before us, so that others may know - without asking - what we will do next and next and next after that.

No. Neither you nor anyone else bears the slightest obligation to anyone's expectations. Not one particle of obligation. Not ever. What we do instead is consent, out loud, to whatever wishes or demands others have of us. It is always, always, always a matter of agreement and consent. Once you are 18, no one can justly assume anything of you.

I hope I'm clear. I'm so glad I've got a four day weekend. I am looking for some freaky, freaky consent, baby!

Cheers!

Vulf
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 27
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 5/24/2007 2:53:10 PM
"Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?"

Obviously not. After being married most of my life - the gals I went out with consider sex just part of the date.

I don’t so - no more casual dating for me.
 yankeegirlinMA
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 28
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 5/24/2007 6:46:32 PM
Vulf~
Relax, yank. Rules are for children.


I was speaking kinda sarcastically, but thanks for clearing things up for me.
 purplerobin
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 29
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 5/29/2007 8:08:47 AM
nowwhat,

I assumed that twice with 2 different men. But I guess they didn't think that way as they still solicit other love interest over the internet. Yes, I was a fool. And anybody who says that communication and agreement is the key, no need to tell me. I know NOW :)
 social one
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 30
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 5/29/2007 8:52:35 AM
i would say that if u and the other have discussed this casually and u both agree that this is ok, then so be it, but having said that, i believe that someone who has self respect, would def. have some communication about this, and talk about it before actually doing it. yes in this day and age sex is a very open thing, and people are not as respectful to themselves as they should be, i myself am not one to lay around with many different men that i am dating. once i have sex with someone i am dating, then i only want to be intimate with that one, everyone has a different view on what dating and what it entails is. so everyone has their own opinion about, but deep down, no one wants to know that the person they are exclusively dating is screwing someone else. call it old fashion, or whatever, i just call it having self respect.
 TopazGoddess
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 5/29/2007 8:58:22 AM
Until you both decide to be exclusive with the "I want us to be exclusive" conversation you are both free to do what ever and whom ever you want

That is also a conversation to be had though "We're NOT exclusive"
 Lahmia
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:41:42 AM
Commitment starts as soon as you're dating. Sex doesn't start a commitment. You could be dating for a while before sex but that doesn't mean you can both go out and play the field. It seems that loyalty these days is a forgotten word and concept.
 Eric-s Smokin Hottie
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 33
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:02:34 AM
I wouldn't say that commitment starts as soon as you are dating, at least not for me. I don't know the other person well enough at that stage to make any kind of commitments too him. I only will date one guy at a time anyway and don't like playing the field....things tend to get complicated and messy...but that doesn't mean I'm going to commit myself to the one I'm dating either.

Through honesty and open communication, we will know whether there is a commitment there and will know it before getting between the sheets. Then there would not be assumptions. Assumptions can only lead to false hopes and hurt.
 New-to-City
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 34
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:16:05 AM
For the most part there is an implied commitment between to people once they reach the point to were sex is part of it, but it most definitely is not always the case, some people feel that sex is just sex, and its nothing more then some harmless fun..
I have always made sure that myself and my partner were on the same page when it came to that point. I know I don't want to share her with anyone else in that way, so just make sure she feels the same..
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 35
Dating & Exclusivity
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:47:41 AM
Being single since 2004 after 15 years, yeah, dating is open to interpretation.

I've 'gone out' with a few, but that didn't mean sleeping with whomever I was out with.

For a lot of people, it seems, dating & sex are synonymous these days. If I'm not feeling any kind of real connection, I decline or certainly don't pursue.
 septsun
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 36
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:50:38 AM
I think for some there is an assumed commitment between 2 people. Wouldn't be great if that assumption was correct. In todays world there are both men and women that think sex can be a casual thing. I want a longterm committed relationship, and agree that communication is the key.
I think there is nothing more satisfying than a relationship where 2 people share the same views on intimacy and sex.
I agree with workstomuch, ''I don't want to share with anyone else in that way.....''
 nosoup4u
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 37
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:55:17 AM
It depends on the head space of either person. I believe that with women more so than men it is assumed that sex forms a bond. Thats why people should be very up front before the sheets are pulled down. Unfortunately, honesty does hinder ones success at getting laid, but, for those of us with a conscience its the only way to go.
 Rachelle2007
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 38
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:03:58 AM
Dating ends when marriage begins, otherwise, there really is no "commitment". Getting "intimate" is great, but it can surely lead to lots of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and resentment.

Maybe it's better to wait and really get to know a person, then see if intimacy would best suit both of you, if not, you'd probably be better off investing your time and emotions elsewhere.
 georgeousisasgeorgeousdoe
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 39
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:04:51 AM
I think you need to talk and ask what her expectations are and then TELL her
what your expectations of her are
no confusion then
so next time.......
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 40
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:13:03 AM
It depends on the head space of either person. I believe that with women more so than men it is assumed that sex forms a bond. Thats why people should be very up front before the sheets are pulled down. Unfortunately, honesty does hinder ones success at getting laid, but, for those of us with a conscience its the only way to go.


you nailed it big boy!!! I said NAILED...har!!
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
YES

 forums1
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 41
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:28:58 AM
Personal opinion (and we all know what opinions are like ), if we're having sex and she's still dating others, she's "looking for something better". I dunno, I think I'd break the relationship off at that point, because if she's committed enough with me to be doing that, why would she not be committed enough to not be looking elsewhere?

Just seems to me to be "you're good at satisfying my physical needs, but you're not enough in other ways, so I'm still looking". Is that a relationship, or just FWB? I suppose if you are ok with an FWB situation, then by all means stick with it, but thats not what I'm looking for.
 kmhstx
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 42
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:58:02 AM
don't assume anything...you'll regret it in the end. Talk, communicate you are both adults I would hope so you should be able to have an adult discussion as to what each person wants and needs, and where people hope the relationship will go. Sex in todays dating world is incredibly casual...and most people seem to see it as just a given, not a commitment, more of a test of compatability almost. I don't think that way personally so I don't date much...but I would never assume that if I slept with someone he was exclusive with me. I would ask, and trust my judgement of the persons character...if I'm wrong I'll deal with the consequences.
 ~curlygirl~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 43
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:08:25 AM
emotional intimacy implies she likes you as a person, physical initmacy only means she was horny...don't read so much into sex. sex can be part of an emotionally committed relationship, and it can be casual. there is no rule, it means what both of you want it to mean. don't assume anything, and if in doubt...ask her.
 New-to-City
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 44
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:08:50 AM
Dating ends when marriage begins, otherwise, there really is no "commitment". Getting "intimate" is great, but it can surely lead to lots of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and resentment.

This quote thing never works for me lol..
I don't agree that without marriage there is no commitment.. You can commit whole heartedly to the one your with with being married to them, for some that piece of paper is very important, but is just that a piece of paper, the commitment in the relationship is the promises you make to each other , not the church or the state or god, but the one your with..
 kariharte
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 45
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:10:35 AM
This is my spin on the issue...

In a previous post I pretty much laid out how I felt about friends with benefits and I stick to those thoughts.

However, one thing (and I may be dealing with this soon) I do have a hard time with is, if I start seeing someone and yes having sex with them and neither of us are ready to commit to more just yet.. but it may or may not become more, how do I handle meeting others?

I have always been a one man woman, even when having a FWB, I see no need to collect a string of them..lol.

I think though the best thing is to just be up front about the whole relationship and try to find out where the other person stands from time to time.

If I decide to meet someone who has really want to meet, I will definately let the guy I've been hanging out with know before hand and make sure he won't feel I have betrayed him.

The only thing I question is, will he think I am 'fishing' for a commitment? I sincerely hope not!

It's a lot different than a few years ago when it seemed I usually knew right away whether it would be more or just remain FWB.
 justcueit
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 46
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:10:37 AM
The only thing that's safe to assume is that it's not safe to assume anything!

Talk, talk, talk, talk and talk s'more so that both parties have a MUTUALLY satisfying relationship.... with no assumptions being made by either party :-)
 Meface
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 11:47:15 AM
I have always felt that when you get to the point of having sex, there should be some commitment. The woman usually feels there is. It is very heartbreaking to be used and dumped and I'm going to be very sure things are solid before sex happens.
 TroyMcLure
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 48
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 11:50:32 AM
there is for me
i like to finish what i have started
but i havent felt women play by these rules...
 Petruchio
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 49
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:00:47 PM
Yeh, you leave the 20 bucks on the nightstand.
 spiritfillup03
Joined: 12/3/2006
Msg: 50
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:12:43 PM
I believe once your having sex..you are in a commited relationship with them. However pointed out by many on here...there should be communication about this..because no 2 people may be alike on the subject. So, OP there should be no "assumptions"...because that can surely ruin some trust with that person. You say that your a newly divorced man...this is a time where you might fall prey to casual sex..which to me is soooo over-rated..but I believe it is implied because of not being ready for a commited relationship right after a divorce. This is a tough position..been there. It's good that you two are still friends...but ya, communication is real important to make sure that you two are on the same page. Commitment on the second date? No way! Dating should be a way to get to know if you even like that person enough to pursue them further. I think dating several (if you have the time) can be real exciting and it shouldn't do any harm as long as sex is not there. Some people become possesive after the 2nd date and feel that you should only date them. I think it's perfectly harmless to play the field and then when you want to take it to the next level with one of those women...you honestly communicate with her and then once you have sex, you don't date others.
Just my 2cents
Goodluck!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?