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libbyv
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Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 52 | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:43:27 PM | As we have witnessed here there are differing opinions on the meaning of dating, the meaning of committment and the whole conceot of exclusivity. For some, it seems that sex is just part of a date, with whoever, whenever, wherever. For others ir is a statement of committment.
By all means, ask your partner or significant other or whatever you call them to be specific in what they regard your relationship as. Is it exclusive and then define exclusive. To some that means no 3soms. They just have sex with 1 at a time. All are different and therefore all must be clear about what they want andwhat they expect and what they will accept.
To many , merely dating is not implying exclusivity. If you want to know if you are in an exclusive relationship ask the person you are with. Nobody else can give you that answer. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:50:02 PM | | It varies. To many, if they are not engaged or married, they have the God given right to go out with others. I've had the experience to have this done also, even though I am the kind that once I am dating a girl, I would NOT go out with another, it is called respect to the other person's feeling. When I met a woman that did this, it was over right then and there. Obviously, this is NOT the kind of woman I wanted in my life. But that is me and my ways. Others see it differently. U will find one that is like you in time, one that don't show disrespect to you and will treat you like you should be. (Good luck in America) Personally, if I had one do this to me, I would find it hard to be a friend after that, due to the feeling of being "pooped" on. If that is the best she can do to me, then she isn't worth the time of day....Sorry~ | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:56:52 PM | Now what; Never make an assumption - you know who gets bit in the a$$ on this one.
Personally, I dont get intimate with many people as (I have not met enough men I would really consider getting naked with - lol) so, to me that is extremely special and so is the man I choose to be intimate with as I am not into casual sex or interested in having a f*ckbuddy.
When intimacy enters the picture, I have my own personal understanding of how this person really is, how special they are and I know what the emotional connection is between us on my end. When sex does happen at this special time, the need to talk about it after we are both dressed is important (forget about it until the cuddling and napping is over). Its important to talk about what was great or not so great, but also what the expectations are now that things have changed between us. To me, there is nothing more freeing than open communication. If/when the next sexual encounter happens it only gets better from here, once communication is part of it.
I dont sleep around and if I am intimate with one man, end the relationship before becoming intimate with someone else. Same goes for dating if the relationship is exclusive and the mutual decision to not see other people has been discussed and agreed upon.
Cant be any easier than that. Its all in the communication. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 2:31:18 PM | in my view, if a man gets physical with a woman, merely kissing, then its just become an exclusive relationship. it would be my expectation and demand, that all other women have to be let go at that point. actually, i'd expect them to be let go before that point. he'd have two weeks to let everyone else know, he's with me from here on out. no kissing in the meantime till its done. everyone, meaning, the first on the list to be notified would be the ladies he'd been dating before and while he'd been going out with me and whom he just met. after that two week period, next on the list, he'd tell his guy buddies he has a girlfriend and would introduce me the following week. there's a lot that goes into dating me :)
i cannot be with a guy who is sleeping around.
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 2:43:02 PM | OP I can certainly understand both your confusion, and why it bothered you enough to post about it here. When I found myself divorced at 39 and started dating again after a 15 year hiatus, I thought the same as you obviously do, and mistakenly assumed most women felt the same as both you and I. Boy was I in for a rude awakening when I realized how many woman think nothing of dropping their panties for any guy who tickles their fancy for a night, doing the horizontal mambo, and then heading off to date some other guy the very next night and repeating the same process. And this is regardless of discussing my thoughts on the matter before we go between the proverbial sheets.
Since those early days, I have learned to make it perfectly crystal clear to a woman before I even consider meeting her for a simple cup of coffee, that I have no desire to waste time with a serial dater, I am not a dinner vending machine for her evenings entertainment, I only date one person at a time, and I am not interested in someone who has a different guy scheduled for every other day of the week, and most importantly that if we are going to sleep together, I damn well better be the only person she intends to be sleeping with anytime soon, or she can go find someone else to play "reindeer games" with. I am nobody's one night stand, nobody's FWB or anybody's "Side dish". Steak doesn't settle for being anything less than the Main Course, and I ain't no small potatoes to be trifled with.
As others have previously stated, don't presume or assume anything. Make your thoughts and intentions clear at every step of the dance so there are no misunderstanding or hurt feelings. Nothing wrong with being straightforward and saying what you are looking for and how you want it or don't want it. That goes obviously for both men and women. Perhaps if people had the courage and fortitude to do that more often, we would read a lot less of these "Why do________" type threads on these forums, and would read more "How can I keep making _____better" type of threads instead. Man would that be bloody refreshing for a change.
Have fun ;)! | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 2:48:44 PM | | Nowadays, for a lot of people, it would end the day it starts. I do not think that having sex with someone automatically assumes a relationship. I don't believe in sleeping with multiple people...but it is ok to have a friend with benefits while hanging out with other people. Honesty is the key. You just need to tell them the truth so no one gets hurts. Does that ever happen? Usually there is someone who does get hurt. I had a friend who was definetely a good lover but when we started dating, it took a change for the worse. Control and abuse began. We never had that when we just had the benefits. So I guess it depends on what the other person is looking for and how well you get along. Be open and honest. If you fall fast for someone and can't be intimate without emotions being involved, let them know that. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 2:57:25 PM | Not being the "Casual sex" type of girl and having a pretty limited number of sexual partners if I sleep with someone then it's a committment.
Women for the most part take having sex with someone very seriously. It's proven we relate on an emotional level vis a vis men relate on a physical level. With very few exceptions a woman already has a bond with you when "the sheets are pulled down" | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:27:00 PM | .
I have learned to make it perfectly crystal clear to a woman before I even consider meeting her for a simple cup of coffee, that I have no desire to waste time with a serial dater, I am not a dinner vending machine for her evenings entertainment, I only date one person at a time, and I am not interested in someone who has a different guy scheduled for every other day of the week, and most importantly that if we are going to sleep together, I damn well better be the only person she intends to be sleeping with anytime soon, or she can go find someone else to play "reindeer games" with. I am nobody's one night stand, nobody's FWB or anybody's "Side dish". Steak doesn't settle for being anything less than the Main Course, and I ain't no small potatoes to be trifled with.
Have fun ;)!
op...i don't reccommend thorn's approach. he doesn't even know the woman he is planning to meet for coffee so it is very disrespectful of him to talk to her like this. he is gunning for a commitment/sex from a coffee date with a stranger. one coffee date is not a commitment. and it is arrogant and disrespectful to talk to a woman or to say what your expectations are in the way he just did. all he did was insult the woman by implying she is this kind of woman. wow he really thinks women will have sex with him for the price of a starbucks coffee...
his speech is creepy
actually what he is saying is if she doesn't plan on sleeping with him in the very near future don't even bother to meet him. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:51:06 PM | That sort of arrangement should always be stated directly. No guesswork. About two weeks into dating very regularly my current boyfriend asked me to let him know if I wanted to see other people. I asked if he meant he did not want me to and he said although he felt it was too soon to make such demands, he would appreciate being informed if I was seeing others at the same time. Then a week or so later, knowing neither of us were seeing anyone else I just point blank asked if he wanted to be exclusive, and he did . . .so we are!
The rules these days are all the old rules are gone. There are as many types of relationships as there are types of folks. It's always better to ask if you are not sure what the status is. Second date is way too soon, but once you are comfortable with the person then just ask about game rules. Asking isn't demanding. It's just gathering information you deserve to know.
Good luck in the big bad world of dating!
Rap | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:55:35 PM | | Okay, lets be honest here. If you have been seeing someone fairly regularly and end up sleeping with them (fairly regularly) yeah, I think it does mean that there is a relationship but what that entails, is uncertain until it is discussed. Maybe, if you really love this girl, then you should should tell her and quit assuming anything. You took everything for granted and didn't step up to the plate and she chose to move on, but left the light on for you, in the form of friendship. Maybe it's not too late. Good luck. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:03:20 PM | actually what he is saying is if she doesn't plan on sleeping with him in the very near future don't even bother to meet him.
Perhaps toots, if you actually want to know what someone is thinking, you might do well to actually take the time to actually ask them what they are thinking, so you don't come off looking like a complete and utter jacktard when you assume incorrectly as you have so briliantly illustrated with this very post of yours. I mean could you possibly get any further off base? Is that possible?
I dont' presume, assume or expect anything from anyone anymore, and I haven't in quite a long time. Its like making your assumption here, as soon as you make it, you find yourself eating it because whatever you assumed it is more like quite the opposite. I am incredibly straightforward and make both my feelings and intentions crystal clear to anyone I choose to meet, before I meet them, so that anyone with an ounce of common sense is unlikely to make any assumptions much less the wrong ones. So tell me toots, what does that say about you? Apparently the patently obvious flys over your head like a jet liner even when it's spelt out for you in black and white. Clearly you prefer to assume things than know what the actual deal is. Good luck with that.
It so happens that I spend a considerable amount of time talking to people and conversing with them, and more importantly getting to know them, long before I decide to meet them, and I sure as hell don't meet every single person I talk to, not even close. So by all means do not presume that just because you apparently dash off for coffee and a twinkie with every Tom, Rick and Hairy that sends you one or two nice emails, that that is the case with anyone else, much less me. If that is how you do things fine, if it works for you great, but don't you dare presume to know how I go about things toots. I mean yikes could you possibly get more off base with your presumptions? Is that humanly possible? I've never been to California so I know I didn't run over your dog or something.
It is precisely because of people exactly like you dear, that the rest of us are forced to continually wade through a bagillion "Why do men...blah blah blah" type threads in order to find any reading of relevence in these forums. Even when faced with the most common of common sense you and those like minded, are more than happy to make your assumptions, cast your unfounded aspertions, and to twist and pervert such into something that no rational person in their right mind would ever presume to believe might be the case. Whatever that chip is on your shoulder toots, you would do very well to see to its removal...stat! Perhaps why you are still questing for love is because you never figured out how to actually communicate with someone first, or in the least comprehend what is being said. Bloody yikes!
 
Have fun ;)!
PS: Rather funny how those so free to make malicious presumptions about others are the same ones who can't be bothered to put a simple picture of themselves in their profile. Interesting co-orelation to say the least. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:26:31 PM | | I havent' gotten there yet to exclusive but i have heard some people talk about having the exclusive talk. I remember meeting a guy last summer who i saw for a bit because he wasn't exclusive with the woman he had been seeing who was out of town at the time. Wasn't sure why he told me that. We did have sex and then he move don back to her for awhile. We are still friends but adults shoudl be able to have that conversation. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:35:35 PM | In my world.. if I am dating someone and I sleep with them, then that's it for me. I assume (wrongly on my part apparently in the past), that it works that way for the other person as well.
However, that being said, I take nothing for granted anymore. I will ask, BEFORE sex becomes an issue. If the person gets offended or says no, he's dating several, then he's not sleeping with me. I do not share well. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:05:17 PM | Artistee said,
With some, when the "party's" over...so is the relationship...
Can't assume anything these days, if you do you are only fooling yourself. There's the internet where a woman can find another man with only a few clicks. They don't even have to do that, willing men are everywhere. | |
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| Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:34:30 PM | my apologies but i cant ever get the quote thing to work....
In reference to /Shallow Hal58... "Just remember that women need to have sex to get ahead in life. Don't kid yourself. She was banging every guy she went out with. They all do."
What's up with that delusional assumption?..... and who says women need to have sex to get ahead?.....somebody thinking with the little head again....
and maryrachelle......"Ahhh sorry to destroy your delusions ,but not ALL women bang every guy they have gone out with""
Not even close to all.....but WTH maybe we should have . Seems we got the reputation for it. We should have had the fun to go along with it. Had we only known. | |
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