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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've      Home login  
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 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 151
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
There are a lot of people in this world (men & women) who just don't place a lot of value on "meaningful" sex ... so for them just because they are having sex, does not mean they are necessarily being exclusive. If you happen to be with someone who views sex in that way ... lots and lots of communication is a good thing.

I think before anyone has sex, they need to determine where their relationship is going.
**Is this getting serious?
**Is this just FWB?
**Is this going to be monogamous?
**Have both been tested for STD's / HIV / etc.?
**And a host of other questions ....

But I always "assumed" that dating ends when sex starts.
If you're saying that once sex starts, dating "others" ends, then I agree. But then that's easy for me to say. I only ever date one man at a time, so if I am having sex with a man, there are no other men in my life on a romantic level ... he's it!!!
 art_racer
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 152
 EligibleRespelled
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 153
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 10:39:22 AM
angelheart,

my precaution for you was merely a suggestion that u didn't necessarily need - i thought u might have been crowding that area maybe - no offense intended.
I'm sure that religion is progressive not digressive though.
 unrational
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 154
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/15/2007 2:57:27 PM
I'm pretty much a serial monogamist, so apparently "dating around" is slightly harder for me than my other single friends. And I definitely DON'T sleep around... so if and when the time comes that I DO move to being intimate with someone, even if I haven't officially heard "this is my girlfriend" around one of his friends, its a mutual understanding (I make this pretty clear during the pre-sex stage).

But this varies severely from person to person.
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 155
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 7:39:22 AM
I do not sleep around and it is always at my house, serial dater one at a time , another the next hour and so on , I am such a hoar. I have never asked for sex in my life , I would never ask for it , I prefer not to have it but the pressure imposed on me daily makes me say yes to them .
 ~The Siren~
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 156
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:19:30 AM
Assumptions will only cause you problems,....communicate openly and you can never go wrong...lol...
 Willow55
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 157
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:37:11 AM

Assumptions will only cause you problems,....communicate openly and you can never go wrong...lol...


.. that very statement is based on the "assumption" that both parties are communicating openly AND HONESTLY...... big assumption.

Some are very open... and every word out of their mouth is deceitful and calculated to get them laid. My advice to those people who are just looking to "get laid".... is to "crawl up a chicken's a$$ and wait".

However, with open and honest communication, both parties know exactly where they stand on the commitment issue, before or after sex is involved in the equation.
 MeloFelo
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 158
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/16/2007 8:36:27 PM

However, with open and honest communication, both parties know exactly where they stand on the commitment issue, before or after sex is involved in the equation.


Willow, you're exactly right. It's not that difficult in the real world with real relationships. No matter what someone says in the forums, there is always someone who can point to some anectodotal evidence to the contrary, but most people, who have had real relationships, have experienced the simple truth that, if it is a focused romantic exploration, you will have both expressed intent, as part of becoming sexual. It would be unnatural and odd, to break the natural momentum of a budding relationship, to have some formal discussion of the "rights and responsibilities". I swear, it seems like some people want formal contracts, with lawyers and witnesses, for a simple human response to the expression of deep feelings.

If it's not yet a "committed" relationship, and two people are just meeting each other's sexual need, I think that, too, is abundantly clear to both people going in. Again, in the real world, in real relationships, this is simple and obvious.
 jerryjax
Joined: 7/27/2007
Msg: 159
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 3:55:12 AM
If having sex with a date is meaningless then what do you have to lookforward too ?cheap sex a fbuddy how many other men have been there? sex is a commitment no matter what way you look at it.
 TigerBlackHawk
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 160
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 4:57:50 AM
You know there might be for SOME people... But to me there isn't nothing assumed about it. When I start having sex with ONE woman, I am committed lock, stock and barrel to her and only her. I do not believe in sleeping around. I believe having sex with a woman should be a very tight commitment. Meaning she is someone special and only .... Well, there are a hundred names I won't call them. But only those types Sleep with more than One person at a time.
Hate to sound so Narrow Minded. But its how I was taught. A woman sleep with more than one man and they are dirty. Men seem to think its okay for them to do it. But truth is they are PIGS.

I just say it like it is, why beat around the bush to avoid hurting peoples feelings. Having sex with someone should be "Special" not just another avenue of thinking your not hurting anyone. Cause trust me, you hurt the people you are with when you sleep around.

Good luck folks. And if I pissed anyone off, Good.
 TensawEagle1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 161
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:42:01 PM
Well Tigerblackhawk,

Give or take a few words.... And I pretty much agree with you...

Have a good evening,

Rick
 rjpeagles
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 162
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:11:22 PM
But truth is they are PIGS...
...you hurt the people you are with when you sleep around.


Why is a man (or woman for that matter) a pig for sleeping with more than one person? As long as the people they are sleeping with know the relationship isn't exclusive there should be no problem. And that's also alleviates the "you hurt people" axiom.

I'm trying to figure out where it is written that you can only sleep with one person at a time. Sex is not a committment unless it is explicitly stated as so between the 2 people involved.
 valleyjavastop
Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 163
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 4:09:43 PM
I am sure one or the other will be expecting one now ..
 jaycee283
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 164
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/12/2007 9:43:29 PM
For me... yes, If I am dating several women, and one of them and myself decide to be intimate physically... then I have devoted myself exclusively to this person, and I will stop seeing the others. Trust and communication is the key!!
 HarleyMist
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 165
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:47:42 AM
I agree with alot of the other posts...don't assume ANYTHING!
 3Candles
Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 166
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 167
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:55:19 AM
I agree that assuming will cause problems and communication is key. I just can't understand why uncertainty is being experienced. You would think if 2 people are comfortable enough to get naked, that they should be able to TALK to one another.
 donnaluv2005
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 168
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 8:59:25 AM
This is why communication is key:

If you are the type of person who likes to sleep around and it is not a big deal then I am sure there is no commitment , or you sleep with someone right away, then I would consider that a booty call. But I were dating someone for a few months and we decided to have sex, I personally would have already reached that point of discussing what type of relationship we were having committed or open? Next time just ask the girl what it is she wants out of the relationship with you. Do not be afraid to discuss this before hand and clarify what her intentions are. A wise woman once said " A closed mouth does not get fed". Once the cards are all on the table you know where you stand and can either choose to go forward or end it there, no love lost. Most of us are new to dating again after years of marriage, and nobody knows all the answers...experience is the best teacher and that is what everyone share's I think, is their experience's.

Good luck sweetheart.
 ANGELPS
Joined: 8/11/2005
Msg: 169
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:04:29 AM
I think once you have sex then you and he should stop dating other people..I am old fashioned that way..that is something I ask in the beginning...I ask a lot of questions in the beginning and a lot I never meet for I am not sleeping with a man that doesn't have the same morals I do or doesn't think as I do about important issues that are in committed relationship. I used to just go on one to three dates a week and "find out" things...and no longer want to see that man..I didn't sleep with them. ..so I ask questions so I don't waste my or his time any more. A lot of men fall by the wayside for they HATE my questions or don't like answering my questions or think I have too many questions..well I say BYE BYE cause no man is in my life that I do not approve of and that isn't good enough for me. I don't and won't settle and I know what I want. If they don't care enough about me to get to know me before hitting the sack then good riddens to bad rubbish...I tell them there are tons of women out there that can have sex and it can mean nothing and they go through life having many partners..well not this chick!! I don't do casual sex and I don't do it until I am ready...period and there will be a man that thinks it is worth answering my questions and he may ask all he wants too. And I am in no hurry at all..I've been single for 4 years and HAPPY!
 ozziefan
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 170
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:58:21 AM
The word assume makes an ass of u and me. Assume nothing.
 NatGoat
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 171
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:47:20 AM
Yes . . until you agree on Not being mutually exclusive . .
Sex should indicate a bonding . .
...but . . Many people have different definitions and needs ..where sex is involved . .
 oldsoul
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 172
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:51:30 AM
I've always been my own person and I've never cared for, nor have I ever needed other people's approval for the way I'm supposed to act, think, feel or behave at any given point in my life....and that includes how I view my own sexuality. I felt that way at 13, the age when I first became sexually "aware" and I still feel the same way now that I'm 50. Even after all these years, I still refuse to be "boxed in" or "labelled" for what society deem is the "correct" or "right" or "moral" choices for me. In my opinion, as long as two people are honest and upfront with each other, no one has the right to dictate who and where and when and how many partners one should have or shouldn't have...that is for me to decide, and no one should assume anything just because I've slept with them or not.

rjpeagles said:

"Why is a man (or woman for that matter) a pig for sleeping with more than one person? As long as the people they are sleeping with know the relationship isn't exclusive there should be no problem. And that's also alleviates the "you hurt people" axiom.

I'm trying to figure out where it is written that you can only sleep with one person at a time. Sex is not a committment unless it is explicitly stated as so between the 2 people involved."


I so agree with the above that I just had to quote it for it bears repeating, in my most humble opinion of course.

Live and let live and harm no one!
 beth66
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 173
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 9:21:11 AM
I don't like to assume anything when it comes to relationships. Assumptions lead to heartache. It's best to know what the other persons thoughts are before having sex. Communication is so important. If I choose to give myself to a man without a clear understanding of what we both want I cannot get upset if he dates others after having sex. Until I hear that I'm the only one I will not assume anything.
 NFPexec
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 174
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Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:34:48 AM
For me, it would indicate we were dating, HOWEVER after a lifetime (literally) of dating, I've come to realize that just because I see things one way doesn't mean he sees things the same way. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but we need to have those honest up front talks so everyone knows what is expected and lay all our cards on the table. Otherwise it leads to misinterpretation and hurt feelings down the road.
 MeloFelo
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 175
Is there an assumed commitment between 2 people dating, once they've had sex?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:39:50 AM

as long as two people are honest and upfront with each other, no one has the right to dictate who and where and when and how many partners one should have or shouldn't have...that is for me to decide, and no one should assume anything just because I've slept with them or not.


Yet another topic that is relatively simple in the real world of dating, that becomes overly complex in the fora.

Of course, no one can "dictate" who you sleep with, etc,, and there are all sorts of "relationships" out there. If one, for example, is in an "alternative lifestyle" that embraces multiple partners, NO ONE would expect there to be a committment with sex.

On the other hand, if two people are seeing each other almost every night, talking on the phone and exchanging email throughout the day, one doesn't need a "contract" written by lawyers, and witnessed by friends, to believe that the relationship is exclusive.

Most people, in the real world, know the difference between casual sex, and sex within the context of expressing love for each other, and most people know what the other person believes to be true, based on the context.

That being said, it's not a matter of "force of law", but there are basic "social conventions" that most people "understand", without it being overly complicated.
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