Someone Please" HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN Free Dating, Singles and Personals

Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN Posted: 1/31/2009 7:01:37 AM
I don't know why everyone is being so hostile to the original poster. 'Control your man' is a very common albeit somewhat old fashioned phrase. Basically, what it means is that if a woman's husband fools around, it's her fault. She didn't do something - she didn't give him enough oral sex, didn't have sex often enough, didn't jump quick enough and keep herself at his beck and call. Even women say this to each other, and many of our common comments suggest we should blame the woman whenever anything goes wrong - with the husband, the kids, anything. It's a very old idea and one that still gets repeated many times, even these days. Even if people don't use the term 'control your man', they often suggest that if a man is unfaithful, it's the woman's fault. I don't think it always really is the woman's fault. More likely, the man simply isn't interested in a steady relationship with one woman. He's bored, or simply isn't of the nature that he wants to stick around with one woman. Too, quite often, one 'can't control their man' because he meets someone else and wants to be with that person. Many people simply don't always stay with one person all their lives. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and most relationships simply don't last forever. I don't think that most women are 'crabby' or 'bitchy' or 'critical' for no reason. I've seen 'bitchy' women go on to another relationship and become 'a new person'. The person they were 'bitching' at just wasn't right for them. People often stay with someone they can't stand for years. They feel trapped, they feel they can't find anyone else, or they feel that because of the financial situation, they have no choice. People complain and are critical because they are unhappy. They feel unfulfilled, ignored, taken for granted. Most of the relationships I look at, the 'bitchy' woman really does have a legitimate gripe, and the other partner really is not holding up their end of the deal. Often the 'bitchy' person in the partnership has far less 'power' in the relationship than it may seem. The partner 'makes a show' of 'trying to satisfy her', but really is making token gestures, doing quite a bit of what he pleases, and making a very big show of 'trying to be helpful' without really making any improvement in conditions at all. Sometimes it's illness. Many folks who are constantly unhappy and complaining are actually sick. One of the 'bitchiest' women I ever knew had a chronic infection and low grade asthma. She was always 'tired' and 'unhappy' and 'angry'. She wanted a lot of special favors and help with everything. Everything was 'hard'. When she started taking asthma medication, she was a 'new woman'. A great many women suffer from a very low grade, chronic depression, it's called dysthymia, and it often goes on for years ignored by doctors. They often can just barely get through their day, they go home to complain and say many negative things. They may be irritated at the slightest thing. Over-reacting, finding fault and criticizing just shows how crappy a person feels, and it's often a treatable, medical problem. Sometimes it's unrealistic expectations, such as the idea that a fellow with a very demanding career can easily take an afternoon off or rush home to deal with a family crisis. It may be unrealistic fears or jealousies. People's patterns of thinking are very hard to change. Instead of actually working at that, a partner can get defensive or disgusted when things don't easily and quickly change. But people's thinking habits actually are very hard to change. It takes a lot of time and work. By both people...often the other partner will feel like he's making a lot of accomodations and thinks are not changing much....it's more because it's so difficult for anyone to change any thought pattnern , that that they are 'not trying'. I think it's far more important to learn to accept what happens, not blame either person, and simply go on with life. You won't die if a man doesn't want to have a relationship with you. You may learn something from it, and the next relationship may be a lot better because of it. You may simply learn from it what sort of person to avoid. There may be someone better out there for you to be with. And it may turn out that being alone is actually far more desirable. It really isn't so bad being alone. I don't think people should view it as a failure or a catastrophe. There are many other ways to find fulfillment in one life than having a boyfriend or husband every moment of one's life, and there are ways to meet one's physical needs.