| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 8:32:13 AM |  TIGERHAWK
You are so right on !
You know its amazing to me how this has upset and
turned heads on what she wants to control her man !
No I dont and have answered in prior post , of which did
not get read . But I will say this , there are more men out there
who have and will continue to try to control a woman , In some
form or action There are men who deliberately take sex from women
by getting them high or drunk knowly or unknowingly to take
advantage or even rape them . There are men out there that beat and
control womens comings and goings daily . There are men out there
who put women out in the street , because they used and abused them
only to get or have another victim . There are men out there
who even kill there spouse g/f even children at times if they
did not think feel or act as they wanted or thought they should .
There are more males that contrl women in distasteful manner
that I care to say , and the statistics are there . That is why our doors
are locked now in our homes they use to not be . Its like society
has to live in paranoia of the boogie mens . So dont be offended
guys for my asking a question with no context to it and if there is it
is so minute , And guys would not like it if shoes were on other foot .
Its deceiving and provides false hope for the heart , and provides
pain from the insult and humility of being controlled by fear or
mental or abuse in any form . Its wrong ! Like I said I wanted to know
if women really did that , I might have to go on a benge about
Gods love should I have got a reply . I also think the putting something
in mans fruit happens and I think it is Wrong and could be a deadly
act in the end , You cannot predict how drugs will effect the body at
any given time. God Bless You all with Love inside and outside
1 Corinthians 13 The world needs Love Sweet LOVE  | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 8:39:12 AM | | You DON'T control others - you control yourself. You don't like what's happening, first you talk - if that doesn't help, then you walk. It's up to them to learn some self-control if they want you to be part of their lives. Otherwise, the message is clear: They prefer what's driving you away to your presence in their lives. That's about loving and taking care of yourself. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 11:07:46 AM | I don't want to control a man because then I would have no respect for him. Nor do I want to be controlled because then I would have no respect for myself.
This area of my life is one that had been the hardest for me to deal with...accepting responsibility for the role I had in many situations where not deciding became my decision and choice.
Few things happen totally against our will and when I have attempted to control others I have wound up hating myself.
There is a balance I sometimes have yet to find between being open and looking out for my own interests...being charitable or being a martyr. I think to some degree we all struggle with such issues. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 12:19:38 PM | | Read the book Why Men LOVE ****es - From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own In a Relationship by Sherry Argov...how to be assertive, strong, stand up for yourself, stand your ground, be fiesty, don't give up your life, don't compromise, be a mental challenge, empowered, independent thinker...CHOICE!!! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 12:44:20 PM | I think your message has two separate issues:
1. Why would you WANT to control anyone? Seek therapy.
2. Yes, some of us have the back bone to fight for what we love and who we love, that has nothing to do with control though?
Yeesh! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 1:24:38 PM | Let me give you what you need instead of screaming at you that you can't control a man.
It's not so much control but setting up what you can stand and can't stand at the very beginning. This has more to do with the facade that people use at the beginning of a relatioship. If you let them step all over you--girl or guy--they get to play the card for the rest of the relationship. If you alter how you feel or what's acceptable later then they're confused and don't understand why you never had a problem with it before. Therefore, you must be making up this stuff just to be antagonistic. You also can't go backwards and set up new wants and needs in a relaitionship. People can never deal with that. They think that you would never tell them everything and that the relationship was false if you had never shown how you actually felt in the beginning.
So if things aren't working out and since you didn't elaborate what exactly you would like to control, yeah you need to let it go and start over.
But I will say this. All these comments are pretty much ridiculous and not helpful at all.
It not about control but it is about give and take. But if you have nothing to give then he's not going to give.
Good Luck! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/25/2007 2:14:37 PM | | You can only control yourself ..... no one else. You can create the atmosphere of love and interest that would make someone else want to spend their time with you exclusively and they would in turn create that atmosphere for you, but no one can control another in a relationship or there is no relationship. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 84 | |
| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 12:21:10 AM | What a bunch of crap.
Woman who understand men can control men.
Men that understand women can control women.
It happens all the time around us and is easy to see if you open your eyes.
The main thing is do they use this knowledge to use the other person or do they use the knowledge to create a better relationship for both of them.
We have all seen the not so good looking woman with the handsom man who adores her and we have seen the not so handsome average man with the smashing woman who adores them. Their secret isn't magic it is they know what their partner wants and needs and they make sure they get more than enough of their dose of "control". | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:59:32 AM | First thing you need to do is not say "control"... there are better words to use as your sure not going to get any cooperation in helping a man please you if you tell him your trying to control him | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:17:25 AM | Control has no place in a loving relationship from either side, EVER!
Its easy to spot a control freak once you have experienced it, but not much help if you have not, but if at any point you feel that things are one sided and everything is on their terms, then it is only fair and correct to challenge that, and it is the reaction to that which will be the biggest clue. If they are all apologetic, then do the same sort of stunt again the forget it, unless thats what you want from a relationship. If they try to turn it around like you have the problem then forget it! As long as you have a good moral barometer and clear boundaries, then they will soon move on to a more 'compliant' person if you do not kick them to the kerb in the meantime!
That goes for women and men equally as being a control freak is not gender specific! Nor is any other sorts of beastly behavior! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:17:45 AM | | Don't try to control anyone. It doesn't work and it's manipulation. Just decide whether you can live with their behavior or not and make a choice. Leave or stay. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:58:07 AM | Not that I am condoning this (and I aplogise if it has already been mentioned) but I have seen a british show that akins dog training to man training, the results are amazing - however I feel it would work for both sexes.
In a nutshell it was more about treating the other person with respect and lay off on doing things that makes the person feel bad. To use the phrase you catch more flys with honey would be suitable.
Just my two cents! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:09:04 AM | | The woman who said it may think she is controling her man , but it maybe far from the truth. If you love and respect each other there is no room for control and sometimes woman who think there man wouldnt do this or that should never say never! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:19:00 AM | | Anytime you try ,or think you have to control your man ,or your lady ,its just wrong ,thats not love thats called power , why anyone would want in a relationship, that one or the other thinks they have to control the other , is not for me , the differants between love and control is like the differants between day and night , if you feel you need to control get a dog ,if you feel you are the one that needs controls than get a big dog , but my advice is never mix love and control together, because the together part wont last long , good luck ....... HONEY IN THE MAIL | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:40:41 AM | | Wow do I feel sorry for any guy who attempts to be with you. Men are not to be controlled, they are there for us to be loved and cherished and when they feel their needs are being met they willingly do things to please us. A relationship is not about control it is about being there for each other! | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 94 | |
| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:03:04 PM |
Men are not to be controlled, they are there for us to be loved and cherished and when they feel their needs are being met they willingly do things to please us.
That is a form of control.
Not all types of control are bad. To many people here have hair triggers on certain words.
The accelerator and brake on a car are controls. They do not abuse the car.
Guiding your lovers hand to that special spot so he can please you better is a form of control not abuse.
Making him feel secial and more appreciative of you is a form of control but is not abuse.
Take off the blinders and stop being so myopic on what things mean.
Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
I would suggest you start by reading the replies from men on the thread: Men what do you want from women other than sex ?
And to all the people that blather on about Control bad, control evil, control is abuse. Most men would love to be loved into submission. We don't call it that we call it trying to make the one we love happy but it is the same just using different words. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:12:40 PM | i can't fathom why anyone would think that a healthy relationship is based on "controlling" another person. if you can't trust each other, you've got nothing. control (as defined in this thread) seems to be about manipulating your partner to get what you want (or to alleviate any insecurities you might be feeling).
if someone has to control her partner to feel *safe* in a relationship with him, then perhaps it's time she found a new partner. also, she should consider lookng inward to determine whether perhaps she has some self-work to do as well. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:13:54 PM | | You've lost the battle before even starting if you're using words like "control" & any behavior or manipulation, & gestures that attempts to "control" is just as likely to have the opposite of the desired outcome of love, affection, devotion. Terminology like "my man" ect. , seems to portray possessiveness. Men (& women) are not possessions. People divorce and relationships dissolve for numerous reasons. I'm betting control issues are high on the list of contributing factors, if not the causative factor in the more extreme form. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:14:36 PM | Best bet - read up on career management and building leadership skills - sometimes for women this comes naturally from years of raising a mess of kids and working and balancing it all. Women are awesome at all this naturally. There is no such thing as control - but women sure do have a lot of influence - Just look what Adam gave up for Eve.  | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 2:30:57 PM | To Kazot..
Guiding your lover's hand, or making him feel special or appreciated are not, in my opinion, forms of control in any sense of the word. Guiding your lover's hand for example is a form of communication, for the growth & strengthening of the relationship. Making him feel special, or appreciated, is simply what any woman may do who has a heartfelt desire to make him feel good, without an agenda for something in return. It's selfless acts of kindness & or caring. There are no issues of control if it's genuine. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 5/26/2007 3:12:06 PM | Accepting that you cannot control another person can be a very difficult lesson to learn. I played the role of "fixer" for many years. As a good father and husband ... I believed it was my duty to help my spouse and children when they encountered a problem. Often this required taking control of the situation and the person. I was so good at it I guess I started to believe it was normal and I was doing the right thing. Then after more than 15 years of a wonderful marriage I found myself challenged by another problem ... my wife's addiction to compulsive gambling. I approached like all the other problems I had encounterd in the past but nothing worked. The more time I invested to less of an impact my efforts had. After more than 10 years of stubbornly refusing I finally learned a valuable lesson ... that you can NEVER control another person, regardless of how good your intentions may be. Learning this lesson brought me a lot of pain and frustration and in the end cost me my marriage.
Gary | |
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