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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:18:18 PM | | if you want to control someone...control yourself by playing with yourself...be the master of your domain....have we all turned into zombies? | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/6/2007 2:21:26 PM | Let's see,
Go through his mother and children and united you pretty much got your thumb pressing down on his jugular.
JMHO lol | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/6/2007 3:50:24 PM | | Why would you want to be a control freak anyway......if love is not there forget it! you can never reserect something that id dead or has died. saying i love you dose not give any one the right to invade anyones emotional space. build a bridge get over it and move on we are all here for a good time not a long time | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 11/1/2007 1:41:36 PM | James you may think its insulting when a woman thinks she needs to change a man but for instance if you were totally in love with a guy and he always had his key sticking out the back of his pocket and constantly licked your face you would get annoyed by that and want to change it...dont you think darling??? some men just dont know how to treat a woman...we just like to know where we stand..be straight with us and you are less likely to get moaned at. xxx xx | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 11/1/2007 2:26:49 PM | i think we all do it to some degree, more on a subconcious level...but theres 'negative' control and 'positive'.....but behind the behaviour it's really all about 'intention'...
imo control is all about seeking power and if we abuse this power to devalue the other, it's abusive and the end results may be a bitter, hostile person.....but if we instead use it in a positive way where the intention is to bring out the best in the person and they feel valued as a result, then it's a win-win stiuation...
eg, if my guy agrees to come shopping with me, (he hates shopping), i will tell him how much i appreciate it and go out of my way to make him a fab dinner and as a result we are both happy...i do this with sincerity and even though there is an aspect of 'control' to it, the reward makes it worthwhile... | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I Let everyone know YOU CAN'T CONTROL A MAN!
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:46:52 AM | First & foremost, YOU DON'T CONTROL A MAN!! God has to do that!!
I believe in a man running his household, If he puts God first. Then if he does that in a true manner there will not be a problem. Don't sweat the samll stuff.
I asked a couple that had been married for 43 years, what was their secret. I have been asking all couples that question because when God sends me a husband I would like to get it right. So the man in this couple ( I do believe them to be christians) he said. My grandpa's advice to me when I married was ( YOU CAN BE RIGHT OR HAPPY)
I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. The lady said we don't sweat the small stuff.
How many of you when you were married fought over the color of the wall paper?
Where is the wallpaper now? Where to go on vacation? There is no one to go with now.
DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!! That is now my motto" upbeat in Ga.
.Starlight you are so right. I agree. I'm also asking for Gods guidance with this time in my life. God only knows who we are supposed to be with. I do know that men or women are not supposed to be alone.
Everyone needs someone to talk to, to share with, to grow old with, travel with, eat ice cream with, dream with, dance with, love for a good christian man to teach me how.
Upbeat in Ga | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:23:06 PM | I'm not into control, but I wonder if maybe that term is more being used by those ladies to describe how they manage to make the relationship work.
I watched a television program about how each person's brain works differently--some people thoughts and behaviour are primarily controlled by one lobe, some people's by a different lobe. The author of this book talked about how to recognize the differences and work with that to communicate effectively and have a happy relationship.
When older folks talk that way, I feel they are really meaning that they learned to speak or behave a certain way that made communication more effective and their lives more pleasant.
Nutt | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 2:30:31 PM | | sorry but we're not your remote controls for your tv nor are we your instant cook and please microwave dinner that fills your stomach, we're not going to bow down and kiss your ass to everything you ask us to do. Cuz you wouldn't like it if we control you like that, so if you don't want to be controlled, don't control us either. Eye for an Eye. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:11:44 PM | Simple - find a plain man who's a slave to sex - I call this an 'unevolved man' purely for the sake of argument. They're very common and easy to find - e.g. check out your local strip joint. Then just withhold sex when you want to get your way, and dole it out as a treat when he behaves, and when you're in the mood of course. Don't be 'giving it up' too much or it will lose its potency. Women (some) have been doing this for millenia - it's a tried and tested technique with many examples of success. The story of Samson & Delilah is a good one.
Stay away from:
1. The 'evolved' man, plain or otherwise, who has mastered his desires, since this form of control won't work
2. Attractive and desirable men, since even if they're slaves to sex, they won't have much trouble getting it elsewhere.
(this is often the real reason why women are 'intimidated by' or 'afraid to date' attractive and desirable men that they think might be out of their league*)
*The 'league' effect
Category 2. is very subject to the influence of the 'league' effect. The PC position is to deny that these exist at all of course - such preposterous statements as "no one is out of your league!" are a common example of such fantasy. But since when were human beings not prone to illogic fantasy and self-deception? Exactly.
If you're super mega hot (e.g. Delilah), then a woman can make a sex slave even of a very attractive and desirable unevolved man (witness Samson) especially if she's prepared to 'date down'. Generally not if she's 'dating up' which she'd much prefer to do of course. I think this could well be a general explanation for the "wazzup with hot girls dating ugly guys?!" phenomenon.
So, and in conclusion, there's a nice irony here, and a form of poetic justice if you will;
women who want to control a man, generally can't control a man they actually want.
Yeah, I like that | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 3:59:24 PM | I would like to respectfully offer that many of the previous replies to this Thread have missed the point of your question. You seem to be looking for an answer to the question of why the divorce rate is up and people are willing to walk away from a relationship at the drop of a hat?? The reason is very simple, we have become a lazy society. In general we all take the easy way out of everything. When was the last time someone actually got up to change the channel on the TV??? We would rather spend 15 minutes looking for the remote than just walking across the room to push a button on the set. Or actually washed our own car??? 20 years ago there were very few drive through car washes, now they are everywhere. My point is that we take the quick and easy way out. It's much simpler to just walk away from a relationship and blame the other person than it is to actually confront them about a problem and have them respond to your side of it. They might actually have a point, God forbid. And then you would have to admit that you were wrong and that they actually had a good reason for doing or not doing whatever it was that you had perceived as a problem. I say that you had perceived it as a problem because your mate probably didn't even know that there was a problem. From my own experience my wife left me after 24 years of marriage and I still don't know what the real reason was for her unhappiness. The only thing that she ever told me was "that she had stopped loving me like she felt she should love her husband". Whatever that means. But she lied to me every day for those last 6 years telling me that she was happy in the marriage and that she loved me etc. even celebrating our anniversary with not one but two cards and flowers two months before she left. It was just easier for her to be miserable in the marriage---making me less than happy myself because I knew something was wrong but didn't realize it was between us- than it was to confront the problem and possibly have counciling or professional help. She waited until our youngest son turned 18 and then she left a week latter so there would be no child custody issues because there were no minor children and like I said it was easier that way.
So boys and girls, if you really want to have a long term relationship you need to work at it. Be honest with one another. Bring things out into the open and discuss them, I did say discuss not argue. I am sure that we have all heard of the "old school" idea of never going to sleep with an arguement pending between you and your mate. If you do then it might never be resolved because we tend to move on the next day and the problem just hangs around like dirty laundry, just piling up and smelling more and more each day.
I do hope that I have brought a different perspective to this thread and am looking forward to any replies that may be generated. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:05:24 PM | I think if people want someone to control they should just get a dog.
You are in a relationship with a human being who has free will....
I would much rather someone treat me right, not cheat, stay with me out of their OWN inclination and desire to do so because they care about me and NOT because they are a puppet under my control....controlling someone is not love. 
You can't control people...and if you try to, I think it will end up in a miserable situation. The only thing you can do is communicate and try to work on your relationship because they do take work and compromise since as I said you are dealing with a human being who is not you, who has their own thoughts, ideas, feelings, personality etc. It is not magic and "control" won't work unless you have magical mind-altering powers. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:21:29 PM | | This control idea, it's scary. Have you thought of asking him how you could do this - see what happens. Better to control yourself, sounds like a lotta hard work, relationships are primarily for FUN, pleasure... imho. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:24:06 PM | This is crazy talk. No one's controlling me. Men will do as they please... well... at least this man will. I'm gonna play golf, shoot guns, RIDE MOTORCYCLES, play poker, go drinking with the fellas, watch sports, and stay out as late as I want. As long as I'm faithful and paying my bills on time then no woman can tell me otherwise. Then again that's why I'm single.  | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 4:46:08 PM |
You can't control people...and if you try to, I think it will end up in a miserable situation.
Sorry to say, but that's more PC nonsense. The ugly truth is that people can be controlled, and are, even in this 'free' society of ours. In other less free societies women, for example, are controlled through state/religion sanctioned fear, intimidation and punishment. For example:
http://www.amnesty.org/en/news-and-updates/report/campaigning-end-stoning-iran-20080115
Similarly in our free society people - men and women - are in controlling relationships, some by the stick, some by the carrot, some by a bit of both. Many are to varying degrees complicit in their control; be it by their addiction to something (e.g. sex) or fear of something (standing on their own two feet). Generally I have little sympathy for these
Some too are the unfortunate victims of warped, inadequate, selfish, unprincipled and even violent people, and they have my deep sympathy. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:00:01 PM |
Sorry to say, but that's more PC nonsense. The ugly truth is that people can be controlled, and are, even in this 'free' society of ours. In other less free societies women, for example, are controlled through state/religion sanctioned fear, intimidation and punishment.
I agree that that's true...but that is of a less overt nature and is something that happens through conditioning overtime.
So for argument's sake...yes it is possible to control one's spouse and even to go as far and make a whole psychological game of it and whatnot but most people don't set out to do that and often times if someone is doing that the person will realize and will not like it.
I don't think our societal influences and the messages we learn subconsciously and ingest through our culture are the same type of control as the one on one type in a relationship. Our society's influence is more pervasive and less obvious while I think a one on one relationship doesn't have as much power and is far more obvious. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 5:25:04 PM | | why would you want to control your man? Takes all the excitement outta the relationship....... not to mention ****whipped men get boring after about the first week. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:00:41 PM | Firstly you cant control another individual, secondly why would you want to ? When you get into a relationship its a shared situation, meaning you put in 100% and the other person puts in 100%. You do your part, and they do theyre part.....
Yet, if you do your part, and the other person fails to do the same. Then, chances are theyre not wanting to be in the relationship.
Move on...... Datting is a chore sometimes, but in order to find the steak house you have to pass the burger stands. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:06:33 PM |
I can't believe the OP was even serious when she posted this and if she was, God help the man she wound up with if any were foolish enough to get involved.
Wth kind of relationship is it when someone openly seeks to control another?
Me thinks the OP needs to go buy a puppet to play with. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:44:49 PM |
women who want to control a man, generally can't control a man they actually want.
Yes. Very nice formulation, nicely derived, coruja.
The other way of putting it is that the female conundrum is wanting a man who does everything she wants, but such a man who does everything a woman wants is not a REAL MAN, and she doesn't want him.
I don't know about controlling "my man", but the secret to controlling a woman is to get her young and train her right.  | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:49:48 PM | ^^^LMAO, I was just going to say, who the heck wants to control a man, when it's so much easier to just train one right in the first place? 
Or as my canny gran used to say..."start as you mean to end".
All joking aside though...I think if someone really needs to "control" another person...then they probably have some insecurities of their own that they really need to deal with first. To me, "control" in a relationship is just another way of saying "well I don't like how you are behaving, BECAUSE I can't make you behave the way I want you to".
Communication and compromise work much better for me.  | |
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