| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 7:58:08 PM | u control us with sex and food..its really pretty much that simple..
Learn how to cook a great meal..and give us gratification whenever and whereever we want. We'll be like putty in your hands..of course..don't biotch about anything either, or we''ll be gone faster than a bolt of lightning. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 8:15:38 PM | | Someone very wise told me I had to let go of wanting to be in control and let things happen as they may. Very scary I must admit, but I did realize that when you let go of wanting to be in control, things start to happen. Doors close and others open. Bad things go away and good things turn up in their place. I'm happier now that I've learned to just go with the flow. Does this even make sense what I wrote, lol. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:00:08 PM | I think control goes both ways here - As for what most are saying sorry I
tend to agree why would you want to change or control your mate in the first
place love is a two way street .
People grow and change every day , do you not
accept that person for who they are ? Let me tell you something that control can
lead to mean demanding ways. Try living years of it like I did by someone that
was a demanding control freak you find that you want to run the other way. Guess
what this lady did. The control I had was the feeling that I had to walk , talk , dress
and do what he said or else !!!! Lets not go the or else please.
So I have issues from living with someone 25 years that nothing
ever pleased him and things had to be his way , felt like I could not pee or breath
unless he said so ~ many take control to the exstreams. Tell you what it sure feels
good not to wake up to that each day.
There is a big difference in telling your mate
what you want sexually but to control them for the principle of it I'm sorry I have
issues with that and say NO to control period.
Sorry this topic disturbs me ~Cause I lived till I got the sense to walk away!
Please no pitty cause I'm so much better and hell
of a lot wiser not to put up with BS!
Word Here: If you want to control someone , try just controling ya self and as
for your man accept him for who he is - being controled is no fun at all!
Yours,Brenny
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:18:42 AM | Maybe "control" is the wrong word but I definitely get the point.
So many women seem to accept any behavior from a man, as if he is the last man on earth....
If you accept all kind of behavior any person (including your bf/husband etc) will walk over you and do whatever. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:23:51 AM | | A relationship isn't about control; it's about give and take. Assuming one has the right to do as they please when involved in a relationship is simply just selfish. If I get involved with a man who isn't living up to his role in the relationship, I don't control him, I send him packing. I have no time for someone who is not an active contributor to making a relationship work. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 7/25/2008 3:37:38 AM | | Number one, times have changed a lot since the days of pushing a wheel around with a stick for fun-we have had such technological advances as the tv, the 8 track player and, get this...internet dating sites! Look, people didn't get divorced as much back in those days because women were more oppressed, and had to rely on men more financially than they do now, as well as the social stigma of being divorced. In the 'old days', if a woman was a divorcee, it made her look as though she was 'loose', and undesireable. I do agree that people get divorced waayyyyyy too easily nowadays, and that it's supposed to be until death do us part, not until we get bored with each other. Secondly, you should NEVER try to control someone. It will ALWAYS end up coming back to bite you in the butt. Nobody wants to be controlled, and if you feel like you have to control them anyways, then something's not going right in your relationship that you both need to talk about. A relationship is a partnership, respect your partner as you would yourself, treat them as you would yourself. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/11/2009 9:26:54 PM | I have a Thread under another Topic and man said he over heard
senior womens discussion about the divorce rate and the breakups and
how men & women walk away at the drop of a hat And the one lady said
They dont know how to control there man ! Is this a reality women ?
Can we control our men ? I am open for any suggestions or wisdom
and true stories !
Ok, here's my story:
When I was in my early twenties I met the most talented, best looking, interesting, and entertaining man in the world. I fell deeply in love with him, and he feel deeply in love with me. Everything was great, except that I was the most easily threatened, maniacally jealous, possessive controlling witch in the world when it came to his sexuality. I'd found a damned gold mine and it was MINE! Well, one day he just had enough. He informed me that he would no longer allow my neurotic fears to control his sexuality. He loved me, he wanted me, but he also wanted other women, and he would have them.
It was awful, one of the worst experiences of my life. I kept thinking:
I don't fully satisfy him in bed. There's something fundamentally unattractive about me. Maybe it's that I have small breasts. Maybe I'm just too tall and bony and don't seem feminine enough. Maybe I'm just not feminine enough at all. That's it, it's because I'm mannish.
I'm supposed to be able to keep my man under control. A man running amok means something is amiss at home. I'm not enough woman for him. This will be bad. A man not under control is open field for other women. He's good looking, he's got a good job, he's cool, oh my God, if some other woman tries to sink her claws in him she'll be able to righteously look me in the eye and say, "Well, you obviously can't keep him under control so you're getting what you deserve." How unbelievably humiliating.
When we go out with friends I never know which women he's been intimate with and which women he hasn't been. To think that I sit there making small talk, taking trips to the women's room with some girl who's been sucking my guy's c0ck and they have this little secret and there I am oblivious to it. The shame is unbearable. Are they exchanging little meaningful looks? Am I just a stupid dolt for not knowing that he's paraded all over town just how inadequate I am? That he doesn't even like me or respect me? If he respected me he wouldn't make me look bad like this. Do her friends all talk about how they feel kinda sorry for me because he can't stay true? Am I walking around thinking everything's ok and as soon as I leave everyone buzzes about what a shame it is and that maybe someone should tell me?
And his friends! I bet all his friends know. Do they feel sorry for me? Or are they just slapping him on the back saying, "Good job man, wish I had the guts you have. My girlfriend would kill me if I cheated on her or even got caught looking at other women. Jesus she caught me looking at porn once and I didn't get sex for about two months and she criticized every goddamned thing I did. It was all out war. I'll never do that again. She's scary."
Am I not scary enough? Am I not powerful enough for him to know what he's dealing with here? How can he hurt me so badly? Just who does he think he is? Messing with the likes of me, my God, he must be stupid. I'm going to rip his goddamned head off. This is just too humiliating. I can't cope with it. I can't face it. I can't face anyone. I'm so ashamed. How did my world get so out of control?
It took me a long time to work through it all. To be honest I'm probably still working through it.
Slowly but surely I stopped reacting to reality by making up stories; stories about other women, him, his friends, my friends, strangers. I also became painfully aware that it was all about control. To not have control over my man was experienced as humiliating. This is pervasive in our culture. We're supposed to be the moral compass of our males and prevent them from straying, by being hot, by being scary, by being threatening, by allying with their families, their friends, their friend's wives, in order to utilize all those allegiances to keep the man in line.
It's an insidious type of disempowerment to wittle away their free will by carrying a pervasive aura of threat and forming allegiances in their territories.
And then we hate them for not being "real men". We cease being interested in them sexually and if we manage to stay with them we will eventually talk about them as if they're not even there, saying scathing and terrible things. I've seen it many times.
I've also seen that with scorn and control socially and no heat in the bedroom that men frequently do stray just in order to have one set of eyes in the world that looks upon them with desire, admiration and respect. I've also seen that when scorn and coolness set in that the woman too will stray to someone she perceives as a "real man".
When I finally learned that men are big boys and they can develop their own morality based on how they feel, I stopped trying to control them. Will they make a lot of mistakes in order to learn how they really feel? Yes, probably. But I want to live with a man who doesn't depend on fear of me to be his conscience. It's funny, be even me with all my sexist traditionalism can see that many women still consider themselves the moral factor in men's lives. Well, I wasn't born to be the keeper of the hearth fire nor the image of sanctimony for some man to be worthy of. I wasn't born to be the maternal guiding force in some neotenous boy's life. If we just leave them the fvck alone and let them find their own way then maybe they'll be those "real men" so many of us are looking for. I had to learn to stop monitoring other people's morality and to let them be moral. On their own. For themselves, not in sacrifice. Or fear. Or shame. It's well worth it. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/11/2009 10:17:21 PM | Ok, here is the advice I have been givin from 2 different couples married 60+ yrs. One couple are still in love and the other are more habit than love at this point. You decide which is happier.
couple #1:
Man: If I hadn't signed over everything and she hadn't kept my lifestyle comfortable, I would have traded her in for a "lil de-icer"
Woman: only reward him when he does something that benefits both of you, but always make him feel/pretend you are helpless w/o him
Couple #2
Man: No matter how mad she was at me I had a hot supper, and I learned when to nod after I turned down the hearing aid/tuned her out.
Woman: Once you have them fed and the bills are paid, accept the small flaws like presents, and work to improve the major ones. I.E. "only kiss me when your dentures are out" "can you at least wait til we are in the car before you un-hook my bra"
I know which one I want. Its not so much about controlling the other person, its about picking your battles and how you deal w/ the situation. Some would say both are ways of "controlling the other person", but I think it has to do w/ communication and how you DEAL w/ the other person/ | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:23:30 AM |
And the one lady said
They dont know how to control there[sic] man !
OMFG...I can't even begin to describe just how utterly WRONG that statement is on SO MANY LEVELS.
You wanna control someone, buy a robot.
Until a time that I come equipped with a place to insert the batteries or charger, and come with a manual for ease of use...the mere idea that I could be controlled is so beyond laughable that I may require surgery to reattach my ribs.
Control their man...un-f*cking-real. 
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/12/2009 12:35:48 AM | | Relationships are about creating together. Once you get to a point where one or the other says "and this is your part" without sharing the idea first, the relationship is weaker. I may not want to do the part you have in mind for me and I may not share your belief in the idea. When we can began to appreciate the very freedom that the human spirit will always seek, and we appreciate our partners' uniqueness, our relationships expand. Don't tell your partner what you want to change, tell them what you appreciate about them. Do that enough, and believe in what you are telling them, and he or she will become the person you want. Focus on the faults and they will become more evident in your life. Your choice..... | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:19:50 AM | OP, didn't read all the responses, but....
First you can't control someone! The only person you can control is you. The scenario you painted sounds like making someone a doormat... and I don't need a doormat in a relationship. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/13/2009 8:06:17 AM | You can't control a man! You can't change a man! why do women insist on trying this?? Sheesh..
What you CAN do is make sure he WANTS to come home to you every single day of your relationship. Make sure YOU keep the relationship interesting and intimate! the biggest reason men cheat is because of lack of intimacy. So keep it ALIVE! True intimancy can be found while cooking breakfast if you want to find it there. If you try to control the guy he WILL leave and rather quickly I'd be willing to bet. If you keep him thinking about you all day, he will want to come home to YOU every single day. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:20:49 AM | No one can control another person who has mind of his own... Unless the man has nolife and nowhere to go,he'd take any abuse until he find a way to get out of the relationship. Controling is abuse treatment. Lovingkindness is what holds the bondings,forgiving is what holds the relationships,and this is not difficult to do. It is true that break ups and divorces rate are high,that is due to women expect their husband to provide for their livelihood and their high maintenance and treat their husband like dirt, they think they can even have a lover at their work /or internet in the open. This is my observation on the TV show Divorce Court and some women who went astray in my work place... | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:38:12 AM | | I don't want to control ANY man. If I were to fall in love it is going to be because the man I love is special and I accept him just as he is.............If I were to change him, I assume I would fall out of love with him and my love for him would end. Irony..... | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/13/2009 9:39:18 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.............................................
Free will!
Hasn't anyone else ever heard of those two little words?
NO one can control any other human being.
We may "guide".. our young.. and "think" we can control them.. but.. we can only ever "teach" them what is perceived as right from wrong.
We may use inanimate obects as a means of teaching control of behavior.. but.. we can never fully control any other human being.
As far as those griping about the opposite sexes being in control of sex.. food.. and so on.. that control must first be relinquished by the person doing the griping. That would then be giving control over to someone else for whatever reasons.. or excuses. NO one just "takes" control over anyone else.JMO | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/13/2009 10:33:37 AM | reminds me of a poster a past girlfriend had on her wall:
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE! 
if it comes back it was ment to be
and if it doesn't come back... -sorry, but your gonna have to hunt it down and kill it
(something like that)
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 6:58:59 AM | My guess is that these ladies are jokingly talking about "controlling" a man. What they probably all know but aren't talking about are things they learned as young girls/women from their mothers and mother's mothers. There is a book called "All The Rule" - time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. It is very insightful and has basically common-sense information that I have found very helpful in the last 3 months.
Warning - do not let your guy even see this book. He will hate it. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 7:00:42 AM | 'how do (you) control (your) man"???
duct tape and a cattle prod should do it
yeah, control
after all, that sure beats partnership in a relationship, eh?
*insert tongue in cheek icon here* | |
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