| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:41:28 AM | From what I have seen of this so called American culture, most men, being innundated by the media for thinner, younger, hotter sex partners, readily accept the idea that they are entitled to cheating or disposing of their wife for a newer model. Marriage is no longer "till death do us part." The amount of men who have any form of integrity and loyality in a relationship is miniscule. They feel entitled to having their sex the way they want it.
From what I have seen, most women end up keeping their marriage in check with a lot of financial power and the threat of ruining a man financially if he chooses to fool around and leave. I used to be totally against this action. But I am learning that this is perhaps the only way that a man will stay loyal, if he is forced into it and finally resigns himself to monogamy, and makes the best of it. Most aggressive men have to have
consequenses set up for their actions or they will not respect any kind of boundary.
Anotherwords, he will do as much as he can get away with.
This, is not "all" men, but I think for the bulk of men, at least the ones I encounter, it rings quite true. They only way they respect their partner is if she holds very tight reigns on the power of the relationship. Otherwise he does not value her.
So unless you are a really strong woman, I suggest staying single if you don`t want to fight this battle, as I have. I don`t have the stomach for it.
Being single, I find that the best way to keep the man interested is great sex, great food, just talk about him all the time, and try to look as thin hot and sexy as you can.
If you massage his ego, make him feel great about himself, like he is some kind of god or something, he loves it. But also, be ready to walk at the drop of a hat, don`t be vulnerable, don`t let your emotions get out of control, and he knows he is replacable and that you wouldn`t think twice about it. Don`t ever let your guard down, don`t ever cry, don`t go to him with problems, don`t ever show any type of vulnerabilty.
Act as if you are totally together, pleasant all of the time, and don`t count on him or expect a thing from him. Most men love this attitude and will stick around until you are through with them.
The best control is self control. In this, he will know that you are fine with or without him, and if he doesn`t want to be with you, he knows where the door is . | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 8:49:32 AM | | controlling people good luck with that cause if people tried to control me they're as good as gone like sawdust before my eyes. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:38:59 AM | easy...
* sound proof basement
* sterile pliers
* choke chain
* 5 ft eletrical cable wire
* surviellance cam
*kidding* ....the basement does not need to be sound proof...
ok.. See what a nuisance it is setting out to "control" anyone.? Think about it a sec.
Would you want someone to control you? Hell no.. Then don't even bother contemplating that for someone else.. We are what we are .. If a person does change
some negative aspect of themselves, be assured that its only because they want to.. not you ..
If a person is behaving in a manner counter to your liking and communication is ineffective, then you must step back , assess and move on dot com | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 11:55:45 AM | Wow...what have we got here? Control huh?
Well...I think that anyone who uses words like control, obey, submit, superior, etc. when talking about the dynamics between two full grown adults needs to take a looooooong walk as far away from me as possible.
I'm not sure I could control myself and not want to poke them with my fork if they didn't ;)
*oldwearysoul wondering when the insanity will end*
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 12:31:16 PM | Why would anyone want to control another person, especially your man? Would you really be happy with someone who gives you everything you want when you want it? OK maybe for awhile! But I believe part of a good relationship is the differences of both parties and how they work together to solve a problem.
You were attracted to his personality, hopefully not with the thought in mind of how to FIX it. No one is perfect and I believe love and communication will make all those big differences, or challenges small and liveable. I learned a long time ago those big problems of today or usually so small that they don't even matter a year from now. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 2:34:45 PM | | Why try to control anybody, you fell for that person in the beginning for who he is. I feel a relationship is a 2 way street, you work together not against each other. So why change each other. No one has the right to control the other person this will only bring hard feelings in the end. So live and let live. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/15/2009 4:28:06 PM | | Ugh, that is anathema to me. If I can control a guy, we're both going to be m iserable in the long run, and he is definitely not the guy for me. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 10:28:28 AM | before my divorce, we went to family therapy and i was informed i needed to "train" my husband. short of putting newspapers on the floor and awarding him with biscuits, i found the remark very objectionable and resumed discussion later on with a male therapist in order to center myself. i found his wisdom to be very comforting and although i can call him at any time, he basically told me i don't need fixing and don't need to put the right man on any sort of leash. key word: right man (for me).
i do think that there are very key differences in men and women that both sexes need to openly addresss and understand. i find anything else rather weary. if at my age, the man in my life is a screw around, then i think something is very wrong with his "development". 'nuf said there. i would like him to be somewhat of a lover or passionate, depending upon his nature and personality, but i assume he would have other things on his plate, besides chasing a whole bunch of other women. i figure i can provide the part that is about intimacy. if he doesn't want intimacy and monogamy and to be a best friend, well then--to hell with him. sexuality is not restricted to crotch to crotch. gotta see eye to eye and connect at the heart. also be able to walk hand in hand. furthermore, this does not mean you are totally the same, but like complementary pieces to a puzzle, you can still manage to stick together.
yes, this world has come to quite a stalemate between the sexes. so, i hope to find a mate who is on the same wavelength about "understanding" and if not, i'd rather pass him by and go for where the "light" shines, rather than take out a leash and my training manual.
there are times when i know to keep my mouth shut. i assume the same for him. if the wrong thing is said, however, i don't expect to be punished for it or be the one who doles it out. i'd much rather share in the feelings of passion and joy and deep friendship. for that, i need someone who looks at the world, eye to eye with our inner cores somehow in resonance. again, not necessarily the same in all things, but complementary in our approach, each one balancing out the other where there are deficiencies and where there are talents. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 10:47:48 AM | Controlling men? Wow.....
Goodluck in controlling someone and trying to be with someone who doesn't WILLINGLY want to be with you.
Only desperate women speak in such terms. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 11:55:03 AM | You can't control someone. If people are being successfully controlled by their partner its generally cause of insecurity, abused (so afraid to leave and most still love their abuser), financial reason, kids together, etc. It's no life to live and won't be happy.
You always have a choice and the right to do what you want (as long as legal and not doing your partner wrong in anyway). | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 12:01:29 PM | | I for one think that one party trying to control the other (regardless of gender) is one of the major reasons for divorce! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 12:12:16 PM | Why would anyone want to control anyone?!!!
Why would anyone want to "fight" for someone??!!
Half the fun of being with someone is knowing they're happy to be with you! | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 12:15:12 PM | | The only person anyone has any control over is youself. (You can control a child's behavior by setting rules and consequences for breaking the rules.) Good luck | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 12:25:35 PM | | I laughed loudly when I saw and read this post! Ask yourselves, do you like to be controlled?? I sure don't nor will I ever attempt to control anyone except in the bedroom. And since when is fighting a good thing? Violence solves nothing but only confirms stupidity. I give and take equally with anyone. But when the taking form another gets to be ALL taking, it's time to call it quits. You can't have a give and take relationship when there is control involved. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 1:40:22 PM | I once got in to a debate with 2 guys about this subject about controlling women.
Since, OP, you seem to think it is fine to control men, you should therefore find it agreeable that men should control women ... in which case you may find my conclusions, interesting.
There were 3 of us, one guy had the view that it is possible to control a woman all the time, the other believed that control like that is a total impossibility, and I stipulated that in a manner both were correct, but that ultimately control controls the controller and mostly its illusion they place upon themselves.
Here's roughly what I said at the time.
Whilst present it is possible to exert an influence over another person, intially if they fall to that influence, a person may take it that they have attained control over them. However what they have is nothing more than influence, the question is the degree of influence. If we factor into this time it may be come habitual for them to fall to this influence. This may also be percieved as control. However it clearly is not actually control, it is habitual falling to a repeated pattern of influence. The person subjected to this is still choosing, perhaps less consiously than the first few times, and perhaps to a now more complex pattern of events that can be counted as influence, but still they are.
Ok, so thats the first part, now of the controller.
The person controlling has to keep this up, each time they are looking for something in the person they are subjecting to thier behaviours to signal success. Whilst they are around them they are confident in this success as they can verify it. This is where it starts to fall apart. What happens when this person is not around thier intended target? Are they now under your control or do you hoope that they are? A person in this position must keep trying to extend thier contact and conditionin. It is a very simple matter to identify where the point of balance is and destabalise it. In fact this is instinctual, even children do it. So now the controller is being drawn in by thier own attempt to prove thier control by getting all the more invasive and the person being controlled is either accepting it or even turning it around back on them. Either way, the controller is going down a very dodgy spiral and the person being contrlled is making use of thier confidence when they believe thier control is effective or is even turning it back on them. Ultimately all they do is increase their stress, and make themselves victims of themselves.
So it is possible to control all of the time, whilst you are there, if you believe influence is control. Also you ahve to lie to yourself and have a distinct requirement to be more important than you are. In other words a person who feels such a need is weak, insecure and requires to secure another person to put them on pedastal to supplement their lack of ability to find any worth in themselves. So they control themselves here also, because if they spent thier time looking at themselves in this light they wouldnt get out of bed, they need to keep thier own attention off thier big secret insecurities and shift this lack of personal balance on to another (in that lays the secret of simply sending an attempt to control back at such a person, in a non-violent manner).
Ultimately however any interaction with other people results in influences, the question is what sort and to what extent is it allowed.
I wish you the best of luck in your chosen path. May you enjoy the interesting times they bring. Trial by fire can be such fun. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 5:10:02 PM | Whoa, talk about digging-up an old thread!!
Is this person, place or thing you wish to "possess" a WANT or a NEED?
Control is an illusion. All you really have is an exchange. Give and take, and take and give. That's it. If you believe you have control over someone else, you're absolutely wrong. They may actually have more control over you than you realize. The fact that you even believe you have this control is how they're controlling you. Just like you have something the other person wants/needs, that person also has something you want/need. They let you believe you have influence or control. There are two sides to this street. If you want this shiny golden delicious apple it'll cost you 50 cents. That's fair. If you buy it and it's got worms, that's not fair. If I let you walk off with it after giving me 45 cents and a wooden nickel, that's not fair either.
Who said life was fair?!? Now we're talking more along the lines of exploitation. Yes people do exploit others and allow themselves to be exploited. Why? Because they don't know any better. Because they feel they MUST HAVE something. Because they FEEL some kind of FALSE SENSE OF SUPERIORITY because other people choose to do what is requested of them. Children think like this also. It's two dimensional "King Baby" thinking. If you request something of me - I can also choose not to fulfill it. Therefor I have control, over myself. That's the only control I have.
There are no victims, only volunteers. Therefor nobody controls anybody else. We only believe we do. We only make choices and requests, requests and choices.
That person may even have an equal "self perceived illusion of power" to match your own. Is the other person aware that they have what you want/need? What if what you're offering is only a want to the other person, and what the other person has is something you need? Then it would seem that the other person is, in fact, "in control" of you. You need what they have, but they can live without what you're offering. Maybe they'll find it somewhere else. That's the real deal. That person may actually believe that you want/need him/her MORE than they want/need you. And so the tables have turned.
Who is controlling who?
My only needs are food, shelter and clothing -all things that can be provided freely to me if that were the case and I was that desperate. Everything else is a want.
Mike | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 5:27:28 PM | u can control him to a point of him listening to u telling him to respect u. an if he doesnt jus ignore him an treat him like he treats u. When he gets tired of u mistreatin him the same way he is treating u then he will listen to u. Then he will figure out that u are not the one who is going to accept his disrespecting an treat u right. Remember ladies dont do wat he says be hardheaded an he will soon change his attitude towards u cause he see that being mean to u is not working so he will soon be nice after u tell him u not having it in a nice way of course an never let him see u mad an he will wonder why. dont let him make u think let him think. Think about how stupid he is looking an actin as a man talking to a women with immaturity Let him grow up an be on yo level as a grown women.  He will get it sooner or later trust me an if he dont . Oh well. | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 5:27:46 PM |
It's quite easy to control men if you know their weaknesses. Once you have that, then it's quite easy.
Very slick, that's the oldest game in the book!! The thing is god made lots of women (makin 'em every day!!). That's how to get past that one. Can't put that p**sy up on a pedestal.
Hey, women have their weaknesses too!! But god doesn't seem to make as many handsome AND generously wealthy guys. I guess ugly and generously wealthy will have to do, right? LOL
In the last example the hot pool boy always wins. That's definitely what I want to be when I grow-up!!
Awwww yeeaaahhhhh!!
Mike | |
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| Someone Please HOW Do I CONTROL MY MAN
Posted: 1/30/2009 5:28:21 PM | i hear that but some people are like that and use "Love" as a reason to control there men/ women lol,
might be wrong but who knows lol | |
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