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Posted: 6/11/2007 12:36:48 PM | Just in general to the "baggage" question. Baggage, for me, is not exes, children, etc. It is any of that undealt with. I don't mind hearing, occasionally, about what the last woman did in his life. It's when there IS no other subject that I get on along down the road.
Same with kids. Whether they're young or old, they are part of their parents life. But if that parent is spending lots of time bailing them out, or picking them up from rehab, or letting them dictate what's going on between us, then *that* constitutes baggage.
Or parents, or friends, or jobs, or anything. If he's dealing with it well, it isn't baggage. If not, it is: big time.
Just my opinion. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 4:10:44 PM | | only baggage i have a problem is, the emotional baggage of another. seems many are still attached to their exes in some ways and i am not saying because of their kids either. its totally understandable they have to keep in contact because of the kids and they should. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 4:33:04 PM | You aren't doing anything wrong. Guys don't really want a relationship. If they say they do, they are lying to get into your pants. All they want is sex. They won't stick around long enough for you to get used to them because they want to keep their freedom to get to try it with every woman alive.
I am giving up too. There is no point in looking for something that doesn't exist. I am going to do something else with my time and enjoy my life alone. Guys are a total waste of time. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 4:50:14 PM | I am officially discouraged to. What is strange about that is we are the same age. A few years ago I was single for about three years. (didn't date for a year or so after a really bad relationship) but when I did, The old Harley I owned constantly broke down, pissed off anyone who had the misfortune to ride with me. And got me laid more times in the two years I dated than I had been in all 40 years before that.
Now I am financially responsible, have a really nice bike,a good job,a nice place to live. And could not get laid to save my life. I haven't a clue why this is? Good luck. JD | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 5:11:14 PM | For all those on the verge of giving up: I joined PoF last year before my 41st birthday, and I sent out lots of mails to women I thought would "click" with me. Some messages were replied to, others deleted after being read. Some deleted without being read.
Ok, Im not the best looking guy around, nor am I the worst. I have a great sense of humour, but most women just passed me by without so much as a hello. Not giving me a chance at all. Im sure a lot of you women can say the same about sending message to men on here too.
In my time on here I have now met 6 women.
One who lives locally I am very good friends with. It never went past the friendship stage.
One who lives away I have met a couple of times. We contact each other for occasionally, but it is not going to go further than that.
One I met twice, but then she was angry because I forgot her birthday, and gave me a huge bollocking for forgetting (she only told me the day before when I met her for the 2nd time)...Have still sent her a message to wish her luck and ask how things are going.
The other 2 we had a single date, but there really was no chemistry at all.
After so long I was on the verge of giving up too. Just not sure what women were wanting on here. I can string sentences together. Can have a laugh, even at my own expense. I have a great sense of humour too. Was almost not logging into any of these sites, then out of the blue I get a message from someone. I read it, and never replied...I was busy over the Bank Holiday period, and was not sure about carrying on with it all.
After the Bank Holiday I read her message again, and replied out of courtesy. I made her giggle. We exchanged 4 or 5 messages and then we met last Sunday for just over 2hrs. Things went VERY WELL, and we are gonna carry on seeing each other too.
We seemed to just connect straight away, and I am very pleasantly surprised and happy how things seem to be progressing.
THERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF US.
Dont lose faith. Stick at it.
xxx
Shaun | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 6:08:38 PM | | Im with the op and Kydixie cat on this one but I got all of you beat, Ive been single for 7 yrs,lol. sure had enough dates to fill a calender but Im at the point of giving up too. I thought I had finally met Mr Right, we had so much in common it was scarey., he was the perfect man, sweet, romantic, funny, kind but his family convinced him I was too old for him. I am convinced he was the right man for me right from the start but hes gone. So im at the place of giving up too. Most of the men on this site are not interested in long-term. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 7:02:08 PM | I'm done, tired,fed up with the women on this site and in Connecticut specifically! They say thay wnat a " Nice Guy" with a "Good Heart" ECT., ECT.,ECT. That is such Bull#@@#. I read their profiles, I see if we have some things in common and I send them a nice e-mail and I get" read delete" or read and no response at all. Am I that hideous looking? I don't mean to rant here......Well maybe I do! To all the nice women that live in other parts off the country I appologize!....Thank you  | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 7:12:31 PM |
Most of the men on this site are not interested in long-term. I am very sure you won't find any man who really wants long term. If they last a week you are VERY lucky. Anything past a week they may have to stop seeing other people and loose their freedom to play the field for the rest of their lives. Even if he does stick around he will sneak around to sleep with other women any chance he gets. One women is never going to be enough for any guy. That isn't want any guy wants. There is no point in looking for any guy long-term. That doesn't exist. If they say they want long term, it is only because they think that is what women want. It is a way to get women to meet them so they can have a one night stand. After they get what they want, you can bet your life he is going to be gone. That is all any guy really wants, no matter what he claims to be looking for. There is no point in wasting your time - it is all a total waste of time unless you want a different guy every night. Then you can be busy every night of the week for the rest of your life. All you have to do is to put a good picture on here and say you are looking for 'fun' .. you will need a secretary to keep track of your schedule. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 7:19:51 PM | Wanda49 - that's a pretty sweeping statement, that no man is looking for long term. Actually, it's true, for the most part. Most men do not want long term.
I think that if you play your cards right, and let a man know from the get-go that you are not looking for a quickie, but you want to get to know him, he'll respond in kind, and he might find that he is open to long term after all, that is, if he gets to know you, and discovers that he really likes you.
In short, don't put out on the first date, and you might find them sticking around a little longer.
Jeez, didn't mom teach you anything? | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 7:34:33 PM | | WOW.. if you think that is true you must be from another century.. There is no guy alive who will wait 5 minutes to have sex with someone. I don't put out on the first date - that is why no one sticks around. That is all guys want is a one night stand or no- committment sex. When a guy thinks a women expects committment - he disappears off the face of the earth. No guy will ever want long term. That is just a fact of life. If that were possible I would have found one person I could see would want that - not necessarily with me but with anyone. Guys just don't want to be tied down with any one person no matter how he is treated or if he likes the girl or not. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 10:06:01 PM |
WOW.. if you think that is true you must be from another century.. There is no guy alive who will wait 5 minutes to have sex with someone. I don't put out on the first date - that is why no one sticks around. That is all guys want is a one night stand or no- committment sex. When a guy thinks a women expects committment - he disappears off the face of the earth. No guy will ever want long term. That is just a fact of life. If that were possible I would have found one person I could see would want that - not necessarily with me but with anyone. Guys just don't want to be tied down with any one person no matter how he is treated or if he likes the girl or not.
If what you said were true, then the race would have died out long ago. Because no man could wait more than five minutes. And this does not match your previous statements. That was why I said what I did. It was in response to your previous statement, in which you alluded to the fact that after a man gets what he wants, he disappears.
Which way is it, dear?
If he can't wait five minutes, then he must not have got what he wanted. In that case, why do you complain? You got rid of the ones who can not commit.
You must be looking for love in all the wrong places.
I assure you that there are many men who want a long term relationship with the right woman. How do you think there came to be so many married people?
Maybe your penchant for making great sweeping generalizations is what is causing you to have difficulties. Do you treat your dates that way? Do you treat them like they are despicable a**holes who have no manners and are incapable of love? Are you desperate? Needy? Are you trying too hard? Are you pushing them away?
Since the only thing common between you and ALL your dates is you, I'd look there for the answer to the problem.
Learn how to love yourself. No man can resist a woman who honestly loves herself. (I'm not talking conceit, or vanity.)
The bonus comes when you love yourself - you love everyone else.
And that is very attractive. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 11:27:58 PM | message to Wanda.....
sorry that you have had experiences so horrid to make you so bitter. Many of the rest of us, in this hemisphere and this century disagree.
This is a quote from your own profile......perhaps you recognize it....
"- being with someone who is judgmental or critical isn't much fun"
Perhaps some serious personal counselling might help you get past the obstacles that are imparing your ability to relate to others on the planet without such bitterness and sweeping generalizations. I am not sure that I could handle that kind of negativity and bitterness for a week so if a man did.. God bless him. IMHO
In any case good luck to you...
Response to message 26..
..your friend who doesn't want to hear about a woman's children should not date women who have children. As for the ex... well that does get tiring after a time.. but a woman is forever responsible for her children. A man who sees children as competition should avoid them....and their mothers. | |
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Posted: 6/11/2007 11:31:52 PM | The bonus comes when you love yourself - you love everyone else.
And that is very attractive.
Bingo! (and in either a man or woman)(or a cat)
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Posted: 6/12/2007 1:59:47 AM | I AGREE THAT MOST MEN DO NOT WANT A LONG TERM RELATION..... 'but" in all the relationships that get started when the man finds out he isnt going to get "LUCKY", he makes up some excuse and never comes around or call anymore. They just quite calling!!!!!!!!! Thus leaving you hanging. I'm not saying to give in, just that when you are online, its hard to tell when one is telling the truth or not or if the picture they post are really them. I myself prefere not to post my picture, because i believe a relationship isnt based on looks, its what is in yourself. I havent any luck in a while. it seems that all men are looking for barbie doll perfections!!! | |
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kia983
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Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 65 | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 2:29:29 AM | I am right behind you. I have met a couple of really nice guys on here and you know who you are. But no real dates or conversations other than the couple I mentioned. I don't know what it takes on here.. How aggressive you have to be or what but it just did not work out for me. So Bye POF good luck to everyone!
Take care & Be Safe! | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 4:01:35 AM | | While I'm not new to dating again, I am new to this site. Chances are I will not stay for long. There are many good points that have been brought up on the subject of "giving up" by both men and women. Yes, by a certain age we all have some baggage BUT, we also have a much better idea of what we really want and how willing we are to wait for it. Still, a person can't wait forever, there's too much fun to have. Some of the things I've noticed is an overall lack of both honesty and courtesy. If you're not honest with yourself about yourself and what you really want how can you be honest with someone else ? This is a very big issue for most men, althought a touch of mystery is intriguing, we want someone we can trust, not someone we have to try and interpret on a daily basis ! Don't misrepresent yourself - we all have different concepts of what is hot and what is not, and while we want to make a good first impression - a touch of realism can help here. Only in looking beyond the physical can we find out what is really hot about a person. Still, let's face it, looks are as important to a woman as they are to a man, so have a picture available and call it like it is which ties right into having realistic expectations. Women - prince charming is right in front of you - you just fail to see him because you're looking for a storybook personna - look deeper ! Men, same goes for us, there's good women out there if you give them a chance. And that brings me to my final thoughts. Common courtesy. How can men even give women a chance if they don't have the courtesy to respond ? I answer every mail I get, and, yes, sometimes I'm a jerk and say I'm looking for something else, but, isn't that better than not knowing at all ? At least I'm honest and I will try to maintain a friendship. I know what would work for me in my life and what would not. However, the least I can do is be nice to someone who has found me interesting enough to take a chance to say hi and be friendly. Who knows, in taking the time we may find the things that are really hot ! Ya know, these are issues that have gone on forever and will continue to do so. Peace | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 4:06:32 AM | I treat every guy I meet with respect and I am sure I make them comfortable with me. I am a good listener and most people like that. But being a good person on the inside isn't what guys want. I only get angry when they treat me like crap which is just about everyone. Guys just don't know what they want .. They either only want sex with anyone they can get it from or they want a young looking skinny woman to hang on his arm and don't care how she treats him. Other than that - the guys I have met have been idiots - with no job and no social skills. One guy I met only talked about his toe fungus.. I couldn't get out of their fast enough.
I need to at least take a break. I like the person I am, but no one else does. I have been on this and other dating sites almost 4 years with nothing but the same kind of guys. I read on these forums that a lot of people have the same problems I am having... guys and girls. The ' nice' guy wants the super model type girls and the good looking girls are ****es or only want the guys who treat them like crap..so no one gets what they are looking for... ... It is good to see it isn't just me.
Good luck.... you will need it. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 4:58:40 PM | Wanda49 said "One guy I met only talked about his toe fungus.. I couldn't get out of their fast enough."
LMAO. That's a good one. Can't say that I blames you. I would have run, too.
I don't know where you live or how you are meeting these guys, Wanda49, but it sounds like you are attracting all the idiots.
I feel for you. I hope you figure out a way to not do that.
I think this web site is full of lonely, desperate people wanting dates with those who are out of their league. It's an age-old problem, we all want what we can't have. (I didn't say YOU.)
I remember a few years ago, getting involved with some dating sites while working in Texas, and it seemed like internet dating was the new wave, the new deal. Now, I don't think anyone has much faith in it.
Ladies, just a general comment. Men are visual creatures, we can't help it. We are attracted by what draws our eye. An attractive woman does it, every time. But that's not all that we like. We definitely do not want a long term relationship with someone who is an idiot, too negative, too b*t*hy, or too anything. Contrary to popular belief (expressed here on this thread) , men DO care what kind of person a woman is, and what she has inside.
BUT, physical attraction is the FIRST draw. We can't help that, any more than you can help who and what YOU are. If you are going to rail against that and complain, then you are not accepting reality. A man is a man is a man, just as a woman is a woman is a woman.
A man is NOT an insensitive, thoughtless, clueless woman with an extra appendage, anymore than a woman is an over-emotional, hyper-sensitive, illogical man without an appendage.
Get used to it. You are all old enough to know better.
There is a very curious, if not widely known, phenomenon called psychic pick-up. The way it works is, people can sense other people's emotions and thoughts, even if they don't realize it. So, if you go around thinking that men are all idiots who want only one thing, then that's what they feel from you, like it or not, and you either attract that type, or the good ones feel uncomfortable in your presence and leave.
Love yourself. Love others. I mean not in your mind, but in your heart. You have to FEEL it.
I just read your profile, Wanda49, and you have some serious problems there. One, you are still married, even if separated. Two, you sound very much like a woman who hates men. Three, you have so many hoops to jump through that perhaps the good guys just pass. Four, you have no photo, and you state that you will never do anything to make yourself attractive for a man. So how do you expect to attract a good man?
Good luck. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 5:45:17 PM | I agree with you lass, my ex found one on here in a matter of weeks, but then again she is the spitting image of hie deceased "perfect wife". Before meeting him I was divorced 15 years raised my 2 children with an absentee father. I have 2 "Non-Smoking" related strokes, recover enough to continue raising children. After my strokes, men would "run" at the thought of a woman my age already have had such a major health problems- I have met made/ many men around my age on this dateline. Yes he(ex) traded"up" for a younger healthier one. After 3 years I do not plan on giving up- I still remember those previous "happily divorced" years .The one thing I did learn with my past marriage was myself better ,than I have ever known.Unfortunately the one person that gave me the strength to leave my ex(who turned out to be verbally/physically abusive) recently"passed on"I am readjusting to my pre-divorced life and enjoying it more this time around since both of my children are grown and on their own.But this time ,I will not "settle" as my kids chose for me. I raised my kids not to look on the outside of a person-looks change,but what's on the inside stays on. Good luck to those who never give up  | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 5:51:58 PM | I myself am on the fence as if I want to continue to use this medium to meet someone.....and not because of bad dates or lack of interest.........to me,being single is a choice, an option, having a partner is not a neccessity!!.....but how lucky to have someone to share with......have been on this site a couple of years ago and was off for awhile as was in a relationship......been back on met a couple, nothing sparked but made a new friend!!!......and couldn't we all use more of those....... | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 6:14:53 PM | There has been some extensive use of a familiar phrase in dating sites lately.....
Blessed Are Those Who Expect Nothing... For Thay Shall Not Be Disappointed..... Merely Positively Surprised. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 8:02:39 PM | | I took my picture off because I was giving up on it. I enjoy the forums so I didn't take my profile off so I could still be involved with talking to people this way. I got one message today from someone without my picture, but you can bet your life after I sent my picture to him I won't be hearing from him again. That is the way it is. I see other girls photos and I don't think I am any better or worse looking than they are. I wish I could find one guy to explain to me what men are actually looking for. I don't have any warts on my nose. I am not disfigured in any way. I could stand t loose a few pounds. I have a good job and my own house. I have a couple of very independant kids who don't give me a lot of trouble. I have my freedom to do whatever I want without having to worry about my kids. It is still not good enough. Guys are looking for the perfect looking women. I find the older and uglier the guy is, the more shallow they are. I guess they feel they need to search until they find the younger more beautiful girl to spend time with him, so he will feel he still can attract the beautiful women and won't settle for anything else until he finds that. The same guys are on every dating site I have looked on for years.. and they wonder why they are still not having any luck. I have to laugh when I see the same guy who rejected me 3 years ago still looking for that super model to fall in love with him. It is funny - but at the same time very sad.. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 8:44:23 PM | I like what you said to those weman.It's kind of refreashing. | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 8:53:08 PM | | good luck with that it give's other people hope. Thank's to you for writing that. Sue | |
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Posted: 6/12/2007 9:07:56 PM | cuddles1961 I got all of you beat, I,ve been separated for ten years , dated a few that seemed really nice in the begining but turned out to be ***holes, pardon the language, Then I thought I meet mister right,He sad he was separated for a year,and we saw each other all the time, every chance we could, I felt like I new him all my life and when we were out some where we only had eyes for each other. I did truely fall in Love with this man only to find out that he was married and because of me ,his wife left him and found someone else and he ended up in couselling to work things out , now he won't answer my phone calls or have anything to do with me. He blames me for his f##### up life.And I,m alone still thinking of the times we did share. If you can beat that I'd love to hear about it. Thanks for taking the time. Sue | |
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