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TeJ_25
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Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 276 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:17:34 AM | | think it is the difference between women that are more experienced in relationships and the ones who are not. learned that although some women are bored with guys who don't make things difficult for her in the relationship without regard to age. once a gal has reached the point of wanting something serious. tend to use a different formula when selecting a spouse or someone to have kids with. the things that were not popular in high school become valued in this new formula or equation. guys who have those sought after qualities when the gal has reached that point have no issues with getting married or having children. it is moreso making the decision of who they are going to be most happy with in a long term relationship | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:18:44 AM | Very good post UglyBetty!
I couldn't agree more... someone who is nice, but I am not attracted to physically is called a "friend".
Confidence is sexy, not****ness. There is a huge difference.
And people that do cartwheels to win someone over, are often more concerned about not being rejected than anything to do with the other person. It is self-centered, and not really so nice, is it? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:38:46 AM | Hey, don't get me wrong, I couldn't give two sh*ts about whether women base their attraction on simplistic behavioral triggers or not. I'd rather they be more constant and less arbitrary about whom they find attractive. I.e., it would be great if a woman were to have a definite physical attraction to a guy, and she stuck with him instead of making a kneejerk negative reaction and dumping the guy as soon as he makes some sort of behavioral or gestural faux pas that she arbitrarily deems to be bad. Hey, if we make a "mistake" in your eyes, we'd appreciate just a little bit of toleration!
Yes, empty superficial women - you're right. Why do you care what works on them? Women of some substance and quality will NOT react positively to arrogance and poor treatment. Your problem here is you're assuming all women are the same. Wrong!
See, the problem with you is you assume that most women AREN'T superficial and shallow like I describe--especially attractive and ultra-desirable ones.  But hey, you might be the exception to the rule; I don't really know, because I don't know you, do I?
Also, "niceness" with an expected payoff is manipulation in disguise. A truly nice person doesn't care if they get anything in return from treating people good. They do it for themselves, not for entitlement. Big difference. You underestimate a lot of women; most of them can smell that a mile away - THAT's what turns us off.
I dunno. It sounds like you've had some bad experiences that have soured your impressions about men and made you paranoid. I don't think guys are nice to be deliberately manipulative or to create a feeling of entitlement; I just think a lot of them have been p*ssywhipped by societal ideas that women should be lionized and glorified for so long and that they really don't quite know how to act around or treat women, and they consequently go overboard with the niceness. It certainly doesn't help when you ladies continue the vicious cycle by dumping and rejecting said nice guys.
Reality is, nowadays, I think the guys who are NOT nice are the ones being manipulative. A lot of them deliberately withhold some of their true feelings and affection, playing games of hard-to-get and apathy to get women to like them. No, they're not acting like completely arrogant and abusive jerks; they're just toning down the niceness and acting more nonchalant than they otherwise would. And you know what, it seems to be working. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:47:03 AM |
And people that do cartwheels to win someone over, are often more concerned about not being rejected than anything to do with the other person. It is self-centered, and not really so nice, is it?
Let me guess, you don't fear rejection just as a guy would, right? The reality is, nobody wants to face rejection, guy or gal. Whether you consider it selfish or not, guys would prefer not to be rejected, and would go through certain extremes to avoid that rejection. I don't know why that's selfish, since the same could be said for and applied to every single human being on the face of the planet. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:15:37 AM |
Hey, don't get me wrong, I couldn't give two sh*ts about whether women base their attraction on simplistic behavioral triggers or not. I'd rather they be more constant and less arbitrary about whom they find attractive. I.e., it would be great if a woman were to have a definite physical attraction to a guy, and she stuck with him instead of making a kneejerk negative reaction and dumping the guy as soon as he makes some sort of behavioral or gestural faux pas that she arbitrarily deems to be bad. Hey, if we make a "mistake" in your eyes, we'd appreciate just a little bit of toleration!
That sounds like you've gone back to being general here...again SOME women aren't triggered by that. Find those women. And yes, I know what you mean, but it doesn't matter - it would be great if we all could win the lottery too, but you have to work with what you get.
The point is the women usually do go with their attraction - if they have to choose from a guy she's not attracted to but treats her good and a guy who's a jerk that she is attracted to, she's gonna cross her fingers and go with the jerk. The other type will date a guy she's not into if she can get something else from him (money, power, etc). I doubt you're hoping for that, but a "nice guy" will attract women like that real easily. There is a third type of woman out there who won't choose either, and she's the one who doesn't have to be dating to be happy. She'll hold out for the guy she's attracted to who's also nice.
See, the problem with you is you assume that most women AREN'T superficial and shallow like I describe--especially attractive and ultra-desirable ones. But hey, you might be the exception to the rule; I don't really know, because I don't know you, do I?
The problem with you is you assume most women are, and you're not one of them. You're guessing based on your own experiences. Wow, you'd be wanting attractive and ultra desirable women and you have a problem with them not giving you a chance? I bet there are some less than desirable women you didn't give a chance, right? Yep.
I am the exception to most rules, so I cannot be measured in a normal survey on women. I like being single, so I don't care if I date, but if I do, I only date guys I am attracted to who will respect me as I respect them. Guys I am not into and guys with bad attitudes aren't my type. I also approach most men because my type of guy doesn't approach me typically.
I dunno. It sounds like you've had some bad experiences that have soured your impressions about men and made you paranoid. I don't think guys are nice to be deliberately manipulative or to create a feeling of entitlement; I just think a lot of them have been p*ssywhipped by societal ideas that women should be lionized and glorified for so long and that they really don't quite know how to act around or treat women, and they consequently go overboard with the niceness. It certainly doesn't help when you ladies continue the vicious cycle by dumping and rejecting said nice guys.
Unlike most, I can learn by watching. I have a gift of reading people real well and I don't have to personally go thru anything to learn from it. I have an aversion to low self esteem, entitlement and insecurtity, and someone who's trying to buy your affection is trying to get you to see past something about themselves that THEY don't like. That's just not attractive. Trust me, I've reacted to that, and I have seen friends do it. It's not rocket science. If men didn't do that, we wouldn't be turned off by it. They may do it out of lack of experience, but it is what it is.
Reality is, nowadays, I think the guys who are NOT nice are the ones being manipulative. A lot of them deliberately withhold some of their true feelings and affection, playing games of hard-to-get and apathy to get women to like them. No, they're not acting like completely arrogant and abusive jerks; they're just toning down the niceness and acting more nonchalant than they otherwise would. And you know what, it seems to be working.
I can't help you there. While I am attracted to confidence, easy rapport and someone who's comfortable around people, I am turned off by arrogance, rudeness, and extreme ego. The type of guy I like, again is confident enough to stand alone, but not confident enough to assume I'll swoon over him and therefore I do a lot of the approaching - which works better for me. It's not easy to manipulate me, because there's usually nothing they have that I want. And nonchalance is ok with me if they expect it in return. I don't chase, and I don't like to be chased so I am a non factor in that process. If a guy I am not attracted to plays hard to get with me, it kind of doesn't apply. I do agree that guys who are overly emotional SHOULD withhold their feelings and pace themselves in general. Most women can't and shouldn't have to handle strong emotional overtures before they're sure they really want to date someone (nor should most men get that crap from women). It creates a sense of urgency to be mutual that they can't provide so early on. It gets two reactions: 1. They fake that they are where you are and later freak out and break it off; or 2. They push you away and tell you they aren't ready for it. Either way, no good comes of it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:37:23 AM | Since 15, i've only been "seriously single and seeking" for the past 2 years. This noted my experience is limited to, well, the past 2 years. . .
Nice guys-- and gals -- sometimes finish last because:
1) the capacity to receive love goes hand in hand with the capacity to give love. You can't have one with out the other. They are two sides of the same coin. After a certain st/age of life experiences, we are who we are. And people capable of giving and receiving love cannot instill this capacity in those who are not capable of giving and receiving love. No matter how much they might hope to do so. Or try to do so.
2) the average person looks like --- an average person. This means that s/he does not stand out in a crowd and makes nobody weak in anybody's knees.
However,
the average person almost always considers him/herself to be "attractive" in an above average way. Nobody wants to look into the face of another person and think, "This perfectly average nice (or not-so-nice) guy/gal is my dream come true." The ability to balance shooting for the stars and walking on solid ground go hand in hand. Average looking people are likely to have romantic relationships with average looking people. Ditto for the rest of the appearance spectrum.
In other words -- a person may logically conclude: "This is a really nice guy/gal. We have a ton in common. We have a great time together. S/he is highly capable of making me very happy." But romantic attraction defies logic. Mostly. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:37:53 AM | | I must admit that it is difficult to know how any woman will react to what you do for her. It can be so frustrating for a man knowing the expectations different women have toward a man. I've had women who think that opening the door was too much... but I won't stop opening a car door for anyone. I once sent a simple little flower/plant to a woman when she was having a bad day and that was considered too overwhelming... but I will always send special somethings regardless of how she felt. As an artist, I've created complex "thinking of you" or "birthday" cards spending a great deal of time on them... sketching and drawing complex images, and have been accused of being too cheap to buy a card... Although, I will never stop making cards for someone special. Overall, I will always continue to do what I do and if a woman does not like it then that is a good thing. In the end it's a matter of taste and preference... Either she likes me or she does not. What one woman may think is overwhelming another may bask in it with great appreciation. On the other hand, some people cannot be pleased no matter what you do for them. LOL... those are the ones I prefer to avoid!!! Long Live Banana Twins!!! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:29:48 AM | WARNING: The following text is strictly personal OPINION:
Honestly people, why can't we all just realize that everyone is different. We all bring different experiences, expectations, wants, needs, etc., to the table. A generalization that I have found to be true is that we all somehow seek out what is familiar to us. These kinds of cycles are very very hard to break. I have been in a few what I considered long-term relationships in my life. The ones where there was the tremendous spark made me blind to the reality of the person or situation. The one relationship that progressed because he was just such a nice guy and a friend/neighbor that I thought maybe that is how to develop the deep, enduring kind of love and mutual respect that truly lasts, just got to be so mundane and no spark, that it ended as well, just out of lack of enthusiasm I guess. My personal pattern is to attract addictive personalities. I am afraid of trusting my own judgement becuase I have misjudged people in the past, have just not seen it coming because people always put their best foot forward in the beginning and hide the things they do not want you to see. I think that the key is to have the patience to go through all 4 seasons at least once with that person before getting in too deep. Times have changed and we are all suffering by not knowing how we are supposed to act or having clearly defined roles. There are traits that are thoroughly male and thoroughly female, but we still cannot apply the same generalizations to everyone we meet. Do you think that happy medium of the nice, considerate guy with just a touch of "bad boy" exists? Do you think that the woman of your dreams exists? Do you think that everyone really has a soul mate? I think it is a very lucky few who find that person. The rest of us have to work harder, ignore more, and accept differences. Again, in my humble opinion, the key is being brave enough to communicate, patient enough to listen and caring enough to take the time to ponder. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:19:20 PM | | If that happens then it's just not meant to be. Don't stress about it, just move on. Women do want a guy to is nice to them, but they have to want you the same way you want them. That's just part of life and learning how to know when it's real. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:19:51 PM | | well why say no to a guy when there is no attraction.....physically....if you take the time to get to know the guy you might see something you like on the inside ain't that what really matters in the end....is what they have on the inside? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:31:47 PM |
well why say no to a guy when there is no attraction.....physically....if you take the time to get to know the guy you might see something you like on the inside ain't that what really matters in the end....is what they have on the inside?
A romantic relationship is, in part, based on physical attraction and chemistry. Do you get to know every woman you see, before deciding which ones to get to know "on the inside?" You have to start somewhere, and some level of "attraction" does what it's intended to do, "attract" someone to get to know you from the inside out. It isn't enough to sustain a relationship. That's the "inside out" part, but if there's no attraction, it ends there. It's normal, and it's human, and if you're honest with yourself, you know that there are a lot of very good women, who you wouldn't be interested in, no matter how wonderful they are.
Remember, too, that one woman's treasure is another woman's trash. One woman is into "Harley Guys", and another wouldn't be caught dead with, but that second woman is drawn to highly intelligent men, who would leave the "Harley Guy" woman cold.
Don't worry about the ones who aren't attracted to you. Who cares? There's lots of women in the world, and you really only need to connect with one. Let the ones who aren't "into" you go out of your mind, and look for the one who will be. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:41:34 PM | | thanks for the advice man...but i'm just saying....looks shouldn't really matter...it should be about what the person is like on the "inside".....cuz looks will fade over time...but yet the mental attraction will hold up over the years and so will the love if you are able to get grabes of it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:52:12 PM |
i'm just saying....looks shouldn't really matter...it should be about what the person is like on the "inside".....cuz looks will fade over time...but yet the mental attraction will hold up over the years and so will the love if you are able to get grabes of it.
Whether you think looks "should" matter, the fact is, that they do, in terms of physical attraction. I'm no judge of other guy's looks, but I doubt that women run and hide, when you walk down the street. So, if you're getting rejected a lot, maybe you're only pursuing the really great looking women? Cuz, if looks really don't matter to you, on any level, you could get hooked up tomorrow. There are lots of women, who are complaining, using exactly your words, that "looks shouldn't matter. It's what inside that matters".
For me, as for most, I have to find something attractive in a woman's appearance, to begin to get to know her as a potential romantic partner. I can be friends with anyone, and if it's just friendship, looks really don't matter. But, romantic love includes sexual attraction, and that's a biological and psychological fact of life, that can't be controverted by notions about what "should" matter. It does.
The thing is, some women are going to be attracted to you. It may not be the women you've been attracted to lately, but at this stage, it's a numbers game. You aren't being "attracted" on a dating site to the "quality of their character". You're looking and finding some reason to be attracted, and so are they. So, just keep looking. If woman A isn't, then you may have to get to woman P, but sooner or later, you'll find someone, where there is mutual attraction, and you won't even remember the others that weren't attracted.
All I can say is that I'm a lot older, nothing special looks wise, etc., and I haven't been in the dating game for a long time, having just broken up a month ago. Yet, somehow, I've managed to make 3 dates in 4 weeks, and finally found someone I want to see again. It's not hard, if you don't get all caught up in the ones that weren't interested. You're younger, probably better looking, and all that. It's a matter of attitude, and realizing that "who" you are is something you define within yourself. It really doesn't matter what someone on a dating board says, until she's someone real in your life. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 290 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:02:13 PM |
Confidence is sexy, not****ness. There is a huge difference.
Indeed, though it takes women quite a while to figure that out, though nice when they do. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:25:18 PM | K, it's been pretty much all said above, but ppl this happens @ beginnings of relationships.
After a couple forms a bond that's long-lasting, the dynamics totally change. Now, you have to keep the PLAY in the GAME, that doesn't change. We're all kids no matter our age.
Sorry I didn't read all 12 pages. "Can U entertain Me for LIFE?" ..."If you're so good to me this quick, you don't know what a bad girl I am, & that's BORING...NEXT!"
Oh, there's no formula at all, instead a delicate balance of skill and rapport. Right, PUA's? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:27:02 PM | Let's first start with the labeling-'Loser','wuss',etc.That in itself is wrong on so many levels.One could retort 'It takes one to know one',however that is sophmoric.Yes,everyone/situation is different,but there seems to be too much evidence to support the 'why' women(and men)dump 'nice'(whatever your opinion of 'nice' is)guys (and women)to NOT generalize.
Evil EXISTS.Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason as to why one person would mistreat another.Other than just being evil.I strive to be 'decent'.I do not think that being 'nice' is a charachter flaw.I can and do 'nice' things(Opening a door,paying for the date,flowers)without having an ulterior motive.Without being a 'wuss'.It's called having respect for someone else.There's no need to play games or go by some contrived 'rules' that the latest guru has told you to follow.Ever heard of a 'crime of passion?'People's hearts/emotions were not meant to be screwed with!
Since when is it a bad thing to be sincere,and genuine?We're all trying to protect ourselves from pain,the extent to which some will go in order to achieve this depends upon the person and their experiences.Some will not let themselves experience something/someone new because of past experiences,so they'll sabotage it before anything has a chance to develop.Others will not realize that this particular 'relationship' is not for them until they are IN it,then will leave.
Hellraiser,you are an 'Old soul'.Do not let 'society' tell you when it is ok for you to be in love.It is fine to ask for advice,just take it with a grain of salt.No one knows you like you do.
If all of the labels,games,and wondering what others' 'agendas' are were to disappear,we'd all be better off.Women,for the most part will go for the 'bad-boy' behavior,not realizing that they are getting the actual bad boy also.Anyone who equates 'nice' with 'needy' needs some introspection.Passive-aggressive?We(Humans)DO want what we can't have-(Until we get/achieve it,then we don't want it)we are never satisfied.Well,some of us,at any rate.
Some may agree with my post.Others may not-Which is fine,iron sharpens iron.There are probably as many different reasons for why a person does this or that as there are people.Ya THINK that men and women (or even individuals for that matter)are wired differently?Whether it is our experiences,morals(Whatever one deems that to be)biological,physiological,psychological makeup that attributes to whatever percentage of who we are,i do not know.I do know that we have to start being better to each other-Be considerate of others' feelings.
Hate is not the opposite of love-Indifference is.
Whoever said 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' was never IN LOVE.(HUGE difference).
Fork me. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:53:04 PM | Falling for a woman is deadly, If she is nice treat her nice but if she starts treating you like shit , WALK QUICKLY>
If you give respect and love you should get it back. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:12:29 PM | | My experience?......i was dumped so she could go back to her controlling ex bf who left his wife for the second time (he went back once) !! This was after she told her best friend our relationship was awesome !! Go figure . | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:11:20 PM | Scot Ms.
You are not alone, but you are among the self-destructive. Ask yourself why you would want to be treated as worthless. How did you feel about the desire of affection from your father? Ask why it is that a loving partner would not satisfy your needs and wants? You will always be able to find a guy who treats you like a low-life. Ask yourself why. Listen up girl--it is long past the time to love yourself and have the ability to love another who regards you as someone precious. Here is the simple truth--love the one who loves you as much as he loves himself, and at least as much as you love yourself. So, can you not see the importance of loving yourself? You are doomed if you do not.
"When two in love each discover
The greater pleasure of giving it each to the other:
Then they have found,
The very profound.
Nothing less than Life's greatest treasure." (published 2006)
Wise up. How do you want to spend the rest of your life? "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.....So be not coy, but use your time; and while ye may be merry. For having once but lost your prime, you may forever tarry." I will give you the most important (not the only) factors that matter above all else. Your lover should be your best friend, listener, confidant, supporter, and never mean. No poisoness argument should ever rise with the next day's sun. Communication (and never accusation) is needed to keep a love afire. You can do this if you believe in what matters to you, rather than what opinions matter to your friends. For whatever reason, you like, but discard the guy who would really give you his love, in favor of another who treats you like crap, but somehow gives you something that in reality has no true worth. Maybe pay more attention to what you really want from a partner, and very much less on appearances. I have discovered that the most beautiful women (exacting the envy of my friends), are the least likely to be loving of another ONE. Think about the ONE beyond initial appearance. If U want to chat email **|copraphile At comcastdot net|****. Let me know what you think about my advice. Fare well. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 297 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:34:04 PM |
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Hehehehehe It would be so easy to be a player.
Develope a few attributes and habits and learn to act confident and you can have a constant string of willing women. The forums are filled with the cast off casualties.
Women don't dump men who are nice to them. They dump men who they don't see as attractive males. (Not so much physical as perceptual.)
If you want to stop being dumped learn the rules and hone your skills. You don't have to be a player but if you want to hang on to what you want you have to know how to play.
Thank gawd I don't want to be a player. I can't imagine how bland and meaningless it would become to not have the feelings that a relationship that is matured and developed can bring. LOL I just gave myself an incentive bump to look harder!  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:32:53 PM | Well as a recovered sucker ( nice guy) I’ve learned that women's lib and their long fought for independence has also liberated me as well.
As such I no longer feel obligated to:
Fix their cars
Work on their homes
Support everything they say and do ( no matter how wrong they may be)
Lend them money or pay their bills
Pay for their drinks
Pay for their dinners ( its Dutch or nothing)
Listen to their many complaints about the men in their lives
Listen to their many lame reasons for not trying to meet me 1/2 way concerning any long distance travel to meet.
Raise their kids. (I raised mine you raise yours remember it was your choice)
The list goes on and on.
My motto now: What's in it for me!!
As you can see I don’t get many dates. But the few I get I enjoy immensely. The gals put their pants on the same way I do. One leg at a time. I’ll show an interest in a gal but if she doesn't respond in kind I drop it. I don’t chase em anymore. I’ll only put into ANY kind of friendship/relationship that I receive in kind. I meet this old world 1/2 way and I expect the same. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:42:26 PM | So many people on here that get it thank goodness. Most women want a nice guy, but they also want attraction and chemistry, and that includes social, sexual and emotional compatibility. Then there are all the other factors: smell, taste, hygiene, breath, etc etc etc. Being a nice guy by itself doesn't cut it. Surely you can figure that! Picture being in a room with 20 "nice" girls/guys. For arguments sake, ALL of them want you.. How do you decide which ONE of those "Nice" guys do you choose? I mean they are all nice aren't they? Easy!! You go on physical attraction, just like in the real world. Nobody owes it to you to be with you just because you are "nice"
And it's true, women like a man to be a man. Very few women want a "yes man', it's akin to having a little puppy dog gazing up at you from your feet with their tongue hanging out... How can you respect that? They want confidence and self assurance. Someone they can feel 'safe' with (who can chase the boogie man away..lol) Someone who has a life of his own and wont make them 'everything', and someone who will stand his ground and not be too scared to disagree in case 'she' doesn't want him anymore.. The guy who posted the following paragraph has it in a nutshell.
I am NOT saying to be a jerk or an arrogant a**hole, but just be yourself, a man, and don't put up with her crap.
I know from experience that when you do that, she loses respect for you, loses her attraction to you, and for every time that you change your plans for her, and do what SHE wants, instead of what you want, even if you do it out of love, and not out of insecurity, she will build a dossier detailing all the times that you were a wuss and did not stand up to her. She can't help it.
The guy who posted this paragraph doesn't have a clue.
Women want to be treaated like dirt they go for so called bad boys for a reason!They say they want to meet a nice guy that BS.
I have a wonderful 'nice guy' in my life. He's not some super hot looking guy. He's also not meek and mild and pathetically pleasing. He does 'nice' things for me and treats me like a goddess (well not quite ..lol), and retains his maleness. He does all the things other nice guys do, BUT the big difference is we have the right chemistry together. He doesn't think nice guys finish last, he just found the right woman | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:53:20 PM | As I've followed this thread, two primary thoughts come to mind from the posts that the men, who feel "nice guys finish last" keep writing.
One is, yes, there are some "users" in this world, and some of them are women. If you ran into one of them, ok, learn from it, let it go, and move on. If you really feel someone was unfair, the simple fact is that the best "revenge" you can have, is to move on and live a happy, fulfilled life. If you hang onto bitterness and resentment, and visit the "sins" of one bad experience onto all women, your bitterness will become a sickness of the soul, that makes you unattractive to all but the very desperate.
Two is, that women don't think in the same way as men. Adjust to it, because they aren't going to change to make life easy for you. A woman wants you to be a man, but she will simultaneously, in the moment, sometimes seem to want you to be her "girlfriend". If you haven't formed a self identity that can resist the temptations of giving in to believing that you can "earn" her love, by being her "best girlfriend", you are going to keep ending up on the outside looking in, and wondering "why?"
No, that doesn't mean being a jerk, or being ungentlemanly, harsh, or mean. It simply means, hanging onto your core, your values, and your common sense. If she asks you to do something unreasonable, acknowledge her feelings, but don't lose your sense of reason, and think that by doing something that makes no sense, "then she'll love me". She won't. As much as she wants some unreasonable things in the moment, at the end of the day, she wants a man, not a "good puppy". | |
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