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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:41:27 PM | I am concerned for women in general, because i have found that women seem to want to be entertained,exited stimulated instead of just having a wonderful time with a truly nice guy.
More and more i believe that women are wanting someone out of a movie like a james bond type or mensa filled knowledge mind or some hot stud.
The intellect and intelligence will fade with age along with the body and the only thing that will always be there and will never go away are kindness,and a truly genuine good heart in a person.
I truly believe that if women in general would follow a good hearted guy and not worry about the rest, then women would be suprized and amazed about how there needs would not only be met but surpassed into eternal happiness, and that guys would feel the same way too. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 3:05:41 PM | because women have the need to find something to change in a man. if they cant find anything they get bored. thats why you see women going back to ex's who treated em like crap. they hope that this is the time they will change. if you come on to nice right away they will get scared and run away. treat em like a deer. sneek up on em with kindness. then bag em ....ha ha ha  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 3:23:31 PM | melo
I don't disagree with you, but I don't totally agree either. Maybe it's being the father of daughters, that the "fine line" isn't so hard to see for me.
I have no clue what you are saying. Please enlighten.
I am also the father of daughters, and grand-daughters. I don't see what that has to do with it.
My observation is my observation, and in my experience, it is true, although I would love that it were not.
I understand about physical attraction, and I understand about "wuss-dom."
(You know, actually, "sycophant" is really a judgmental, disrespectful, and demeaning term, when you think of it. It assumes and presumes a knowledge of a person that is usually non-existent.)
I also understand about doing things out of love, and out of a of a genuine desire to please and to make someone feel happy.
I am merely stating that there is a difference between a "nice guy" and an "unattractive wuss." Women usually know the difference, but can get confused, and often do, simply because "nice guys" can resemble their feminine friends without realizing that they are doing so.
JMHO/OMV | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 3:30:53 PM | | If it's any consolation it happens to women too. I think it comes down to physical attraction, plain and simple. She doesn't get wobbly knees over you. It's happened to me too. It's nobody's fault. We can't help how we feel, no matter how hard we try to intellectualize it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 3:32:21 PM | Because Bad Men dump them and they feel justified in doing the same.
They become just like those that they dislike
To do this they have to cut off their feelings
so that they become non-persons, just unfeeling automatons.
Sounds convoluted
that's because many people think this way
yet reality is much straighter than this.
Google search: Ken Keyes Jr. Living Love
100th Monkey author
for a better understanding. Jim | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:53:57 PM | echo
If it's any consolation it happens to women too. I think it comes down to physical attraction, plain and simple. She doesn't get wobbly knees over you. It's happened to me too. It's nobody's fault. We can't help how we feel, no matter how hard we try to intellectualize it.
Exactamundo!
Attraction is that thing we usually refer to as "chemistry" - a mostly unconscious, physical/emotional reaction to a whole lotta stuff.
Studying spirituality, reading books on how to love, learning how to be a better person are all great and wonderful things to do, but they have nothing to do with attraction.
The point is, why do women sometimes dump nice guys?
Because they lose attraction.
There is no argument over initial attraction. If it isn't there, it isn't there, move on.
The great heartbreak and killer for nice guys is the mystery of why she loses that initial attraction.
It could just be fate and luck. She thought she really liked you, but when she got to know you, she didn't.
Or, she wasn't really that sure, and realized she didn't feel it.
But, mostly, you do it yourself. You kiss her butt, and you tell her endlessly that you love her, and that you'll always be there, and that she is the only one, and she gets sick of you.
It's not your fault. You were trained and taught to do these things, but they are false.
How did you get her? You were not doing those things. You were yourself in the beginning, and you were a challenge. And then you blew it.
Love her. Yes. Give her gifts. Yes, within reason, for special occasions, to cheer her up, because she earned it, because you want to, but, be a challenge, and never, never, ever let her see you "need" her.
Women have told me this.
They like a challenge. They like to know that they have to earn your love, that they could lose you.
If you kiss up, it's over.
Why? Because women like men, and men don't do that.
Wusses do that.
Be nice, yes. Be a gent, yes. Be a man, yes. Be a suck-up wuss? NO!
There is a difference between loving someone unconditionally and letting someone walk all over you. You CAN love someone unconditionally, and not put up with their BS. Women hate guys who have no self-respect, and guys who give theirs up for a little nooky.
Guys, don't take my word for it. Go back over your last few relationships, and see how you got the gal, and see what happened, and see if you did not turn into major wusses just before she got tired of you.
You know how so many women come on here to these different forums and all they can do is bad-mouth all the men, and they just can't take responsibility for their part.
Don't you do that, too.
Peace.
jmho/omv | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:57:41 PM | why do women dump men who are nice to them???hmmmm
maybe*theyre too serious at the ver start of a relationship*show signs of being jelous*most ladies like bad boys.*u need to be more of a best freind than a guy that worships them.*the women is really used to getting treated like a peice of crap so they are freaked out by ur nice ness and think u do everything because u are trying to get something off of her. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:01:20 PM | u probably are really nice but she feels like u r not the one she wants to be spending the rest of her life with.shes probably not ready to settle down yet.but there is another lady that u will be better suited to.
*shes probably freaked out from your niceness-thinking that u have a hidden agenda.and used to ex bf s treating her like crap and shes not used to the nice ness.
*most ladies like looser guys becasue we think we can change them into something great. | |
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mmm78
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Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 311 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:10:44 PM | | Well, if a guy does something for you and expects something in return, he's not nice. I'll buy a girl dinner, drinks, coffee just because I think a man should do that-I'm old-fashioned. A truly nice person, man or woman, will do nice and thoughtful things for you because they want to; not because they expect something for it. | |
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mmm78
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Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 312 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 9:15:55 PM | | Hmmmmm....well, I had a GF that was like that. Her family liked me and all, and then she was nicer when we were "just friends" but then when we started dating she wasn't as nice. I'm through with women like that. I tell them date the jerks, get the excitment, and the false sense of what a real man is....but don't come crying to me when you get hurt. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:38:51 PM | | I think most ladies understand that most guys who being nice have an egenda. * He wants something* A man who polite and real about where he is really coming from may not always het the girl but she will sense the honesty. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 10:48:55 PM | The love of my life is gone. She thought I didn't love her. She
thought I was looking for love elsewhere and all I ever wanted was her. I
made a stupid joke and she took it the wrong way. It kills me to know
that all this time I've invested in us and planned on spending with her -
just her - in the future is ended because she took something I said the
wrong way and never seriously addressed it with me after I did. It
kills to think I am the one responsible for this. To be honest with you: I
hate myself right now. She's the one I knew in my heart I'd spend the
rest of my life with. Even strangers saw that. I remember a girl at
karaoke came up to us once and said she believed we were a perfect couple.
I'm very hurt and in pain and a little angry. I'm angry because I feel
I deserved a chance. No matter where I've been in the past year - when
I've been there alone, she has always been on my mind. Every spare
moment of my time I've only wanted to spend with her. It's not fair
for her to treat me this way when she now knows the truth. I did
what I thought she wanted me to do and constantly motivated her. I
always told her she was beautiful and to make sure she was doing it for
herself. we lived together for almost 2 years | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/5/2007 11:48:37 PM | | well,might be a booze thing the first night ? well onstly i can relate to this. i am just a normal guy . nothing special about me ? i dated a woman who seemed nice ,met in a bar, made friends . dident think i stood a chance with this woman , never carred??? one night of drunken passion , things happend. well 4 the next 4 months this woman was at my door'when i got home from work every day. to mutch. a red neck,s dream . blonde 120 pounds . big hooters and always with a case of beer. well she hated my family my friends , and beer in the end, pissed me right off what a phony. people have to be real or we have nothing elce????? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/6/2007 7:07:26 PM | Maybe this is the wrong question.
Anyone remember Professor Irwin Corey? He was the comic who wore long hair, a tux, and tennis shoes.
One night on Johnny Carson's show, many years ago, Johnny asked him, "Professor, why do you wear tennis shoes?"
He answered, "Why do I wear tennis shoes? Why! A question man has asked since times immemorial. Do I wear tennis shoes? Yes, I wear tennis shoes."
Do women dump men who are nice to them? Yes.
Do men dump women who are nice to them? Yes.
Why? Who knows?
Do women dump nice guys because they are wimps? Maybe.
Do they do it because the guys are not actually weak, but very strong, and bearing down under their love, and the women mis-understand it? Maybe.
If SHE is that weak, do you really want her?
If YOU are that weak, does she really want you?
Is it six of one, and half a dozen of the other?
Possibly, and maybe, probably.
Does it matter? Only if you say so.
If you really need a reason, examine what happened, honestly, and figure out how much of it was her, and how much of it was you. And live and learn.
Most of the problems of human kind can be traced to people getting stuck in their imaginations, in their own stories. There are plenty of books at your local bookstore that can help you unravel that, IF you have that problem.
If you don't, you must be reading this out of curiosity or boredom.
Whatever has happened to any of you has happened to most of us.
We are all unique and different, and all the same.
We all need love, communion with others, acceptance, etc., but we don't. We have that inside of ourselves. For others, and for ourselves.
Anyone rejecting another is really rejecting him/herself.
You can love people unconditionally without wanting or needing to be with them.
Or putting up with their stuff.
Charity begins at home, with yourself. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, first, and then you can love everyone else. Seems to be true.
And thanks to everyone on these forums for helping me to get past needing to be right. I thought I had that whipped, but didn't.
jmho/omv | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/6/2007 8:53:10 PM | I was in a relationship for 7 years with a woman that I thought I would grow old with. I was very nice to her (aside from the usual problems people have in a relationship that long), and even changed alot of bad habits and things about myself just to please her. On top of that I dealt with her problems and put up with alot of crap because of her poor attitude and lack of self control. But I was willing to see it threw because I loved her. We also had 2 beautiful kids together. And after all of this and everything we went thru, she left me, and not for another man, but because of reasons beyond my understanding. Now Dont get me wrong I am far from perfect. But I was good to her and tried real hard to make it work by taking the negative parts of my life out for her, even though she did little to change herself. I know I am a sucker, and I dont blame anyone for thinking so. But it seems to me that more and more women (especially the ones around these parts) are only out for themselves and have lost alot of the values that makes a real relationship work, or they seem to think that there is something better out there for them when everything they could possibly want is right in front of their noses. But some people cut off their nose in spite of there face. And that goes for the men as well. Call me old fashioned. But dont give up. I'm not. And keep being nice if it is in your nature. I'm a nice guy and I know that some day I will find a woman that will fully appreciate who I am and what I am about. And you will too.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/6/2007 11:00:40 PM | Well said.
Well, that's all I had to say but,
Messages this short may not be posted
maybe this will satisfy the Transformers. Wow! A Transformer the size of the internet!
Hey, That's more fun than this subject.
So is a talking frog.
I love women, but, man, sometimes, aren't they a royal pain in the patootie?
The arse, too. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/6/2007 11:25:00 PM | LOL, so true. This reminds me of the episode of "The Sopranos" where AJ gets dumped by the Puerto Rican girl with the kid, and then he spends weeks sobbing about it, all depressed. Then Tony basically tells him to get over it, find someone else.
Definitely underlying issues need to be dealt with if one cannot move on...slap yourself in the face, do something scary to jolt yourself out of the slump! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/7/2007 12:24:26 AM | | in regards to the posting that claims women want a challenge and are attracted to jerks,,, theory,, cannot be futher from the truth, which leads me to the statement that says,.,,,, you will never know unless you are a woman for one,, and secondly, challenge my arse... truth be know most guys who are truely nice,, have some underlying problem that soon will arise,, and yah its a turn off,,,, big time,, so screw the theory and evolutionary crap ... spare ,me,,, if you had a vagina, you would probably be in the same boat... cause baby theres sweeter than pie women out there too who are askin the same question,....... ta ta/// | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/7/2007 12:56:03 AM | Many men do things thinking they can get more than friendip in return. When it doesnt happen they get angry and resentful and feel used.
It is uncomfortable for most women when a man clearly is hoping to obligate her to him.
Most women find that trying to let this kind of "nice" guy down easy only leaves room for false hope..By the time they have tried every nice way to let him down, his coming around "doing" nice things has become irritating.
Then she has to treat him somewhat unkind, and if that doesn 't work thats when restraining orders and gigantic male relatives come into play.
Its a no brainer. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/7/2007 12:57:41 AM | Well I think part of the problem has to do with the fact that modern men have been conditioned to be "nice" when they really shouldn't be. A man is no longer expected to treat a woman with a certain kind of neglect and mild contempt - instead, men are expected to respect and treat women as their equals in every day life from the moment they go into Kindergarten.
Unfortunately when it comes to relationships it seems that manliness still counts for something. Being "nice" is not a bad thing. Honesty and selflessness are still valued, or at least I hope so. My personal conclusion after a lot of thinking following my first (very short) relationship is that decent men have a responsibility to make sure that they realise the value of their greatest asset - their heart. If you start giving that away too soon then you will not be valued.
As for gifts and their ilk, I love making and preparing unforgettable gifts, but I have painfully come to realise that you're better off keeping things proportional or taking small risks when it comes to emotionally-charged gifts for a woman. Evaluate the magnitude of her feelings towards you (actions speak louder than words) and see if she's worth the effort at that point. If you overwhelm her it will only hurt you and (I believe) make her feel guilty of having played a decent guy into an emotional minefield full of uncorresponded affection. Keep it small and yet special.
You should also be careful not to fall into the trap of passive-aggressiveness that comes with niceness. Denying your emotions just because you don't want to engage in conflict is probably not a good thing. I know this is something where I still need work as a reforming "nice guy boy" into a real man. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/7/2007 12:24:01 PM | I lived with a"nice guy" for 10 years. He was a nice guy, normally. Everybody thought so, everybody who met him, or knew him thought so....."when he was sober". Add alcohol and he became not such a nice guy. When offerred the choice.. he chose alcohol ... end of story.
Things change in relationships, what was once one thing becomes another. What attracted us initially is no longer evident. The person we thought we knew and loved has disappearred. We have 2 choices at that point. We can leave or we can let them destroy us. Doesn't seem like much of a choice to me. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/7/2007 2:23:29 PM | | Sometimes we get involved with people we know we aren't attracted to physically. But they are such nice people and we want to make it work. I think it still comes out eventually, if that physical spark is missing it is just too much to ignore for some people. I know I'm one of them. I've got to have that weak-kneed feeling. I won't overlook it anymore. I'm not sure how many people will say directly that they just couldn't feel that spark for you. It's devastating to hear after all, so maybe they just give a lame excuse. Hopefully, they won't let it go on for months or years. | |
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