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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/15/2007 6:22:40 AM | | the reason why women dont often go for men who are nice is because some women like a challange if the guy is so nice they have nothing to win over its not exiting also if a man has a little attitude in a cheeky way women DO find this attractive its sexy for man to have enough confidence about himself rather than making himself look like your the only woman he can get! x | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/15/2007 6:37:03 AM | | Ok, i can see all of your points but why do some women say they are attracted but yet they are constantly finding ways to start arguments over nothing. I've been attracted to this lady in ohio now for some time. She claims that she is also attracted to me but if im not on line the second she logs on, then i must be with someone else, yet she goes out every friday and nothings to be said about it. I am a nice guy, rather the person is attracted to my behavior or my appearance, i dont really care. Just dont tell me you are the treat me like crap...... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 4:35:54 PM |
I've been attracted to this lady in ohio now for some time. She claims that she is also attracted to me but if im not on line the second she logs on, then i must be with someone else, yet she goes out every friday and nothings to be said about it. I am a nice guy, rather the person is attracted to my behavior or my appearance, i dont really care. Just dont tell me you are the treat me like crap......
Someone who freaks out, if you aren't online the minute she comes on, and makes groundless accusations that you're with someone else, has serious "issues" of insecurity. It is not inconsistent with someone, who has serious emotional problems, although that information alone is too little to say much more about that. At the very least, she's not "ready" for the relationship that she's telling you she is, if she's going out, when she wants to, but expects you to always be there, when she wants to be in contact.
We're all supposed to be "nice" to women we're involved with. Most people are. It's a natural response to feelings for someone, and being "generally nice" to people, as you go through life, is also what most normal, adjusted people try to do.
The problem with people proclaiming that they're "nice guys" is that it usually means that they're working an agenda, often in response to insecurity, and quite often, think the way to "win a woman's heart" is through co-depedence, trying to create a "need" that "only you" can meet.
Guys who proclaim that they're "nice", often mean that they are so insecure and "needy" that they will deny their own wants and needs, and try to "give" a woman, what they think she wants. Yet, what women "say" and what they really "want" are often not the same thing. Men and women are different, and as men respond to the feminine part of a woman being a woman, most women I know, respond to a man being a man. She may say she wants a "puppy", and she may like to pat the puppy on the head, but when it comes to an animal response to a man, as a woman, it isn't going to be to someone who says "yes, dear", no matter how outrageous her demands.
if you don't believe that you are bringing something as rare and unique to the potential relationship as she is, and that you aren't equally "worthy" of her feelings, as she is of yours, then you aren't "ready" for a relationship. You won't find your "identity" in someone else's "approval". | |
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equus2
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Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 405 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 4:49:12 PM |
the reason why women dont often go for men who are nice is because some women like a challange if the guy is so nice they have nothing to win over its not exiting also if a man has a little attitude in a cheeky way women DO find this attractive its sexy for man to have enough confidence about himself rather than making himself look like your the only woman he can get!
Ding, ding, ding !!! You win a cupie doll. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 5:00:17 PM | Guys who proclaim that they're "nice", often mean that they are so insecure and "needy" that they will deny their own wants and needs, and try to "give" a woman, what they think she wants. Yet, what women "say" and what they really "want" are often not the same thing. Men and women are different, and as men respond to the feminine part of a woman being a woman, most women I know, respond to a man being a man. She may say she wants a "puppy", and she may like to pat the puppy on the head, but when it comes to an animal response to a man, as a woman, it isn't going to be to someone who says "yes, dear", no matter how outrageous her demands.
Alot of Psychobabble going on here. Tell us something we do not already know.
It is different strokes for different folks. There is atime to be nice and a time to be compromising. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 5:38:30 PM |
There is atime to be nice and a time to be compromising.
Despite your derisive post, I will point out the area of agreement. In my post, I said, what we all know, that the vast majority of men are nice to their friends and especially nice to the woman for whom they have relationship feelings. ONe should be "nice" to everyone, really, as part of being a complete human being.
No, I don't think relationships should involve compromise. I think it's deadly, and it's selfish. If you have serious things, where there isn't a mutuality to it, then you aren't compatible. If it's minor, if a relationship is going to work, it's in each person wanting to give the other the happiness that one hopes to find for himself. If it's some little thing, I would generally just give it, as a gift, but if it were put as a demand, I'd be "out of there".
Very few things, though, involve situations, where it isn't obvious that something is more urgent or important to one or the other. Her "want" to have dinner out on Tuesday, is not "more important", than me being required to be at a business function that was planned some time previous. I would expect her to recognize that. No "compromise". Her need to take her child somewhere she'd promised, is, obviously, a higher priority than my wish to go to a baseball game. I wouldn't even bring it up.
The "nice guys" who make a big deal out of it, though, would hasten to make excuses at work, to satisfy her whim, "expecting" that to "make her happy", and thus care about him more. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 6:11:37 PM | Okay......I see your poinyt and agree.
I guess I should have just asked you to elaborate on you definition of " Nice Guy" .
Yes we all must be happy with ourselves.
There is room here for a lot of misinterpretations.
I am a nice guy, have always been and will always be. But as you stated, if it is demanded, or I require to sacrifice at her whim, that my friend is selfish and 'Unacceptable".
As far as compromise goes.......I will not compromise when it comes to my ethics and morals. Other than that it depends on the circumstances at hand.
I also apologize for my prior derisive post, I just took offense to the ' Nice Guy ' term. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 6:50:53 PM | | Because there is always someone more interesting and available to them. It doesn't matter how nice you are to them, there are plenty of other nice and not so nice guys. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 6:58:44 PM | | I've never dumped a nice guy. I have not had the luck of dating a "real" nice guy. The guys that I dated that said they were nice, were lying through their teeth. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:00:16 PM | Because there is always someone more interesting and available to them. It doesn't matter how nice you are to them, there are plenty of other nice and not so nice guys.
Nice should be how you act naturally, not a definition of who you are. If you don't believe that you bring a uniquely worthwhile man to a potential relationship, and have to rely on how well you can be "nice", you're SOL.
Truth is, there are always "others" available, to her, but also to me. I'm not threatened, if she's into me, nor should she be, if I'm into her. If, in a relationship, you are giving "you", and she is giving "her", and you are completing each other, you will both be "nice".
What "nice" means a lot of times, is a sort of "code" for allowing a woman to control sex in a relationship. When that's the definition, men fall into the delusion that to "win a woman", he can't express himself as a normal man. Yet, women are looking for relationships with men, so why is it a "winning strategy" or being "nice" to act like something other than a man?
Truth is, if you don't think that you're 'interesting", and you think her other options are more attractive to her than you are, then you have no business in that relationship. If you were really a "nice" guy, and thought some other guy would make her "happy", then you'd want her to be with someone else, and you'd be working to improve yourself, in ways that will make you more interesting. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:07:00 PM | The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.
The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.
The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.
The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.
The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It is in how tender he touches.
The strength of a man isn't in the hair on his chest.
It is in his Heart that lies within his chest.
The strength of a man isn't how many women he's Loved.
It is in can he be true to one woman.
The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome. | |
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SFbay
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Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 420 | |
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SFbay
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Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 421 | |
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tamali
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Joined: 9/4/2007
Msg: 422 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:45:38 PM | | i have had that experience a few times over the course of my life and upon reflection i think that the reason i rejected these awesome gorgeous beautiful souls was becasue i didnt like who i was ...I was so deeply unhappy with myself and the fact that my life was not turing out the way that i wanted . i hated myself and therfore naturally despised anyone who actully held me on a pedastal.. my ideas were that if they were such an awesome guy and such a great catch then why wouldn they want to be with me .... i rejected their love and advances not because they were nt wonderful but becasue i lacked the self confidence and vision to see in myself what these men were seeing in me ........ lucklily for me i am over that stage in my life and i am confident and successful and now is the time for me to let a wonderful guy who loves me to pieces into my life.......so please......it may not be you ....it may just be the lack of confidence in the woman that makes her not appreciate your thoughfulness... some day when shes over herself she may look back and regret her actions towards you ...... either way move on and dont let any woman stop you from expressing your true charatcer .. the right woman at the right time in her life will be very thankful that she has met you .....take care of yourself and march on!!! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:46:54 PM |
What is a normal man??
One who farts and belches and acts all macho???
If that's what you think of, when you think of a natural man, to a natural woman, it says more about you, than it does about anything else. There are differences between men and women, that go beyond plumbing. We're not merely "generic humans", and "equality" doesn't mean "sameness".
For example, when I have first begun talking with a woman, and as we explore the wide ranging topics that people do, I don't hide my view of the role of sexuality in a relationship, nor try to sugarcoat the the driving "reason" that men and women get into relationships includes sexual desire/sexual fulfillment. I won't pretend that 'being friends" is a higher priority than being lovers. I also won't pretend that I will explore a relationship in a way that pretends that getting to know each other doesn't include getting to know each other both sexually as well as emotionally.
In stating things, in a non-confrotational way, that isn't as a supplicant, but as a man, who will only be in a relationship with a woman, who wants to be "man" and "woman", I'm not a "supplicant". I simply won't go there, in a relationship, where things are "upside/down", with leadership residing solely with the woman, and the man trying to be a "good puppy".
Men are "protective" of their lovers, and being lovers, in a relationship (as opposed to FWB), causes a man to cherish a woman in ways that he simply can't, if they aren't lovers. I won't "pretend", or try to "earn favor". Being a man, means to hold fast to truths that are hard won in life, and not weakly substitute "seeking approval". It means, frankly, a lot of things, just as a "natural woman" means things to me, that I think most of us "know", whether it's politically correct to say them, or not.
So, it's fine, if to you it means belching and farting, and, if so, then I don't know why you'd want a man in your life, if that's all he's good for. To me, a natural woman is something I know in my soul, and it's something of beauty, that stirs me as a man. I would not be well suited to a woman, who isn't drawn to a man, as a woman, who doesn't recognize that, while we can survive indepedently, there is something greater than 1+1 possible, only with a man and woman giving themselves to each other. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/16/2007 8:57:52 PM | So here's my honest opinion.
I'm a pretty dang dominant girl. I know what I want, how I want it and when I want it. I find that alot more women are becoming just like me... No longer afraid to demand what they want. The only problem is this is a role reversal.
Men were at one time the breadwinner, the strength, so on. They were the ones making all of the decisions... But times have changed. We as women make our own decisions, we've raised our sons to be "the nice guy" and what we didn't realize is there is a fine line between nice and wuss.
that fine line is rare to find these days as quite a few of the "nice guys" are indecisivie, over emotional and there is no challenge.
Girls want a nice guy but one with strength in what he believes in and one who can take charge if needed.
thats what i think anyway
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:10:42 AM | I was just kidding..........From what I ahve seen, this is how most of the men I have encountered act......
I agree with what you are saying.
We all have our perceptions and interpretations.
We all have our needs and desires.
We all look for those characteristics and qualities that we feel are important to us.
We could probably go on forever on what we define is a "Man" or a "Woman".
It all depends on what we feel is important to us in a partner.
Genuine qualities.
We are all equal, its a 50/50 in a relationship......well to me, anyways.
Please do not misinterpret me, I am sometime to the point on getting the answers i seek, and in all honesty, I find you very insightful and resourceful.
RESPECTFULY.......Mark
P.S...I have no interests in men, in that way. I prefer women. | |
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