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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 426 | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:14:56 AM |
Why Do women dump men who are nice to them?
Even as a guy, I suspect there could be a number of reasons why
women might dump men who are nice to them. Here's at least
a few of those reasons....
(1) Women might dump men who are nice to them because
they just doesn't find the guy physically attractive.
(2) Women might dump men who are nice to them because they
find the guy's character seems boring (lack of compatibility in
shared interests).
(3) Women might dump men who are nice to them because they find
the guy's character seems to be more like a jellyfish (like lacking self-
confidence) rather than more like a backbone (assertive - firm,
yet flexible).
(4) Women might dump men who are nice to them because they
discover that the guy isn't genuinely nice. He's perhaps good at making
all the right grand overt gestures, but otherwise relatively inattentive to
her smaller, (yet often most important) needs.
(5) Women might dump men who are nice to them because again they
find that the guy isn't genuinely nice. He'll make promises (and even
at times with all good intentions), yet doesn't follow through.
Perhaps the list is longer. But those are at least 5 reasons why
women might dump men who are nice to them.
Hope that perspective is of help. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:41:41 AM | | as a nice guy i have figured out that if you are too nice at first that can attract a woman who was never treated that way but after a while the attraction wears off but if you ask what is wrong the weoman will not look like a fool and tell you the truth she will say its not you its me am i right ladies i knew i was smothering her like sauce on hot wings but im the nice guy and no matter what she will not hurt my feelings so you have to pay attention more and learn to read the signs and ladies just say what the hll you need to we cant read minds ok | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:39:40 AM | Because he was emotionally unavailalbe. He was the nicest of nice. He was good to me. But, he was so even keeled, I think I would rather have seen him get mad on occasion, orshow his emotions. He would not have known a romantic gesture if it jumped out and bit him. As others have said, and I was guilty of:
Being afraid to be myself, or disagree, or ruffle his feathers. After all, he was so NICE.......LOL This was a****ail for disaster and I never saw it coming.
I didn't dump him, I pushed his buttons and then he dumped me. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:40:51 AM | I'll go with the women on part here....there has to be an attraction there before it can go any further. But I have also been witness to something else...
I consider myself a very nice guy. I do all those cute, sweet little things that a girl can really fall for if I'm into her. Yet I have had, not 1, not 2, but 3 women now tell me how attracted they are to me....tell me what attracts them....even tell me they love me. Just to eventually leave for NO reason anyway. They told me it was nothing I did....and 2 of the 3 wanted to get back with me afterward. My point is not to look for sympathy, just to say that I feel alot of times women are just confused about what they want too. They might not think something about you meshes well with them, or might be afraid of the tiniest thing like your family not liking her. Sometimes thats enough to have them break it off. The point is, keep being nice. Don't change how you are for anyone, eventually you'll find that person that feels the same for you and it can be the most perfect thing you've ever felt.
Take it from me...I had that then threw it away.... | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 432 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 11:15:52 AM | I keep hearing 'it's a lack of attraction". I'm so sick of the nice guy finishing last bullshite,theres got to be more to it than lack of attraction.Money"they have a shite load of money".Thats a load of swine vomit,look at Halle Barry she's gorgeous,makes a ton of money and get's beat up,and cheated on by her first husband,and hubby no.2 does'nt beat her up but,cheats on her.
The question is why do men and women usually run from those, who will treat them like human beings and, not human waste?
Why do nice guys get dumped?
Why do nice women get dumped?
Who knows? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 11:51:28 AM | Well lemme tell you RIGHT NOW that nice women do get dumped, seemingly for no reason. For five months I was told I love you and you're everything I ever wanted...then it seemed like he started to withdraw.
I'm depressed, he said...need to go back on my meds and get retooled and need a little bit of space. OK fine...I can certainly empathize with depression. From there it was I need more space, which progressed to I'm not ready to be in a relationship, to I don't want to date anyone I need to be alone. About that time a friend emailed me a copy of his profile from another dating site. Still telling me he wants to be alone even though I have a gut feeling he's involved with someone that apparently lives so far away they have to fly to get here.
I LOVED this man...gave up my whole heart for the first time since my marriage...would have followed him to the end of the earth and he knew it.
Yes Virginia...nice women do get dumped...some of them even by men with the courage to tell the truth. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 12:16:11 PM | | I don’t think a guy being nice to a women should be taken that girls don’t like nice guys, I consider myself a nice guy and have come to learn it is not about what they think of you. If it makes you feel good to give with expecting something in return then do it for yourself. Make it clear to the women what your intentions are first. If she drops interests in you for being nice, then she is not the one for you. I don’t look at it as rejection, but instead as an opportunity to find the right one without wasting anymore time on the wrong woman. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 12:29:05 PM | I know it's been said, but let me repeat it for the cheap seats.
Women DO like and will LOVE the 'nice guy'. It just has to be the RIGHT 'nice guy'. I've met a few of them. While I liked them as human beings, they just weren't the one for me. I couldn't bring myself to date them knowing it wasn't going to happen. The man I love is one of the 'nice guys'. The thing that makes him different, is that he's the one that 'clicked'. Wouldn't love him if he wasn't a 'nice guy'. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:57:08 PM |
Women DO like and will LOVE the 'nice guy'. It just has to be the RIGHT 'nice guy'. I've met a few of them. While I liked them as human beings, they just weren't the one for me.
A critical point, that those who "rely" on designating themselves as "nice" and insist that others "judge" the "whole person" after "getting to know them", often miss.
I would expect a woman I'm dating to, generally, be "nice", as she would expect that I would be too. If one or the other of us isn't, that would be a good reason to break things off.
However, if we aren't attracted to each other in the first place, that 'being nice" is just a human quality, that many people have, and I appreciate in others, but it's no basis for a "relationship" or dating. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 4:37:20 AM | | I have stated earlier in this thread but here goes again , yet another reason not mentioned . It could be about sex . Maybe the nice guy is small downstairs or maybe he just does not get into sex when clearly the relationship is at that point. It could be he is just bad in bed or unable to perform . | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 4:51:58 AM | why do women dump men who are nice to them? lol why do men tell woman how much they like them and want to be friends then tell them they love them then when you don't give them what they want off they go to find someone that will and your history to them.i'm going to leave this site i met some friends on here and some i thought were friends(WRONG) good bye | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 5:25:50 AM | | Amen to that. I have met a few really nice men in the past couple of years but the physical attraction has been non existant. I keep thinking maybe if I keep seeing these men their looks will change to me as I get to know them better. Has not happened yet. I know you don't judge a book by its cover but sometimes that is why you pick up a book, because it has an attractive cover. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 10:15:57 AM |
why do men tell woman how much they like them and want to be friends then tell them they love them then when you don't give them what they want off they go to find someone that will and your history to them.
You have some confusion about "why?"
According to your description, the man is fulfilling the woman's emotional needs, but she chooses not to respond to his. He finds someone, who is willing to be more responsive. That's the "why" of it.
Ultimately, we are all free to choose with whom to be "involved". I try to focus on bringing happiness to my partner, and be responsive to her needs. That only works, if she, also, is trying to do much the same. Otherwise, it's a dysfunctional "one way" relationship, and those are never healthy for either party. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 10:24:09 AM | why do women dump men who are nice to them? lol why do men tell woman how much they like them and want to be friends then tell them they love them then when you don't give them what they want off they go to find someone that will and your history to them.i'm going to leave this site i met some friends on here and some i thought were friends(WRONG) good bye
strange comments from someone who is married.....I am referring to the tell them they love them and disappear after the you don't give them what they want thing...
in any case.. bye.. better luck where ever you go next seeking whatever it is that you are seeking.
as for the nice guys get dumped syndrome....maybe it's for the same reason that guys dump nice women. Somebody else caught their eye.. or was hotter, or nicer | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/20/2007 3:32:18 PM | | If a woman dumps a man because she doesn't find him physically attractive why did she start dating him in the first place? to dump someone you must already be in a relationship with them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/21/2007 1:27:24 AM |  ok now your talkin,, finally a man that realizes the way the human mind and emotion works.. good on ya! yes you have explained it to a t,, sometimes its there and sometimes,its just not!! regrardless of how nice someone is,, has nothing to do with that feeling inside that says,, yes.. , without being desperate, and all that good stuff, so women just dont dump men cause they are nice,, come on give us a break eh! we are not all spinless people, just human ,, yes there are some ill give you that,, but in all, any morally stable person that knows themselves, just cant lead someone on to believe they want to be there when they dont, isnt that better than being called a gold digger,, or user or what have you,,??? simply explaining to someone that its just not there,, not dumping them cause they are nice, do you think we are nuts??? its like thinkin money can buy happiness..... WRONG.. so yes thank you for puttin it out there.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/21/2007 2:06:25 AM | | I'm not so sure its treating them nice that is the problem. I think that we all desire someone who is grown up...mature...thoughtful...while it is thoughtful to be "nice" as you put it...it can also be viewed as needy....there is a balence I suppose...I guess finding that balence with the person you are with is the key...for every "giver"...you must find a "receiver"...it WILL work with the right person.... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/21/2007 11:34:10 PM | See I have to answer this one you women read way to much into things cant a simple jester of compasion be just that? Can it not just do what it was meant to do warm you up inside which would be the intention by the sender and thats that. Do you really think if you search the world over you will find that perfect person? Get real Nobodys perfect and Im nobody  just live love and die make a choice and stick by it no matter what with the exception of cheating and dishonesty everything else is trivial. Thats what drive me nuts the door is allways open for you to walk out of it, all you have to do is shut that door, and we will be clay in your hands. And since you dont it seems to make a guy feel like your not devoted to the relationship which makes him feel like he has to do more witch makes me GO NUTS ! Women think they deserve a prince men do not want a princess , Ill gladly take a peasent women that knows what life is about, rather than a F up vanity filled **** that requires full of attention at all times and has no use for simple people other than to get what she wants. Get real you wanna be at the club when your fifty like alot of these old dried up princess's or do you want to raise your kids or grandkids? Because if you dont make a choice and stick with him thats were your going. Mark my words
Ps this is the longest post Ive ever posted forgive the spelling its late and Im very tired | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:45:08 AM | | My opinion is, just because a man is NICE to you, doesn't mean he's going to be good FOR you!! I found that to be my problem recently. I was in a relationship that was awesome!!! I loved him deeply. We were so very different and he wasn't willing to meet me half way while I, on the other hand, was willing to do all the work in making the relationship work. He was very good to me and I gave him all my love but it wasn't going to work because he couldn't live in my life style. I was very neat and clean and he was exact opposite. I did his cleaning for him without cripping, but he still didn't like clean and organized and uncluttered life style. So, he ended it saying I was too refined for him....mind you he sent the engagement breakup to my work email after spending the last 3 days with him!! Wouldn't allow me to talk to him over it either. So, nice to you.....yea, a man can be nice to you as long as it's all for getting what he wants....however, when things don't go his way or he finds he's expected to do something that isn't in his plans of getting what he wants, then they turn on you and it's ugly!!! So, don't worry.....everyone has their needs and will do what ever it takes to get their needs filled. Men, women...both sexes. So don't blame one sex. It's just human. I agree now, that our life together would never have worked cuz we BOTH weren't willing to work at it. Both parties have to give......not just one. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/22/2007 8:27:37 AM |
I had a man treat me as nice as he could brought me flowers ( mind you he showed up it was not a date ) he left me messages telling me how beautiful he thought i was ... he was a nice guy BUT I was not physicaly attracted to the man .. he was not my type of man he had a long beard , long hair . I can not help that he was a nice guy but was not something I am attracted to .. I do not get why some men think being nice is all that matters ... YOU can not tell me if some overly obese woman who was unkept was as sweet as pie and as nice as can be would mean you would fall in love with them.
I don't think that is what he was asking.
If a woman I was not attracted to gave me gifts I wouldn't take them. It's not only unfair and misleading to do so, it can be downright cruel. By accepting the gift and thanking them you are implicitly saying, "yes, I think this can go somewhere and keep it coming."
All of us have to keep in mind that little thing called "mutual attraction." If it is not mutual don't do anything to imply that it is including accepting gifts. That is called many things, but in the end you are leading them on which makes you look like a swindler.
Men give gifts like flowers, cards, messages on voicemail, etc. because we are expressing an interest in you and we want you to know it. That's so if you don't feel the same way we can find out by how excited and pleased you are by the gift and how grateful you are. If I give a gift to someone and they don't seem grateful or excited by it then I won't give any more gifts.
This has happened to me before. Now, if I go out with someone I don't give gifts other than pay for the meal or drinks or whatever because I am the one who asked for the date. If after the second or third date we find a mutual attraction then yes, flowers are appropriate along with cards, messages, poems or whatever.
Gifts are part of the dance. If you have no intention to get out on the dance floor don't accept the invitation.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:53:15 PM | | When a person is too nice, I always wonder what they want. You can tell when a person is being real. It's like talking to a used car salesman, you can tell it isn't honesty. Be real, be confident, be your self and most of the time she will too. Nice is not the issue. Honesty and sincerity are closer to the plate. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 2/19/2008 8:32:17 PM | | I will reiterate earlier posters, but my opinion is that people get dumped by the other sex for three reasons. 1. Physical attraction 2. Interest compatability 3. Promise performance. When you are making a life with another person, it takes all three to make it work. | |
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