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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:34:13 AM | | Dude, man up dude! It's less about being nice and more about power, physical attraction, and novelty. If you have a lot of power, you can get women easy. If you are physically attractive, you get plenty of women, so hit the gym. If you are a magician, bartender, or a bouncer, you can attract scores of chicks. Also dudes in uniform like police dudes and marines. If you are just some average joe blow, no chick is going to go for that unless you move to an area where you aren't average anymore. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:10:06 AM | I like nice guys. If a guy is anything other than nice with me...then he is OUT. No questions asked. Nice guys are the ONLY guys I'll pay attention to.
Oh and CLINGY guys SUCK!
Nice guys with no loyality?
I'm lost... feel free to ellaborate...
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:45:45 AM |
As for the physical attraction, why then should she take a year or two of him being nice to her and then tell him to get lost. If the attraction was not there to begin with, then why not just say so early before anything goes too long. If there is some quirk about his philosophy, why not say so instead of saying no thanks or get lost.
Because some "nice" guys will do everything but spit wooden nickels to get a woman's approval - and either don't recognize lack of attraction or don't want to. I know a lot of women who've just plain felt bad a guy was trying so hard and wish they were attracted. They try to date the guy despite the attraction but in the end, it doesn't work.
And in a lot of cases, women do tell men this in so many words, but they don't hear it.
P.S. It also happens to women as well. | |
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New2Au
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Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 479 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:54:57 AM | | Many of the women here have mentioned attraction. What they are not saying is that the dumping comes a few weeks or months after they are together. There was attraction at first. What causes the attraction to falter? I believe that they want the nice guy, but that is not what they are used to. They are uncomfotable with being treated differently than they have been in the past. If they weren't attracted to the guy, they would never have gotten with them in the first place. Don't put the cart before the horse. Women be honest. A great deal of you go for the bad guy. The guy that keeps you wondering where you stand with him. You feel safe with the nice guy, and that is not atractive to you. Many women don't know what they want, they just know what they don't want. Sound sexist? Sorry, this knowledge comes from firsthand experience and critcal observation of other women and their relationships. I was the nice guy and I struck out everytime after a time. Women don't like ass kissers, and that is how they view the nice guy. Anyone want to argue my hypothisis? | |
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New2Au
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Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 480 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:10:45 AM | I'm depressed, he said...need to go back on my meds and get retooled and need a little bit of space. OK fine...I can certainly empathize with depression.
What does this sound like? She went for the bad guy and got dumped. Surprise! Surprise! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:56:08 AM | | Okay. Put the shoe on the other foot. What happens when you take a woman out and she falls madly in love with you on the first date, and she's ready to marry you and have your babies, and you haven't even decided that there is any chemistry between the two of you yet. That's right, your running away as fast as you can. It's not that we don't want to be treated nice, but a man should not be acting like a lovesick little puppy too quickly. I can't speak for every woman out there, but as for me personally, I don't want a man who spends too much money on me right away. It's actually a turn-off. If the chemistry doesn't happen, I feel bad that he spent all that money on me, and I feel like I used him even if I didn't ask for it, and I don't like to hurt people. My advice in an early relationship: Go out for coffee, Take a walk in the park, or on the beach. It's not all about spending money, and women can't be bought. Some of you men think if you spend enough money on us, we're obligated to fall in love with you. It doesn't work that way. The world is full of nice people. Nice does not guarantee chemistry. Just be yourself and get to know each other first. if your knees are wobbling, don't tell her. It can scare her off. Admit it guys, you don't like that from us either. If the relationship seems to be working after a few dates, you can be nicer. We love nice. Just don't be too pathetic too soon. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:15:38 AM | my thoughts on nice:
- nice does not equate to love. my parents were not always nice, for example.
- nice + getting dumped for being nice = coincidence (not cause)
- nice is one quality, not every quality
- I'm not always nice; is that even possible? always being nice? to your SO? lol .. robot much?
- people that say they are nice never know what others think about them because they are too nice to ask.
- nice ... bah humbug
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:13:46 AM | | Women DON'T dump men who are nice to them. Women dump men they are not attracted too them , women dump men who are needy or clingy and finally women dump men who don't act like men. The women I've talked to on here, for the most part have a good sense of who they are, what they want from a relationship or man. When there is no chemistry or zing it is not likely to work out. That also doesn't mean a woman can't say "Gee he's a good guy(not nice that word is BS) let's see what happens after a couple of dates". Then decide it doesn't have enough ummph to keep going. This IS a key difference in men, like the shopping thing. A man shops because he has too, a woman shops because she wants too. Treat women well, be respectful, expect them to be respectful of you and have FUN, date to see if there is a spark. If your personalities mesh, things in common and a sense of whether you could see yourself with that person for a period of time, in a relationship, if not just call a spade a spade and move on. This is dating, anything else that exists in YOUR mind only is your issue not theirs. My 2 cents only, Bob | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:48:39 AM | Well Bob2013:
You have hit the nail on the head with your post. Bravo and thanks.
An addition to that post as Bob stated, Is, Just because one thinks the things one does for another is nice and meant to be nice, is not always welcome at that time.
IE: Showing up on your interest unannounced. ( with or without gifts, flowers coffee etc) Ones need for "nice doing" should always have respect for another's boundaries.
I once dated a lovely and nice man who would show up at any point at my job, unannounced, with coffee or not. Often I was in a meeting with co-worker or boss. I of course could not stop and visit, and this hurt his feelings, not intentional on my part and I felt awful all day about it. Yes I did explain this to him. I got a "well I thought of you and wanted to bring something nice for you" And bless his heart it was, and I did love the sentiment behind it all, but at the wrong time. This caused a sense of insecurity with him as to how I felt about "us" and a sense of failure to myself which in turn eroded the relationship....sigh. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:03:15 AM |
Anyone want to argue my hypothisis?
Gladly - even tho I just posted it not long ago, I guess I can repeat myself.
Many of the women here have mentioned attraction. What they are not saying is that the dumping comes a few weeks or months after they are together. There was attraction at first. What causes the attraction to falter?
AGAIN, in most cases women try to overlook attraction, in hopes that it will work, or "grow". It doesn't.
I believe that they want the nice guy, but that is not what they are used to. They are uncomfotable with being treated differently than they have been in the past. If they weren't attracted to the guy, they would never have gotten with them in the first place.
Sorry, but that's exactly what it is - I've done it, and many of my friends have. We wish we were attracted because everything else is so good. But the attraction (or lack of it) can't be overcome. Some of these women marry men who they're not attracted to because they get treated so well...and then they cheat.
Don't put the cart before the horse. Women be honest. A great deal of you go for the bad guy. The guy that keeps you wondering where you stand with him. You feel safe with the nice guy, and that is not atractive to you.
Nope - truth is, tho a lot of times there's a dilemma between the nice guy that we're not into and the guy that's not so great for us but we're attracted to. Women who don't want to be single/alone will usually go for the attraction.
Many women don't know what they want, they just know what they don't want. Sound sexist? Sorry, this knowledge comes from firsthand experience and critcal observation of other women and their relationships. I was the nice guy and I struck out everytime after a time. Women don't like ass kissers, and that is how they view the nice guy.
There's a fine line between a guy that does things to get a woman to like him (doormat, manilupator) and a guy who first makes sure a woman likes him as much as he likes her and THEN does nice things for her because he wants to. If a woman doesn't have interest in you without all that other crap you're trying to do to get her attention, then you walk. Nice guys don't know how to walk when a woman's not good for him. They make their own beds on that.
Saying you were the nice guy and it got you nowhere means that you were doing it in hopes of a desired result. No wonder it didn't work (and you actually cared). Truly good guys do things for PEOPLE (not just women) because it's just who they are. They don't care what comes from it.
Luvablekitten in post 481 has it right. They've got to like you for you - stop trying to impress a woman who's "meh" about you. You can't blame her for something you started. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:59:31 AM | | Women are just not use to the nice guys. In their eyes, we as men are up to no good and shady. Therefore they get scared, confused and we get blown off big time. It's a cycle with women to settle for the bad guys because that is what they are use to. I feel if women don't appreciate us treating them like gold, as much as its going to be hard, let them go and they can pursue other options. One of my ex's from the past contacted me me out of the blue. She told me that she realized that she had it good and didn't know how to take and she is with an ***hole now. I left her exactly where she is at. Life is way too short and sweet. Don't worry be happy! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:06:20 AM | Step up to the plate and do some deep analyzing of YOURSELF, not other people. Try being honest instead of always laying the blame at the feet of other people. Looking in the internal mirror is scary, but it is worth it.
If the test come up -; what then?
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:22:39 AM | Chemistry counts for ALOT, so without that, it really doesn't matter about all the rest.
But given that, no one likes a doormat. If you make yourself available and are constantly saying how much you love and cherish her, where is the chase? Where is the feeling many people like of being pursued?
Most women say they want a nice guy, but in reality a large percentage find them to be rather boring. People like a challenge, they like to put all the pieces together. Nice guys are the frozen dinners of the dating world Yeah they will do for awhile, but eventually you are going to want something more hearty and homemade. Something with some flavor and some spice and not just packaged for mass consumption. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:39:53 AM | | Don't ask women this question because its logical and most women don't know why. Its 'feeling' they follow. Men follow logic. Dont follow any rules but your own. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:43:10 AM | It often happens - for nexample, I've been told more than once by women that I'm 'too nice' - a lot of women seem to want their men to have some nasty, or at least, less pleasant streak. I'm 45, intelligent, friendly, I dress well, have a good job, don't collect stamps for a hobby and have all my limbs where they should be but I've had one girlfriend in my entire life and none for nearly 10 years - loads, and I mean loads of close women friends, dinner/drinks companions, etc, but I'm very nice and finish up as another girlfriend. One woman, who did come close to being my second girlfriend, has a partner and several lovers - in her words, she 'collects' men. But, when we became close I started showing affection ans she immediately backed off - the one thing she didn't want was affection/love/anyone getting close.
So maybe you just can't win, or can't figure out exactly what it is women want. At the end of the day, for most people I guess, whatever they say, they need a physical attraction and no matter how nice someone is, or how well they treat someone, if that extra physical thing just ain't there then it won't work. I guess in my case it's not really about being too nice, it's about being ugly. For another man it may be something else. But I refuse to become less nice, no matter how much I'm in, because I believe people should be nice and if others don't like that, well, that's their problem. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:49:39 AM | I was the nice guy and I struck out everytime after a time. Women don't like ass kissers, and that is how they view the nice guy. Anyone want to argue my hypothisis?
Dude there is a huge huge HUGE difference between "nice guy/asskisser" and a " good and decent man. It's impossible to explain to men who aren't already that caliber of guy, and it's not about putting on some kind of act.
What they are not saying is that the dumping comes a few weeks or months after they are together. There was attraction at first. What causes the attraction to falter? I believe that they want the nice guy, but that is not what they are used to. They are uncomfotable with being treated differently than they have been in the past. If they weren't attracted to the guy, they would never have gotten with them in the first place. Don't put the cart before the horse. Women be honest. A great deal of you go for the bad guy. The guy that keeps you wondering where you stand with him. You feel safe with the nice guy, and that is not atractive to you. Many women don't know what they want, they just know what they don't want.
I cannot speak for any other woman but for myself, I call BULLSH*T on the preceding quote. I look for a man who is sure of who he is and where his life is going,and whose good character isn't something he paints on the surface just before a date. A buttkissing doormat is a red flag to me because that is a sign of MAJOR insecurity.
Why do women dump men who are nice to them?
Well, I would be foolish to pretend that there AREN'T insecure women or women who've never SEEN a living breathing example of a good man.
And then there are the secure selfconfident women who sense that the "niceness" is an act, and wonder why the guy is trying so hard and seems afraid to be himself.
Cindy O | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:12:53 AM | YES YES YES.. Just being my normal sensitive and caring sort of guy I get remarks from women like "you just make my head swim" or "you are so affectionate it overwhelms me". Is it my fault they have been previousaly conditioned to accept mistreatment and humiliation from men (most are pigs) that ruin a decent woman's self-esteem and sense of self worth? Yes sometimes nice guys finish last BECAUSE one or more sorry men have ruined them and scarred them for life so they no longer can believe any man truly cares for them. Man I KNOW this is SO true....
Then you have the sly ones that let you shower them with gifts and services and then get more 'helpless' all the time so they can't hardly dress themselves without your 'help'. Therapists recognize this mental disease as "learned helplessness"
Google it if you don't believe me...I just got divorced last year after 4 years of being a unwitting slave to a victim of 'learned helplessness' It sucks....
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:19:26 AM | I did meet a man when I first came here who was a very nice man, but was very cool in emotions .
OK, OK I know that men are not as emotional as women.. but he even said that he came from an emotional cool family that did not show emotions hardly at all.
I could not relate to this , as i come from a more close knit family.
Intellectually we were a very good match, and i did like him very much, but it made me uneasy.... not being able to read the vibes or not knowing how much to show.
Though I liked and respected him, this made me very nervous, even physically.
I was not sure if he was really this way or just polite and not really all that interested.
I filially said that i needed to take a step back and think about things , which I am sure he ment as to buzz off...
I have a very full profile and I do have many interests... I don’t just list them hoping to find a bigger selection... (of any one who might fit)....
I want to be sure that some one I meat has a basic idea of who I am... and if we would match.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:30:56 AM | | Easy....nice guys finish DEAD LAST!!! Women fundamentally don't like a nice guy; they like men that they can complain about to their girlfriends....which requires you to be some sort of an ass. SO if you're one of those nice, well-mannered guys who she can't complain about to her friends, you're days with her are numbered. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:13:17 PM | No ....Ladies want a nice guy who can play naughty...
sort of like a man wants a lady in the parlor but a little naughty in the bedroom
we all like to play Tarzan and Jane sometimes....
or pirates....let's see what else.... ????? | |
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