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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:18:07 PM | It takes SOooooooooo much more to have a connection than how someone treats you!
In other words, how you treat her is just 1 out of 100's of little things she needs to be attracted to. (and there are some big things too of course!) | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:41:39 PM | | I think everyone is making alot of good points and there isn't just one right answer. It depends on the guy. Sometimes a nice guy is too much for one women who has just come out of a bad relationship, it scares them and they get weary, yes that sounds very odd to say, but when u aren't use to it, it is confusing. I have had a few really nice guys meaning the one's who buy, buy, buy, give flowers, cards, calls, dinner, always pay, they are great. But I have seen the other side to the 2 I am refering to and one of which , bought from the goodness of his heart but once u say u need space they go crazy, they invested all this into u and think they now bought u too how could u leave them they think, what did they do wrong ? And my answer is too needy, I have found the 2 men in my past both became obsessive and very needy, and it is unattractive. My suggestion to the other nice guys out there, continue to be u, but pace it a bit, too much too soon is too much, everyone who knows someone who appears to good to be true, usually is. Leave a little to be desired, you end up being taken for granted and that isn't what u want. U see it all the time with the wealthy, they get what they want and look for something else. You build up a person's ego and watch out. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:45:58 PM | This thread should read, Why do some women dump men who are doormats. Have a nice night.
So many people try to impress everyone in their SO life circle by being a self proclaimed nice person!!!! look at me everyone I have just been nice to my SO I'm such a nice person. Then comes the that oh so familiar statement when the break up happens; I'm sure most of you can fill in the blanks. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:03:01 PM | | it dont matter how nice you are or how much of a gentleman you act if the spark has gone theres nothing you can do to revive it o matter how hard you try . that i do know | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:12:08 PM | Man, I'm away from PoF for a while and the nice guy threads are still here.
Read: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) for your answer on why nice guys finish last. Note, I didn't say BE A JERK (that's just as bad as being a doormat, it's just displayed differently).
Women want strong, confident men who don't do "nice" things in exchange for love and affection. Women will never love you for the THINGS you do for them. They love you for how you make them FEEL. And you can NEVER make them feel love for you by being a doormat.
Read the book. It will change your life for the better.
Cheers. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:17:02 PM | I wish i had a good answer for you, but I speculate on this one too.
Here's what I think. I agree that sometimes lack of attraction is the deal breaker, but in such cases either a woman won't date a man at all or she will end it very quickly which wont leaf either party with too much injury. the rub likely comes when it takes a few months. The only thing I can think of is that, she gets too used to you and becomes bored; you become a bit predictable and the excitement is gone, compliments and flowers don't balance it out (I dont know what flowers were ever really good for to be honest - I get the gesture and have used, and will again, it myself but when they sit there in a vase, i just dot get "IT").
Now its a fine balancing act but one remedy I think is to make sure, deliberately, that there is ALWAYS something about you that cannot be grasped completely. I'm a staunch advocate of being truly open, honest, considerate, encouraging, and loving because that's what really matters, but life needs to be exciting too and when a woman can call out everything you might do, or pick, say, the number of rose buds you usually buy, you might be in trouble. If anything, a woman leaving her man for another in such a circumstance is her leaving one she's completely explored for one she does not have. If she can never completely 'have you' exhaust all knowledge about you, I think she's likely to stick around. She gets love and attention and a man who ocassionally, she has to take a step to reach - and the dance goes on. Just make sure you calibrate it well. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:44:37 PM |
Treat her nice. Do things for her she says no man has done before? Get wobbly knees when she comes downstairs dressed for dinner and she says no man has ever reacted like that before... they just expect it.
Yet alas... not wanting this man who treats her so good.
any exoeriences would be of help.. from the POV of a woman..
My take on this is that you are missing what is wrong with your relationship. Look closer at what she does respond well to. So many men think they only need to treat a woman 'good' and she will be head over heels over them. They are missing the point. Of course you should treat a woman well if you want her to like you - that goes without saying, but it doesn't contribute to attraction.
There are so many other issues at stake for a woman to decide on the one who is right for her, like chemistry to start with, decision making ability, standards of ethics, dress standards, attitudes to responsibility, the list goes on and on as you know - it is the same list you yourself probably use when deciding whether a woman is right for you.
For me for example, if you made the inane comment "All politicians are the same - they are all crooks" I would write you off as politically naive and consider that I am unlikely to get properly considered & informed conversation out of you. The relationship wouldn't go any further and you would never know what you did wrong.
Get over the nice guy phobia, you men out there. Good manners & respect are only the first step in a relationship that a woman will expect and should go without saying. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:57:40 PM | It's very simple scottish warrior. It all has to do with respect. When you put a girl or anyone for that matter on a pedastal. It's almost impossible for that person to not look down on you. I asked one of my brothers along time ago(he was a ladies man). How do you get these ladies to get all sprung on you? He said; they have to look up to you.
So basically; You have to be respected. You have to have them look up to you. When your too nice you can look like a fool. It's important to be nice, But it's more important to be respected. Have them put you on a pedestal. Don't ever put them on a pedestal. No matter how much you like them. Treat your women well, respect her and always be 100% devoted to her. And you'll be the MAN! -Mike. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:00:29 PM | | I am throwing myself at this lady . She will not even agree to meet me. Although I have talked to her by phone chat and emails. At the time she was dating and she told me straight out no deal. She was dating this dude she really care for. I don't understand it I am a gentle man rich handsome educated never been married have no children monogamous tall a great catch and she declined to meet me . She preferred some guy who she met in here. Who isn't even with her anymore. Now she is free I guess it didn't work but she still refuses to meet me. What is wrong with her? I have women who are dying to meet me in here. But they are not what I want. What can I do to attract her? Read my headlines ! You should read my testimonial to her . I said it all I want this lady . Robert | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:08:00 PM | Dated a man from this site last year, after we broke up he couldnt stop telling me how good he was to me and I was a fool to let him go
He never seemed to realize when he was sober he was good to me , only problem was he was rarely sober | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:15:43 PM | Awww....c'mon
I am attracted to a guy who is all male. He has confidence, pheremones flying everywhere, testosterone stacked up to the nines, a grin that says "Hey, baby!", a liking to cook and make a mess in the kitchen but so absolutely proud of his creation. An inability to curb his wolfish fixation to get me undressed (but is a good sport), a gentle, protective side when I am hurt or upset, getting rowdy and competitive in sports, expressive if he needs to say something. He has a fun and great circle of buds, and most of all, a romantic side to him that gives me flowers unexpectedly, a warm phone call, a thoughtful little present when he's out shopping, and listening to my day at work without tuning out. He likes to open doors for me, walk on the side of me closest to traffic, walk behind me when we go into a place, place a protective hand on me in crowded places, order for me first whether it's wine or dinner, and be considerate of me in social situations.
Whew!! Gonna get some flack of being a '50's lady....but...it's who I am.
I don't like men who are wussies, wimpy, overly P/C, an "equal rights" fanatic, or a confused male who doesn't know how to behave towards women in 2008. This just turns me off.
There you go! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:58:50 PM | Wow Wallflower1 I'd say that was unatainable if that didn't describe me to a T. 
Have you ladies ever wondered why so many guys try all of this stuff? Have you ever wondered why they think that it'll work, or why they have to put up a front? Well I can only speak for me, but when I tried the nice guy stuff it was because I was afraid.
Ducks the comments thrown at him for not being a man...
Afraid. I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for her, or that I wasn't attractive or successful enough. This thought went through my head constantly with one girl: "She is WAYYY too good for me. Why is she going out with me? I'll bet it's pity, or some kind of bet, or...." Well you get the idea. I thought that if I did enough for them, and went out of my way to be nice..ugh.. to them, that women would respond. It took a lot of introspection and soul searching to manage this thinking.
You'll notice that I didn't say get over it, because I still haven't, doubt I will, but I've learned how to not think that way. I can appreciate what I have to offer to a woman and I know how I feel about me. A lot of guys don't have that.
I know that my experience with that kind of fear came from my adolescence. I was the fat pimply kid that had lots of friends in high school but not one girlfriend. It wasn't until I went to college that I started getting this under control.
Plus there is the fact that men, on average, chase women more than women chase men. An average woman has a greater chance of attracting people than the average man. Just look at the number of men on this site compared to women. Women get hit on all the time, they have the luxury of "window shopping." It's a lot harder for men, especially those that aren't as socially comfortable as most. For those guys it can be almost impossible.
You will see a lot of these socially ackward guys posting on here about nice guys finishing last. They won't admit to being ackward around women, but they are. They don't know what attracts a woman and desperately try something that they think will work. When it doesn't they they start to become bitter, and say things like, "screw it, I'm gonna be an @ss from now on, that's what women want. It must be...because they don't want me."
So for all of those that posted saying that men were "NICE" to be manipulative and get something in return, you were right. They were looking to get acceptance, kindness, and affection from a woman. At least that's what I used to do. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:07:07 PM | A guy should do it because it's what he wants to do. Comes natural to him. It's the hunt for a woman to respond to him and he should be comfortable and confident of his style.
Nothing worse than a guy who is fearful trying to act cool. For us women it's like wading through molasses on a date with him. Energy stealer.
It should never be done as "Have you ladies ever wondered why so many guys try all of this stuff? Have you ever wondered why they think that it'll work, or why they have to put up a front? "
We ladies can smell that kind of ickyness miles away. It radiates as a needy stink off wussie men..... or a worse stench off players.
Telling like it is.
Men...be men and do what is natural. What your instincts tell you to do. If the lady don't like it, then walk away and try another one who might like it. BUT...be yourself.
If you are naturally an ass*hole then be it. There are women out there who like that.
If you naturally are a nice guy but have loads of confidence and machismo, then be that! You will find a lady that will be twitter-pated by that.
I happen to be attracted to nice guys who have loads of confidence and machismo. They are men. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:08:38 PM | | Hi dazx. I'm sorry, but I feel that you have to face the fact that you were not loved by this lady. Had she been in love with you, she would have adored the attention, compliments and gifts that you bestowed upon her. It could even be the case that although the spark was not there, she knew that you are a good guy and wanted so much for that spark to surface. When it did not, the presents etc., merely exacerbated the fact that there was no love for you. If you have not done so already, then let this lady go. If you don't she will continue to hurt you. Find someone who could love you. But take it steady. A compliment such as "you look nice" is the perfect thing to say during the early stages. Let it progress slowly. Make it your rule that you only see each other maybe three or four times a week. Thus allowing you both space to see your friends and partake in other activities. If there is a spark, then she will accept this and look forward to the times that you are together. The person who said that women enjoy being treated badly is crackers ! I can assure you that this is not the case. It actually hurts like hell and tears you apart. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:06:22 AM |
I am throwing myself at this lady .
Not attractive to women, ONE BIT.
She will not even agree to meet me.
Duh, for the reason above. You're throwing yourself at her. You don't think you're worthy for her to pursue at all, so she never will. If you don't love and respect yourself, don't expect others to love and respect you either.
Although I have talked to her by phone chat and emails. At the time she was dating and she told me straight out no deal. She was dating this dude she really care for.
Duh again. She has someone she cares about!
I don't understand it I am a gentle man rich handsome educated never been married have no children monogamous tall a great catch and she declined to meet me .
So you think because you are tall and have money, women should be begging to meet you? Do you wonder why you are single and never been married? It's because you lack confidence and self-esteem. And women can smell it a mile away. Again, if you don't love and respect yourself, you can not possibly expect women to love and respect you EITHER.
She preferred some guy who she met in here. Who isn't even with her anymore. Now she is free I guess it didn't work but she still refuses to meet me. What is wrong with her?
The better question is, what is wrong with YOU? I know. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). It will explain why you push women away. You are totally wreking of desperation and it drives women as far away from you as possible.
I have women who are dying to meet me in here. But they are not what I want.
For some reason, I don't believe you.
What can I do to attract her?
Until you read the book I recommended, you won't understand.
Read my headlines ! You should read my testimonial to her . I said it all I want this lady . Robert
You need to understand something. Women are NOT attracted to what men say or do for them. Women are attracted to how a man makes her FEEL. He has to BE a man and make her feel like a woman. Throwing yourself at women is guarantees you will never have them. They don't want insecure, clingy, needy boy men. They want men who are strong, confident and secure in who they are.
Just based on your post I can tell you don't have any of those qualities and that is why you are chasing this woman away from you. She will NEVER be attracted to you simply because you do not understand that it takes way more than height or money to attract a woman.
Read the book. For your own sake, READ THE BOOK. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:47:52 AM | | I thought women always love to be persuaded . At least in my occasions I sent flowers shower them with gifts and they gone out dated me . But this lady is stubborn she set on her ways or she is playing hard to get. Then again she had been honest to me told me she was dating someone else. But why wouldn't she give me a chance I prove to be a gentleman to her that will love her if given the chance. Robert | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:03:16 AM |
I thought women always love to be persuaded . At least in my occasions I sent flowers shower them with gifts and they gone out dated me . But this lady is stubborn she set on her ways or she is playing hard to get. Then again she had been honest to me told me she was dating someone else. But why wouldn't she give me a chance I prove to be a gentleman to her that will love her if given the chance. Robert
Robert...she's not stubborn, she's NOT INTERESTED. If she was, you'd know it. There is no chance, she doesn't want you - and to be honest, you shouldn't want someone who doesn't want you back. This isn't an 80s movie, it's life. Women who are that hard to get are that way because they don't like you. Please, get that.
Men who don't just freak me out. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:39:59 AM | I don't buy it one bit. You'd have to define nice. Nice to me is sticking around when you don't want to be there. Women I think choose differently for a marriage partner, boyfriend, and friend. I believe this guy being referred to as nice would be the marriage candidate. The not so nice guy would be the boyfriend. And the friend could be either the nice guy or not so nice guy. She would have a child with the not so nice guy and do drugs with him. But do you think she would marry him. Please. It is a game.
The challenge is being aware when it is over. That is when you find someone that is good for you. Do you continue to resist? Or do you let go and make the investment? Some people say you know when you find that person for you. I believe timing has alot to do with it. I also think being open enough to go with something that you may not have considered. Unless there is no chemistry from the beginning. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:44:01 AM | MAYBE UNACCEPTABLE BUT ALL TO TRUE. YOU ARE A WOMAN AND WILL NOT ADMIT THE TRUTH.
It seems that your cap lock is not the only thing that is stuck.
I have seen and read these "nice guy" and "nice gal" things before. Seems to me that it all boils down to what you mean when you say you are a "nice guy." Fine, you give her stuff. Do you respect her opinion? Can and do you ever disagree with her? Can you do so respectfully? How do each of you feel when you are together? Do you know how you make her feel? If not, why not? Do you know what she likes to receive? Do you not realize that occasional small gifts for no reason can be special but continual presentation of gifts can look like a bribe or an atonement for some wrongdoing?
Be yourself, not "nice." If it works, fine. If it doesn't, that is ok too. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:47:44 AM | I wish I could help you. I'm a nice woman that always gets dumped. Sometimes I think being nice makes them come to you as a friend ( when they need something ). When you make them feel better, they run back to the ones that hurt them the most. I'm open to any nice guy. Get sick of the users! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:49:19 AM |
Dear SW
Many men are gobsmacked with me.....that does not mean they are my ideal date, or partner..that does not designate mutual attraction.
It is not about what you say or do, but about ' who you are'...to yourself and the world that will either wow her, or not.
Read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida...it Googles
You will know more after that.
Work on your own magnetism, and the perfect person will find you irresistable...
I hope this helps
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:53:26 AM | | I have a policy that "nobody outnices me." If a guy is nice, he gets everything a man could want--if not, he gets lost. I think society has come to mis-interpret niceness for desperation, making it easier to dump someone and find out if there's someone better out there--just a guess. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:55:03 AM | | From a woman that has been hurt deeply a few times, you are assuming we're all the same. I would love a guy to bring me flowers, or call just to say hello. You just haven't met the right type of woman. Try shooting for an older woman, they appreciate it more. Younger women have that bad boy complex | |
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