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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:02:14 AM | My goodness, Robert!!
Women do love that a man pursues to a certain degree...IF SHE IS INTERESTED IN HIM!
A woman shows a man right from the start with a glance, a comment, a certain look...or whatever works for her that he is lookin' pretty damn good! Let the chase begin!
If, for some reason, he has not come up to scratch in the pursue department, she will entice him a bit more to get the motor running...or she wanders off and flirts with someone new. He loses.
If, for some reason, he falters as a man (lacking confidence, needy and desperate) and doesn't listen to her signals, she will lose interest. You could try to buy her the sun and it won't work once the "perfect" chase between male and female has been crippled. He loses.
The winner is the man who has the ability to see, sense, smell the signals that a woman gives off as he pursues her....and as she lets him. It's a delicate balance and it teaches the two parties involvd to listen and communicate.
From what I see is a man who doesn't listen to the signals, doesn't hear her, is only into his wallowing for attention, acting like a child who wants to please too much, and is really quite distasteful. She has told you she is seeing someone else. You lose the chase. Give up and learn to properly play the game and dance. A good poker player always looks, listens, senses, and can smell his way to a jackpot! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:05:55 AM |
YES YES YES.. Just being my normal sensitive and caring sort of guy I get remarks from women like "you just make my head swim" or "you are so affectionate it overwhelms me". Is it my fault they have been previousaly conditioned to accept mistreatment and humiliation from men (most are pigs) that ruin a decent woman's self-esteem and sense of self worth?
No, that part is beyond YOUR control.
But you can certainly choose to stop dating such severely damaged women. Yeah yeah I know, you think your good treatment will ensure her continued interest and appreciation. In some MILD cases that might be true, but all too often a woman who is towing around a string of failed relationships WILL NOT stick with a man who is genuinely good to her.
Start dating women who ARE secure and who do know that truly good men exist. I'm not suggesting that you force yourself into a relationship with a woman you feel no chemistry with because she seems relatively undamaged.
There ARE women out there who don't see a man of character and good values as a frightening anomaly. But they aren't always easily spotted because they are not "out there"desperately seeking men to rescue them and fix their lives....
Cindy O | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:01:20 AM | I think it is a given that a person should be nice to people whether it's someone you are dating, a friend, or your pet. You should be nice, period. That should be normal behavior, you know. I have been nice to women who were attracted to me, but I should have been nicer to myself and got out of Dodge. The most important thing is to find a balance between being nice to yourself and nice to others.
Not every nice guy will want every nice girl. There are some nice girls I wouldn't want to date for certain reasons. If the person feels entitled to love, because they are somehow righteous and nice, then I wouldn't fit with that person, because I don't feel righteous or entitled if I am acting nice. What are the intentions of being nice if you are doing it simply to get rewarded? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:09:40 PM | [I am throwing myself at this lady . She will not even agree to meet me. Although I have talked to her by phone chat and emails. At the time she was dating and she told me straight out no deal. She was dating this dude she really care for. I don't understand it I am a gentle man rich handsome educated never been married have no children monogamous tall a great catch and she declined to meet me . She preferred some guy who she met in here. Who isn't even with her anymore. Now she is free I guess it didn't work but she still refuses to meet me. What is wrong with her? I have women who are dying to meet me in here. But they are not what I want. What can I do to attract her? Read my headlines ! You should read my testimonial to her . I said it all I want this lady . ]
I think this is perfect! Now can we get a post by a woman who is trying to throw herself at Robert, and is a really nice girl, who can complain that nice girls finish last. That would make my week. He is only into this woman on here who treats him like crap and wont give him the time of day.........
In Carlos Casteneda's Don Juan of the Yaquis, Don Juan asks him "Why did your last relationship end?" and Carlos say "I dont know. I was always there for her.....(nice guy stuff)" and Don Juan says "Yes you do. You made yourself too available". That has stuck with me for 20 years. and it is true.
Just like women are not into a guy that just throws himself at our feet and make a doormat out of themselves, ( Some of it is so over the top it seems like "Oh no , another stalker". ) men do not like women who make themselves doormats either.
The "I don't know what happened" syndrome. We went out on a date, then I spent the night. then I went over qand made him dinner and cleaned his house....... Now he doesnt want to see me anymore. I dont know what happened.
Stop blaming the other person, or the entire other half of the species. If it keeps happening to you, odds are it is you! | |
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| Two reasons:
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:15:17 PM | Being nice is required, but not the ONLY requirement.
Just meeting ONE need doesn't erase the need for the others.
You aren't nice, you're controling.
Every relationship I've been in with a guy who always says how nice he is: not nice, control freak, scarey, jealous as a psycho. Some or all of those four qualities are in the "nice guys."
Actual nice guys are dumped for reason #1
Whiney and/or control freaks are dumped for reason #2 | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:31:37 PM | You know I've heard alot of theories about this. They range from she justs wants a guy who beats her to she is completely retarded.
My own theory on it is that I think women are kind of like men. You always here it from the guys or at least the saying "it is about the chase" or "what they want most is what they can't have." Nice guy is kind of the same thing. There is no real challenge so to speak there. She bagged him and then he is all over her with the flowers and gifts etc. Basically it is saying you can have me anytime. Taking the fun out of the relationship basically.
Basically I would say you are being overly nice. You need to scale back. You don't bust out the flowers and candy to be nice you bust them out when you do something stupid that you know will piss her off. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:41:07 PM | | A lot of women are used to being treat badly and some time they expect it to happen and when it dose not happen they get suspicious and thay think the worst of the man | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:25:01 PM | BEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
sorry....hadda get it outta my system. I think people can get accustomed to nice treatment, and after awhile they get sick of it. eat steak every night and ya get tired of steak | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:31:13 PM | Awww....c'mon
I am attracted to a guy who is all male. He has confidence, pheremones flying everywhere, testosterone stacked up to the nines, a grin that says "Hey, baby!", a liking to cook and make a mess in the kitchen but so absolutely proud of his creation. An inability to curb his wolfish fixation to get me undressed (but is a good sport), a gentle, protective side when I am hurt or upset, getting rowdy and competitive in sports, expressive if he needs to say something. He has a fun and great circle of buds, and most of all, a romantic side to him that gives me flowers unexpectedly, a warm phone call, a thoughtful little present when he's out shopping, and listening to my day at work without tuning out. He likes to open doors for me, walk on the side of me closest to traffic, walk behind me when we go into a place, place a protective hand on me in crowded places, order for me first whether it's wine or dinner, and be considerate of me in social situations.
Whew!! Gonna get some flack of being a '50's lady....but...it's who I am.
I don't like men who are wussies, wimpy, overly P/C, an "equal rights" fanatic, or a confused male who doesn't know/ how to behave towards women in 2008. This just turns me off.
There you go!
Wow. Just wow.
It is your so-called advice that turn men into nice guys. Women are hypocrite, they said they want nice guys; and they fck with the jerks who beat them, impregnate them, feed them.
I think my mom told me the exact same sh!tty advice: be a nice guy, and women will like you.
To all my nice guys, here are the rules:
1) don’t take advice from women, listen to what they do, not what they say.
2) Learn from the men who gets a lot of women.
If you are a lion, would you learn from another lion on how hunt? Of would you learn from your preys? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:38:19 PM |
If you are a lion, would learn from another lion on how hunt? Of would learn from your prey?
Lions kill and drag prey back to their families to feed on. Men look for dates, and hopefully don't kill them.
How are those two things related? If men were looking to trap, kill and devour us, yeah - I'd give them crappy information too to throw them off the trail - but most women here actually want to be caught, which is more than I can say for the victims of lions.
Sorry I just heard that metaphor one too many times to not say anything. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:00:16 PM | i am just saying, if you want the acquire the skills on dating. learn from the men, not the women.
women dont have to clue how to get other women's attention, they probably would fail miserablely if women try that.
Dont take my lion metaphor too seriously, i was just try to make a point. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:32:26 PM | Hi,
This is my first time posting, Listen i am very confused.... See ive have been married for 18 of the 36 years of my life, Met my first and her first as well, We fell in love. Now we had our hard times but still 18 years and she said easter sunday that we were over? Huh? over.
I did do everything that she asked.... But still I tryed... Call her for lunch( Im Busy) Want to go out for dinner (Cant Afford It) flowers and jewlery for valentines day ? Choclates?
I got nothing in return! Could it be that she lost the phycical Attraction to me? thus loosing everything alse, I do love her and am in love with her. Now just not as strong as before..... Ive been told that i am crowding her, So i stopped calling and asking her how her day was and what she did at work today and hows mom and dad? Which made for very little conversation, She also took care of me ,Did things that made me feel special and that stopped little by little, stopped spending time with me, and i couldnt spend time with her because that was crowding her!
So what and when is it that a man should know when it is to much and or not enough? I tryed hard and got nothing and then stopped everything and still got nothing? after 18 years (half my life) 2 kids and a lot of memeries what do i have to show? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:58:01 AM |
She also took care of me ,Did things that made me feel special and that stopped little by little, stopped spending time with me, and i couldnt spend time with her because that was crowding her!
^^^^^^^^^^^Maybe she got fed up with looking after 3 kids | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:29:49 AM | LoL maybe she did get tired of watching 3 kids, Me being 1 of them.... But see its been 18 years and am still young at heart, that was one of the things that she was attracted to.
So what to do now? I never stopped loving her and still do! but when i try to talk to her to see what we can do and what we can make of this situation i get an angry person!!
How do you move from loving a person that does not love you, or well says that they no longer love you.
I am going to be the guy from now on that hates women,i am angry now to, I am a goood person and i treated her with respect and care and love!
It sounds to me that you were with my wife! LOL i used to get the world from here and i gave back nothing at first... then i realized what she meant to me and started showing her how i felt... That is when this all started, then it was i cant be me around you or your alway crowding me, i cant be me with you so that is why i go out!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:31:50 AM | Oh and 1 other thing i nore anyother person male or female have to pursue anyone..... It should be 2 people that WANT to see eachother.
If you have to pursue someone then it not something that is wanted by both sides | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:38:01 AM | I am very pleased to say that I actually have something useful to contribute to this thread. I just recently began dating one of these "nice" guys, and I couldn't be happier. He treats me like a queen, and I love it. I have to admit though, when I first met him, I wasn't thinking of him as a potential date, so his attention was a little overwhelming. But as I have gotten to know him, his sweet ways are really winning me over. I think the woman has to really be open and ready for such a relationship. And also, there needs to be some attraction on their part, obviously. But if a woman does not like a man treating her well, I say move on to the next woman. There are some of us who dream of a guy like that and think we will never find him. This man I am dating knew me from a reptile site and knew a lot about me before he met me. He was on a mission to win my heart. And it's working! Now I just have to figure out how to hide my profile......
I think the important part of dating is not to overthink it, but to go with what feels good. If you feel good around a man, that is the man you should want to be around. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:44:52 AM | This is from a guy, so it's not the POV of a woman, but I had to weigh in after I read what barraabus said, and I quote, " Because the nice guys bore them ....from an ex-nice guy".
Female online buddies tell me to be myself when I meet somebody I like, but that is apparently not working for me any better than for my colleague here... I am a terribly nice guy, and I am nowhere near what some of these women want, apparently, so,I can either give up, or keep trying... and next time one is interested enough to go out a couple of times, and I feel like saying something a nice guy like myself would say, NO WAY. I am tired of being rejected. No more Mr. Nice guy, no more calling them; it's "hard to get" from here on out. You women can call me a jerk... but try getting dumped two or three times, because you acted like YOURSELF, and see how you feel. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:54:35 AM | Women should learn that in this world the nice men is what they want. Some women may feel like the men are not challenging enough. But the women should realize that nice men are hard too find
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:10:23 AM |
So what to do now? I never stopped loving her and still do! but when i try to talk to her to see what we can do and what we can make of this situation i get an angry person!!
How do you move from loving a person that does not love you, or well says that they no longer love you.
I am going to be the guy from now on that hates women,i am angry now to, I am a goood person and i treated her with respect and care and love!
First the disclaimer; My PERSONAL belief in the sanctity of the marriage vows causes me to say that "getting bored", "losing the'spark', losing physical chemistry" "getting tired of being married" are pisspoor excuses for breaking up a marriage, as long as no one is being cheated on or abused, if the caring is still there.
But I can certainly concede that sometimes that level of attraction, interest, love and caring can fade away to the point where it's really no good going on in an empty shell of a marriage/committed longterm relationship.
This may have been what happened to your marriage, theforrealone. Have the respect,care and love to let her go.
I am going to be the guy from now on that hates women,i am angry now to,
And what you will attract will be hateful angry women. They may not show it overtly, but the hate and anger will be there.
Cindy O | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:18:04 AM | ^^^I agree with Cindy...and let me add that ONE woman alone should not sour you on millions of women nationwide that did nothing to you. You're clearly only hurting yourself if you react that way - as all women are extremely different and don't do things the same way.
and next time one is interested enough to go out a couple of times, and I feel like saying something a nice guy like myself would say, NO WAY. I am tired of being rejected. No more Mr. Nice guy, no more calling them; it's "hard to get" from here on out. You women can call me a jerk... but try getting dumped two or three times, because you acted like YOURSELF, and see how you feel.
It's weird, a lot of people on these forums think in extremes. There's a HUGE bunch of levels between doormat and jerk. Why men think going from where they are to the other extreme will work is beyond me.
Two things keep nice guys from finding what they want.
1. Wearing your heart on your sleeve - men who do this WILL attract people who are looking to take advantage because it's obvious you're an easy target (and women are at risk for men who take advantage if they do the same). Before you get attached, find out what type of person you're dealing with. And don't make excuses for what she's been thru - if healing for her involves pain for you, don't go there. Allowing her to do what she wants to get her to hang around and then getting upset that she freely accepted it is YOUR FAULT, not hers. She can't take what you don't offer.
2. Respect yourself at least as much as you admire someone else - decide if you're gonna like her instead of just hoping she likes you. And make sure she actually likes you as much before you start trying to win her over. Realize if she doesn't have attraction to you that anything you do won't change her mind - attraction is part of it - you can't buy things or romance her into having it if it's not there. Once you establish it - THEN do things for her once you've started dating. If you don't - you'll just make a woman that's not into you date you based on feeling bad for you because of what you're doing to get her attention. That won't last. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 1:11:53 PM | | Well, I'd like to say that they don't know a good thing when they see it. But nowadays women are so much pickier than men it's sad. Many are mostly about looks and materialism. I blame a lot of it on Hollywood and the way they think people should look. But if the attraction isn't there then it's not and we should just move on. Sure it's very hard sometimes but we hope for a brighter day tomorrow... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:30:16 PM |
WCAdjATL wrote:
Well lemme tell you RIGHT NOW that nice women do get dumped, seemingly for no reason. For five months I was told I love you and you're everything I ever wanted...then it seemed like he started to withdraw.
I'm depressed, he said...need to go back on my meds and get retooled and need a little bit of space. OK fine...I can certainly empathize with depression. From there it was I need more space, which progressed to I'm not ready to be in a relationship, to I don't want to date anyone I need to be alone. About that time a friend emailed me a copy of his profile from another dating site. Still telling me he wants to be alone even though I have a gut feeling he's involved with someone that apparently lives so far away they have to fly to get here.
I LOVED this man...gave up my whole heart for the first time since my marriage...would have followed him to the end of the earth and he knew it.
Yes Virginia...nice women do get dumped...some of them even by men with the courage to tell the truth.
Bravo 
Big Thanks to WCAdjATL for showing us the classic example of a women like jerks. WCAdjATL got screwed by this guy, dumped, mistreated, cheated.
However, WCAdjATL still loves this jerk and would like to be abused by him to end of earth.
Now WCAdjATL is a nice girl and the jerk like to exploit her good nature. she doesn't understand it doesn't matter how nice she is to the guy. Nothing is going to change. She CAN see there is problem with this guy. Will she leave him and find a normal guy? not a chance. WHY?
I don't think nice guys will ever finished, if women never learn from their mistakes and keep dating this type of jerks, even after a failed marriage.
i think the root of the problem is: Once a women got attached to a guy, it doesn't matter how he treats her, she still wants to fix it and couldn't let go. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:18:51 PM | Ok i can understand some of the things that you are saying... But I guess i want , what i want........ That is NOT what she wants.... So i think that in my case getting over my wife adn my first adn only true love, Is not as easy as saying i dont want to be disrespected some more but that fact that she was my life and my kids as well. I do not know if there is anyone out there that has been married for half there life? Im 36 and got married at 18, Ive loved my wife and will till the day that i die....... Reguardless of her feelings, I hope that My love fades really quick. I hurt from it and want this to be over.
Also i have been and always be a nice guy,It is who i am and who i will always be. i do know that i have very low self esteem..... That is 1 big prob. that i have been trying to over come.
On the same side tho Ive been hurt by the only person that has ever loved me, so scorned? maybe. I really want my calm simple life back!!! | |
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