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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:30:38 AM | | some women for some reason love being treated like crap.i dont nkow if its prior realatioship or what.its like a self inflicting womb.hey dont change how you are let her get her dream an obusive man and you go get your queen. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:39:06 AM | I agree with some of the other posts......nice guys start out that way but when they have you wrapped around their finger tend to less of a nice guy!
I had a boyfriend who took me and my children to Barbados, brought me numerous gifts, kept my garden tidy, etc but he didn't know how to be nice to children! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:14:37 AM | A good number of complex theories have been put forward here, even some that have the ring of truth. May I offer a far simpler one, gleaned from many years of effort and conversation with both men and women?
If a woman likes you, you can do no wrong, no matter how you treat her.
If a woman doesn't like you, you can do nothing right, no matter how you treat her.
What causes a woman to like you is a mystery that differs from woman to woman.
My advice? Be who you are, keep showing up, ignore what feels like rejection (getting dumped is a fact of life. Seeing it as rejection is taking it personally), listen to your feelings, carefully observe and listen to hers. These should give us men our best chance at a healthy and happy relationship. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:24:35 AM | | they dont...maybe you should take a longer, harder look at yourself, or realize you have been with women not worthy of you...users or hardened. Be blessed and I trust that a really nice woman realized YOU. Lilli | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:41:23 AM | thanks, Zeppolino
You it right why being nice doesn't matter in wooing a woman.
now, since you are an art professor. i am sure you have seen everything through your eyes.
can you summarize what women want? for example what the jerks have that the nice guys dont? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:08:24 AM | Sometimes it depends on their past. I was with a woman who had been in abusive relationships all of her life. I treated her like a queen, and she couldn't handle it. I'd compliment her, and she would take it as an insult (as if I were mocking the way she looked). I would give her flowers, and she would get mad if I didn't buy her LIVE flowers she could plant, because a regular bouquet of flowers will die in a few days. I would try to hold her hand and show affection in public, and she would push me away.
Some women genuinely cannot handle a guy being nice to them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:12:49 AM |
If a woman likes you, you can do no wrong, no matter how you treat her.
If a woman doesn't like you, you can do nothing right, no matter how you treat her.
I believe this is ALMOST true -yes, almost always a guy I'm not into can't change that, but it's totally possible for a guy I like to be a jerk, offend me, or do something horrible and make me lose interest.
Then again a major reason why these women stick with guys that treat them like crap is that they can't stand to be alone, and will take attraction over common sense...which makes them (IMO) undesirable anyway. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:16:49 AM | | hi there , men need to forget the bs mother taught them , being coutious is 1 thing , being a jerk another , men need to create --sexual tension -- by their conversations and hints -then its game on boys an girls , | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:33:28 AM | | In response to barraabus...that's not true, nice guys are not dumped because of boredom, it's because the chemistry just wasn't right....and some men do not know when enough is enough. A nice guys can also be Smart!.....cards, notes and flowers...yes send them!....(we love them!).... if you do not get the response you want then, then stop!....if you just keep giving with no response you are just setting yourself up to be used and eventually dumped. Ex-nice guy should go back to being Nice guy but use your head the one with the brain in it, don't chase trashy users! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:43:36 AM | | Women don't like predictable men. Someone that has a routine...they get pretty bored with that. They want someone to stand up to them, not always fold over in a discussion. When women say they want a nice guy...in reality they want someone who is kind of rough around the edges at first...but then down the road they want them to have a softer inner core and be nice and treat them well . | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:47:45 AM | | I believe the thread goes on on some generally accepted definition of what is considered nice. Nice doesn't seem to have been defined. I also think that people tend to stick with behavior that has worked for them in the past. That is they utilize whatever behavior they have in the past to achieve the results they wanted. Those that have utilized behavior that is glorified in the tabloids is what I believe people use as a benchmark of normal behavior. I really think you have to define nice. And when you do you will see that what one person may consider nice someone else may not. I've only been walked out on by a women for not being nice. Go figure. But from what the thread says it is unclear what nice is. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:36:41 AM | | Why do some men dump women that are nice to them? It works both ways. You cant generalise and say all women are disinterested by nice men, its not true. Generally these people arent ready to commit. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:04:42 PM | Well, as for me, I am attracted to nice guys. I think that if there is attraction, the nicer the better. But I think most people get confused what as to what a 'nice guy' is and is not. A nice guy does not mean that he has to be a "geek" or a "nerd." Yet, there is this persistent stereotype that nice guys are not desrable, or that they are socially inept, which I think could not be further from the truth! Honestly, what does being socially awkward have anything to do with being "nice?" A nice guy is someone I believe, to be confident!
True self-confidence is something that can only be acheived through "knowing oneself." Examining one's life. To live as authentically as possible. A person with true self-confidence and substance will have no trouble attracting others. People would
want to be in their company. A person with confidence would be a magnet for attracting those of the opposite sex. A truly confident person does not need to demean another person in any way, because there is no gratification in that. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:09:02 PM | Because nice guys are generally more feminine than most women are? 
Nice guys constantly talk about doing stuff, real men (sometimes called ***holes,**** and jerks by jealous people) actually get off their ass and do stuff :) | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:16:53 PM | I think a man who buys you flowers when you hadly know them, to be a bit calculating as if it means I paid for these, so come up wth the goodies. Being wined and dined never impressed me much. Guess thats why im single still. Id rather pay my own way in this world, some women do the complete opposite, believeing men should pay for their company. Nice girls dont take gifts from strangers. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:24:09 PM |
Nice guys constantly talk about doing stuff, real men (sometimes called ***holes,**** and jerks by jealous people) actually get off their ass and do stuff :)
Actually its more accurate to say nice guys constantly do things, arseholes and jerks talk about doing things (like get a job). The difference is the nice guys are generally less controlling and seemingly less decisive. "where do you want to go to dinner", "I don't care"
Were as the arseholes, and jerks are more controlling and seemingly more decisive. "Where do you want to go to dinner?" "We aren't going to dinner, we're going out to a club". This seemingly part becomes immediately obvious when the arsehole jerk gets completely drunk and starts looking at and flirting at everythng else in the club that moves but is often too drunk to actually leave the club with anyone thereby stranding them both. Meanwhile our indecisive guy gets the call for help and manages to get everyone where they need tobe and still make it to work the next day on time
Course this is both a joke and a narration and yet not completely untrue. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:34:27 PM | Actually its more accurate to say nice guys constantly do things, arseholes and jerks talk about doing things (like get a job). The difference is the nice guys are generally less controlling and seemingly less decisive. "where do you want to go to dinner", "I don't care"
I think you mistook my point. When was the last time a nice guy asked a woman out, and didn't care if he got rejected or not? Probably never. A real man realizes there are other fish in the sea, and she is just but one of many possible dates/mates/whatever.
If a woman likes you, you can do no wrong, no matter how you treat her.
If a woman doesn't like you, you can do nothing right, no matter how you treat her.
That is the most true statement regarding women and relationships ever. If she likes you, you can do no wrong, regardless of how you treat her. I can say I wasn't always a good bf and yet most of them stayed around, some professed love. Why? I don't know, but that's how things seem to go. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:02:51 PM | It's simple.
We're all so superficial that nice almost always = doormat (even though it isn't always the case)
Unfortunately, a doormat for a boyfriend by their side won't make their fellow girlfriends jealous like an all about being the alpha male douche bag will. This causes the girl to question her nice guy sitting over there in a crisp sweater vest.
Hence, to play it safe she will drop the nice guy before it gets too serious unless he's shown any signs that he can be a dominant alpha male.
Then, since they're tired of doormats the girl will head in the opposite direction for a boyfriend who will make her friends jealous so she can feel good about herself. short term fun alpha male, long term terrible abusive relationship. Seriously, I've had a lot of girls tell me they like ***holes, as long as they aren't an ass to her. Every time I've said the same thing, when he's bored with you he won't watch himself and you will be a target, then you're just another unhappy couple. But no, girls tend to think they can change him down the road like a fairy tale.
It all comes down to the nice guys are short term rocky starts in a relationship and need a little help finding their edge. It takes work, but once they do those are the happy relationships that last. Unfortunately every girl I've met under the age of 30 is afraid of work in general and would like an easy life, they prefer to be lead around by an alpha dog who doesn't respect them, but feeds them a bone/compliment/romantic gesture here and there so they feel special. Then she tells her friends and they go OOOOO he's so tough on the outside I can't believe he's nice to you we're so jealous. lol. Keep it up ladies. ya make me laugh but I still love you. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:30:12 PM | Jie Pie Message 555
I have indeed seen a lot, but some things still escape me. Since I've never had a permanent relationship (I made it to 17 years) and my wife left me, it would be foolish of me to presume that I had any answer as to what women want. I would observe that not every woman wants the same thing, but there seem to be 'clans' of women that can be defined by wanting similar things. So you first need to discover what clan the woman you are interested in/dating belongs to. Just look through this thread and you can begin to see what I am talking about.
As to " what the jerks have that the nice guys dont?", I'll do my best with an analogy and then a scientific study. BTW I liked your analogy of the lion hunt. Mine is about music. If a person composes a piece in which the rhythm never changes, and in which the sequence of notes is completely predictable, there is a very high percentage that this will not be a piece that people will want to listen to very often. Beethoven, on the other hand, is constantly tripping you up in both rhythm and note sequences (listen to the Ninth Symphony, perhaps the greatest piece of music ever written, and see what I mean). The boring piece is akin to the nice guy. Sweet (the notes go together) and predictable (the rhythm is agreeably consistent) but before long the sweet turns into saccharine and the predictable to the mundane.
B.F. Skinner is the psychologist who studied reward based behavior. His research demonstrated that in both animals and humans it is INTERMITTENT reinforcement (the reward) that is far more effective in maintaining the desired behavior from the subject than is CONSTANT reinforcement. Just think of a slot machine. If you won every time you pulled the lever you'd get bored pretty quickly. Plus your payout would become nil pretty quickly because no one would be putting in new coins. How much more exciting and thrilling to keep pulling that lever in the hope the big reward will be forthcoming.
So the jerks and bad boys have ACCIDENTALLY stumbled upon a type of behavior that works better for conditioning human beings to prefer them rather than the much more honorable and effort laden behavior of the nice guys. It pretty much sucks, because a nice guy can't pull off being a jerk, but the bad boys can fake kindness just enough (intermittment reinforcement) to keep the ladies coming back for more.
As for me, I'm no longer looking for my angel on earth. I'm waiting 'till the next world where hopefully things won't be as screwed up as they are here! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:39:01 PM | | Since when does being a nice guy have any thing to do with being weak? I think the opposite is true. Anyone who has to demean or denigrate another person is not a person that is worth respecting. That in itself is a sign of weakness. A nice guy does not have to treat anyone bad to be respected. If I had a choice, I would rather be with a nice guy, someone who makes me feel good about myself, then someone who does the opposite. What benefit is there to someone who brings you down? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:47:13 PM | I think maybe you were on her Friendship Ladder. Look up the Ladder theory on relationships. Men have one ladder, how attracted he is to you (aka, how desperate he'd have to be to sleep with you), depends on where a woman is on his ladder. Women have two, the friendship and the relationship one. If on the friendship one, you can never go to the relationship one, unless you were on both in the first place.
If you end up on the woman's friendship ladder, for whatever reason. (She's in love with someone else, she isn't ready for a relationship, etc.) You could be attractive, fabulous, but it won't matter. If you try to jump from the friendship ladder to the relationship ladder you fall in between into the deep dark void. Never to climb out. I'm not sure it's true in all cases, but is a lot. I've found that in my life. I didn't understand how I could separate friendship aspect from the attraction aspect, and he couldn't. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:50:52 PM |
How do we kill these threads that have been beaten to death, but the mods keep circulating, like foul air..
Let's move...
Onwards and upwards, huh???
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