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| players?
Posted: 6/26/2008 10:24:36 AM | | what's that? card players? bridge players? video game players who never leave their house and base their dumb assed opinions on whatever? sheesh..... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:10:48 AM |
Women are drama seekers themselves. They are always envious of their female friends, fighting about this, that, crying for this little reason, for that little reason etc. If some guy is not giving them a reason to cry or reasons for her to say to herself "how miserable her life is" then nice guys are boring, there is no attraction, there is no chemistry etc....
Wow. Don't know where you're meeting the women you're talking about - but maybe you should change where you're going. Not all women act like this - why don't you try SOME women? Including all women that ever lived invalidates your statement and just makes your post look bitter.
If women did not like drama, there would be no soap operas. Think about it. A nice guy is the furthest thing from drama. He is boring, whiney, he does all they want, he tells them nice things, he is detail oriented, and for women, this means he is desperate, so he does not stand a chance.
Not all women watch soap operas - and some men do. Explain that. And on the contrary, whineyness IS drama. Most of my friends and myself will stop dating altogether if we're gonna end up dating men who whine, cry, get jealous and carry on, have exes calling them, etc. Not worth it...and many men thrive on drama; so you're wrong about that as well.
Women want to always feel like there has to be drama so that they can be there to try and "control" the situation. They need that illusion of "I can change him, or I can change this situation" or stuff like that. When they realize that there is no way to change things (or men), then there is another reason to say that all men are dogs, and to keep crying. Remember, they love drama. Without drama inducing males, they can not make their own soap opera, so you nice guys will always finish last.
Must be nice to speak for an entire gender that you don't belong too. Larry King book you yet? I'd respond to that last quote, but I don't even know what you're talking about.
Whether they want to accept it or not, they still want that macho man to make them feel feminine, and put them in their place. That is women. Otherwise, players would not be so successful with them.
The more you post, the clearer it is why you're single. That was a nasty, overgeneralizing, false post. You wouldn't be venting because you're not getting any female attention or some female disappointed you, wouldya? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 1:16:50 PM | Ok, I dont like calling anyone names, but the last two GUYS that posted are idiots....Woman dump nice guys because of what most of the women on here already said...the attraction isnt there...accept it...Its happened to me a number of times and I was even cheated on in a very bad way after taking care of a woman and her 3 children for 4 yrs...It just happens that way and there is nothing anyone can do about it besides accepting it. And to the last poster, guys are just as bad if not worse at sleeping around. Its bad on both sides of that, so dont go being an azz. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 4:50:23 PM | | If your not attracted to someone dont start a relationship or at least be honest up front at the first sign that somebody is really into you hard. When a woman starts to show romantic intentions I let her know that I dont feel that way and want to remain as friends as we had been. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:08:35 PM | I know a lot of my male friends who great football players - but affraid to make a commitment to their girl and marry her. She moved on eventually and most of them are still single sadly looking for the right one. At least 40% of them can't answer one simple question - what do you have to offer a girl in a relationship? It's more than nice biceps, bad attitude, a great career, a pick-up truck or race car.
If she is the special lady in your life - treat her kind anyway. Love her the best you can anyway. Life is short - too short for lack of love. Gird up your loins like a man - and take the risk to love anyway! A guy must live with himself no matter which gender turns wishy-washy. Too often woman marry wanting one thing - and then ten years later something else. Make a commitment anyway. (Plus when it's all said and done - we ALL have to answer for the way we treated others). I did all of this and still lost the love of my life. Sorry no guarentees. No forums can solve it. Neither dating sites, and neither church people either. Live life, and love the best you have to offer - anyway. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:21:54 PM | Because if a guy is nice it means he's a doormat/wimp who is probably wearing panties at this very moment and that just isn't sexy...
...can we get some new topics please ?
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/26/2008 5:28:09 PM | I am so confused, why do nice women get dumped by men?
Why do men email, call, im, text, and who knows what all other women when you are seeing them?
Why do they tell you all these nice and wonderful things to your face and then you find out about all the lies they have said behind your back?
I guess we are all humans and some humans just aren't ready to be in a relationship. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:00:51 AM | Actually i just broke up with a guy that,, when i first met him i ignored all the warning flags... treated him as i would like to be treated... he slowly over time treated me worse and worse....i drove 152 miles one way to spend time with him on an every other weekend basis....he had custody of two small nephews so it was hard for him to travel...i spent regular time with his family... felt that this was the one... after eight months he decided to end it... the reasons he gave were that we lived too far apart... last i checked i was the one doing all the traveling.... any way to make a long story short it does not just happen to guys.... if women treat men with respect... alot of times it is not returned....i see women every day that treat their man like dirt and the men just adore them... i just cant be that way...i guess that we all want what we can never have and if your mate keeps you guessing about wether they give a damn or not.....well you see where i am going with this..... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:14:42 AM | | thats tru the young girl i was with was hit all the time by her x hus . i did every thin for her and she dumb me to get back with him but she still rings me for help. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:40:29 AM | Why does it seem the so called "nice guys" wail about how nice they are and horrible women are and then turn around and call them filthy names. Reading through these NG posts just amazes me. A true NICE GUY isn't going to whine about this stuff. Many so called nice guys are more likely "passive-aggressive boys".
They are so nice, do all kinds of stuff (without being asked, buying stuff you don't even want - maybe to try to buy your affection ect) and when you don't feel the same way or don't do what they want they get angry and call you dirty names. Their nice guy actions aren't out of love, they think somehow their actions should make the girl feel so "lucky" she should be grateful to have such a "nice guy", but boy when she isn't the TRUE character comes out - just read through this thread of so called nice guys and see what I mean.
Sorry all you so called nice guys but a true nice guy knows his worth and doesn't feel the need to do things for a girl to get her attention and affection/try to buy her, and he doesn't get all pissy if she isn't interested.
These self-proclaimed so-called nice guys get the golddiggers or the girls who have low selfesteem and will stay because they feel guilty and or obligated and don't want to hurt him - until she finally gets sick of his games and leaves.
Women do not dump true nice guys. They dump the passive/aggressive whiners who think that when they do stuff the girl should somehow be obligated and bow down to his so called nice guy routine. Get real.
A true nice guy may still bring flowers ect but not to impress, he does it to see a smile on her face. And he knows it's not necessary because he already makes her smile just by being near her. A true nice guy isn't doing things to control/manipulate/coerce. He doesn't expect anything back but her love which if she is a true nice girl, gladly gives it. Ahhh to have that balance!!! And a true nice girl isn't going to want to be with a man for what he can buy or do for her. Although it's not a bad thing for either to do things for their mate, that's not why they want to be together.
Anyway, I have yet to find a true nice guy who sits around whining about how the girls want the bad boys and not him. | |
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| Why do disingenuous "acts" invariably "fail'?
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:06:23 AM | Its a matter of payoff imho. Some of these "nice guys" get mileage out of being "victimized" by women who invariably treat them badly.
That attracts a certain sort of woman...who provides for him some remuneration for a time.
Self fulfilling prophecy, that in the analytical right-brain martian logic is absolutely "concrete".
absolutely true...jem...behavior...arising from character...is the real deal.
Formulaic behavior, with an eye for the cookie...or to avoid the whipping...is not.
The heart...is not fooled, and cannot lie. WHY something is done...speaks more truth than WHAT. The women invariably...discover that shallow economy...and declare bankruptcy, unwilling to give "love" for mere performance. Women tend to play for more meaningful payoff (such as a true heart), without the right brain meddling so much. The relational skills the venusians have more prowess with...allows them to better perceive underlying metamessage, vs purported message....
(and women, having an 80% wider corpus callosum, also have far greater "bandwidth" facilitating trans-hemispheric brain communication-thereby encouraging use of BOTH the rt and left brains)
To the OP...continue to BE honest. Be the nice guy...and be genuine...know your heart.
Continue to act accordingly... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:05:15 PM | because being nice is not a turn on to women, that easy!!
women do not like nice guys, nice guys are boring and do not have a sense of danger or mystery. Look at me, I am a "great guy" hahaha, and still single here. I am soon to be 26 years old and my chick friends tell me how lucky a chick will be to have me as their bf. LOL .I see it like this! women may say that you are a good guy, but to them you are not good enough for them. LOL
so !! I have this idea! I am too good for them , so I am too great for them. There is a great chick out there for me. Keep the search up, it has been a long while for me | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:24:05 PM | a woman does not want a man that she can push around for if she can so can many other people. She wants a man that she has to tend to - not be doted on by him.
They want a man that can be in charge - - - and not so taken by him that he has trouble standing up when she comes down the stairs.
It must have balance - - you are out of balance
Jim P. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:32:40 PM | There is going over board and scaring them off as well...being to admiring...
Men who put women on pedestals, tend to want to look up their skirts...lol...
Sorry, anyways...Don't be to nice and woman love nice guys but, they don't like
door mats and they like to be "challenged"...They don't like the absence of,
no feelings of build up and intensity and excitement, that comes from the early stages of dating....With someone who overly declares admiration, that ruins that feeling
She did mention that, no other man had reacted this way, she might of been sarcastic
when she said this...Also in the beginning, you should throw a dash of anxiety in, from "you" declaring your independence and that you are not a push over, also that you are very happy on your own...and most importantly...Treat her like a person, not a infatuated fantasy that you created in your mind, like boys do, women like men...Don't ever react to a woman like this again, is my advice, or your going to have this repeated again in your life...
You went way, way overboard...
That is so much milarky, it isn't even funny! You have been reading 'WAY TOO MUCH D. Deangelo garbage, my friend.
Do some of you guys really buy into this silly stuff? Look, if she didn't appreciate you treating her kindly, it's not because you didn't treat her like trash...nor was it because you were boring (that only applies to those who have issues...usually, with themselves), it's because she didn't like you in THAT way. That's all there is to it.
Look, have you ever been treated kindly by someone you just weren't attracted to, in one way or another? Maybe her views were different from yours, or her childhood was different from yours, or she had a beard in the middle of her forehead that turned you off, or even bad breath? It could be hundreds of things that just turned her off to you.
And, if you don't react to other women by being who you really are, inside...you're bound to be ALONE for GOOD, searching FOREVER for that one mystery woman who will stop you from dealing with your long pronounced anger issues that you've suddenly developed. :(
Just be yourself! If yourself means being nice to women you like...then, do just that. If you start being someone you're not, inside, though, some women might initially be attracted to that (usually the ones that have issues), but in the long run...long term, even she will eventually leave you, because it's not who YOU really are. It's a game that you're playing with yourself, sadly; a very lonely game!
B.S. Not every woman wants to be challenged. Personally, if someone challenges me, I'm out of there! I'm not into the "I want to question inside how this person feels," garbage. I decided to leave that little head game alone when I was a little kid. 
a woman does not want a man that she can push around for if she can so can many other people. She wants a man that she has to tend to - not be doted on by him.
They want a man that can be in charge - - - and not so taken by him that he has trouble standing up when she comes down the stairs.
It must have balance - - you are out of balance
Jim P.
Another one that falls for that crapola! Guys, reality is...not all women are the same, just like not all men are the same.
Give me a guy who loves to dote on me, anyday. See what I mean? Fellas...you guys really need to stop reading this garbage that other men write about women! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:38:49 PM | | In my experience, the nice, sweet guys are kind of nerdy looking. The good looking one's are usually the "bad ones". Good looking guys usually have inflated egos and they have their pick of the litter so they dont have to worry about being too nice. I am more attracted to a good looking guy than a nerdy one. When I have met a man I thought was good looking, if he was real nice and weak kneed around me, it freaked me out. Not all women want romance, and kind words. I know people cant help how they are feeling. Maybe next time you should hold off on the nice feelings. Just dont be a jerk. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:40:29 PM | Yes, go for the jerks. Then, when they treat you like garbage you can complain about it in another thread, hehe.  Personally, I'll stick to the ones who treat me well, instead of like garbage. I've found that looks aren't all that important once you're in a relationship with the person. It's like you just don't see the outside of the person, because it's really the 'inside' you're dealing with. Of course, I'm sure some of the ladies here, will disagree. However, don't knock it til you 'really' try it, long term (and I don't call two or three months, long term.) ;) | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:51:51 PM | This is a great topic. I've met and have been dumped by a few woman who I truthfully believe had issues and deep inside did not think that they deserved to be treated nicely. I dated one woman for 9 months many years ago. Things were great and I got dumped out of the blue. She said I was probably the nicest guy she ever met and treated her better than anyone ever had.
I do think that Some woman also equate Niceness with Boring. (probably goes with the one persons post a few bad talking about the nice ones being nerdy) The bad boys are
exciting ( i would think and also would create a lot of drama in their lives"
While I Know that Mr Excitement is not my middle name, I do not believe that I am boring either. Most of the other truly nice guys probably aren't either. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:08:14 PM | Well just throwing my two cents in. Some of what I am about to say may sound sexist and old style, but I speak the truth about my expieriences of dating women in the US. For those nice guys out there like me who have dated lots of women, one piece of advice never stop being nice, it pays off in the end. The problem we got guys is that were living in the wrong country. My advice goto other parts of the world. The attitude and cultural way of thinking is completely different. Here in the US, one thing we half to remember fellas, is that right now were living in a time of change. Women have become lots more independant and have in some ways become more like the men. Some have come out of the closet and are bi-sexual and lesbian or been hurt too much. Others want to date other men from other races, or now the trend is dating outside race. Others just want to have the kids and not get married. Its a very complicated society we live in. I say to those nice guys frustrated like me, just be patient and cool off and be level headed. On know on this site there is quite a few fakes on this site,but another thing don't let it discourage you. Remember something this is a free site so of course every person from every lifestyle is going to come on here and join because its free. If your discouraged and tired of the nonsense try some of the sites like some of the filipino dating sites or on here. Women from third world countries are ten times more appreciative and just want a man to love them for who they are. Latin women are good too especially from Mexico as I dated one. Just giving a few good examples.
As for my comments toward American women, I am not directing at all to all, but just to the ones that act like this and I say a majority on here forget it. I sound arrogant and sound like A-hole, but thats what made me into one was because of the fact when you get rejection after rejection and then at other times things come your way, you get to see both sides of the light. When I read a few of Christi 66's comments I was like chuckling to myself and saying geeze another one of the picky ones I see. I understand I don't want to date a loser either, but if I had to directly ask her what I would ask her is, when you dumped the guy because of his looks did he have a job and income. I can understand if he came out of prison or was lazy or abusive toward women, but I feel until you know the person good enough, you should never judge them by their looks. My philosphy from a guy's point of view, I like to compare cars to women, just like you can take an old beat up car and turn it into a beauty if you work on the car, the same goes with a gal or guy, if their too fat, let them work out and diet, maybe the guy's hair is too long and he has a beard that turns you off, but the gal likes the personality, have the guy do a makeover on his looks. I look at Christi 66 and see a few improvements on her looks that could be done, like have her hair chopped or restyled a bit.
All I am saying getting to the point, is never judge a book by its cover. I know I am going to get bashed for my comments, but I am tired of seeing nice guys get a bad rap, and for those nice guys out there, never fret, there are nice women out there, my piece of advice, if your nice, go with the nice sweet girls. If your hot guy, go with a hot girl.
Nice guys for nice girls. Thats all I half to say.
God bless       | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:18:53 PM | Nice is acceptable, predictable, & BORING. Sparks no attraction. The opposite is not true:
Crude, rude, gross is not attractive either. Do Nice in small increments. Do it more in LTR/marriage. It may be Dating 101, but be funny, interesting, & talk about nothing at all.
Be in the moment, BE the moment. The tease, the play, like the kid you are inside, like U were in the playground. You ARE in a playground. Play, & you'll be fun to play with. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:21:09 PM | Geez! when are you guys out there gonna quit being galactically stupid??? You're being complete idiots! Women are not looking for nice ok? They are not looking for a guy that's nice. And any woman that tells you she is, call her Satan and give her a pitchfork because she is LYING to you. Get that through your thick, hard-headed skulls now!
Chivalry is gone. If you don't believe that, go to your local grocery store tomorrow and help an old lady to her car.....or volunteer at a soup kitchen....or visit at a nursing home. I promise you you will not have women come up throwing themselves at you. Why? Because none of that matters. It doesn't matter that you have a heart. It doesn't matter that you're a romantic. It doesn't matter that you can be a good provider. It doesn't matter that scores of people like you. It doesn't matter that you treat women with dignity and respect. It doesn't matter that you're a religious person. It doesn't matter that you have morals and values. It doesn't matter that you think family is important.
THE ONE AND ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS ATTRACTION! And, for some unknown stupid screwed up reason, chemistry also matters too. Attraction is not a choice! Period! End of thought. No debate. ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE! Just because you might be a great and wonderfuly guy, doesn't mean a woman is going to be attracted to you. Frankly, I don't agree with the whole chemistry viewpoint that it has to be there automatically. I've seen couples that had no initial attraction to each other, but they're happily married....some of them well over 30 years too. In other words, stop with the hang-up already on the proverbial "nice guy." It's nothing but a crutch. There are a lot of heartless, cold-blooded, insensitive, abhorrid, vindictive women out there who will have nothing to do with a guy that treats them the way women should be treated. those are the kinds you wanna stay away from lest you want to be tossed into the meat grater.
Face it........society has dealt you a losing hand...and you have 2 choices. You can either fold and come back another day, or you can take your "chips" to another casino and try your hand there. Somewhere, at some point, you're gonna hit a black jack and rake up. But as long as you keep up this stupid method, you're gonna go bust every single time. you've got to stop being the doormat, and find the caliber of women who aren't looking and intentionally seeking out guys that are losers. Then, and only then, will you get your black jack. Happy gambling!  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:28:37 PM | laidback. You said some pretty good stuff. I DO believe that everyone should be picky Would probably eliminate a lot of the divorces in this country.
The woman that I'm dating (or as the case may be dating, not really sure at the moment). happens to be Colombian. Been in the US for 12 years. Probably cute by most people's standards but I find her to be the most beautiful woman that I've ever gone out with.
I think that my niceness has scared her a bit. Not to mention the fact that I keep my house fairly clean. The one time she came over, I put in extra effort to to try to impress her. She figured I was OCD on teh cleanliness and that scared her a bit. (If I had known that when she was here, I would have shown her my closets. :) Chuckle chuckle.
Its wierd but when I do nice things, ( IE make sure that I put the pillows back on her couch, tidy up things we messed up, threw away the paper plates from our sonic feast) it seems to make her a little uneasy.
I Just think that some woman aren't used to being treated nicely and don't know how to act when they are and it frightens them.
I do like this girl and have tried to show her how much I care for her but, by calling, emailing (not overdoing it) have never called more than once a day, but she took that as pressure and decided to take a little break from me. I tried to tell her, that by calling and emailing, I am trying to show her that I am serious (NOT a player) and that I do care about her.
Its all these sorts of things that us truly nice guys do that I think just scares them away sometimes. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:35:50 PM | The real trueth my friend is this, women really do want someone who will treat them a little mean. Now, im not talking about guys who hit and bash them around, that's crossing the line. They really do want guys who turn up a little late, forget the occassional birthday and who dont date them as often as they could. That way they have "something to work with". Its a maternal instinct that men will never understand? This is why children are far more important to women than men. Women need something they can mould into shape. If you show up as the finished artical then they have no challenge. Dont take my word for it, just try it. take something you're normally realiable at, maybe you always give her compliments on her dress sence and just stop ! Now, she has something to work with and see the difference. Women will never admit this in front of a man but look around you, why do "Bad Boys" ALWAYS have the best lookers? Try it  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:03:11 AM | | Richard Ramirez aka the Night Stalker had or has a female fan club,women wanting him to father their children...when women in great numbers want a serial killer as a father for their children it reveals somethinmg about the female psyche...whether its the challenge or they just have screws loose it all adds up to the same thing...insane. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:25:08 AM | It's evolutionary, and the same reason women rip their clothes off for rock stars, even though they don't know the person and the rock star may be physically unattractive. The fact that the rock star is on center stage appeals to their evolutionary instincts. Too nice shows weakness, and most women don't know how to look past that and see the real person. So their evolutionary instincts are blind-sided and it confuses them.
It's the analogue of a room full of men checking out the woman with great legs in a short skirt, and nearly every woman tries to appeal to this in some way because of evolutionary mate competition. | |
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