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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:50:14 AM | Because the Internet Age has people believing that they can have it all. Looks. Personality. Wealth. Ambition. If one guy doesn't meet a woman's EVERY piece of criteria, another guy is just 1 click away.
Far too few men have all of that. A nice guy can't just be nice anymore...he also has to have The Job, The Car, The House. And, above all else today, The Looks. Otherwise, it's the "NEXT" button. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:51:03 AM | | Huh?Why do men dump women who are nice to them?My last boyfriend said i was the nicest women he had ever been out with,yet he still dumped me???????If i knew the answer to your question OP i wold be a rich woman. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:55:27 AM | I can,t agree Gary07,sorry, a guy who takes his time and remembers the little things in my opinion is a man worth knowing.Bad boys are only exciting for a short time,and then they are just annoying!
They want everything on a plate,I would love to find a guy who is reliable.I have been with enough bad boys and i do know what i am talking about! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:46:24 AM | I like your comments Babesbabes.
In my opinion its the little things that should matter most to everyone. Its those little things that SHOULD show people that they are cared about. I once had a woman dump me and one of the reasons that I got after the fact was because, if I noticed something small that she needed or if something small got mentioned in conversation, I would take note of it and, when I was out in about, I'd pick it up and give it to her. ( IE a pot holder). I would think that women would jump all over this kind of stuff. but she said it bothered her. This is also the same woman who said that I was probably the nicest guy she ever met and did treat her better than anyone.
You also mentioned "reliable" and that is also something that I would think a woman would die for. Along with the dependable and faithfulness of course. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:31:53 AM | Alls I asked was to have copies of pictures and to find out if he found my diamond earring, but I couldn't even get that from the last guy I was in a relationship with. We had just spent 24 hours together and then nothing. I did everything I could to find out what I did wrong or what happened to him or what happened with us. Now today I see him on here when he told me after 24 hours of crying and wondering what I did wrong, he needed a break. Yeah...just a break from me, but I didn't run over his dog or anything yet he couldn't send me photos or tell me about my earring. It makes no sense how you don't say anything mean, don't do anything mean, only try to find out what happened and you are treated like you killed someone.
What was salt rubbed into a wound is when a woman let me know how I was being called crazy, stalker, etc. , while he was emailing, calling, iming, other women when we were supposidly boyfriend girlfriend. How can someone hurt you like that? The woman told me she didn't like fat men and would never go out with him again after she met him and saw how big he was.
I know that my vacuum was broke when he came to my house that last time, but geez, he knew that it was and that I had arrangements for my 6 mo. carpet cleaning, just had to get a good vacuum first. I couldn't even do my furniture until I got a vacuum that I could use on the furniture. But if he was just judging me on my bad luck at the moment and when he took me home I told him I was falling, geez, thought that was a compliment when someone thought you were that special. When I was crushed he didn't call, I sent two sentences to a friend of his to asked if there was anything wrong. That is what I would expect someone to do if they cared about me. I would hope someone that cared about me would try to find out what happened.
No pictures, no call, no earring, just a text asking why I would tell the truth to a woman that knew he was lying about me. "Crazy stalker that got into his myspace and deleted people" no, I don't get into anyone's emails, myspace, accounts, etc. and always insisted he sit next to me if I used his computer to check my stuff. I always told him if I had a friend on myspace he wanted me to delete, I would and I did when he asked me to.
He spent an entire day with me, dinner, movie, after visiting a battlefield and then the next day meet my brother and his family, took me home, kissed me goodbye and then no contact...yeah, that hurts and it makes no sense. I just don't get rude. Why would someone spend that much time with you and make fun of your falling for them? I just don't get how someone can pretend to care about you and then they dump you without a word and you find them on here a couple weeks later.
ps yeah, non returnable antiques purchased for his birthday in a couple weeks sitting around in boxes. Just can't look at them...it hurts to feel for someone to find out that you are easily disposed. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:22:32 AM | hi sponika1
your coment was the best of all.
another thing for the'ladys'-did u ever heared about 'dont do to others what u dont want others do to u
i had a nasty end of my mariage and took me 11 years to forget about it.now i know that if i have a relationship the man i will be with wont pay for what my ex's done to me
and before u start typing any 'nice'answers-dont bother.i am made of stong stuff.no selfish,insecure people will ever hurt me again.
gentlemen/advice from a old wise woman-first instinct is the best but have to come from your brain.     | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:49:03 AM | | The only woman you have the obligation to is your own mom.. treat her with all the niceties.. but all other women .. size them up and call a spade a spade .. no need to pretend. Remember you have your personality and your own life.. no need to loose oneself in futile efforts to please some one who doesnt deserve it. Remember there are prisons for women too.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:01:48 AM | | Because she can pick, choose and play on this site as much as she wants...There is an endless supply of men...She is only out for herself and what she can gain..Take my advice...Run!! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:10:14 AM | | The only woman you have the obligation to is your own mom.. treat her with all the niceties.. but all other women .. size them up and call a spade a spade .. no need to pretend. Remember you have your personality and your own life.. no need to loose oneself in futile efforts to please some one who doesnt deserve it. Remember there are prisons for women too.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:17:29 AM | Sometimes the dumping has NOTHING to do with them being nice and treating a another person well. Maybe there are other aspects of the person that prohibits a LTR. Like not being financially responsible. Not being able to hold a job. Or never standing up for anything they profess to believe. etc...
Maybe it's easier to blame it on being 'too nice' rather than consider that there may be other reasons?
I personally have always gone for the 'nice' guys. Never had any interest in the bad boys--they are called bad boys for a reason.
And nice is not a synonym for boring | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:38:29 AM | It's simply about attraction.
It also happens more with women who hate to be alone. Given the choice between a nice guy she's not attracted to and a not so nice guy she is attracted to, she'll choose the attraction. If she has no other choice, she'll humor the guy she's not attracted to until one she is attracted to crosses her path.
If she met a nice guy she was attracted to, she'd go with it, but those women never like to entertain themselves long enough to hold out for it.
For those of us women who are fine with being alone, we'll hold out for the attraction and the nice guy combined for as long as it takes, or we'll just stay single. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:12:57 AM | *Most* men are nice guys/people. They only become ar seholes when I dump them! :)
The problem with a lot of people's thinking is that men who are nice people are not necessarily good boyfriends. I have a friend who is the nicest guy in the world: very nurturing, empathetic, super good-looking, and a total as s to date. Because he got hurt pretty badly in his divorce and doesn't want to get hurt again, so he's neglectful to his gfs and a player--and he knows it.
It's NEVER the "nice" part that women are rejecting, it's something else. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:15:32 AM | I agree with you, P.E.T.A......most likely something else was missing....something that was very important to the relationship....maybe there was no communication?
I LOVE nice guys...and would keep them forever....not the case with a 'bad guy'...but there has to be other things, too....communication, being loving and cuddly, having a few similiar interests, having a sense of humor....that's just a few that come to mind for me.
~DC~ | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:19:01 AM | | I did the same thing to a woman that was very nice to me and I did it three times but it was more timing then the way she treated me, timing is almost as important as chemistry for me anyway | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:14:30 AM | | Nothing wrong with being nice, but you don't want to beat them over the head with it either. Mix up a little humor in there and don't kiss her ass or put her on a pedestal within seconds of meeting her and things should go well for the most part. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:31:20 AM | It's not only women who do these things.. some men do it too. I think it's a very confused world out there right now. The lines between right and wrong, good and bad, truth and lie..have been greatly blurred. Many see through distorted vision and others are just the center of their own universe. Hence the kind acts of others are overlooked or just taken completely for granted.. And at end of the day, good deeds just aren't really remembered by some people. Maybe they feel that others just owe them something. Or they are so emotionally detatched that can't even feel gratitiude or warmth towards anothers caring? The list could go on and on I suppose.. These are confusing days...and some people have very strange ways of thinking and being in the world. I just think the folks who keep getting overlooked and taken for granted need to keep their chins up. Not harden their hearts and continue to do right, just because it's right. If we throw in the towel and become indifferent or bitter.. We just ad to the numbers of those who are emotionless and ungreatful.. And then we ourselves might walk away from someone really special one day.. And that would be tragic, to lose through anger the one shot we might get at having the one thing we all really want in life.... Love  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:39:42 AM | I think it's about being comfortable more than about being "nice."
When I'm feeling comfortable in myself--comfortable enough that I'm willing to risk some awkwardness or embarrassment--that's pretty-much irresistable to women. That's what women mean when they talk about "confidence."
If I'm not comfortable, a woman senses that and wonders why. But more importantly, she wonders what she's going to have to do to settle me down--and why should she have to do that anyway? The truth is that she shouldn't, and it simply isn't "nice" to place that kind of a burden on her.
And that's tough for us guys, because we are trained to think we have to prove ourselves to "get" the girl. But nothing is further from the truth. All women want is attention and acceptance, and if you are in a position to give them that they will flock to you and love you--even if you're gay.
The only people we really have to prove anything to is ourselves, and the day we finally get sick of all that BS about "getting the girl" and say to ourselves, "OK, this is who I am and it's good enough," is the day that we will relax enough for women to feel comfortable around us.
So stop being "nice," take a chill pill, take stock of what is really good about you--even if it only seems minor--and continue to be willing to do your best on a daily basis-. Keep on keeping on not to prove who you are, but because of who you are. Mediocre endowments and a positive attitude will win out. In fact, most women prefer that over sheer greatness. Just find a way to get in the zone and stay there.
If you get dumped because you were too "nice," what really happened was that you spooked her. Why did you do that? And why weren't you able to read the signs that she was getting spooked before it was too late? Because you weren't comfortable enough with yourself to pay attention to who she _really_ was and how she _really_ felt--that's why.
You just have to be able to read it. You don't even have to react to how a woman is feeling. In fact, it's often better if you don't. You just have to be able to indicate that you have read her accurately, and let her work out her issues for herself whenever she isn't happy. Women want attention. They don't want to be meddled with. So just witness them with awe and appreciation in all their glory and drama and they will adore you for it. You will never again be starved for female attention.
By the way, becoming comfortable is a choice, not a feeling. It's not something that happens to a guy. It's something that a guy chooses. Whenever I choose to take comfort in my strengths--no matter how inconsequential they might seem--I put myself in the zone.
So stop looking to women to do that for you and choose to value yourself-- day to day, moment to moment. That's the heroic act you must perform over and over again in order to become the man you've been told you have to be. That's what will get you the girl. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:48:50 AM | No matter how many nice guy threads there are, and no matter how many women chime in that the problem is attraction, the problem is not being nice, there will still be piles of guys who protect their ego by blaming their "niceness" rather than owning up that they weren't attractive to the women. The question was answered in the first three posts from women that it's about attraction, and then a fourth post by a man says "it's because nice guys bore them." There is no way to get the message through, is there? Do we have to yell: DO NOT STOP BEING NICE!!
Every guy that I've ever seriously dated or even considered getting physical with has been a nice guy. They have treated me well, they have doted on me, they have done all those nice guy dating things. They were also attractive to me. Being nice is something that I look for. Unattractive guys who decide to stop being nice will not get themselves more dates! LOL There's always this talk about men being so much more rational thinkers than women, but when it comes to protecting their ego, rationality is just thrown out the window. Don't stop being nice. Get a freakin' makeover instead, and see if that helps. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:57:16 AM | ^^^LOL....yeah the ego prevents them from thinking it might be lack of attraction, perhaps by repeatedly asking the same question they are trying to deflect the truth (as in "lalalala it can't be that").
A few men have posted that it's only a matter of attraction, and of course were either ignored or argued with.
In other threads, men are blatantly telling women that being strong, nice or independent wasn't why the guy didn't call...it was lack of attraction. Maybe it only registers when the situation's reversed. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/30/2008 11:08:13 AM | Women like nice guys, but they don't like wusses.
I am told that a lot of men confuse the two. There is a difference between being thoughtful and trying to buy a woman's affections; between being chivalrous and being a doormat; between being genuinely complimentary and being a kiss-ass. | |
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