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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 12:20:50 PM | Nice guy / nice woman, it all boils down to; if theres no spark, it doesn't matter how nice you are!
I spent 8 months with a "NiceGuy"
after he dumped me for someone else, he kept making late night calls , just wanting to get "some" then he dumped her & tried again to get back into my pants, now he's with someone 10 years younger than him & still trying to make booty calls with me..... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 12:48:16 PM |
I spent 8 months with a "NiceGuy"
after he dumped me for someone else, he kept making late night calls , just wanting to get "some" then he dumped her & tried again to get back into my pants, now he's with someone 10 years younger than him & still trying to make booty calls with me..... I just don't get how the description of the jerk would coinside with the topic about nice men??
ohh, I got it - it's broken hearts forum. Well, you do expect that such an assh*le would dump you eventually for a more fresh&cute piece of meat, wouldn't you. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 12:57:24 PM | | Some of you women on here just make me sick. For crying out loud, your saying attraction is more important then being treated right. What kind of respect does that say for yourself. These are the women that gripe and complain about guys and put them down. These are the women that will never have a meaningful relationship, or if they do it will not last. These are the women that once they age are going to get uglier and their husbands should ditch them then. Alot of you women are self absorbed, selfish. You tell your kid that when you get older and date, make sure the guy is attractive first. Odds are going get a player and if he takes her to bed, your the one that was asking for it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:05:18 PM | women function and behave best in relationships in which they are controlled/abused. they know their roles and are happy having a DEFINED role. when women are allowed to use their mind, that's when things go bad and nice men allow women to use their minds - BAD CHOICE!
being good to women opens the door for them to leave. they'll suspect it's too good to be true (as happened many times with me, and they were attracted, having great sex of massive quantities) and will run for fear of being hurt sometime afterwards. women go about dating and much everything else in such an illogical fashion - they'll enter an abusive relationship and stay in it for twenty years. women claim they want to be treated well, but if you could tabulate the length of time women stay in abusive relationships versus the ones that they were treated better, you'll find out the ratio is like 5 to 1. deep down, they're like masochists/problem-solvers - wanting to be abused in hoping things will get better, but if all is fine, there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to fix. women need to be in bad situations to give them a PURPOSE in living. it's another case of saying one thing but doing another. women can jump all over me about this but they should really be looking at themselves and talking to other women to straighten out how they act, not my reporting.
solution: strip away woman's right to make decisions but have greater protection for her safety. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:17:51 PM | I can not answer for your lady friend, but feel your pain.
Often times, I hear of a friend that has dated someone really nice to her and she
tried her best to make her feelings grow, knowing he is better then others before.
Often times some extended their usual trial period of dating hoping that in time the chemistry would grow...
It is not what you did that she dumped you over, it is what she can not return it to you.I believe that if the gifts and compliments were pure and heartfelt, then by setting you free, she is giving you more then she has in her.
It is with much more kindness then just continuing to accept your attention and gifts, leading you to believe that she is ready or able to committ further.
Dating is really just getting to know the person better to see if it will go long term,
but timing is important. Its finding the right person, who is looking in the same direction together. Sounds like either she wasnt feeling as sure of the connection as you or she was not looking in the same direction. Lucky you!! you now know what type of lady you are seeking, take her good qualities and continue your quest. Then the next one will possess self esteem and be able to accept your compliments and enjoy attention as well as return your feelings.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:20:30 PM | | It's the ole "Tommy Lee syndrome". Some women go through the stage of liking bad boys. Don't worry those woman grow of it and you will get the last laugh, because after a few bad boys, they want the nice guy again. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:26:41 PM | I think only well balanced people are usually genuinely nice!
God knows, there are precious few of those around! So the
others mostly have motives for being nice or are messed up
psychologically!
I agree women dump men that are too nice to them, especially too
early on. But it's clearly about neediness and seeking approval that
turns them completely off rather then the niceness in itself!
To make matters worse, often a man will be able to detect a woman's
low interest in him and try and compensate with even more niceness.
Of course it's just a downward spiral from there! After that, is when he
usually becomes angry and indignant | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:27:15 PM |
women function and behave best in relationships in which they are controlled/abused. they know their roles and are happy having a DEFINED role. when women are allowed to use their mind, that's when things go bad and nice men allow women to use their minds - BAD CHOICE! I hope you are speaking only about women you know personally...it's nothing wrong to be attracted to such women, just do not generalize
your saying attraction is more important then being treated right. What kind of respect does that say for yourself. These are the women that gripe and complain about guys and put them down. These are the women that will never have a meaningful relationship, or if they do it will not last. These are the women that once they age are going to get uglier and their husbands should ditch them then. Initial attraction is the most important thing, but most women not attracted to the men who treat them bad. You are discussing this like it's a versus, but really it follows one by another.
A woman is attracted to a man, and if he treats her with respect, something going on. If not - she moves on. But if she's not attracted to a man, it doesn't matter how he treats her - there is no attraction, so it doesn't go further. For me it does show my self-respect.
Then you are talking about LT partners - such relationship base on much more already than simply attraction. They started like this, but they are more complicated in few years, not to say in 20-30 years.
Of course, people should try to stay attractive to their partner whole life, but mostly it's not about how hot you are...it's about your care, love, understanding of partner.
You guys both sound hurt...I think it's because of women you choose. Try to date someone decent, loving, forgiving - you won't even participate in such offensive debates | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:38:41 PM | Warrior, maybe you're too nice? Maybe you're too accomodating? A guy I was with was like that and I lost respect for him after a while, although there were other reasons, too, for why we broke up, like vastly different backgrounds and levels of education. He seemed to be head over heels for me, but I didn't feel the same for him and was honest and told him so. Try being a tad less accomodationg, like don't always let her choose where to eat or what movie to watch. Let her know that you have needs too.
N. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:30:12 PM | Treat youself nice. Do nice things for you. Pamper yourself. And then watch the women chase you around.
The only time you should ever do anything nice for a woman is if it benefits you.
Women dump "nice" guys because they have no self-respect. They will put up with anything. They have no values.
Any nice guy who hasn't had some chick destroy his life is lucky. He should thank his lucky stars that the woman left. Nice guys are marks. They are moving targets for slutty, diseased, parasite women. If the woman just dumped Mr. Nice Guy, he got off easy. I know nice guys who have been destroyed by women. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:31:39 PM | I agree with what the other women are posting here: if she's not attracted in 'that way', then it's a good thing she let you know, and set you loose. Otherwise, you'd be one of those guys married to a wife who hardly ever wants to have sex... I hear men complain about this all the time. Count your blessing that she didn't stick around to take advantage of all the nice things you were doing for her, without that 'spark' in her heart. She's an honest woman, at least.
And I don't think this means she's psychologically damaged, or seeking a 'bad boy', etc., like a lot of the men have speculated (yawn). I'm nice to plenty of men, but they don't all want to get with me. Whatever.
On the other hand, people who long for those who mistreat them ARE psychologically troubled; and that includes men who fall for 'Rules' girls (don't return calls, don't pay for anything, flirt with their friends, etc.). If there are a lot of sick puppies who respond to abuse, then you should STILL look for un-sick puppies, and still keep acting nice.
(unsick puppies may not make your knees wobble, but that's a whole 'nother topic*).
(*wobbly knees, butterflies in the stomach, and a racing heart might also be the 'fight or flight' instinct kicking in....) | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:42:15 PM | Think of women as flowers, or plants if you will. If you want your plant or flower to survive, you need to water it. In the same way, you need to give your lady compliments, but not too much. If you give your flower too much water, you can drown it.
Another thing said here was physical attraction. We all know we are visual beings and we like what we like. I once met a great guy, but had no physical attraction toward him. I tried to make myself look beyond that, but I couldn't even manage to get close enough to kiss him. If its not there- its not there.
Anyway, I wish everyone a happy fishing. Remember be careful especially on sites like these and trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Luv ya! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 3:25:10 PM | Sorry if you got that inpression, when the "attractive" was used.
There are many levels of attraction. I for one, find a person who has substance, caring nature, sense of self and is able to find humor in life's setbacks ,while caring enough about others to devote some of his offtime to making this world a better place, most attractive. Have been turned off by George Clooney looking hunks that valued their vehicles high, yet had no sense of pride in their family nor the world beyond their mirror.
Prince Charles had his Diana, but missed out on so much in his life, for Camilla.
differant men see the same subject in differant lights. One man's ex is another's treasure.
Dating is marketing Yourself, by that I mean presenting your Whole self well.
I know a lot of really nice, caring, with passion for life, professional, well educated women that just are a bit over the weight, but working on a better image... stand her next to a trim, long legged, but shallow, self absorbed, "bore you to tears" gal in the supermarket, then tell me honestly, who will you will be trying to get eye contact with. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/22/2008 7:17:08 PM | it's funny that a persistent assumption occurs when speaking of facts that apply to a majority of a subset of people - some irate female will say "don't generalize" when it's obvious that unless the word "all" is used, there was no intention of including "all".
anyway, in proceeding, it's preposterous that many women claim they were with nice guys or that the guys they were with claimed to be nice and yet what was observed in him was something different. if predominantly nice, then you can apply the nice label but other than that, it'd be hard to attach that label. the perverting of the word nice (some might say it's a connotation) needs to be reversed. all women claim they want a nice guy (in the non-perverted term) because nice is good. if the woman also wants harshness she ought to admit it and not hold back such as "i want a guy who can't cook so i can feel feminine", or ""i prefer a guy not putting down the toilet seat so i can yell at him but deep down it comforts me in that him as a manly man, doesn't care about anyone but himself", or "i want a guy that has a motorcycle because even though it is superfluous to a relationship, the material possession excites me in an irrational way and i automatically assume he's a good man for me", or "i want a guy who's rich even though women are so vicious they'll try to strip him away from me, and as women, they can easily do it by insisting on having sex with him...i won't size him up on his character for that could hurt my chances of living a better life by wanting to dump him".
if women would simply speak up and say "i don't feel comfortable in being with a man that would compel me to treat him in a good way as he treats me, instead, it's easier to not be careful, in messing up lots of times and in being with a man who also messes up a lot, it creates drama which is cool, as it stirs up my emotions whether good or bad as it's anything but boring...so what if i cheat on him or he does the same to me, heck he could get me pregnant and run off for all i care...then i can say forever that men are worthless BY MY POOR CHOOSING and MY INABILITY to be a better person", then men would hear it directly and all would decide to be jerks, but instead we hear a falsehood from women so that some guys actually believe the falsity they hear from women and only get a small time of play and the guys who get ahead, devirgining and fathering kids like crazy just knew better to not care about her at all and just use her - he's more likely the guy who loves his car more than anything else, or his jewelry or his status of his occupation.
this site is loaded with women with kids. please tell us all whether the dad was a nice guy or something different, nevermind what he claimed himself to be. the fact is, no truly nice guy would have sex with a virgin if didn't have the greatest intentions of sticking around, and neither would a nice guy father a baby without a great intention of sticking around. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:05:04 PM | | Maybe a new perspective might be to look at the TYPE of women you're choosing (all you nice guys) rather than blame all women because you're not getting what you think you deserve? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:45:20 PM | A lot of women, men too, are for want of a better term, categorizers. They know all there is to know about groups called "men" and "women" and and any man or woman has all the traits of what ever group they to which by gender, they belong. They do not allow for individuality. They do not allow for diversity. They KNOW what all members of these groups think because they know what some of them think.
These people have been hurt very much and rather than risk being hurt again will bolt at the slightest suspicion that, against all odds, it may happen again. After the severe pain they make emotional decisions that defy all logic, which by the way, is hard wired into the brain.
They are more to be pitied than anything else.
It doesn't matter how nice you are, you are one of "them." The others they can understand because they've been there. Better the devil you know than the (possible) devil you don't.
Those who are "bored" are immature. They want constant stimulus of something different and when they don't get it they are gone.
Go ahead and disagree and even flame me. The more vitriol you dump on me the more you prove me right. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:15:47 AM | Nice guys aren't really so nice in the end. They act 'nice' to quell the constant anxiety they feel about everything. They usually have such low self esteem that they try to cover their percieved flaws by acting 'nice' so everyone will like and love them. It kills sexual desire, because they don't act like a man should act.
My ex is a 'nice guy'. He's paralyzed by conflict. He tried to get custody of all our kids but ended up with the 3 oldest sons. Now the 17 year old has gone and got himself a DUI charge. My ex helped him get the car back from the impound lot, the kid paid for the tow. The kid told my ex that he was thinking of driving to work without ins. without a drivers lic, and without registration on the car, and while suspended! This will lead to jail. I told my ex to take the keys away. He paused and was silent on the phone...I finally said that the car being released to his home makes him responsible for it if the kid drives again while suspended. My ex finally said "that actually might be not a bad idea"....OMG I nearly died. He's so freakin nice that he can't even take the keys away from his kid who is about to commit a huge crime!!!!! That's why the kids want to live with him, b/c he's so nice there's no rules in the house. I told my ex that it would be very NICE if he took the keys away and locked them up while the kid is suspended. He seemed to tentatively agree...so we'll see.
How can you see anything resembling masculinity in this man??? If he had put the kid in his proper place when he was calling his mother a fscking b**ch when he was 12 and I wouldn't let him smoke weed, then he wouldn't be in this mess now probably. This entitled kid has got used to living on his terms...and now he's hit the wall of the law. Thank god.
That is why there is women on this site with kids, b/c our nice guy husbands don't know what being a man means. Or a father. Google "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover...what an eye opener that book was. When we married them we thought they were so nice and civilized that they wouldn't beat us into a pulp when they got drunk...that would have been much easier to deal with than this mess. | |
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