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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/26/2009 8:02:44 PM | I have been the nice guy and i got nothing but trouble, Call me old fashioned but i was raised to be polite and romantic.
It has been my experience that nice guys do finish last.
I'm at the end of my rope, basicly i'm almost ready to give up on finding the "one"
cause she doesn't exist anymore | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/26/2009 11:52:27 PM | | It is what it is, never, ever give up on yourself or the world for another person, that's emotional suicide and NO one is worth that. Live, explore, do what you like best........... and let time heal you. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:33:32 PM | Because they aren't interested....
The man could be the nicest in the world, but if I'm not attracted to him and into him, then I'm not going to date him. End of story. | |
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Ettien
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Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 1105 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:17:20 AM | I've always considered myself a "nice person"... but for the first time in my life a girl recently called me an ***hole. I was shocked. Well, at least now I can test the theory and see if the ladies start filing in. Just kidding.
I agree with the other posters who say there are other reasons why a girl would dump a guy other than his being "too nice." Do nice guys finish last? Maybe in high school and college, but it's a little better after they had their fill of unstable jerks and ***holes. And just for the record -- I am not one (an ***hole, that is, lol). | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:56:51 AM | It's responses such as "cannpeters" that really have no sense what-so-ever. This was her response:
"Because they aren't interested....
The man could be the nicest in the world, but if I'm not attracted to him and into him, then I'm not going to date him. End of story."
This type of response leaves little to be desired from someone who has not read at least "most" of the other responses to know that there is more at hand than what she said.
Obviously, the bulk of the subject has to do with women who have used and manipulated things from the individual for a period of time, which means they "have" dated the individual, "then" dumped him, or even "her" for that matter. Sheeeesh
A good sign of a woman defending other women without any thought.
I in no way am condeming "all" woman in this type of situation, only those who do the obvious for whjatever reason. Read my original response posted on 3/26/09 and try to learn. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 1:08:26 PM | I have read what you wrote, but i have been there, treated her nicely listened to her what she wanted, got promised so much but each time it came to that time there was an excuse, confronted her and she said oh so sorry, meantime this was for 4 months and really trusted her until oneday she told me I was so special in her life then 2 days later told she met someone and was seeing him for 3 weeks and said sorry but we don't click!
If I did that to a woman I would be called so many names that I would be shot. There are woman who use men just men use women, old story is people shouldn't play games with people hearts, if its not right cut it off at the beginning and don't play a person because oneday it could be you. Thats my venting and PS i found a trustworthing person that I can trust and was honest.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:55:34 PM | | treat her nice and she will walk all over you everyone knows women like bad boys if you are nice like me you dont stand a chance, best wake up to that and smell the coffee | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:57:50 PM | mi agree with that mate, best get a teddy bear they dont answer back they dont give you emotional stress, and they dont break your heart, and other things and yes nice guys do finish last that is why i am going to die alone as the female is the shallowest sex unless some femal can prove me wrong but i doubt it
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R_1
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Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 1111 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:59:45 PM | Im sure its been said already but what women want and what they go for are to different things. Im sure the op wasnt talking bout goin overboard as well-its just an inheirant niceness women dont like, otherwise they could simply tell the guy to stop doing the over the top dramatic gestures.
I personally think people in general just want someone they can have fun with, when i hear the term too nice i take it for someoen who is always polite a bit prudish possibly a non drinker who never swears. most ppl want someone who they can have a banter with 'misbehave' with and just get a bit crazy with, not someone who has the same high morals as your mother or father lol. A nice person doesn't seem to offer those qualities although im sure many nice guys would disagree | |
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R_1
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Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 1112 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:02:21 PM | | i love how women are trying to excuse themselves by sayin if the guys nice but not attractive to me it will never happen. The two are not the same thing and how you guys are confusing them is beyond me, something tells me some ladies are tryin to forgive themselves for how they have treated nice guys in the past lol. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:23:08 PM | Fabfour....I don't know why you said my response makes no sense. I am pretty sure it's the way a lot of people see it. Not just women - men, too.
Most people are not going to date someone just because he/she is nice. I know lots of nice men. I don't date a man unless he treats me well. But he has to do more than treat me well. I have to find something about him attractive, too. Maybe he has a great personality or I think he's funny. Whatever it is, I have to be drawn to him. Otherwise, it isn't going to work.
I'm not being cruel in any way. I think I'm a nice person. I have dated men and been really nice to them. I would treat any man I'm dating nicely since I care about him. But if he doesn't find something about me attractive, then he isn't going to date me. If he does date me, it is probably just until he finds someone else, or he has made the mistake of thinking he will eventually fall in love with me because I am "so good to him."
What people have to learn, and I've learned the hard way myself, is that it doesn't matter how much you bend over backwards for someone. They either like you or they don't. Some people will use nice people until they find someone better. I don't want to be that type of person. Apparently, you are offended that I'm just telling the truth. If you want to tell yourself that if you are super nice to a woman then she will date you, be my guest. But I doubt a woman is going to date you JUST because you are nice. | |
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bmwz3m
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Joined: 11/1/2008
Msg: 1116 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:38:28 PM | | i think you are right ,the challenge is what some women are looking for ,if you give then everything then your a push over/door mat and usually women always want what they dont have or cant get from an ex genuinley nice guy thats why im on here too nice | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:58:35 PM | Cannpeters
Okay...for the benefit of fairness in a response to you my friend.
First off-----I appreciate your spunk and spark! :-)
To be "clear" on why I said your response made no sense:
"Your" scenario was that the reason a woman would dump a guy would be because "she" was not interested in him. You were describing a woman that "would not" date a man if she wasn't interested in him. "That" I can understand and agree with.
So...in reality, she wasn't "dumping" him. She never dated him, so he wasn't in a position position to be dumped.
You went on to say:
"The man could be the nicest in the world, but if I'm not attracted to him and into him, then I'm not going to date him. End of story." Once again, I totally understand and agree with you!
"BUT".....the purpose of this forum is one of: women who "ARE" dating a guy, and "CONTINUE" dating that guy as "HE" continues to shower her with whatever he so stupidly, but "innocently" continues to shower her with, in the hopes of winning per say, her heart, but in reality "blindly" trying to buy her love, which will never happen.
He is sincere in his actions, although blind to his method, and "she" is guilty of using and leading him on to believe that there is a jackpot at the end of the rainbow, thus creating another bad taste in his mouth for women in general. Thus, he then mistakenly believes that "all" women are bad, just as in the reverse, women thinking "all" men are bad.
"She/he" may be leading him/her on by reciprocating by giving sex and/or whatever (hugs, kisses, etc.) until they tire of the individual, thus dumping them.
The solution would have been for her (now get this) or "if" the tables were turned, for "HIM" to be honest and upfront in the "beginning" by telling the pursuer that they weren't interested.
And if the person being pursued wasn't sure if they were interested in the pursuer because of it being to soon to tell, then he/she are obligated by the given rules of kindness and respect to tell them that they don't want "him/her" to "spend/buy" anything on them until they are sure of their feelings, and if they did continue to do as they were asked not to, "then" they would cease to continue seeing them. (and follow thru with it) If they didn't follow thru with it and allowed the person to keep showering them, then they are more guilty than had they not said anything at all.
Because "that's" when the "using" comes into play. And "no", you can't use the excuse, "well, I told them"!
That would be like saying, "if they're stupid enough to keep buying me stuff, then I'm going to be stupid enough and keep dating someone that I truly don't like and see what I can get out of him until some other sucker comes along"!
(think about it-and be honest with yourself)
This would be as upfront and honest as one could possibly be, and also be the best approach to avoid against breaking someones heart "intentionally".
Also, by doing this, there is no way the broken hearted can say anything nasty about the person "justifiably" because they were upfront and honest from the beginning, and stopped anything from going any further.
I hope this is clearer as to to why I said what I said concerning your response. And also, allow me to be "NICE" enough, LOL, if you will (because I'm a nice guy-uh oh..did I say that? :-) ) to apologize to you for the way my statement came off to you.
I'm not here to make enemies, and I can see why you might have been offended by the way I said what I said. Peace my friend! (:>) fabfourguy | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:53:22 PM | That is your response to mine????? Truly unbelievable!
I in no way in my entire essay indicated that "ONLY" women were that way?????
In fact, I specifically went out of my way to say that the situations could be either
MAN or WOMAN ????? Besides my sanity...am I missing something here????
Help me out people........
I have been as fair as anyone could be explaining the why's and what for's, saying that it could be the samething turned around making it a Man being the user.
You know what cannpeters: regardless of the fact that you just don't get it, I still think you're a sweet cookie.
What kind, I don't know. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:00:03 PM | Fabfour..my post was in reference to another person's post, not yours. Your post had not appeared yet.
As for your next to last post, I agree and see your point.
It is indeed wrong for either party to "use" another to shower them with gifts, buy them dinner, etc. I have seen women do this, and I certainly don't think it's right. Just because I think the guy should pick up on it doesn't excuse the behavior.
Why I had such a curt post on this thread is because some men don't seem to get that they can't buy/impress/be nice enough to a woman to win her. I have had male friends just keep on and on trying to impress a woman, take her to nice places, buy her nice things, help her out around the house, etc. The woman treats him like crap, maybe cheats on him, doesn't pay that much attention to him. She really isn't attracted to him, and he should be able to tell this, but he is convinced he can win her heart with time. Eventually, she dumps him, and then he is convinced that ALL women are cold-hearted b**tches, users and want a jerk. My curt post was simply to say if the woman doesn't find you attractive in some way, she is never going to fall in love with you and want to be with you long-term, despite you being a nice guy.
So, I think we are on the same page really, after we have spoken. I didn't consider you an enemy. I think a good debate is always stimulating. And thank you for your compliments. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:40:28 PM | Cannpeters!
You are always gonna hold a special spot in my heart! LOL We do indeed seem to be somewhat on the same page. And I'm glad there was an explaination to your previous posting! LOL (cause it truly didn't make any sense to me 
Thanks for clearing things up!
Until our NEXT debate.........................................   | |
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R_1
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Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 1122 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:41:22 AM | oh please both of you seem to miss the point, the original post said a guy that is romantic etc does things that women say they always want but ne ver get and then get told 'your to nice'. I understand what you are sayin fabfour but i didnt read it as 'man tryin to buy womans love'.
Either way i believe being romantic in this day and age is a turn of to a lot of women, even if they wont admit it ( at least in the earlier stages of a relationship). I'm not bitter about this cos I have never been a romantic type anyway, but I think men get told the wrong information regarding things like this | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:25:21 AM | Respectfully my friend, it is you who seems to have missed the "many" points I have already layed out, such as this copy / paste section from my previopus message, I believe numbered #1117:
as "HE" continues to shower her with whatever he so stupidly, but "innocently" continues to shower her with, in the hopes of winning per say, her heart, but in reality "blindly" trying to buy her love, which will never happen.
The word "innocently" you could replace with "romantically".
Regardless of how "you" want to interpret it, the "original" meaning of this specific forum was about a guy who "showeres" a girl with his "romancing" or what ever word you want to use by buying, wooing, crawling, licking, kiissing, and whatever other ways you can possibly imagine him trying to "win" her heart. It just isn't going to happen. Get it?? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 4:00:03 PM | *reviving a dead thread*
Because sometimes a guy can be so nice that's it's frightening. It's not that we want to go out with an ass hole, it's that different can be frightening. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 7:56:20 PM | | many women that i have met are emotional junkies. they want to break a wild stallion and train him. just as many men enjoy the chase, women want to be chased.the theme of hundreds of harlequin romances is just this. strong powerful rich man who looks like fabio resists them until the first love scene and then the man is smitten with them and gradually gets trained. if this floats your boat, that's fine. but using a man then saying "there's no chemistry" is just evil. | |
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