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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:49:46 PM | ~OT~ I've never dumped a nice guy. I've broken up with self-professed-nice-guys who were really only nice-legends-in-their-own-minds, however.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/29/2009 11:02:16 PM | I dated the most amazing guy on this earth. We went out for five years. He was supportave, honest, loving, caring, strong, responsible, and NOTHING but 200% nice to me.
The reason we're still not going out today?
As well as all the awesome qualities above, he also seemed depressed, or just was boring. Didn't want to go out and do stuff, would rather sit at home watching TV. He was quite negative as well, a pet peeve of mine. There was no spontaneity at all. I felt like I was in a marriage that was 50 years old.
There are qualities we find good and bad in everyone... he was so nice, I will always love him, but he's not the right person for me.
Being nice isn't the end all be all in something as big as a relationship. It's one part of it.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:58:33 AM | The equation is simple, really.
"Nice guy" = Spineless doormat, slightly misogynious, insecure guy who suppresses his sexual interest and act nice with the aim of tricking a woman into becoming attracted to him.
That says it all. It might seem a really mean thing to say, but I tell it like it is.
"Nice guys" are tricksters, they aren't really nice. They think that because they are behaving nice to women they are "entitled" to be seen as worthy of a relationship. Secretly, "nice guys" distrust women. They are usually frustrated people who don't "get" how women thinks, don't get the mating game. They idealize the woman they see as a prize, but they devaluate the ones who date so-called "jerks". To a "nice guy", every one who isn't like him and scores with women is a jerk, and every woman who prefers jerks to him "doesn't understand" or "is misguided".
But the niceties they offer aren't really honest. They aren't altruistic because they appreciate the girl for what she is, they do to woe a woman into a spiderweb. "Nice guys" are another kind of jerk, but they'll be the passive-aggressive, manipulative, blame-game type of jerk, always playing on the fact that should be pitied because they are oh so nice to them, but have never enough confidence in themselves to express their needs in a more mature way.
In truth, I cannot blame women if they are not attracted to them, or dumping them when they find that they aren't their types. But exploiting their vulnerability to steal the hell out of them is another thing altogether.
If you are a guy who has guts and a spine, approaches girls because you are sexually interested in them and is honest about it, takes rejections like a grown-up and move on, and treats her right because you like her and she deserves be treated right, then you are not a "nice guy". And take pride in it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:26:19 PM | Incubus682 Message #1129
SHEEEEEEEEEESH????????????
Excerpt from "your" post:
"Nice guys" are tricksters, they aren't really nice. They think that because they are behaving nice to women they are "entitled" to be seen as worthy of a relationship. Secretly, "nice guys" distrust women. THEY USUALLY ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T "GET HOW WOMEN THINKS", DON'T GET THE MATING GAME. They idealize the woman they see as a prize, but they devaluate the ones who date so-called "jerks". To a "nice guy", every one who isn't like him and scores with women is a jerk, and every woman who prefers jerks to him "doesn't understand" or "is misguided".
And "you" do???? My my.....what breed have we spawned here?
And the intellect gets deeper...........hmmmmm | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/30/2009 1:57:32 PM |
And "you" do???? My my.....what breed have we spawned here?
And the intellect gets deeper...........hmmmmm
That's a non-sequitur. Nowhere I say that I "get" women more than "nice guys" do. All women have their individual tastes and preferences and I do not discuss them. That being said, I do start from the postulate that women are NOT poor, vulnerable, misguided beings, NOR are they evil, wicked, mean people like some "nice guys" seem to think. Many "nice guys" have in fact a rather... debased view on women, I must say, like they were some sort of creatures from outer space.
There a few things I find more unnerving and blood-boiling that to listen to "nice guys" wallow in self-pity, about how women treat them badly, how they are misunderstood, how they should be given a chance because they'll treat them really nice and sweet, while instead they go out with that "bad boy" jerk they secretly envy. Yet, in the same breath, they'll angrily utter really mean, degrading misogynistic things because they are frustrated inside that they cannot build any relationship with women. And if I cannot stand it, imagine women who have to withstand such a heavy burden. I really feel sorry for them!
I had to listen to that for years on end at school, at college, at work, within my circle of friends. Every single time it is the same whining, the same misconceptions, the same delusional beliefs, the same anger.
One day, these have to get rid of that high-school type of teenage angst and grow up some balls. And the only way I can see is to shape up, work on their self-esteem and their physical appearance, and approach women with confidence, curiosity and good mood, and tame their fears and misgivings about them.
But if they don't, sorry they won't get any pity from me. Now I refer them directly to psychological care for help. I only lend a hand to my some of my closest friends when they struggle with women, and I keep only at motivational talk. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 3/30/2009 2:33:20 PM | Well the first thing that comes to mind is chemistry - without reading the other responses to this post I hope I am not duplicating the responses you already have.
No matter how nice you treat someone if they arent sexually or intimately attracted to you there may be no hope - but I personally dont believe that is the case MOST of the time, more like less then half the time.
It has also been my observation that many women are interested in "bad boyz" and that is what turns them on. Unfortunately most of the women who are interested in this kind of guy have no clue what a true bad boy will bring to their life - they just think its cool but truly most of the time - it isnt.
Im not trying to put down bad boyz - not even close - I have had mad love from several of them and appreciate them for it - but they will tell you themselves - if they are really bad boyz- life in their midst is difficult at best.
If you see even average guys who are just trying to pretend to be bad boyz - the first thing they do is act like they have attitude, rough around the edges, come off with an "FU" attitude - any woman who is interested in being treated this way has issues with self esteem and self worth (just my opinion not trying to attack anyone).
A woman who seeks out a man who will treat her poorly or one who will negatively affect her life via his lifestyle and shun the one who treats her like gold - needs help with her own self worth. Plain and simple.
Bottom line - if a lady isnt interested in being treated well by a gentleman - then she may not be worthy of all your efforts at this time - project them onto someone who will actually APPRECIATE them in this hard world we live in.
Being treated well by your mate is supposed to be a given - for he may be the only person in the world who will when you really need it. Its best to shop for a mate with that in mind - but again - thats just my opinion. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 10:43:21 AM | | I tend to dump men when they are not nice to me, as manners and respect are 2 of the most important traits of a gentleman IMHO. I tend to be too nice to men, and have found that nice men seem to expect women to not be nice to them, and/or are attracted to women who are not nice to them, so maybe one person is supposed to be nice and the other not so nice to balance out a relationship? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:04:13 AM |
.. check this guy out great stuff david d'angelo.
No offense but David DeAngelo is a 'tard. He doesn't teach men anything substantial. It's all game playing and positioning.
He does not, and never has, addressed the root cause of the "nice guy" syndrome.
Who does?
Dr. Glover. Read his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It contains the information that David DeAngleo can only dream of. Dr. Glover addresses the root cause of the nice guy syndrome that causes me to be wussified doormats/pushovers.
Any confident, intelligent woman would not only recognize DeAngelo's trife, but have enough self-respect to laugh at the notion of "cocky/funny". And in case you're wondering, I have read David's stuff.
Self-confidence is attractive.
DeAngelo offers BAND-AIDS for broken men.
Glover offers the FINAL SOLUTION.
Cheers. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:57:32 AM | | ive recently had the same problem mate, i did everything possible that i could for her, it was a one sided relationship, i wish i could help ya but women are such a hard game to play, ive even tried to be horrible to women in the past, but i cant do it, it just aint me, chin up mate, we will find the right one some day | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 5:14:55 PM | | Well said. I am a nice guy, with a edge. I'm not afrraid to admit I love women. I can honestly say Getting laid has never been my top priority, but I guarantee, I get way more then you nice guys who weave your webs ever will. Don't bullshit a woman, If your not real, your on your way out the door as soon as she figures it out. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 6:23:41 PM | I haven't read ALL the post (too many) but just wanted to add my $0.02.
Just be yourself! That's it. Just be true to yourself. If true love is going to find you, it'll happen no matter what comes your way. You'll both know it and feel it. You'll know in your heart what's enough to do and when to back off and let her be nice to you. It's a road traveled by two. Hand in hand and step by step. If it's going to happen it will, but in the end if it doesn't work out, you can feel good about yourself knowing that you offered your best and earned a certain amount of respect by remaining true to yourself. True love is a diamond in the rough, you have to move a lot of dirt to find it!!
Ziggy | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/16/2009 8:08:18 PM | | I would love to have a nice guy....to have a man do and make you feel feelings that you have never before felt is sooo wonderful....im tired of the "bad boys" because thats all they are, just boys...i want a real man... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/18/2009 4:38:29 AM | | Why do women dump men who are nice to them? Because they are nice to them that's why. A mistake. Personally I feel that being nice is not all it's cracked up to be. If we men could live to 150 years or longer then we would have more time to find that one woman somewhere that appreciates "nice". Alas...we do not. I know that nice feels good for yourself, I don't deny that. But when in Rome do as the Romans do. Drop the nice routine right away if you want to stop wasting precious time. It's just the way women are. You're not going to change it. Remember the golden rule...it's all about the money and the status, and NOTHING else. If you wanna be nice, go do some volunteer work. There's where you will actually find someone who sincerely appreciates what you are doing. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/18/2009 6:33:10 AM | 
I totally appreciate being adored and complete appreciated by a man. It's not that he's not nice or that he's nice to me but after the glow of infatuation and fantasy wears off what's left sitting across the table from me is a mind. Does he have one that communicates his deepest feelings? Does he listen to me when I'm talking about what's important to me? Does he try to ride my coattails and show me off whenever he gets an opportunity to make himself feel better? Agggghhhhhhhhhh!
Nice has to include: considerate of my feelings, thinkings. He has to treat me like
a front and center woman not a cupie doll to take down from the shelf; to put anything before me or our relationship; to take me out to places I like; to be romantic in actions, word, deeds. There's so much more to being nice than the tail of the dog, wagging and panting. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:10:07 AM | | Well, there is a difference between nice guys and needy and clingy ones. Sometimes the needy and clingy confuse it with nice. I'm not saying you are that way, but you can push to much in and new relationship that scares people off. To me , when someone comes on too strong right off the bat, I infer that they do that to everyone they go out with..and it's not my goal to be the 999th special person in someone's life. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:02:31 PM | | If she is not responding in kind,kick her to the curb! She's just using you till the right guy for her comes along and then she'll kick you to the curb.If she's sincere,she'll show it physically.And if she isn't,she's a liar and a player.Move on and get away while you can.She'll only break your heart and tell her friends you're a stalker.Run boy run! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:14:43 PM | | I'm nice, I try to be, and I can't even get a girl to freaking talk to me. No matter what I do. I'm starting to think I'm not even that good looking because I keep getting ignored by everyone in this place. No matter who I message. They all feel the same, I see that they all read my messages, and then, look at my profile, and they ALL ignore me. Sure I may sound depressing and all, but why lie about myself when such things in my life like cheating, heartbreak and being used have happened to me. People can't seem to accept the fact that I've had a rough past and that in turn makes me a bad person? That should be avoided like the plague? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:08:02 PM |
Sure I may sound depressing and all, but why lie about myself when such things in my life like cheating, heartbreak and being used have happened to me. People can't seem to accept the fact that I've had a rough past and that in turn makes me a bad person? That should be avoided like the plague? Yes you certainly do sound depressing. Why do you think anyone would chose a person whose profile is full of moans when they can chose someone who is positive? Do you pick out women to message whose profiles are full of complaints? Perhaps if you presented yourself rather more positively people would want to talk to you | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 5:15:25 PM | | Maybe it could be because, we dont believe they are for real, it could be for some that they dont like 'nice' men,, i personally aint one so i may come under my 1st reason here. But, the same could be said as in 'why do men dump women who are nice to them' ? Bet that happens more than women dumpin 'nice guys' Frenchy,,,,you mite a hit a rite button there though,,,,,,,im 44 , never married, almost once, very very almost. Still, sat here knowin i'll be on my own and how do i know if someone is nice for real? As to pof, as soon as we respond to someone nice, its like they really are fishing! Like, got a catch, now throw it back! Jees, shame for all you real genuine men here, never knew one but, must be some here. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:34:29 PM | Because they have past issues (normally childhood) are used to being treated badly by guys (it probably stemmed from their father) and they dont know any different. Normal guys are not challenging enough for them basically! Put it this way, steer clear! | |
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