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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/27/2009 6:18:55 AM | Guys, let me give you some sound advice. BE YOURSELF!
Being nice does not imply that one is boring, uninteresting or undynamic and just because your temperament makes you a nice person does not portend a future of rejection by women. In fact a professor of ethics at John Hopkins University wrote a book several years ago noting that the essence of being a human being is "kindness, kindness and more kindness". I agree and you should be proud of being a kind, "nice" person in an impersonal world. Being treated well and accepting such treatment is a sign of a psychologically stable person. So if you are involved with a woman, who due to her pathology and dysfunctionality equates being treated well with being "nice", unexciting or boring, just walk out and find a woman who appreciates and reciprocates such kind feelings. There are well adusted women out there, although increasingly difficult to find, who would love to have a guy who is "nice", kind and loving. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/27/2009 9:45:00 AM | i agree with you.
i had women break up with me cause i was to nice! but i have figured it out, they dont know anything else. they were is bad realationsships.
plus you will smother the woman, and put her in a corner, even tho she wants to be with you, she doesnt end up hurting you, cause she has been in other realationsship!
so she just breaks it off with you before it goes any further! and usually the very nice guys, they want to fly in the realationsship, and wanna get married. i havent gotten that far with any woman yet, even when i dated that girl for 2 years.
but thats how women feel, they think "oh he is to nice, the next thing comes a ring" they get scared of that, so they dump you. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 4/27/2009 5:13:37 PM | | Well, I think AndThenIwas5again is just discouraged with the whole dating crap... or lack of.. I understand his frustration, but I do think if you would positive up (no matter how hard it might be right now) or at least take at the angry undertones and just tell about yourself without that... I think you be fine.. you are too young to be that angry and discouraged about the opposite... give that a few years...... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/4/2009 8:06:58 PM |  I would give my eye teeth, to find a good man, and a faithful one at that.I would give my all, just to have one.Good men are a dying breed."If wishes were horses, we would have a whole stable full.I would never hurt him, if i were to be so lucky, to find him. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:22:17 PM | I've had that happen before. Who hasn't? I have the perfect solution to that little problem. DON'T BE NICE TO THEM AND KICK THEM TO THE CURVE. It's all about respect with me. If someone doesn't respect me. I don't respect them. Have a dumping day. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2009 5:14:45 PM | | well as for what i think women claim they want a good man but in reality they want someone who treats them horrible! i dont understand! but in some cases the women dont feel for the man, i had a guy that treated me like a king i gave him a chance, but i did not develop the feelings to stay in it, it would be unfair to saty if you don't have feelings! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:24:35 PM | A man being nice to me, even over the top nice does not give him license to my heart or my love. You can't MAKE someone fall in love with you by your actions.
Nice guys need to get a grip on this reality. Love isn't like that. It doesn't feed off of benefit cues. It's much more elusive to define than that and it has way more to do with attraction and chemistry than it does how much someone does for you.
I don' t have a hard time accepting such gifts or behaviors from someone who's nice, as long as he understands it does nothing to influence my willingness to love him, because it's not about that.
I think nice guys have this idea: "Okay, now I've shown you that I can treat you better than any man has ever treated you, so now you owe me your love because let's face it, I'm awesome."
I hate to break it to nice guys everywhere who'll go the extra mile, but even the bad guys in the beginning would go head over heels to please us. Kinda makes you wonder wtf is going on huh?
And my God, when I think of the things I did for my partners because I was in love, it sometimes makes me question whether I was sane. But I don't see many threads on how much a woman does for a man and how she expected more out of him because of it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:37:14 PM | Hey Ace,
I wish I had read your advice last week! Would have changed my life entirely!
A belated thanks - you have thought about this - and you are right!
J x | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:44:46 PM | AMEN AMEN
Thanks! that has helped me a lot!
Still - wimmin want "bad guys" end of story!
No amount of "niceness" will compare to a guy who has learned how to project the "bad guy" persona!
So I am practising my "dangerous Liaisons" "personality construct" [before I die or get too old to get laid] in the hope of at least keeping a woman interested - cos "nice" don't do it bro! And that's a Fact!
We all know that! Don't we?
J x | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:18:53 AM | Near the end of your post you said something that caught my eye, so to speak. "I think nice guys have this idea: "Okay, now I've shown you that I can treat you better than any man has ever treated you, so now you owe me your love because let's face it, I'm awesome."
I beileive a true nice guys (gentlemen) do it for no other reason than they believe in treating people how they would like to be.
As for another sidebar of what you said, to me you described how alot of women second guess nice guys actions. What I mean by this is that you are always waiting for the shoe to drop so to speak. Or that this is too good to be real there has to be something wrong. You keep second guessing yourselves. In the end of that realitionship if you can trust your own judgement, how are you ever going to trust him?
Words all are open to interpatations and I am not say or inferring you meant any of the things I described above. If it appears that way I am sorry, just trying to share a diffrent view. | |
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mhwf
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Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 1163 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them. (From a mans perspective)
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:05:06 AM | | very true what you said! i met my ex on a dating site not this one she went out with me for six weeks then just dumped me! no reason other than there were pitfalls! i fell in love with her she didnt fall for me, she dumped me in october but was replying to my e-mails in march this year 2009 i have now cut off all contact with her since march, understand em no way! the slightest thing these days and they are gone and looking for the next fool to come along, oh she goes by the names cait and freda56uk BEWARE! she uses loopy love, date.com, and quickflirt, and dating direct as francesagin. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:16:50 PM | | well because , maybe you think you are nice , although you are not , you are in denial,or dont think of the small things that make a dirrence like asking ,,,,how is your day , taking time to do something extraordinary , or spending all her money and not yours???? maybe you are to reliogous , or not good enough in bed , lazy , play only computer games , or xbox,,,,maybe your a couch potatoe , no conversation unless its about yourself , who knows ........look in the mirror are you really nice . have a great day | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:52:47 PM | Women like a challenge, if you are boring, overly nice, up their butt, they will eventually move on. Sad but true. Women like a sense of mystery, danger, excitement, just not too much. They even like for you to stand up for yourself, don't agree with everything they say.
I once had a girl that i admit, she was very pretty. I was overly nice to her, she started seeing a younger guy, who had been in prison. I called her out and blew her off. A few weeks later she came back, i was never that nice to her anymore. lesson learned.
its a fine line you walk as a guy. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:31:30 PM | sorta sux if you arent a hunk.
My guess according to women is that love is the only force in the universe unaffected by causality. cause and affect plays no part, then whats the point of existence if we are at the mercy of fate. come to think of it fate is described as 3 women in greek mythology, hhmmm maybe they had insight. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/9/2009 2:11:52 PM | Being a "nice guy" (my definition: sweet, gentlemanly, courteous, patient, respectful & faithful) is initially attractive to certain types of woman, IMHO, with conditions.
Single mothers in bad situations may look for a "nice guy" first. Same with abuse survivors, refugees, assylum seekers, fundamentalist religious types, the severely disabled/ill, post menopausal women looking for companionship, and women considered not conventionally attractive by society.
In my experience, most women not listed above have their goals set on tall, handsome, successful Alpha Male types, with "niceness" being a pleasant bonus, like free valet parking, or WiFi at the coffee house.
My motto?
U get no slice for just being nice.
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/9/2009 4:24:47 PM | no, you are very wrong about that. nice is not boring. there is something to be said about the whole chemistry of relationships. like so many posters say here, "it" is or "it" isn't.
I've never dumped a nice guy. but, I have dumped many "ex-nice-guys" who come on nice at the start, and then when they think they've got you under control or hooked into them, their "real" not-so-nice-at-all comes out!
people should not try to go against who they really are in any relationships, because the real you will have to come out eventually. then, the thing will blow up whether the "it" is there or not. fake, phony, 2-faced spells the end no matter what! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/9/2009 11:37:28 PM | | Women want men in that nostalgic manly-men sense, somebody with drive, ambition, and balls who can support a family. Its all ingrained in our brains. The bad-guy neanderthal put food on the table, the nice guy neanderthal complimented the lady on her new fur skirt. Guess who's genes got passed on to the next generation? lol | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/10/2009 5:42:41 AM | | The last guy I was seeing was good to me, he got along well with my kids, and appeared to be a great listener. Then I realized it wasn't that he was a good listener, he just didn't have anything to say. I began to find that I had to initiate every conversation, and pretty much have to carry that convo all the way through without much input from him. I became so bored that I couldn't stand it. When it came to doing things, it was always "I don't know, what do you want to do?" All the niceness in the world couldn't make up for the fact that I still felt alone, as if I was talking to myself. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/10/2009 7:11:08 AM | | Ive had several women tell me that they are attracted to "bad boys". You know, idiots who don't have real jobs and sell dime bags on the side so they can smoke pot for free and still live with there mom and don't have any plans of changing his way of living. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 7/10/2009 11:10:16 AM | | Women WILL NOT respect you if you are super nice to them. You can be a gentleman, but you have to have a backbone, some authority, and be willful. I reckon its an animalistic, chemical response thing. If you cannot be forceful, you are viewed as unable to protect or accumulate - even if you are able to do so you will not be viewed as able to. A lot of men are castrated because our society has been telling them women are better than us and we should treat them as princesses and such. That's a load of bull. Just look at them as being equal to you - equal but on the opposite team. That means you better win the game and earn their respect - not let them run thru you and score - they won't respect you in the slightest. Remember, you wouldn't expect your enemy to be merciful - don't expect it out of women either. You can't simply take what you want, but if you show you have the backbone to protect what is yours (that includes your dignity & pride) then you'll get a different response. Some women might say they don't care for that, but watch how they react around the guy who walks in with confidence & doesn't cow-tow to them. | |
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