| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:38:22 AM | the truth of the matter is when some is genuine towards us we dont know how to handle it as its easier to think negative then to think positive but when you do dump some one who s genuine you then cant go crying your eyes out and say your not looking for players that the way way the cookie crumbles looks materialistic attributes will get you played each and every be warned | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:39:16 AM | Boy, there are some bitter and nasty replies from guys on here.
I would say she just was not that attracted to you, no chemistry. A guy can be very nice, but there has to be attraction as well for a relationship to happen.
So many guys that have replied seem to think it is because women want a man to treat them badly, beat them, cheat on them or whatever. Wrong. At least for me.
yes, i want someone to treat me nice, but there has to be a connection of some sort.
And to all the guys who have replied saying mean nasty things about women, get some therapy. Also, do you expect any woman who now looks at your profile to see your posts and want to date you, much less even talk to you? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:44:47 AM | | i had someone who treated me nice.... but then they started to use everything as they did that left me feeling uncomfortable as a joke, and would be overly apologetic (how would i believe him if he really needed to apologize?) and then he insulted me when i gave him an explanation as to why i just wanted to be friends... after the insult... it doesnt need anymore explanation....i think nice guys are just guys who open the door for ladies and expect more in return.... i dont want a nice guy, i want a guy confident with me, oh and every "nice guy" that claimed himself to be nice and that i was making a mistake slowly turned from nice to not so nice.... i dont like it when a guy says to me "im not that bad of a guy" sure okay maybe youre not but let me make that evalution... maybe your not a bad guy to others but just not that good for me (and i dont mean to sound high and mighty, i mean not good for me in a sense of personality clicking etc) nice guys make it to easy, give me a challenge, i dont want someone wrapped around my finger... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 8:10:06 AM | Some of the responses by men on this thread are the whole reason why i don't trust men who have labelled themselves"the nice guy". They are angry men who have repressed it . They are really just itching to beat the shit out of you or to tell you mean and horrible things.
One day they can't control their repressed anger towards women anymore and the crap hits the fan. You finally see they were not the nice guys they made themselves out to seem.Even if they did not hit you they said some horrible inexcusable things .
A man who is truly good ,kind and nice would not feel the need to advertise he is to everyone he comes into contact with.That is arrogance and not such a nice trait. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 8:51:11 AM |
Some of the responses by men on this thread are the whole reason why i don't trust men who have labelled themselves"the nice guy". They are angry men who have repressed it . They are really just itching to beat the shit out of you or to tell you mean and horrible things.
One day they can't control their repressed anger towards women anymore and the crap hits the fan. You finally see they were not the nice guys they made themselves out to seem.Even if they did not hit you they said some horrible inexcusable things .
A man who is truly good ,kind and nice would not feel the need to advertise he is to everyone he comes into contact with.That is arrogance and not such a nice trait.
Maybe their repressed anger towards women is justified somehow (not advocating it, just throwing out some ideas), but that doesn't give them reason to mistreat the woman they are with.
As far as the term nice guy goes, I can't effin stand being called that. The term 'nice' guy isn't a positive label. I consider myself polite, courteous, easy to get along with but I don't consider myself nice. I'll treat the woman I'm with like she wants to be treated, but I won't put her on a pedestal, or kiss her ass and I definitely won't put up with any of her b/s. I think a better term for the guys you ladies want would be a 'good guy' or a 'real guy'.
Ladies, if a guy is being 'overly' nice to you (too agreeable, too predictable, etc.), RUN!
Real guys will treat ladies with respect, but at the same time won't tolerate ****y, immature or disrespectful behavior. He will not smother you. He will not be possessive. He will not hit you. He will not agree with everything you say, and is not afraid to voice it.
Women don't want yes men. They don't want predicable boring guys either (nice guys). Women want men who have a sense of direction and can take charge (w/o being possessive). Did I miss anything ladies?
That's why women dump nice guys; for good reason. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 8:51:25 AM | Well I see some good insights from some and some therapy required for others. I find that "you get what you give" is true in most cases. It may be a case of " paying it forward" but that is ok you get it back in the end.
Be yourself!! This will eventually surface as the relationship moves along. You can avoid all of the games of treatinga person a certain way to invoke a certain response, that is just childish.
I like to take the higher ground and be honest and nice and loving and then you get to know the person sooner and they value you more, they will in turn be more open and honest with you. This is what a mature relationship is all about and you end up with more by being totally honest, so why play games.
I don't understand why more people don't understand this, it is so simple but hard to do, maybe that is why. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:15:39 AM | It's not hard to do. People just need to treat others with respect and respect themselves as well. A lot of people get too caught up with one or the other, but if you allow for both people in the relationship to be active and vocal about it's destination then the rest is just small stuff.
Treat the other person with the respect you would appreciate from them, and respect yourself enough to know when you are overextending yourself for someone who's not returning the same courtesy. It's really as simple as that. Know when to give and when to realize it's not working. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:22:28 AM | I get the other way side of this.....men tell me I am easy and comfortable to be around
and that they want to do things for me because I am happy doing just simple things and then I get dumped.....after months .....if getting close was to scary then why can't they just say so? I feel best about men who are nice to me but that do not put on a big show in doing so .... Trulyme | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:49:07 AM | Are you kidding? Just being nice is a major turn on for me. I love sweet, interesting brainy guys.
All that game playing crap and is a turn off. Give me a smart guy who can hold an interesting conversation any day and you have my attention. 
I've had a few guys starting talking to me about their bad boy days and one was in his 40's. Instant turn off for me. I completely lost interest in both of them.
Nice guys rule, bad boys drool in my book ;)
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:08:40 AM | I agree with dancecard about using nice as a lure, and thoughtfulness being genuine. Someone who is nice as a lure always feels cheesey. Genuine niceness has no agenda. And the balance thing is important. No one wants spineless OR abusive. Men need cajones, but not in an imbalanced way. It' s not all or nothing.
There's one thing that is not being addressed in this thread, and that is the way a guy will do all the "nice" things for a lady, like flowers :) chocolate, :) poetry :) etc. He may even actually dance! But then, after you are going steady, all that "nice" behavior gets less & less. Women think you don't care as much, or decieved them ,and the guy thinks he already bagged her, so why bait the trap?
How 'bout starting out with the genuine you(only spiffed up a bit), and escalating the nice gestures as the relationship becomes more substantial? Or just continuing with the nice behavior you began with and make it a habit for life? Oh, just THINK of the rewards, guys. Points galore. Forever. You'll almost NEVER hear,"we need to talk."
The main thing is to be genuine & honest as you can from the beginning. Then there won't be that dissillusionment and feeling of deception.
Then the only thing left to get through, will be the power struggle!!! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:08:08 AM | I am going to have to agree with RMB_Mike on some of his statements. I am one also that really does NOT like the nice guy label. When we as guys hear the line “you are a really nice guy....." It is normally followed by "..... But....." after hearing how nice and great of a guy we are... and then hearing the "but....." X amount of times we start to wonder what the problem is that we are such great guys, however not great enough.
Sure this is some what of an insecurity and we are adults but we are adults with feelings and all that other stuff. When we date someone and hear the horror stories about how the "ex" treated them and all that and then get the line... and then find out that the next 2 3 or 4 guys treated them poorly... it does get a bit discouraging.
I know a physical attraction is a must, regardless of who says looks shouldn’t matter, I have to agree with a female poster a while back who said that it has to be there.
The sad part is that it does go both ways.
It is a proven fact that an “abused” person will likely seek out an abuser... With out "trying to” because that is what they are accustomed to. It can be referred to as a vicious cycle that will only be broken when the “abused" truly WANTS it to be broken. I am not saying by any means that every person whom throws the “nice guy/girl" term out there has been in a bad relationship all their lives.
I have personally experienced this with my last ex. She ex husband physically and mentally abused her. We started dating and she ended up going back to her ex husband even after he treated her like sh it for the past year before I got into the picture.. And all during the relationship. He still had control over her and all it took was for him to say the right things and well... She cheated on me with him and that is what ended the relationship and of course I got the “great guy" line... followed by” but he changed and we are going to see if we can work things out. Needless to say, less then 2 weeks later... his old self came back out and since then she has been involved with 2 other guys whom in her words were so much like her ex husband. When I found out she cheated { pretty much the easy way.. he was at her apt one morning when I got there... and they certainly were not having tea and crumpets} I told her I did understand why it happened and I do forgive her.. which I do... and she asked me why I am being so nice to her after what happened.... my reply was " what do I get out of getting mad and acting treating her like he did... besides being on the same level as him, I said I was much better then he is. Her reply was... “Well at least I would know how to handle that... I do not know how to handle someone being so nice"
So yes... the nice guy/girl label does feel like a curse sometimes, and i feel that it takes about 6-8 weeks if someone is just putting up a front as a "nice person" until that front starts to fall. I personally do get frustrated when I am told how wonderful and great I am... BUT....however I am just being myself and I really do not see myself changing that aspect of my personality.
LOL... I have made this long enough to bore most of you... and I will read your responses later. I have a date with a motorcycle it is too nice out not to be riding today... anyone want to go with? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:40:00 AM | women like the chase. go to a club, and the guys who are making little jokes at a girls expense win them over. don't know why. a year in to it, start being nice, but not right off the bat.
sorry ladies, but you know it is true, espeecially the younger ones.
just go out with some female friends, they will tell you all about it.
Anyone disagreeig can write me, I like a good conversation. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 11:43:33 AM | Plus, age matters. older women want to settle, younger just want to party with the user bad boys. Talk to some 20-somethings you know and have them describe their last several relationships. See a pattern.
G | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:02:27 PM |
Plus, age matters. older women want to settle, younger just want to party with the user bad boys. Talk to some 20-somethings you know and have them describe their last several relationships. See a pattern
Goodness You are so wrong or been involved with silly girls
I've been young OF COURSE and now older but never felt the way you have described it all, unless you are talking about 12 years old girls who still want to be with their friends
Also being female, I know what women really want. Because we talk to each other more openly than probably to men.
GOT IT WRONG my friend, with your attitude you won't find a nice girl.  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 5:32:04 PM | | Hey buddy, I've been there too many times. Seems like women only want what they can't have. If you couldn't care less if they're there or not, they can't do enough for you. If you genuinely treat them well, you are no longer a conquest. The tables have turned. When I was younger, it was the guys putting notches in their bedposts. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 5:49:37 PM | Generally speaking it seems that women say they want a nice guy, but in reality they don't. If that nice guy they dumped grew out his hair some, got some tattoos, copped a tude, and personified more of that "bad boy" thing he'd be fighting off the chicks with a stick.
Re: the attraction thing, yeah the nice guy isn't going to be attractive to them because it isn't what they find appealing. Money and or power never hurts either. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 6:00:38 PM | Well to me there is no challenge with a nice guy..Due to The fact they would treat every girl the same way and how can that make you feel special if he would do that for everyone he goes out with..You know what I'm saying!!!  | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 6:25:06 PM | Maybe he had bad higiene...or maybe what he felt she did not...there are some really amazing men out there...but if they not one's type so be it...It has nothing to do with how you treated her...its all about the connection... | |
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