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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 7:54:16 PM | Ok Scottish Warrior here is the deal. Being good and being nice to people is what you should be doing irrespective of whether they are with you or with someone else. That should be the essence of who you are. And perhaps it is...however leaving you is possibly not related to the niceness but perhaps the others things about you which must have not matched her vision of who she wants to be with. This is no reflection on you but just a preference.
I dont worry for you because every thing in a relationship is two way and needs to be fed to be kept alive. So if you are still nursing the hurt then it is because you enjoy that and want to keep it alive since she is definitely not doing anything to you now that it is over.
So snap out of it and meet other women! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 8:27:27 PM | | Could be that [sometimes, not in all cases] a woman sees the man as "better" than she, because of dirty little secrets in her past, and can't abide. Most things we do that we and consider mistakes we should be able to put behind us. Whether men or women we need to rise above these issues and get on with our lives to experience the good things we all can have. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:29:42 PM | Scottish Warrior, I believe the reason is something as intangible as chemistry and has nothing to do whatsoever with someone being nice to their date. I'm a nice person (at least I think I am..lol) and I've met some really nice guys, some I may have had an attraction to, and some not and any amount of wishful thinking on anybody's part won't change that. If all those intangible factors were easy to figure out, we wouldn't all be here because there are enough nice, good people to go around for everyone to match up & live happily ever after.
Sponika1.......Jeesh, you said a mouthful. Do you really think that a guy I may have liked and was nice to but he isn't attracted to me one little bit is very concerned about whether I may feel hurt? I'm guessing he's met the girl of his dreams & in less than 24 hours has forgotten we even shared that first message. Such is life!!
Insurgent 4 You.........about a man putting a woman on a pedestal....lol...I always knew there was another good reason "I luv my jeans!" | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:43:54 PM | | Hmmm lots of good posts....I think INSURGENT....thisgirledm...and paulette...hit it pretty much on the head.....Good luck with your next lady love. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 132 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:01:07 AM | My experience has been this: If a guy professes to be so nice, he is usually a liar.
This is just another way for the "victim" to either shift any blame they might be able to lay claim to, or they are in deep, deep denial. And yes, there are women out there who just can't stand a "nice guy"...but don't paint us all with the same brush.
My ex was a self-proclaimed nice guy. Of course, in reality, he is the King of Passive Aggressive. I heard the stories about all of his ex's and how mean they were to him. I heard how much he did for them. I heard about them taking advantage of his "niceness". For example, his house was in foreclosure and he blamed it on the ex he hadn't laid eyes on in a year...it was all her fault because he was so nice.
He always managed to leave out the abusive side of his personality when telling these stories. Funny how that happens.
Well, when we broke up, I'm sad to say, I saw the TRUE personality come out. I found out why his ex's didn't want to "stay friends" with him. I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire.
I'm not saying nice guys don't exist, but the truly nice guys don't have to broadcast it, it shows in their actions. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 133 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:19:29 AM | Cyrus:
Don't you know that the real way to a woman's heart is to punch her teeth in? I understand what point you're trying to make here, so please tell me that isn't really how you feel? I hope you try that little theory out some day and mix it up with a woman who can bust YOUR teeth out.
Guys that beat thier women are never lonely. Also try cheating on them, lying to them, and/or knocking them up. They'll be yours forever! I'm sensing you're a bitter little man who is another one of those "nice guys". Let me guess...you've been the "nice guy" and no one stayed with you...could it be that you're actually a bit of a shithead? Just wondering.
The reason this works is because women are fundamentally stupid. Like dogs, they'll only listen to you and respect you if you beat them and yell at them constantly. Yes, your intelligence is just oozing out of this post. I hope any woman that may think of contacting you on here will read this thread and RUN. I have to ask, if you dislike women so much, why would you be trying to meet them?
Don't agree ladies? Um, no. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it sure as hell isn't the norm.
Then start dating all these nice, decent guys on this site that post topics like "Why Do women dump men who are nice to them" all the time! I think you're actually implying that you're a nice guy...I don't really get that impression from your posts.
Are the women now expected to flood your inbox? Now I see THAT was your plan all along...Wow, you really had me fooled there!
Darling, I think we all saw through it. "I know, I'll be a jerk and THAT will have the chicks running to me in droves!" Nope.
Maybe then I won't have to hear about all your crappy exs either... Are you tied up when this is going on? You don't have to read or listen...of course, take into account that maybe we don't want to hear you whine about how "nice" you are, and crying about that being the only reason why you can't get a date...I think it's obvious why.
you know, the ones that treated you like garbage but you still gave more of a chance then any of the great guys out there. Do you honestly think your posts will make any woman even think about seeing you as a "great guy"? I actually consider you a little sickening.
If I were a "nice guy", I'd be writing you an email and telling you to shut the hell up...you're making true nice guys look bad by assuming you can lump yourself in with them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:31:58 AM | You hear about men and women being messed about, and it is awful, everyone hates it. Yet as soon as one treats someone with respect barriers come down and then its time to move on. Or so it seems. I have been hurt and hurt bad. I know what it feels like, therefore I don`t want to inflict that misery on somebody else. Women hurt as much as men. Yet for being kind and generous I for one, always seem to suffer. I am sure I am not alone on this. Both sexes go through this. Should respect be regarded as a thing of the past? There is no way I am going to go out and abuse somebodies good nature, but it does make you wonder.
Nick. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:55:02 AM |
What I'm trying to say is when a guy is trying to hard, it could be a sign that not all is right with this person. Sometimes when a guy showers you with attention, gifts, etc..it is to make you feel obligated to him. Actually, he can be considered manipulative. It's all about you, isn't it? Ever think that when someone does something nice for you or nasty to you, it's al about them, and nothing about you?
If I invite a woman to dinner, it's because I like to eat at a restaurant, and prefer to do so, with someone intelligent to discuss things with while I eat. If I go to the theatre, it's because I like the theatre and want someone to share it with.
But then, perhaps the OP did not explain this to the woman he was seeing. So she misunderstood. Another great romance loses out to assumption and lack of openness and honesty. If she REALLY wanted this to work, she could have told him that he was going overboard, and she could have asked him why.
OP, next time you go overboard, TELL THE WOMAN WHY.
Then, she might actually not think you were a dork.
An appropriate answer might be that you've met plenty of nice women, even stunningly attractive women. You might even say you've met a few models in the last few years, if it's true. But THIS woman is NOT as good-looking as them, and STILL she makes your heart go POW! Such a statement tells her 2 things:
(1) You are not desperate, and can go out with women better looking than her, so YOU are a commodity worth pursuing.
(2) You like her because of HER, NOT BECAUSE SHE IS A COMMODITY.
Otherwise, she may think that you perceive her good looks as a commodity, and not as genuine attraction.
Good fishing. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 6:31:28 AM | I will say this from the perspective of a woman who is now is a relationship with a man who treats me like a queen. It is very unusual and kind of scary sometimes I dont know how to react. I am use to the relationships were I was completly disregaurded seen and not heard. I love how my guy treats me and is very patient when he can tell it made me a little uncomfortable. He might even back off a little and tell me ok no more mushy stuff for a little while.
So anyway if you are having a problem being a nice guy dont stop just back off a little. bad guys way out number the good ones we women know how to deal with the bad ones the nice ones scare us.
We dont want someone who worship's the ground we walk on we want love, understanding and patience.
Just about everyone has been in a bad relationship or 2 give it time. We need to prove we are not like the others who hurt them it is a awful thing but it is how it works.... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:32:15 AM | Very well said singin4u....I totally agree. I have learned through my own experiences that I feel uncomfortable with a "nice" guy. I feel pretty sure it is because of the hard wall I built around my heart due to the hurtful actions of previous loves...unfortunately, it reflects on the new relationships. The old saying of "im not him, dont blame me for his actions" come to mind...does a man not hold it against all women when they get their heart broke by a cheatin lyin ****....Yes he does. Human beings are like any other species in nature....they build a defense against things that have the potential to threaten or hurt them. Unfortunately, it is the innocent nice soul that is trying to be sweet that gets stung first. Until a person gets "used" to being treated well, they are going to keep on being that way.
And as it has been stated many times in this forum....physical attraction is, unfortunely, a big determining factor. Just a fact of life. Anyone who says "looks dont matter" is a liar. And the person they are lying to is themselves. Looks DO matter, now the extent of what an individual person finds to be attractive differs, but in the end...you have to have and attraction to the other person. So no matter how sweet or nice, or perfect someone is....if they don't look appealing to your appetite...you are not even going to taste them...just a figure of speech. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:37:45 AM | | Ace.....also a VERY valid point!!!! I personally like a man with a backbone. Not a jerk, but someone who challenges me....otherwise...the relationship gets boring. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:36:00 AM | ^^
people who say "looks don't matter" often mean that they think that looks SHOULDN'T matter..to the other person, everyone should accept them for who THEY are..
even though looks can still matter to *me*.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:59:22 PM | | It has to be the whole package. Nice is good. Most people are nice (on the surface), but we all know what is physically and "sexually" appealing to us and if it's not all there, it's just not. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:09:05 PM | | I recently dumped a very nice man I met on this site because we disagreed on finances, and I was not willing to give up going out to dinner. In my past experiences the only nice men I have dumped I was not physically attracted to; | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:36:04 PM | Well-developed answer in message 89 -
The problem is that attraction is pretty much an unconscious thing. She may not have any conscious knowledge of why it is that she is becoming un-attracted to you. She just knows that she is.
After my divorce, I met a woman who was unlike any I had ever known. Blew me away.
I fell hard.
Without realizing it, I broke all those rules and ruined it.
I had no intention of doing so. I was old enough to know better.
I wasn't needy, clingy, insecure or dependent, but because I liked buying her things, and I liked forgiving her her petty BS, SHE sure thought I was.
I just figured she was an intelligent, worthy human being, so I treated her like one. I also made the mistake of thinking that because we were a couple, she had become my best bud.
Guys, that's a no-no of major proportions. She is your WOMAN, your LOVER, your MATE, and maybe your bestest of best friends, but don't you ever think of her as your BUDDY.
She wanted honesty. Don't fall for that. This is one of those things that hinges on HOW, rather than what. Speak anything honestly, and...
Next thing you know, your honesty is "insensitivity."
Think before speaking. Don't fall for that, either. Another HOW thing...
Next thing you know, you are "telling me what I want to hear."
Be real. Treat her right. Be a gentleman. Be honest.
Don't take any crap. Don't ever look like you are trying to buy her or manipulate her, even if it is the furthest thing from your mind.
Be unafraid to speak your mind, with kindness. You DO love her, remember?
If you don't understand something she is saying, ask. Ask until you know. But be kind and loving, and respectful about it. And smile. And LISTEN, dummy. How will you know what she is telling you if you don't listen?
You DO love her, remember? And she must love you, if she's still with you. Don't mess it up by being stupid. Or a wuss. (Pretty much the same things, aren't they?)
Relax and know that mis-understandings can happen.
See also, msgs 100 and 137. Good stuff.
Good luck. In all endeavors of human kind, luck is still a factor. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:40:20 PM | Oh, yes, and one more thing, and this is really important.
Do not under any circumstances ever ASSUME anything.
Make double sure you listened carefully and you KNOW what she she is telling you.
You bring as much to the conversation when you are on the receiving end as you do when you are sending. Make sure you are receiving what is sent, and not your own imaginary version of it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:42:39 PM | | okay theres the physical connection... we all get that part but what bout the emotional an mental connections of that person ? I personally cant relate to others who have such a negative attitude on life and on others as well, its like they given up. I see this quite often....many have resentments and they tend to be angry. lifes not that bad..life is what you make of it, you have two choices, make a good life or live miserably, its up to you, why should I live in someones elses misery? no thank you. As for myself, I need to connect on a mental and emotional level with someone, without those connections, there is no physical level. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:26:06 PM | battista if you don't dump men who are nice to you then i guess every guy you ever dated or married to either were real b*stards or they dumped you. Sorry not trying to pick a fight it just sounded a little funny. But did you ever date anyone for a little while say a month who was a good guy ,but you just never developed romantic feelings for him? I have .
Seriously though just because someone is nice to you is no guarantee you will fall in love with them . If that was the case everyone would marry the first nice guy or girl they came across.If you tell someone you don't want to date them anymore then that means you are not in love.It really is that simple. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:29:29 PM | | If the dump ya ,they dump ya.Move on plent of fish in the sea.Everyone gets hurt,but no one perfect .Find someone else that cares for you ,and don,t be such a wus. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:44:13 PM | OPie, you can't make someone love you, no matter how nice you are, how much you are attracted to the other. If she had been feeling those things back to begin with, it would have thrilled her, melted her heart. I think you need to wait a bit, make sure something is *actually* going on, both ways. . . . .
It's a hard dance, intricate steps, but very very worth it when the one is the *right one* -- don't give up, and don't get bitter. Just be a little patient. Godde provides. . . .
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