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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:54:05 AM | Fer God's sake..
Nice, in no way means be a doormat. Biggest problems that are universal for EITHER sex..
Putting someone in the position of fulfilling your every need.. to the point your self confidence goes completely to crap if there's the slightest hint that they'll change their mind. THEY are not responsible for your insecurity..
Sitting and "waiting" for the cliche to fulfil itself.. in this instance, waiting for the "right one" to come blasting down the door. So rather than spend the time waiting and developing a sense of identity and purpose and God forbid.. go on a trip or do something that you can later on share a story about with a significant person.. you wait at home doing absolutely nothing to add depth to your life as a single person.. TODAY. Since when is high school or university, the end of your learning curve? Learn an instrument.. travel, learn to ski, go golfing..
Like, get a little substance to your life besides being a nice person. That shows everywhere you go.
On that second point there's also the aspect that if you sit and wait it out, or if you try fail and give up, you become introverted and anti social. How many people do ya meet if you sit in your house moping around? And while you're at it, why don't you ask yourself honestly what kind of personality is attractive to you? Strength? Substance? Ability? It is really intriguing that not only do the things you have pride in that gain people's respect gain you attention and people's admiration.. they also initiate many an idea.. everyone is looking for a little bit of inspiration.. and variety in ability. Diversity in interests leads to new experiences and if you're zoned in on being a doormat people pleaser, you're so zoned in on everything you do, you show no interest in what they do..
And wow.. are people ever getting impatient. It's not a sin to sit yourself down and honestly realize that an insatiable need for acceptance and absolution of your fear is YOUR responsibility.. and that you're insecure. If you befriend someone you're attracted to, and you're reasonably secure about your life, and you've GOT a few experiences, and surprising attributes, and amazing talents, and culture to your life, they're bound to be a little more interested not just in the initial meeting, but how deep it goes. Some of these things take longer than others.. but the fact remains, nice is important, but so is substance, and mystery, and intrigue. Some of the most phenomenally inspiring and noteworthy famous people, spend a lot of time in their lives by themselves, developing an unshakable inner sense of 'self' that is part and parcel to 'nice' but which also exudes confidence, and an empowerment that is contagious. People feel good around them.. and it takes NO effort.
I find a lot of people, who profess themselves to be nice, often don't realize how hard they're trying, to show that they're nice, rather than doing something about their inner self, that brings it out naturally. If you feel like you're trying too hard to show you're a 'nice' person, I'd hazard to say, you're RIGHT!
My 2 cents.. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:00:24 AM | | Jamison Eric that is what ALL women online do ??? Really the ALL want a free meal , a place to live and to get pregnant? Well you don' t know all women and you don't know me . I pay my own way on dates ALWAYS! no exceptions . Alot of guys get pissy about that ,but i will not let a man pay my way on dates. I already got a place to live so no don't want that . As for getting pregnant , no thanks . I never want kids because they annoy me. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:30:32 AM |
I find a lot of people, who profess themselves to be nice, often don't realize how hard they're trying, to show that they're nice, rather than doing something about their inner self, that brings it out naturally. If you feel like you're trying too hard to show you're a 'nice' person, I'd hazard to say, you're RIGHT!
I posted this way back when, but the simple truth is that guys who are insecure with poorly defined self-identity, often think that their codependence is being "nice". It's essentially looking for women with "problems", or imagining that she has some "unmet need" that you are somehow specially able to "meet", often by confusing "giving of self" with trying to give up your own identity, in a mistaken belief that you'll "deserve" her love.
Women want guys to be nice. Everyone hopes that everyone he/she meets or has contact with is kind, courteous, respectful, and fun. Just cuz you're "nice" doesn't mean that you're "entitled" to someone else's interest or affection in an intimate relationship. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:58:46 PM | "ALL women that date online do only because they know they are not worth the piss in mudd"
Jamison Eric,
I can only image the experiences you've had that leave you feeling so jaded about online dating. I'm truly sorry. However, I'm relieved to know that your statement is just your experience of it and not the overall expereince of online match-ups. Just like in life there are all sorts of people on a web site such as this. If it were true that "all" women online were as you say and conversely all men were just looking for the trophy women they are unable to find in real life, then online dating would never have gotten so popular or widespread. Although I personally haven't found a good match, I've met some fine, quality people that just weren't meant for me in the dating sense. Like myself, many online seekers simply aren't able to get out to meet new people like we once did. It's nice to be able to use the tools we have available to reach out to the community at large and see who's there. A friend of mine met a truly nice man online and they've been doing well as a couple for months . If you ever decide to give online dating a go again, try chooosing different qualities from the profiles than you've tried before and maybe the result will be surprising. There are some very worthwhile people using online dating as an outlet but it's no shortcut to finding that someone (other than covering more geography at once). It still takes time to know another person and once you've decided to come fact to face, none of the rest of the effort is different than if you met them in person in the first place. Email is only indicative of how a person perceives him or herself and doesn't help in the long run to know what you need to about a person's personality, demeanor, etc. which is why you have to eventually set a meet or call it a day. All of this is off topic but I guess you just got me going with the hopeless of your post and all that you wrote between the lines that you may not even realize. I take no offense because there is none to be taken...
MeloFelo is the one on this thread who really seems to have the best handle on this thread topic. I've enjoyed his insightful posts and think they answer most closely the question posed. However, there have been some other great repsonses out there too. Thanks guys! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:49:10 PM | | I disagree with you speller...there are alot of women who have been treated like crap who appreciate a man who is nice... but ones who have been hurt also have to be careful. Guys are always nice till you give them what they want. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:26:13 AM | | yea that is the truth.....but most of the time the nice guy you women are searching for is right there...but instead of being with them or keeping them as a b/f or more....you let us go or we are the friend type or brother type......*sighs* i've been down that road it hurts even more so when we nice guy really care for you and have to sit back and watch you get hurt by complete ***holes.....all i'm saying is the guy you want to treat you like his world like his everything is that guy you hurt and say "oh he's my friend" he might be the one. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:29:35 AM | Because there is nothing to fix!
women look for ***holes so they can change and fix them into the prince there looking for. well sorry to say (you cheated on...and divorced women understand know) we don't like you to change us.
and btw how many kids do you need to have with a an ***hole before you find out he won't change? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:39:35 AM | Wow there are alot of bitter men on this thread. Why can't you understand that if someone is not physically attracted to you then no matter how nice you are you can't force someone to fall in love with you. Attraction can be a strange thing.
If some women/men are foolish enough to stay in situations where they are being cheated on ,lied to , abused in different ways then that is her/his choice . Everything in life is a choice but death and taxes. We only stay in situations that are working for us , even if how they are working is in some sick and twisted way.
Not all women will put up with a man who is an ***hole and not all men will put up with a woman who is a b*tch . For those people who will put up with being treated that way there is something seriously wrong with their minds. Why would you chase after a woman/man who does not want you ? What does it say about you that you are willing to sit on the sidelines forever waiting for someone who will never want you romantically? Why are you so afraid to go and and find a woman/man who will actually want you and appreciate you? Does that scare you?
I think that many people chase after the ones they know don't want them because in a way it is a safe situation for them . They know nothing will ever come of it so they keep chasing. Now if they were to actually find a man/woman who wanted them and wanted to build a life with them it would scare the crap out of them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:40:21 AM | yea that is the truth.....but most of the time the nice guy you women are searching for is right there...but instead of being with them or keeping them as a b/f or more....you let us go or we are the friend type or brother type......*sighs* i've been down that road it hurts even more so when we nice guy really care for you and have to sit back and watch you get hurt by complete ***holes.....all i'm saying is the guy you want to treat you like his world like his everything is that guy you hurt and say "oh he's my friend" he might be the one.
That's what happens to guys who remain friends with women they are attracted to who don't feel the same. When you say "oh, it's ok we can be friends", mean it, cause that's the way women take it. That's why you hear stories about jerks they date, they assume you mean what you say and you are friends. If you say that because you're hoping for it to become more someday when she "wakes up and realizes what a catch you are", then you're setting yourself up for torture...so um, don't do that. Why do people think things will change? It is what it is. Accept that not everyone will put attraction aside and date you because you'd do anything for them. Plain and simple, that's just not enough. Why do men want a woman they are into to date them out of pity? Let's face it - that's what it is.
Again, people - lack of mutual attraction. If it's not two sided, and you can't handle the friendship, move on.
Because there is nothing to fix!
women look for ***holes so they can change and fix them into the prince there looking for. well sorry to say (you cheated on...and divorced women understand know) we don't like you to change us. and btw how many kids do you need to have with a an ***hole before you find out he won't change?
What you mean is in your experience, some women. I am living proof that women don't all date jerks or have to have kids, especially from guys who might pass on the stunard gene. I have no interest in changing a guy - he's gotta be what I want from the beginning or I keep walking, I don't want someone in my life bad enough to take someone who's dysfunctional. What kind of women you been talking to? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:50:47 AM | | but yet even though you are attracted to the person and they say to you that they are attracted to you....but yet they don't want to risk their friendship with you...how do you proof to them you ain' t like that.......i'm sorry to come off sounding like a bitter guy but lets face facts nice guys get treated like dirt half the time by you women. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:52:07 AM | Oh, Mr Jamison, (MSG 201) you sound like a real saddo. What about the guys (such as yourself) that log onto dating sites? Are THEY bottom feeders too? You sound like the type of guy that no decent woman would wipe off her shoe. Good luck to ya, with an attitude like that, you'll need it.
Oh, and your own spelling (mudd - mud) and punctuation leave a lot to be desired. What are you, illiterate? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:55:05 AM |
but yet even though you are attracted to the person and they say to you that they are attracted to you....but yet they don't want to risk their friendship with you...
I'm gonna stop there, the rest is irrelevant - except the phrase "you women"; that's not going to get you any points. All women are different in what they do and who they are - so pointing at all at once isn't cool.
Your quote says it all. Anyone who says they are attracted to you but doesn't want to ruin the relationship who is free and clear to date you is giving you the brush off. No woman who is good friends with a guy they're hot for is going to forego it for a friendship if the opportunity is there and they are both single. On the contrary, everyone wants to be attracted to someone who can be their best friend, so it's BS. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:57:54 AM | | ok i had that one coming. i might sound like that but i'm not ok i'm just a nice guy who is looking for his soulmate but you have no right to make that call about someone i log on to here to see if i might find miss right to day. i'm just tired of being let down, put down. i'm sorry to come off like that but it need to be said cause most women do push us nice guys aside to be with a jerk. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:08:05 AM | | Sweetie, you're eighteen..and some girl dumped on you. Are you not making too many assumptions about women too early? You'll have plenty more chances, and plenty more women....are YOU quite certain, at this early stage in the 'lerve' game, about what YOU want? Play the field, like that girl's probably doing, and enjoy yourself. You'll learn in time that rejection is not always personal. I know when I was your age I had a "list" of what I wanted in a man, and if every item on that list was not ticked I dumped him. Age brings realism. Just remember this one thing...you have PLENTY of time!! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:15:47 AM | | i know i'm just 18 but i've always looked at things diffently then others.......i've been dumped,cheated on,called a loser,ugly, and down right lied to when it came to women.....heck i found my true love 2 yrs ago but she left me for another guy and i found out here recently she's getting married to him....and yes i'm happy for her...but yet i'm sad that i'll never be her one again.....look at it this way....have you ever woke up feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong person every morning and wishing that they find happiness even though it's not going to be with you? well now you see why i'm like this....i'm not wanting a piece of booty or anything like that i'm looking for miss right,my soulmate and being shot down,picked on,feeling like you ain't worth any womans time don't help it any. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:19:48 AM | | I don't know...It seems to me that the majority of women here in Michigan want guys that treat them like crap..They leave him and go back to him over and over and over..I grew up in Texas and the women down there don't put up with that crap. If the guy treats them like crap then he's outta there. Shoot, I won't stay with a women who treats me like crap no matter how pretty she is. I give a women 2 chances..First time it is shame on her..Second time it is shame on me and there won't be a third chance. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:24:05 AM | | i agree with you JC1967 about how women go back to guys like that...(not sayin all women though) but like you said 2 chances that's it unless its one of them big mess ups.... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:32:19 AM | | Well you don't look ugly to me, and you don't sound like a loser either, but you saying you found your "true love" at sixteen sounds highly suss if you don't mind my saying. I think you're taking it all too seriously, by the sounds of you you'll end up getting married far too young because you're looking for that serious attachment. How do you know she's with the wrong person anyway? She might well be with the person she deserves, and that's meaning no disrespect to you whatsoever. Yes, you're a genuine person, unfortunately genuine people often pick losers, and maybe that's what YOU'VE done with this girl....women don't have the monopoly on picking unsuitable partners. You have time on your side, I know all this hurts, all us oldies have SO been there..hey...lighten up, you have YEARS yet.... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:36:45 AM |
i know i'm just 18 but i've always looked at things diffently then others.......i've been dumped,cheated on,called a loser,ugly, and down right lied to when it came to women.....heck i found my true love 2 yrs ago but she left me for another guy and i found out here recently she's getting married to him....
Women are confusing to men, at any age, and I know that the reverse is true. At 18, you can acquire wisdom from life experience as it happens, or you can keep doing the same things the same way expecting a different result (Einstein's definition of insanity)
If one woman treated you badly, lied to you or deceived you, and with little experience to go on, I'd suggest that one woman does not reflect the nature of ALL women. I'd commiserate with you, and wish you luck. You make it sound like it has been every woman you've been involved with, and that isn't about women. It's about you. It's like women who are physically abused by one man after another. For whatever reason, they are looking for something that is somehow linked to abusive behavior.
Maybe there are things that you can see in YOUR patterns, that you can change? Maybe you keep chasing women, who have definable characteristics, that should sound warning bells? I don't know, but the real answers are for you to find in you, not in complaining about "how women are".
I have acquired my fair share of life's wisdom the "hard way", as have most grown ups. I've also had some positive experiences, that I hope to repeat, and life gives me wisdom about looking for those, too. Women aren't all that different from men, in terms of inherent "good and bad". They're people, just like you. I think I gained a greater appreciation of life from "their" side, as a father of daughters, and knowing what they go through.
You can't really "earn" love. You can validate a woman's choice to love you, by your behavior, but all the complex feelings and chemistry, isn't a logical thing. Think of some woman, who you find totally unappealing as a woman, but who is a "nice" person. Could she "earn" your love? It just doesn't work like that. Accept that. Get over the bad experiences. Learn from them. And don't be a bitter old man at 18. The rest of your life is what you make of it, and if you focus on your life on your "grievances", you'll miss all the good that could be, if you put the past behind you, learn what you need to, and then approach your next potential relationship differently, more positively, less focused on what you "deserve", in "return" for what you do, and focus on how to the man you know you should be. Trust me, there are countless women in the world, and there will be women there, who will love you. Your job is to find them, not **** about the ones that didn't. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:41:11 AM | | ok 1. Love can happen anywhere at anytime......ok......well if i do get married young i'm going to make damn sure she's the one......and as far as my ex aka my first true love don't be calling her a loser she wasn't and i'm not sayin that guy ain't the right person for her what i'm saying is that i feel like the love of my life is waking up with the wrong man in her life....had nothing to do with my ex....and i'm lightened up i hangout with my friends i go out and have fun....but i still want to find miss right....and yes i have time on my side but like i said age has nothing to do with it...........i could be single 40 yrs from now that's why i'm looking so early maybe i can find her and her and i can date and enjoy each others company tilt we decide on a date to get married or tilt i have the guts to ask her. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:46:26 AM | My gosh hellraiser you are only 18 . How can you generalize and entire gender at 18 . As for finding your true love ,no i don't think so . Not only because you were only 16 ,but because if she was your true love she would not of left you to be with someone else . You may of been in love with her ,but she was not your true love.
Again you didn't answer my question. Why are you chasing after women who don't want you ?? Are you a sucker for punishment or is it as i described in my post above .Since you are so young why don't you put more concentration on other things in life. I am not staying stop looking ,but don't make it such a big priority yet.
We have all been let down, insulted, hurt ,lied too etc... You are not the only one these things have happened too . Sorry to tell you , but it is likely it will happen even more in your life. People can be cruel . | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:47:21 AM | | MeloFelo i understand where you comeing from but...i don't look down apon women i try to give them what they want....i'm not saying all women are bad and i don't focus on what I want i focus on making them smile doing that little unexpected thing to show how much i care for them.....ok......i'm not this guy that bashes women cuz they done me wrong ok.....don't get the wrong idea about me....i'm 100% behide women i'd like to show them the person they've wanted.....that sweet caring niceguy who will do anything and everything to make them feel loved and thank them for giving me the time of day to show them..so don't get the wrong idea about me | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:52:07 AM | | Maryrachelle.....ok like i said age don't really matter love can happen anywhere at anytime....as far as chasin after women who don't feel the same after me i don't ok....when i get hurt i go into a shell and i don't open for anybody but i will still be lookin....and as far as other aspects of life i have enough concentration in those areas of my life but i don't want to end up being like my uncle he was told the same things i am and he is still single at 50 ok i'm don't want that i want to find a woman i can build my life with have children with.....and grow old with....its not about what i want its about if she is happy with me. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:55:49 AM | This can go so many ways..
1. a women dates a man then for several days she never hears from him??? she is puzzled or she gets a few phone calls and little by little they fade out.. or he finds reason why she can not be in his life.. like I have to go to the store this evening so you can't come over.. or I have family coming in, or this weekend my kids are coming.. And yet????? YOU Said a mouth full in your mind.. That was Right.. Why was the women not part of it.
2. Some men are so nice that it is so boring. YOU the women have to make all the advances.. we have to kiss the man, we have to take charge of the sex.. we have to wait until we think the man is hungry, we have to just stay calm and relaxed and not ever get excited for the man can not handle it.
3. Nice men are also the Hardasss men they are Men who are Strong and Fast in thinking, they are respectful and kind and generous but at the same time they think only of them selfs. They talk only about their past and what matters to them.. And the women Is again left out..
4. YOU have the nice man that will be passive and aggressive at the same time.. These are the men that win out.. The man that know how to treat a lady when she is a lady, a man who knows how to treat that sexy women when she is hot and I mean HOT>>>> The man that knows when she is a little girl and wants to be held in his arms... And the man that know that she wants to play, hard... and is willing to make the time to give her what she wants becouse he knows in the end.. She is like so worth all the hassle and effort at the same time..
5. The nicest man I have ever meet in my life was the one that never hurt me, who only wanted the best for me, he was not my Father, or Grandfather, not a boyfriend, or a friend, he wasn't my husband. So who was he????? Can you think of a man that only wants the best for all boys and girls who turn out to be Women and MEN...????? can you..
His name is Santa Clause......... This man loves me with all his heart and soul, this man wants me to be happy and he spends all year long thinking what it would take to put a smile on my face if he only gave me one gift... of his love... So he thinks and thinks he listens to all my pain and happiness he hears what I want but is not sure that is right for me.. But in the end.. this man.... Gives me just what I need that year.. and every year after that and He never takes his gifts away...
I might break them, I might forget about them, I might even lose them, But regardless of what happens to them.. He keeps giving me year after year a Gift from his warm harted heart... A gift just for me...
Know what he gives me... HOPE, JOY, KINDNESS, RESPECT, THOUGH FULLNESS, AND LOVE PURE UNINTENTIONAL FAITH TO BELIEVE IN SOMETHING I CAN NOT SEE AND HOPE THAT JUST SOME DAY I WILL BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE.
This is the nicest man alive and Guess what.. Mrs... Santa Clause shares him with all Men and Women all over the world.. He is loved by everyone in many different ways but he stays alive because of women and men like me... WE believe we deserve to be happy and in love... and Santa Clause taught us to always be good and even if we are bad we are still worth giving a gift too..... because we are so loved....
Do you need some Coal... or do you need a present.. Be a Good man and in the end you will have that women you always wanted... Good men win in the end.. believe me.. they do. | |
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