| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 5/31/2007 10:25:29 AM |
So how would you deal with this, seeing your ex's profile on POF?
In the late summer of 2003, I was dating a woman for roughly six months I met on match.com . I get home from the office one day to read a long winded and rhetoric filled email from her saying that she could not longer see me.
I phoned her later to find out what the heck was going on. She ends up crying hysterically telling me she loves me, never had been with someone like me her whole life and that she had so much feelings for me that it would take her years to get over me. She hangs up on me...
The following Monday, I am bored at work, so I am casually cruising Match.Com. What do I see... her profile active, with an updated profile, and new photos. Incidentally, photos all taken by me, and one of them had me in it, and in my apartment. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 5/31/2007 11:49:49 AM | @gamerdude>>>It sucks, doesn't it? In my situation, really the only thing I want from her -- and I know I'll never get it, so I'm not holding my breath -- is an apology.
^^ your right dont hold your breath...they will never admit to it. its been almost 10 yrs since i divorced my ex an he hasnt once admitted to his wrong doings or apologized....not that i expected it....but i would of liked to see him own up to his own responsibilities. (which he hasnt still...he apparently was perfect..ok then....hahaha. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 5/31/2007 5:56:02 PM | HI, I thought I'll come back and se what else is happening here. I am very interrested in this subject because of personal reasons, lol.
There is a reason for being my "EX"
There is a saying you know.....About my ex being here on P.O.F.?
Well Ladies,
For me to know and for you to find out......
For your EX ( she is your EX for a reason)!
For you to know and THEM to find out!!!
Wo~hooo, let'er P.O.F in peace and enjoy your life, lol!!!!
BTW, you seem like a real hoest guy!!!
 For YOU to find out!!!! | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 5:32:36 AM | HI again......this subject is REALLY BUGGING me!!!
Well....if I knew things about my ex, things wich are not good (Iam saying this very carefully, omg, I hope I will not get in trouble), things that I know would breake the heart of a real nice woman/man.......I would have trouble keeping these things to myself. Like I said, I am a women, a single mom.......There is nearly NOTHING I haven't seen in my life, I am talking about the not so good things...
Well girls and guys, some of the ex's are real actors ,I call it false advertisement and I KNOW what it does to you reading their profile....If THIS were all true, you were the PERFECT match for them, 99% .....and I know that you are just concerned and KNOW how the next person is going to be treated for the time to come.....It is not everytime jalousy when a woman /men gives warning signs about the ex.......I know to well, I've been warned, didn't listen and was badly burned.....
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 9:25:23 AM | Yeah, that's another thing I'm thinking about: if I had known what kind of person she really was, then I wouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. But as they say, hindsight is 20/20 vision.
I'm not going to sabotage her efforts here on POF, since that would be stooping to a level even lower than what she has sunk to. All I can hope for is any guy who hooks up with her can see things clearer than what I did. Buyer beware. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:28:38 AM | You are true, honest and real...I like that. Gives me hope, maybe there is a real nice guy on here who has nothing but good intentions and the looks are just a bonus. I love a man with a real kind and caring heart....I am not perfect, I never said I was. I am just human. Who really cares about looks when it comes to true love, eh?
Only the materialistic, superficial ones....
Wow, you sure helped me viewing things from a different angle, thank you! | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:17:22 AM | You're very welcome. My ex thinks she has won, and has taken a lot from me, but she can never take my pride, dignity and honor. Those I'll have until the day I die.
The solution to happiness is very simple. Just be the best person you can possibly be. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Always tell the truth, since it's easier to remember than a multitude of lies. Life isn't a game, but that doesn't mean it can't be fun. Everyone looks for perfection, but they never find it. Only when they stop looking, that's when perfection will find them. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 5:28:33 PM | ...This is just it when you split up....You get trampled on, beat at and bad-mouthed. Your reputation gets dragged through the dirt and you get robbed of everything you earned and worked so hard for....I know it all too well and I am a woman. I don't know where to start on my profile...... This is such a great place here, there are so many nice people on here and I know I should ignore the once who aren't that great and I will.
Damn, when do people realize that a relationship is NOT a game of winning or loosing?
I love this subject here, shows people's REAL character....
I love these forums anyways......it shows who is NOT honest in their profile and who is......
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/4/2007 6:46:47 PM |
Damn, when do people realize that a relationship is NOT a game of winning or loosing?
Well, in a way, it is. You win when you wake up in the morning and know that the one you love is still there for you. You win when you go through tough times with your S.O., and your relationship comes out stronger for it. You win when you can both laugh -- and even cry -- at the same time for the same reason. When both people contribute good and positive things to a relationship, winning becomes such a habit that losing is no longer a factor to consider for either of them. You only lose when one person is no longer interested in winning, no longer interested in investing time and effort in the relationship.
But I know what you mean. A relationship should not a competition to see who can hurt the other the most. But unfortunately, it turns into that for too many people, because I think they lose sight of what attracted them to the other in the first place. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:31:40 PM | I too have seen my ex husband on a couple of other dating sites and his profiles are pure bogus. I have also seen a couple of guys that I dated briefly on this and another site, their profiles are also bogus, making themselves out to be these terrific and caring guys saying how they want a long-term relationship when it's not even close to who they REALLY are and what they're looking for.
One guy I dated a short time was telling me how he was wanting a LTR and was ready for one. Next thing ya know I'm hearing how he isn't ready and throws it in my face every chance he got. He was clearly someone who had NO idea what he wanted. After we broke up I saw in the paper that he had been arrested for screaming in the middle of the street, plus I've heard him while talking on the phone, he would literally scream at his kids and the way he went on and on how his wife packed up and left in the middle of the night while he was at work. Now if you have to leave like that, it was obvious his wife was afraid him. And when we split up, I had reached the same point, being afraid of him. This guy was very unstable! So so to see him here on POF and reading his BS profile...I pity the next female he tried to date.
There's just nothing we can do about it excpet block them if they contact us. Here on POF you can report them as well as on other sites. Though how does POF know these people are doing anything wrong? You could be reported just for being here and they don't like you for it. All we can do is ignore them. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 1:31:58 AM | Hun
I know exactly what your going through. My ex dumped me because he wasn't ready for a relationship, all the usual reasons.
then 2 months later he was back on the website i found him on!! it really hurts to see him come up in my search but what you need to think is that your a free man now and you can do whatever you like!!
I know it hurts hun but there are plenty of women out there dying to meet a guy like you you just need to keep looking!!!!! | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 1:48:51 AM | Gamerdude
Sounds like your ex wife is some kind of psycho, honestly do not take any chances!
1. Go get that restraining order, make it clear that you feel you are in some kind of danger from this woman. It's about time men started reporting woman to the police when they get all abusive on them. You know we've been screaming equal rights for years, men need to go out and exercise thiers too! Blubber in front of the JP or Police officer for effect.
2. Your girlfriend looks like a good strong woman, but. On the downside a woman of 98 pounds can take on a 200+ pound man if she is having a psychotic episode!
3. Move. An apartment building would offer some kind of sense of security being that your neighbours would be closer by and overhear anthing that happens. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 5:17:01 AM | | Why are you still on a dating site if you found a "wonderful lady"? Get offline and live a real time life. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 9:11:47 AM | | All you can do is keep on reading, she's gone from your life in that respect, wish the next guy better luck....Be glad you didn't find one like her again.....Good luck | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 1:53:56 PM |
Why are you still on a dating site if you found a "wonderful lady"? Get offline and live a real time life.
If you read the thread, then you would know the answer to this. Please go back and review what has been said before. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 2:03:22 PM | RalGash: Thanks for your advice. Yeah, she's a little psycho, but I don't really fear for my safety. The last time I talked to her was when I threatened her with a restraining order. Basically, it was my way of telling her to back off, and she has. I don't worry about myself, but there was a time when I was concerned about what she would do to my property when I wasn't home. But after that day, I guess she figured out I was serious, and has been playing by the rules. Unfortunately, moving to an apartment is not an option for me. I just took out a new mortgage on this house, and I'm hoping to live in it for a few more years yet. And with the dog, most apartments around here don't allow animals. And since he's an older dog, uprooting him from the only home he's ever known would do more harm than good for him.
All in all, I think things are going pretty good for me. I just wish all the nay-sayers here who don't know the specifics of my particular situation would give me the benefit of the doubt. I'm not asking for their approval, but if they don't have anything positive to contribute to the discussion, then their silence is greatly appreciated. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 2:07:15 PM | I think you should handle it like an adult if/when a confrontation happens.
Speak well to her and about her but not overly such and just move on with you life!
Enjoy your chance to refind yourself and find someone new who will love you for you. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/13/2007 3:27:51 PM | You're on here. So unless she was granted this website in the divorce I do not see the big deal.
PS: My Ex moved 45 minutes away and yet still uses the same pharmacy and supermarket in MY town. There should be a law against it. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:33:18 AM | First, online or offline if you see your ex just be civil...we are all humans and for some reason your relationship didn't work out so you both just move on.
Secondly, and more importantly, why are you prowling through POF when you:
...and I've found a wonderful lady who means the world to me. ...
Now we all know why your divorce will be finalized in the next few weeks...jeez. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:12:38 PM |
Now we all know why your divorce will be finalized in the next few weeks...jeez.
Okay, this is beyond stupid. I'm sick and tired of people who choose to criticize me without reading the whole freakin' thread. If they are too stupid or too lazy to learn my whole story, then I do not feel obligated to explain it to them again and again and again.
Unfortunately, during the brief time I have spent on POF, I've come to the sad conclusion that you get what you pay for. Since POF is free, well... that pretty much says it all. I've found that there are a great deal of very sad, miserable people here, who seem to relish in their depression. They're not happy unless they're miserable. So much so that they take some type of perverse satisfaction on making everyone else around them miserable. Why? Is it some kind of jealously? They can't handle the fact that someone else is happy for once? Do they find it necessary to drag everyone around them into their own private pit of dispair? Someone please tell me.
Everyone's situation is different, so I don't think it's fair that people would enforce their own personal sets of values on others. People should look at their own situation, and determine why they themselves are single, instead of pointing out flaws in others. What does every failed relationship that you've ever been in have in common? One thing and one thing only. You. So why does that now immediately make you an expert on my relationships?
I started this thread asking a simple question, and it seems like every second person who responds to it has something negative to say about it. If you can't contribute to a constructive intelligent conversation, then keep your pie hole shut. I guess it's true what they say. Opinions are like a**-holes. Everyone has one and they all stink. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:25:42 PM | This is a big site and plenty of room for both of you. You are bound to get a sinking feeling in your stomach when you see her photo, just as she will get when she sees yours. You are both far enough along to live and let live. The chances that she will have an interest in the forums or the events are slim since only a small amount of people (of the billions on here…lol) are here for more than the obvious.
As for her profile; she is portraying herself just as she sees herself, just as your profile portraits how “you” see yourself.
If you do happen by each other here, treat it as any other post….simple. If you can’t deal with her being here, then you are not over it yet and should perhaps consider a different avenue.
The only knot you will have in your stomach is the one you put there! | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:36:28 PM | ^^^^ Thank you for your words of wisdom. You are completely correct, and I appreciate it. The general consensus here was to ignore her presence. Since that's what I have done off-line, then that's what I'll do on-line as well. I don't wish her anything bad, and honestly, I hope she does find some sort of happiness. Fortunately, we live and work in different parts of the city, so the chances of bumping into her are pretty small.
And you're right; the only person who can upset me about this is myself. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:13:20 PM | I don't get why people are all up in this guys grill about being on here. There are tonnes of couples on this site just looking to make friends with other people, nothing more.
 Besides, they can go tell all thier single friends how happy they are and we benefit by them getting thier single little tushies onto this site!
What I am trying to say is there must be a reason why there is the option of selecting Looking For Friends and Not Single/Not Looking on a dating site. It means that this site is open to everyone.
It's only the people that are claiming that they are single when they are not that we should be worried about. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:57:33 AM | Well, this is an odd one. I have been married twice. Both times, to the wrong person!!! But 3 is the charm right...keep positive. I met my boyfriend on here, went out for 1.5 years, then decided to take a break. Found out he went back on.....mmmm, well to be mature about the whole thing (as we do click) we decided that we will be 100% sure that we are for each other and are dating others, but do not tell each other about details. Although, we have discussed it goes no further than a date (i.e. no sex...) and if in fact we do meet another that are interested in further that we tell one another and decide from there. It is bloody hard at times, but looking at it this way, we will never have itchy feet right? As for your ex - live your own life, do not look in the rear view mirror. She was part of your life. WAS being the operative word...Take the power back and do not let her take up rent in your head. You found someone great - stick with her. Let your ex do whatever....it is her life and if she tries to make your online life miserable......she just needs to get her own life and get out of yours. She obviously is being immature and needs to focus on herself rather than bothering you....
Good luck and stay positive. | |
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| Finding your ex on POF
Posted: 6/18/2007 7:14:52 AM | You only lose when one person is no longer interested in winning, no longer interested in investing time and effort in the relationship.
...and the children are always loose when a relationshp turns into a nasty divorce, only the thought makes me sad.
My husband passed away and I'd rather had a divorce so my son can have his dad....I can't believe how some parents can be so selfish in a divorce, making their kids go against the other parent just to hurt. Just keep them away from visiting just to play Power games.
A child needs both biological parents. They need to know where they coming from.
What has this to do with the ex being on POF? Well, there is a lot of "Trash talking, playing and badmothing going on, I recognized this from a few people.
I am concerned too but won't be able to safe the world so I hope the nice girls and women are smart enough to figure things out......and not be blinded by what they think is love..... | |
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