| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:42:26 AM | i think dad's are sexy and if someone turns you down just cos you have kids they they must be really shallow or odd. ive dated guys who have kids and didnt even think anything of it, why ought someone judge a person if they have children?? we are living in 2007 now not 1807!! My partner had a child when I met him and I thought "oh cool!" the kids can be part of a new partners life too, only selfish women or men see it as an "obstacle" and theyre showing their insecurity early which will enable you to realise that there would only be trouble along the way with people like that.
You could perhaps one weekend organise a babysitter so that you and your girl can go out? that way you still get to see someone occasional weekends and still spend time with your kids. My friend has an arrangement with her ex that one weekend he gets to have their child and the next weekend she does, its an alternative weekend arrangement that works well but if you already have a solid arrangement of every weekend (which is very very good and you should be applauded because some men cant even be bothered turning up on a sunday to see their kids!) you could perhaps just have the occasional friday or saturday night out and get a babysitter but the rest of the time spend with the kids, that way it may turn out better for you all....
the women who kick off, well just lay down the law, tell them very politely that they can crack on with what they are doing and wish them luck and then get out there and have some fun with the kids, and you will meet someone who values you for you, not what they want out of you.
PUT YOUR KIDS FIRST!!!!!!! Just keep doing what you are doing, these women are obviously not worth it and you can do a lot better. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/15/2007 9:53:26 AM | Here is MY personal issue with dating men with kids (although, Welder does have children, so obviously I got over it). My daughter died 4 years ago...so it stings sometimes when I'm around kids (especially kids that would be my daughters age...she would be 6 now). Also..where I don't have children of my own and I DO want more then when searching for a potential partner it's always important that they want children. A lot of people these days, especially those rare men that are single dads, don't care to expand their brood.
~Welder's Girl~
PS- But I would never have an issue with a man putting his kids first. That's how it should be. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/16/2007 4:28:44 PM | Sassylillybabe how is it that a woman is selfish and insecure because she does not want to date a man with kids??? I am very interested in how i am selfish and insecure simply because i don't want the headaches of dealing with someone else's screaming ,whiney ,spoiled kids?? After all they are not my kids so why should i have to deal with that .
I think it would be far more selfish for me to get involved with a man who has kids knowing full well i don't like kids much . I don't even wants kids of my own so why get involved with a man with kids ?
I am curious as how insecure comes into this. I don't care if a man has priorities in his life that he has to pay attention too , just so long as the priorities are not kids . Do you think perhaps women who don't date men with kids are jealous of the kids? That may be true for some women ,but not me. I just don't want to be bothered by children. It has nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with wanting peace of mind and a child free zone. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:13:30 PM | I am a single father who puts his children above all else, and they live with me 24/7 in fact. their mother has them tonight for the 4th time this year, by her choice. For somereason, women arn't even giving me a chance. At first I thought, well maybe I just ain't so good lookin or something, so I set my pic for rating. turns out I am a 6 to 7, not to shabby, but I still can't get women to talk to me. the only thing I can figure is that they are seeing that i haver kids and shutting me down. somebody tell me whats up. I just want somebody to be in love with. I can't even get somebody to be in like with me. WTF | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:03:29 PM | | They are probably just afraid of baby mama drama. Some guys don't like to date chicks with kids either, which I think is because they don't want to play daddy to the kid-- but in actuality a lot of girls like me aren't looking for a new dad for our current kid (mine already has a dad), but a dad for our future kids! | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 12:41:42 AM | ive been with a guy who had three kids...
we were together for 2 and ahalf years, from my experience, i shall
not go down that road again...
he ended back with his ugly ex who was around all the time for
the sake of the kids, i understood that, but i knew shit like that
was bound to happen....
anyways, i guess it would be ok if the guy wasnt close to the momma's
as much mine was hahhaha pretty f8cked hey.. | |
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emma-c
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Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 57 | |
| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 6:23:03 AM | Can't really say why as I have same issue in reverse having 2 kids myself.
Obviously mine are here full time and go to their dad's when he's off work every other weekend fri-sun.
Before I had kids I dated 2 men with a child each. Didn't bother me one bit as the child was part of them and I've never been the type to go out all the time so sitting in with a kid we made it fun.
Obviously as I have children now it still wouldn't bother me if a man had his own. I'd hope eventually with time we can go out and do stuff together with all the kids together.
I'd also agree to the child's mother/new partner's ex meeting me if she felt she needed to before having interaction with her child. I did the same with my ex's girlfriend after we split as I wanted to be sure that my kids would be in safe hands whilst with him. They have a baby together now and she has 1 from previous and she treats mine like her own when they are there and I play with her kids if I stay for a coffee when dropping my kids and picking them up.
If a woman gets mad about you having your kids do you honestly think she's the type of person you need in your life? More men should be a man and follow by your example.
If for say my kids dad had to change his shifts and couldn't have them on the agreed weekend and I had to drop everything and a guy got mad as I couldn't do as planned he'd be kicked to the curb quick time.
My kids come 1st above everything and everyone. They didn't ask to be born.
Emma x | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 8:30:43 AM | | The only thing that would make me mad is if he lied about having kids in the first place....... other than that, women should be happy that you love and take responsibility for your children (with TIME, not money.). | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 8:33:00 AM | I have my kids 42 weeks out of the year. I don't have problems finding dates. I have a problem in wanting a woman to spend any extra amount of time with.
I think I have sucker written all over my face, cuz I'm a single dad. Most chicks I meet try the "move in" technique after about 4 weeks. Thank god I can iron and braid hair, or I might fall for it.  | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 9:10:21 AM | | Because your young. I commend you on remaining a part of children's lives. I can only speak from past experience as the men I date in my age group have grown children like myself. (which is awesome in itself.) But the problem I had with the men I dated with young children were the children were spoiled little brats. Sorry to say but it seemed that dad was trying to overcompensate and let the kids run rampant. They were rude, ill mannered and out of control. This was not just one instance. I dated a man with a 21 year old that called him while we were on a date for his dad to come home and make his dinner! And he did. How crazy is that? | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/19/2007 9:28:40 AM | You are dating women who at the age don't want to settle down, they just want to party. you said it yourself, you are dating the wrong women. You should just be open in the beginning and tell them you put your kids first, and you're not looking for a mommy or do babysitting for him. if you have them ont eh weekends from 9-6, that's really nothing to complain about, obviously they aren't patient to wait til you can hang out with them after they leave.
another advice for you: date women who have kids, you can relate to them and they understand a little bit better with you having your kids. Also don't introduce your kids too early to dates, because that's unstable for them to see different women often. Andi'll have to say being a single full time mom, you should be glad you got a little bit of space so you can do your own thing. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 2:59:38 AM | | I don't know why some women do this but I do know that these ladies would not make good step moms. End of story. When you are dating someone with children, you place the children's needs first. After all, their perceptions of the world are developing and any frustration in their environment might create a lifelong impact on them. Their childhood should be about remembering how Dad's new girl-friend stepped in and really enjoyed playing with them, talking with them, asking them how their day was…not about how she looked annoyed. A child should feel wanted - not as a nuisance. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:17:10 AM | I love children I have raised foster children, raised three of my own, and had a hand in raising my granddaughter and I love a man that loves his children, and can dedicate himself to his children, but has made limitations to make time for his own personal life..
I would completely understand if a date had to leave for an emergency, and graduations etc.. but when you become serious with a lady and then you slowly introduce her and intergrate her slowly into ones life and the kids come into the scene as well.. I have been recently in a similiar circumstance but the children are older and I feel the children even cannot accept the fact dad is happy and moving forward.. so this has now broken my own heart My mates children have NO respect for me what so ever I feel used and very hurt as he cannot deal with his older children's behaviour.. My children have great respect for my partner and my daughter asked my partner to walk her down the aisle 2 weeks ago,and everyone phoned to wish him Happy father's day cause he is a father regardless.. So I guess the point of question.. It;s all in how you introduce children into ther relationship.. stand your ground on your children and dating relationship and if it should become serious your expectations and listen to hers.... Good communication works if you both use it.. Obviously
my partner has difficulties and struggles with this, and I guess it's not always easy!
signing off from Doctor Phyill's associate! LOL | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:05:08 AM | | a man's kids should come first...some of us don't wanna be mommies anymore, we worked hard at it.... or maybe it's HOWWWW you go about declaring ur children being first? i know one guy who practically worships his child, he talks about her way too much, it makes a woman feel like they are intruding | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:29:38 AM | Double edged sword. If a guy has kids you would want him to be a good father and see his kids often. For the sake of the kids. But... if a guy has kids and they live with him or he sees them all the time.. then it is more complicated and he has less free time to date.
I personally try to avoid guys with kids. Maybe guys that have kids who are teenagers and above and the kids have moved out. But no small kids esp if the guy has full custody. I am a good "mom" to my dog but that's all the responsibility I want to handle.
I think guys with kids would have more luck dating women with kids. They are in the same boat. Being a single parent must be very hard. You couldn't pay me enough for that.
Rock on........ | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:03:24 AM | OP. In your case, females don't want to date you because:
a) They are young and do not want to be mom to someone elses offspring.
b) There will always be another woman in your life.
c) They will never come first!
d) Your time and freedom is limited. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:16:37 AM | I can only speak for myself....but I try to avoid dating men with children because I married a man with 2 children and raised them as my own for 4 years. When we split, my relationship with the kids was over....obviously as I had no rights as a former-step-mom.
I'm open to dating a man with kids now...but it took several years passing after my divorce to even consider it. However, I wouldn't want to meet the kid(s) until if/when the relationship got serious (i.e. engagement, etc) | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:55:02 PM | | I don't know why some women do this but I do know that these ladies would not make good step moms. End of story. When you are dating someone with children, you place the children's needs first. After all, their perceptions of the world are developing and any frustration in their environment might create a lifelong impact on them. Their childhood should be about remembering how Dad's new girl-friend stepped in and really enjoyed playing with them, talking with them, asking them how their day was…not about how she looked annoyed. A child should feel wanted - not as a nuisance. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:22:29 PM | | I would not have an issue meeting a uywith kids, it can be hard if they have an irrate babymother but personally i am a maternal person so the more people to care for the better. Just gets complicated if his daughter is close to you in age, if your alover of the older man:) if she cares enough for you she will take your kids as part of you... bless x | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:57:31 PM | For me, a man having kids is a catch-22. Sure I want to see his fatherly gentle side. I would expect/hope he would put his kids first...before anything else on the planet. However, being a typical woman, when I am dating someone, I expect that if he's really into me that he puts me first in his universe (face it, we LOVE attention). Thus a man with kids who does or does not do this is screwed either way.
I think, however that if I had my own kids this would be different. But for now, its just me, and that is how I operate. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:21:26 PM |
When we split, my relationship with the kids was over....obviously as I had no rights as a former-step-mom.
I think thats the worst part of it D.C., same here, after we split quite honestly I think what I missed the *most* was the kids. The hardest part was that her 11y/o daughter had always kinda been a bit stand-offish and distant with me, and I tried so hard to gain her "trust", and that weekend she has really opened up to me, we played games together, laughed a lot, I really felt like I finally was accepted by her... and then her mom breaks up with me two days later (and was dating someone two months later, so I'm guessing I was dumped for him). That hurt, but quite honestly she wanted "a husband", and in her mind I didn't "jump" fast enough for her (actually, feeling accepted by her daughter is what I wanted before proposing to her, which I had already planned to do 2 months later at xmas... go figure).
So, I think I'd be cautious about it. The next one I dated with kids kept me at a "distance" from them, which I actually understood and thought was good in some ways... still hurt when it ended, but at least the kids weren't in there too. | |
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Icene
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Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 73 | |
| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/25/2007 8:46:42 PM |
Thus a man with kids who does or does not do this is screwed either way.
Exactly. If the guy puts you first and neglects his children, you don't want to date him because his priorities are screwed and hes a jerk. If he puts his kids first and neglects you, he's admired for having his priorities straight but where does that put you? Neglected.
It takes a certain type of person to be constantly ok with being second-place. I dated a single-father so I wouldn't feel like I was being 'judgmental'. After a month, I finally realized I had ever right to judge what type of relationship I wanted to be in. I'm still friends with the single-father, but we couldn't work as boyfriend/girlfriend. I do need a lot of attention. That's just who I am. :\ | |
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