| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/26/2007 4:36:11 AM |
However, being a typical woman, when I am dating someone, I expect that if he's really into me that he puts me first in his universe (face it, we LOVE attention).
That's pretty much the crux of the problem... Some people expect to be the center of the universe in their partner's eyes, and the fact that they don't get to be put ahead of someone's kids is an issue to them. Solution: date people who don't expect to be the center of the universe. Of course the corollary is that you're not gonna be the center of their universe either, and just because you have your kids on such and such schedule, doesn't mean you have dibs on your partner's time the days that you don't have the kids.
And of course if you expect your girlfriend to do the stepmom thing, make sure you find a girlfriend who wants to be a stepmom. Some women love it, some don't want any part of it.
Like any dating problem, the solution is to date the people for whom it's not a problem. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:53:42 AM | | I love children. Big or little is fine with me and sure I understand family first in other regards as well. My date breaker is if he wants to have children or more children because I don't. I'm looking at being a Grandma in April so dating is going to take a backseat to that. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 12/11/2007 1:42:58 PM | I still have this question other then they want to be the center of attention I can not find a reason, Some woman get jealous over the kids right away. some tend to make stories that he di this to me and he did that (kids did to her thing).. some tend to ignore them, some think their kids should come first. (psst) all kids come first..
an eaul with our with out kids is fine someone who can step back and treat all the kids the same ..
I'm sure there are a few out there.
Blahblah!! | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:21:10 PM | Well, OP, as a father you put your children first. That is both understandable and obviously the way it should be. However, it automatically moves the potential new woman in your life to second best - third best, actually, since you have two kids. Add the influence your EX might have over your life through the kids the potential new woman might figure she just doesn't want to settle for third best with the EX interfering occasionally.
To those users that accuse those women of "being selfish" - puuleeeaze. It's not selfish but normal and totally understandable that a woman wants to be her partner's number one. It is also understandable and far from being selfish that some women might feel that they don't want to date a "family" - especially when they are still young and aren't ready yet to settle for a family with the related responsibilities. There's really nothing wrong with these women. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/22/2008 1:17:37 AM | | Three words "baby momma drama". I've personally never dated a guy with kids, just never came up. But I have many friends who have, and it seems like most of the time the guy goes back with the mother of his children. We are threatened by the connection that you have with her, because it's pretty hard to compete with. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:05:48 PM | OP - I admire you for wanting to be a great Dad to your kids!! Kuddos from me. If you want to "just date", then by all means, constantly put your kids first. If you eventually want to remarry, I suggest you rethink your thoughts and consider putting your future mate first. There has to be a balance between what the needs of your children are, and what their wants are. If your children are very young, then you will need to find someone who understands that you are there for your kids. At the same token, you will need to learn how to put your partner first (when you don't have your kids), and make sure that your partner isn't just a **** buddy or one of convenience. Like I say, it is a balance, but it can be done.
Also, it depends on what age the women are, that you date. I'm in my early 50's, and there's no way in Sam Hell, that I will date a man with kids under the age of 18. It boils down to where I am at, in my life. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:31:30 AM | | This is my opinion...I dont think woman get mad or jealous over children....thats ridicoulous, I personally feel they are upset, for you are not able to give them 100% of your time. anyone who dates single parents, pretty much common sense that theyre not able to give that full attention but you can have that balanced lifestyle. I have a friend and his children do come first, and always will, theyre needs are being taken care of, then he proceeds to his needs, his happiness is important as well. so he is able to balance his children, friends, dates and work and by doing this, his children see a happy father and theyre happy. seems to be working great for him....there has to be a medium level. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:55:08 AM | I have to say I disagree with arugula with all due respect.
I have never had children and it is the one thing I wanted most in life. I love children so much. My sister has 4 boys who I have been around their whole lives, good and bad and I love them dearly and worry for them and go to their games etc. Just because I never had any doesn't mean I can't cope or don't understand parents. i would date a guy raising kids in a heartbeat if he was right. Not to mention the respect they would recieve for not abandoning them. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:49:09 PM | | ^^^I agree with bkq07. just because one doesnt have children doesnt mean theyre not capable of raising them. It takes patience, boundaries and struture with love an care and theyre demanding 24-7. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:04:00 PM | I get my 3 children from Friday to sat and some time's on sunday's . Some of the woman hear the word children and they won't even chat with me any more it makes me wonder are they that insecure about their self's that's why they won't chat with me or are they that jealous of children. : ( It make's me wonder are most woman's world's made from glass and the word children makes it shatter or breake.  | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:17:10 AM | I personally wouldnt be interested in a man with kids mostly because Its hard for me to respect a custodial father. It seems that the women always end up doing most of the child rearing after a divorce leaving them more financially strapped, with less time of their own to pursue social interests and more stress in life (managing a single parent home). Usually the man has the kids on the weekend, which makes dating him more difficult, PLUS..there is always going to be the mother of his kids in his life. As someone who doesnt have kids and has no desire to deal with any of this, I choose not to date men with children only in extenuating circumstances (such as the mother of his children died and he's a widower taking care of his kids).
For the most part, I have alot of issues with broken homes and the stress it puts on mothers who've given up their career or years of it to raise kids, only to now have to do it alone after making so many sacrifices to the family/marriage. I realize that life isnt perfect and everyone makes their choices and the choice that I make is not to get involved with this situation. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:52:09 PM | The emerald teardrop says," Because we don't love your kids as much as you do. "
Wellllll.....this is a complex question and warrants more than a facile answer.
Understand the position you are putting the woman in. She will be dealing with your children on some level, even it's only a few hours a week. Will the children like her/see her as competition? Will they compare her to their mother?
The woman knows right from the beginning that she will have to take a back seat to the children. This complicates an already complicated situation (love, dating, sex and romance..) Most people are overextended with their work, their own kids if they have any, school, financial obligations, etc. It's a lot to take on.
When both parties already have so many responsibilities, children and exes are not easily fit into the equation. No matter how you slice it, it's challenging at best.
Can it work? Yes...but all parties would have to make their best effort-- if you are the party with the children, you should realize that your partner has her own needs and you'd need to be there to fulfill them to a reasonable extent. Give her something to work with. I would advise against saying, "This is my situation, love it or leave it." Help her relate to your kids on any level possible/appropriate and give her as much alone time as you can.
I believe that some people don't mind dating people with kids because they may enjoy bonding with the kids, they may be very independent, they may have things on their own plate, etc. As I said before, it can work but it will take patience, effort and maturity on everyone's part. (Including the kids')...
p.s. Well said, Oriole: " Like any dating problem, the solution is to date the people for whom it's not a problem."
Same is true if you're short, fat, poor, bald, etc. Forgive me, but to put it bluntly: one woman's [man's] trash is another woman's treasure. What is a deal-breaker for one person may be someone else's lil' slice of heaven. Remember the Sound Of Music?
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 2/2/2008 6:50:20 AM | | ms janet i have to tell u that is a rude remark. and if u truely like someone u wont let hte kids get in the way of true happiness with a wonderful man. doesnt matter who had them that is nto even the point. women i swear i am a woman and i truely dont understand women lol u men are not alone. i guess it takes all kinds. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 2/7/2008 2:40:48 PM | Kids arent for everyone and yes Kitten....I will choose my dates/relationships wisely rather than find myself forced into a situation that I never wanted to be in. True happiness will be found with someone who shares some of my most important views and who's lifestyle (childless) mirrors my own. Thank you for very much. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:59:31 PM | | wow... i have never posted on here , but being a single dad I can say a few things on this topic ... Every situation is different .. as a firefighter i am off a lot and usually dont have my daughter most weekends .. every third weekend and also during the week ... it is well balanced for my daughter and she gets to see both of us ... As far as her mom somehow running my life .. no way ... i am my own person , we are friends thankfully but respect where that line begins and ends ... i dont judge on people who choose not to date me because i am a dad .... having a girl is my greatest joy in life ... i wouldnt dare let her meet anyone unless i knew the relationship was going to be just that , a relationship ... i guess different strokes for different folks .... | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:20:07 PM | | If women have kids already, sounds like pot calling the kettle black. But as someone without kids, I wouldn't want a guy who has to split his time with kids from another woman. When I have kids, I want someone who will have all his time to spend with them. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 3/6/2008 7:35:53 AM | | I can say this I have custody of my kids Why becasue their MOM is a well not up for the challenge of rasing kids. So I don't agree that custodial "dads" are deadbeats they ARE when they don't pay childsupport and jump ship or are not apart of a childs life (quality part).. to make a statement that DADS are all such a way is pretty Umm highschoolish if you ask me, seems someone has an issue with getting a job and being a productive parent (most call is being jaded to be nice). | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:15:59 AM | man or woman, it really doesn't matter. it's just that more women end up with the children. it's just a huge responsibility and you have to go into that relationship knowing that there will NEVER be just the two of you and you will never have ALL of their attention. and many times you will have to accept that you will always be second place. it tears a lot of marriages apart even when they are both the biological parents so you cant get mad that people can be hesitant to jump into an already established family.
there are also a lot of women want to be "the one who gives him the gift of that first child" i can understand that feeling, but excluding absolutely everyone who's ever had a child for that one reason seems a little...
but saying no because you believe that the dad is a deadbeat just for not having the kids fulltime is simply ignorant. SOMEbody is going home without the kids and it's usually the father. i know there ARE a lot of deadbeat dads out there and they just cut and run... but if that was the case, why would they even ADMIT to having children. no, it's the responsible father who either gains custody or doesn't but stays and helps out as much as he can with both time and money who ends up dealing with all the stigmas that come with being a single dad. | |
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:16:35 PM | I personally wouldnt be interested in a man with kids mostly because Its hard for me to respect a custodial father.
^^^^^^^^^^Oh dear! you find it hard to respect a father who is single/ divorced who has custody of their children on every second weekend and maybe once or twice on other days.....why is that? Is it his fault the marriage dissolved or that courts decide the custodial rights?
Usually the man has the kids on the weekend, which makes dating him more difficult, PLUS..there is always going to be the mother of his kids in his life.
^^^^^^^^^^Hah! Iam a shift worker and sometimes my second weekend may end up as week days, therefore leaving an actual weekend without the kids, so it wouldn't make it hard dating for me....lol
The mother of his kids are going to be in his life?......duh! that's pretty unavoidable isn't it....yes , due to the reason that they both share responsibility of the children and need to keep the lines of communication open.
^^^^^There is no need to post out excuses.....just blatantly say....I don't like other people' s kids or want to be involved with children and that you want to be the centre of attention 24/7......nothing wrong with that, if that's how you feel.
But, don't put the blame solely on men due to the so called " broken homes"....okay?
Just my 2 cents
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| Why is it hard for women to Date men with kids?
Posted: 3/25/2008 3:32:48 PM | | I think that it is different for women that already have kids and those that don't. I have no kids and have dated a couple guys with them. And I can honestly say that I don't think I ever would again. Its a very tricky situation because women are more emotional and there is always "the other woman" who is the mother of your child, it just makes things complicated, and can make a woman feel like she is always coming in second. Whereas if both of you have kids, than you can both relate to each others situation and be more sympathetic towards certain problems. | |
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