| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/17/2007 6:45:32 AM | | Dating can be fun as long as you don't expect too much. It's hard to meet someone you are compatible with so I just look at a date as a chance to meet someone new and maybe make a new friend. The odds of finding a good match seem really slim so why stress over it. If it happens great. If not I wish them well finding someone who is a good match. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:46:08 AM | | I've been busy most of my 30's with career and child. Now that I'm ready to mingle, don't know where to meet them. My daughter is of drinking age and at the clubs, I can't imagine fitting in. I've had some young ones hit up on me, but I have always preferred someone close to my age with some similar interests and compatibility. Bottom line, you are not alone. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/17/2007 5:49:07 PM | OP....i know where your coming from.....i dated loads of girls when i was early twenties...ok i was 3 stone lighter than i am now...and had so much confidence...bordering on**** if the truth where known...then i met my ex wife at 25 and we got married had the kids...when we split in dec 2004 my confidence was shattered , iwas (and still am) out of shape, but slowly my confidence came back till i was back to that cheeky 22 year old i used to be(albeit a damn sight older)......now the problem i find is....i can chat to women on-line and we have an absolute blast, usually have them in fits of laughter......get them to meet me.....and i can see straight away in there eyes that they was expecting a 6ft toned adonis.....and that i aint ever gonna be , nor do i want to be, i have never told them anythin else but the truth when i chatted to them ,i am always immaculate in my appearance, am financialy stable, am (apparently) great fun.....but....its as if they feel they can do better.....! i usually get 2 dates then they give me the usual story, "i am not over my ex, i dont think you can give me what i am looking for, i dont know what i want etc" , well you get the pic.....to be fair i only ever actually meet women aged between 28-36, i always go for either size 8 to 14, so you i know what i want...by the age of at least 28...you would of thought they would know what they want ,wouldn't you............now ,if i go to a bar.....i dont even get a date hence me using the internet, and i dont think i am ugly, maybe just average looking...am always told i am a laugh and have a blinding personality....so yes frustration i totally agree with.....as all i want to do is meet somebody who looks at me across a room and i know that i am the most important person in there world(as they would be mine)
i think frustration may be the biggest understatement of the year
PSi want to date CASPERELLA..lol  | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:12:23 PM | "most men who are looking for someone in my age group also want someone with a 20 year old's body."
Somewhat true. They may drool while looking at the girl with that body (no matter what her age is), but, the majority of those men would give their right arm for a woman (thin or a few extra pounds) to walk up to them and strike up a conversation to show an interest, even though she does'nt have the 20 year old's firm body, she's sexy because her smile, the way she carries herself makes her stand out. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:31:07 AM | | Expectations create disappointment. I try to just have fun when meeting new people. Focus on enjoying your companion and what your are doing is what i find works the best. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:22:01 PM | | Your not alone in your frustration. The bars are either loaded with women that are too young or too old. The young ones think I'm gross, and the cougars are all over me but that's not what I'm interested in. These dating sites seem like a great Idea. But I have yet to make an impression on them. Not met one person since I started testing the waters. I can't really explain it. In the real world people find me fun and attractive. But that doesn't seem to translate on the web. I also believe that like in life women get most of the attention on here. Not very often do I ever receive messages. Mostly from mail order brides from far off lands. Personally I wouldn't concern myself with it. Although I think these sites have potential to narrow the feild and introduce us to other singles, I do not think they are the answer yet. People have the ability to be to picky with out giving others a real chance to get to know them. Perhaps to many options to choose from. My advice, get a dog. Women like dogs, it gets you out more often and is a good ice breaker. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:20:11 PM | | It just takes time, and time and lots of time. I'm going to agree with the comment about facial hair. I've dated several 30 something women since I've been "out there" again and they all prefer men with no facial hair. One had an ex who had a beard, so she hated it for that reason. Another didn't like being scratched... you get the idea. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:57:29 PM | I think dating in my 30's now that I'm single again is way better than my 20's. I am older and wiser and don't make the same mistakes I used to. I still go to bars and clubs since I fit in with people in their 20's. (It's all a state of mind). As far as meeting people, I think online is a great way to go.
It's all about your attitude. Be positive and have fun. Dating should be fun and not a chore.
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:35:41 AM | | I have to agree with the facial hair. Most women do seemed to be put off by it. Fortunately I'm not vain enough to change my appearance just to attract someone. Well not yet anyways. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/20/2009 9:35:30 PM | | Now this is some of the best advice on this subject I've heard yet. I'm in this "dating in your 30s" boat also so I feel EXACTLY the same way. I think too many people focus on this fantasy concept of finding "THE ONE" or a "SOULMATE"(my personal favorite). It's about finding someone who, despite what they do to annoy you, you still can find the energy to deal with them. To me, if you truly want an exclusive relationship, that's the best way to look at it. Just love, value, and respect yourself most of all. All you should need another person for is to add to your joy. Take it a step at a time. When it comes to dating, just have fun with it and have no expectations. Don't take it too personal. Know what you will put up with and not put up with and go from there. If anything is meant to be it will fall into place. Hope this helps. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:56:38 AM | | Dating in our 30's is Extreamly frusterating. ... more so than it was in our 20's (for me anyway) i got married young (at 24) and divorced not too long after that (couple years) Not entirely by my choice, but it basically came down to her deciding she married the wrong person (me) instead of her high school boyfriend. ... so through hell i went, and came out the otherside a Much Better man. and once i figured out what it was that i honestly Do want and need in someone, ... and i started to actually look at the dating scene to find it, ... holy crap, .... its the same dating scene i remember from back in my early 20's, .. Full of people in their early 20's that dont have a Clue what they want or need in life, .. and sure as hell nooone that actually likes the idea of settling down, and building a life together with someone, .. and even less that can understand what "working together as partners" actually means. .. And as for those that are past their early 20's, .. there seems to be more drama than the TNT and Lifetime tv channels. Seems that the actual Good prospects that you happen to find here and there, .. are ussually so screwed up emotionally from past abusive morons, that even the Thought of even Thinking about something mroe than "just friends" sickens them. so where does that leave us men who are non abusive, stable, ready, and willing to find 1 Good woman to build a life together with, and Actually start building that life? .. Well for this man, .. its left me here, replying to a forum post about Why its so frusterating trying to date when we are in our 30's, and still looking for answers to age old questions on "how to find THE ONE" | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 4:52:31 AM | There is no such thing as being "too busy" or "tool old" for dating. A guy over 30 is obviously more mature than some brat around 20 who barely knows his name yet.
People are in such a rush to have everything before they even know if they want or need it - house, car, kids, getting married, etc. etc. At the end of the day when the dust clears they find themselves in debt up to their ears in a marriage that probably won't last until the age of 30. We see this happen all the time. I've dated, talked to, read about and heard many single moms under 30. It makes you wonder "what the heck!" Well, there's a difference between an apple and an orange - all that panic to rush into things when you aren't ready or mature enough causes all that.
So there you are, over 30, and you feel frustrated and the desperation is building up by the day to find someone to be with. Again the rush - why? I see this happen all the time, too. People barely move their bags from one relationship into another before they start looking for a new one. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:23:21 AM | I can get dates. Getting a date isn't necessarily the difficult part. What I find frustrating is either women not meeting my standards, or me not meeting theirs, when it comes to a long term relationship.
Alot of women that are around my age have kids that are getting ready to leave the nest. They don't want some guy with an 8 yr old kid. Those women around my age that have kids around the age of my son tend to be professional types, and don't want some guy in my income bracket. The one's that don't have any kids either don't want kids period, or they want kids of *their own*, ie. don't want to deal with some other woman's kid.
Generally 20-something'ers gravitate to me in a social setting , but, you know, I'm 37 with a kid, so however well we might get along we both know its going nowhere. And they know it better than me.
I basically try not to think about it too much. I never was a smooth talking lady's man or anything like that. I've fulfilled my biological imperative, and am enjoying raising my son. And if thats as much of the "family" experience as I can get, then so be it. Cause you know what? It's not my loss.
I mean, damn, I'm a one woman man by nature, but the more I try to find that one woman --- and my standards are reasonable bhy any estimation --- the more appealing one night stands seem. And the more I feel like a dunce beside the lot of jabronies who've been objectifying women and doing one nighters all along. lol | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 12:21:43 PM | | This is simply adult entertainment. Nothing should be taken seriously. It’s simply not worth it. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 2:10:25 PM |
This is simply adult entertainment. Nothing should be taken seriously. It’s simply not worth it.
Amen dude!! | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 6:26:14 PM | | You can do like I have -- give up. I've been single for over 14 years, finally met one person I cared deeply about (it never had a chance). Realized I'll be 52 before I meet the next person. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:14:29 PM | John...30something women aren't out at the trendy bars at night. They're usually out after work. Happy hours, etc. They'll hit up the martini bar from 6 til 9 or 10 then head home.
They also go to charity events, weekend daytime things, and art openings. They're just not in the "going out like you're in your 20s" lifestyle.
Look further than the obvious spots. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/25/2009 4:50:05 PM | If I don't meet anyone to settle down with and eventually marry, I'll sure as hell have fun trying. Life is a journey, not a destination. Could be God's way of keeping me sane. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/25/2009 7:27:18 PM | | Hi there! I can relate to your dilemma. Dating in your 30s is definitely a much different game. I think both men and women are somewhat jaded by the time they get into their 30s if they are not in healthy, loving relationships already. People bring all kinds of baggage with them and make assumptions about what the other person is looking for. I find that people try to psychoanalyze everything to pieces. We have forgotten how to listen to each other and just be in the moment. Also, I think that some people feel like they've missed the boat and then they make all kinds of bad decisions. What can I say? I have a lot of thoughts on this issue. However, I am still hopeful that there is someone out there for me. I'm sure there is someone out there for you, too. Good luck. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/25/2009 8:04:14 PM | | Yeah I agree totally. Dating (and especially online dating) in your 30s is difficult to say the least..... seems the the pool of 'availables' is quite shallow lol (sorry, that's a terrible comparison). I get lots of interest from men 29 and under or 45 and over. Maybe something to do with being in the echo generation.... less people = less opportunity. Oh well.... it is what it is. I'm not going to give up. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 8/26/2009 12:15:44 PM | Focus on being a better man for yourself.
Achieve something in your life that you are passionate about and have more to offer a woman of any age more than just financial support.
You have to be able to fulfull a woman's desires for her life on many levels, it's not about the money or the six pack abs, it's about substance, character and trust.
If you feel you are an average joe then that is what they will see. Differentiate yourself from the average joe by accomplishing something in your life she can respect you for and you can be happy about yourself for.
This will build your confidance and your self esteem and make it easier for you to find someone who will be attracted to you. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:20:06 AM | I agree with the last two posts. You should focus on life fulfilment and not put to much energy into worrying about whether or not you will find someone. I know its hard but not as hard as you may think. It might have been easier in your twenties. You were young and went out quite regular and happened to stumble upon lots of available people you thought were interesting enough to date. Notice I said THOUGHT WERE INTERESTING ENOUGH. Then you got older, reality set in and whoever you might have dated then now was a waste of time. At this point you just have to redirect your dating agenda because when you're older, the game is different. Now a lot of people do reach their thirties in a stable relationship and, in some cases, married. Chances are they found someone when they were younger and the two of them grew with each other. If you reach your thirties and that's not the case with you then it's not the end of the world. You just have to use past dating experiences and look into the mindset of the age demographic you are in to help elevate your game. I know a lot of you don't want to grow old alone and I feel you, I don't either. Just don't look at it as a disaster because you aren't living your dream of marriage and white pickett fences. Most of all, don't look at a relationship as something in your life that measures your worth. If you do, you more inclined to get into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. Focus on improving yourself and what's meant to be will happen. | |
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