| | Anybody else not WANT child support?Page 8 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | I've not received nor wanted support payments 5 of the 7 years we've been divorced.
He pays them no attention in any other way...why should he pay with money?
Naw, I've done alright on my own. | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 177 | |
| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/23/2007 9:56:09 AM | Babs,
Some mom's do what you just described...Make babies and collect some type of support. Not all but you'd be surprised at how many do.
I agree all parents should be morally obligated.
My point, that you seem to be missing, is you cannot force somone to be a parent. Some people just want to have sex without having a baby attached to it. Some of these guys do not have a say in the matter and i think trying to force them to pay financially when they never asked for this or to be a parent is wrong. If a mom goes ahead with a pregancy knowing full well that dad is not up to it then she should be prepared to take care of the baby on her own. Financially as well.
(and i am not saying abortion is an option so please dont bring that up again. But i am saying adoption may be an option) | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/23/2007 10:05:07 AM |
My point, that you seem to be missing, is you cannot force somone to be a parent. Some people just want to have sex without having a baby attached to it. Some of these guys do not have a say in the matter and i think trying to force them to pay financially when they never asked for this or to be a parent is wrong
Absolutely agree! | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:40:43 AM | | I am SOOOO with you on this one! I'd rather die than accept money from my loser ex or have him in my child's life. The man (and I say that with a lot of sarcasm) can't hold on to a job for more than three months, is a junkie, is a liar, and is abusive. Why the hell would I want anything from that b'stard? | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:44:28 AM | | If a mand doesn't want to be responsible for any kids he may have a hand in making then he has options. CONDOMS would be a good start. So would a VASECTOMY! | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:35:22 PM | | I as yourself do not wish to pursue the childsupport issue. My sons father hasn't seen or offered any support to his only child. I am proud to offer my son the best that I can do without the help of others. I am with you on the years he goes without contact, so his rights will be stripped. You are a very strong woman, keep it up. My family and friends dissagree, saying it takes two, and he needs to pay. I don't feel the same. I am doing right by my son, sometimes harder than others, but he will know when the time is right it was all for HIM. God does not give us more than we can handle, and I struggle with that sometimes, but I am a survivor and my son will be as well. I do not not speak any ill of his father to him or others,he will learn all that on his own in time. I keep my head held high and do what needs to be done for the both of us. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:24:12 PM | Pucks...I think you need to consider that many people do not believe in, or are unable to, give up a child. It takes an incredible strength and unselfishness to do so...and most of us just do not have those traits in that magnitude.
Not to mention the obvious which was already posted....if a man is not prepared to be a father, then he should be doing something about it to ensure that he does not become one. Women have the options of having, keeping, aborting...men have the obvious options as well! While it may seem unfair that women have the multitude of choice, it IS our bodies who nurture and carry a baby for 40 weeks. Regardless, it takes TWO to tango and not every unexpected or whoops! baby is due to deception by the woman! (You may be shocked to hear that I was with a man who, when I ended the relationship, tried to force unprotected sex on me to get me pregnant! Works both ways!)
But this post was not about unwanted children! It was simply a question of whether or not there were others around who have no desire to persue child support.
I personally think it is a mistake not to...based on principles, and not financial motives at all...but to each our own opinions, right? | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:03:08 PM | | hello, my name is mark and im in the exact oppposite situation. my wife of five years figured that she had better things to do than be a wife and mother and she walked out and when i got custody of my two daughters and the judge directed HER to pay child support...well she disappeared never to be heard from again! that was about ten years ago and the girls have never seen a solitary dime from their female genetic material contributor,and we do just fine. sure extra money would come in handy at times,but we always manage. and any mother that can just up and walk out on kids like that...well i dont want a dang thing from her! i just hope that if anything ever does happen to me that she doesnt try to come back into their lives. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 4:12:43 AM | I didn't read all of this post. Too many pages.
But I will say,
I do not collect support for my children.
But that's not to say,
I don't need it.
While my children are fed and clothed and housed,
perhaps if there were support coming in,
It wouldn't be as hard to get them the special things.
It is what it is.
I won't fight for it,
If it doesn't mean jack to him,
It isn't worth it to me. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 5:31:08 AM |
im in the exact oppposite situation. my wife of five years [...] walked out and when i got custody [...] the judge directed HER to pay child support... she disappeared never to be heard from again! [...] i dont want a dang thing from her! i just hope that if anything ever does happen to me that she doesnt try to come back into their lives.
That's not the exact opposite. That's exactly the same, except for the gender switch. Good for you, 01dodge!
VanGrad | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 9:18:25 AM | From experience, and with grown children, if the guys a jerk, it really isn't worth it for the child to meet him (espcially if he's not putting forth efford) and you're much better off without him. My experience sounds real close to yours. And ya, support and visitation are big factors in custody. Forget support -- no matter how much it is it's not worth having the jerk in you child's life. How old is your daughter? It makes a difference. I could write pages on this. Message me if you're interested in my experiences.
Your daughter will eventually learn he is a jerk - and I don't think his parents should be held responsible for his actions - they are different people...your daughter could develop a relationship wtih them, and through them, know her father more..but if you INSIST the daughter can't see the father, then she'll want to see him more. Most jerks get uncovered for the jerks they are eventually, unfortunately people get hurt in the process. Your daughter's age is a really important factor. Don't worry about custody too much, the "jerks" sometimes threaten but never go through with it and his history will be shown in court, and yep finances are (unfortunately) a big issue in court (personally, I think love should come first...)..but with his history he doesn't stand a chance...
good luck... | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 4:17:36 PM | | I agree, my daughters father has seen her only once. That was when she was six weeks old. He is constantly unemployed and I make more $$ than he ever will. He was not around to sign her birth certificate, so he has no legal rights anyway. For the money I would get from him, its just not worth it. Not to mention the fact that he is not exactly and upstanding citizen. I would have to force him to pay, and I don't have the time or feel like causing myself that type of stress. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 5:25:14 PM | | I don't believe in letthing them off the hook, but i can see both sides of the coin....that's just what they want...to get by with it....if the younger generation of males out there see the father's getting away with this then what will they learn?...That they can do the same thing to another female someday and they won't have to pay....think about it....you may be helping the future generation if you go thru the suffereing and frustration....ummmm....maybe?....is just my philosphy....I can see the situation of the lady that started this thread and out of respect i would like to say that when they totally don't come around I know that is the toughest situation of all and you haver every right to make a decision u feel is right for you....my son's father does exercise his visitation rights.....but he has been in money strain past couple of years as result of his own bad choices and he is not happy about paying....it is very hard....maybe the decision is not the same for everyone....is and individual decision to make for each individual...did i say that right....?? hope that made sense.... | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 10:04:47 PM | My kid sees his father, they have a great relationship.
To get any finnancial help from his father, I have to ask, or demand, beg, threaten.
He is much easier to get along with if I don't, so I don't and I am much happier. We get along fine, so long as he doesn't think I am trying to take atvantage of him. He is VERY paranoid that way.. He is a very loving and attentive father. I spent 7 years with him 5 of them prior to our childs birth. So I don't ask except for half the occasional dental bill, But sometimes I don't want to have to ask, and don't.
Here's the catch.... I am denied state funded medical for me or my child because I don't get support. I am not talking welfare or foodstamps, all I want is medical insurance.
He barely makes a living, and keeps our son almost half the time, true I do more of the (yuck work).But, he is way better than a sitter nd I trust him with our son more than anyone else. I mean where am I going to fin someone who loves the child as much as I? (His Father!) So having him as discombobulated and upset with me hurts me and especially our son.
So I don't bother getting support, but for slightly different reasons.  | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/26/2007 11:15:42 PM | | thanks vangrad!...the gender is what i meant. youll have to forgive my grammar,after all...i am a product of the oklahoma school system hahaha | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:26:22 PM | | my ex and i have agreement that we stopped child support we have been divorced for 12 years now and i felt that he didn't need to pay 3 years ago so i have been doing it on my own | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:28:39 PM | Pursuing does not mean you are being vindictive in any way, it just means that both parties should be held responsible for raising a child in a financial fashion. Great for those who do it on their own-so do I   | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/27/2007 8:39:43 PM | | i talked to my ex tonight...the first time in oh maybe almost a year,.....he moved to new y0rk from detroit..lol...he just now called to tell our daughter...anyway....he apologized for not sending money yadda yadda yadda and promised he would start...hey...if he does cool...it will go in her bank account...and he thanked me for not taking him to court and allowing him time to get on his feet....and also promised to keep in touch with our child on a regular basis....and to me thats more important than any amount of money he could ever give...i just hope he keeps up with the contact.... | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:12:55 AM | "Pursuing does not mean you are being vindictive in any way, it just means that both parties should be held responsible for raising a child in a financial fashion."
While I agree with the above statement I believe the only caveat that I would add it that it has to be equitable. I read on here and seen too many cases where this is not the case. A case in point, a friend of mine's son is now in university, he stepped up to the plate like he has always done and is paying for 75% of the cost of University including living expenses since his son is attending University in another provice. The interesting part is that even though his son is away from his mom's home for 9 months of the year at school he still required to pay full child support.
So, I agree with what you said, but its situation like the one above that make it inequitable which breeds resentment. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/28/2007 5:18:48 PM | | If the kid makes it thru college...then they will be better equipped with a college degree to provide for themselves. A kid that is choosing to go to college and get an education deserves support from the parents monetariarily and emotional support as well. Now if they party and waste opportunity of getting education...that's another story...lol | |
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babs3
| | Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 197 | |
| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:49:17 PM | Hey Vangrad,
I was not trying to offend you with my posts. I can understand how you feel and the fear you have of him being able to waltz in and out of her life if you fight for support.
I am not sure about the US statutes or laws and how that works.
Here's the thing...here in Canada if a Father has not had contact with their child for 3 yrs...it is called abandonment...and parental rights can be revoked. However, it dosen't sound as if you have established her Father's paternity...so I can now understand your hesitation to fight for CP.
I give you kudos for doing it on your own...but by not establishing paternity of her Father....you can't complain about what his status is and why you choose to refuse any CP. It sounds like you made the choice a long time ago....so your post confuses me a bit. | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:54:45 PM | | When my wife and I seperated, I didn't want child support, I just wanted Custody to keep my son out of the Enviroment she was going to be living in... | |
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Pucks
| | Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 199 | |
| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:18:41 AM | i dont pay support and mom dont pay me. Its 50/50 care in our situation.
Curious Mopenqunz, what is this environment you speak of at your child's mom house? | |
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| Anybody else not WANT child support?
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:44:53 AM | I don't have to worry about this-- the courts pulled his parental rights a year ago.
Before they did so, I didn't want child support. That would have meant (in my state, anyway) that he would have legally been allowed to spend time alone with my son, and I'm not okay with an abusive jerk having ANY kind of time with my innocent little boy, after what he did to us! His family wasn't much better (mom in and out of jail for alcohol and drug abuse, dad chronically out of work and a heavy smoker, married to a heavy drinker who insists that she's not an alcoholic), so I don't have the same feelings of, "should he be allowed to see his paternal grandfamily". He's better off without that side of the family in general. | |
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