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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:54:26 AM | I'm new! Been reading these forums for a while and just had to respond to this one...
I actually don't think it's just women! There are so many men on here who say things like 'I am solvent and successful and want you to be too', 'you should have your own house/car etc'.
Now that's materialistic! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:59:16 AM |
When looking for a definition, and in Wikipedia, the answer is the same... "A pejorative term for age disparity in sexual relationships". The most common example? younger woman and older man. Why? Because it is prostitution...he is paying her for sex Older men do not look for a younger woman for sex. Older men look for an older woman for sex, because she is more likely to know what she is doing. Younger men look for a younger woman for sex, because they are still interested in proving they can get a young girl, and they find them naive enough to fall for it.
Older men and women will look for younger women and man for a "trophy" on their arm, to show to others what they can get. Rarely are the men even interested in the sex with such a person.
Sometimes, they are looking for someone who is different enough to have things to share with.
But gold-diggers, these are women who pretend to be sweet and virginal, and pretend to please their man, but secretly treat the man very, very badly. Then, when they can no longer tolerate the man, they kick him out of his home, and take half his money to boot.
Gold-diggers are not prostitutes. Gold diggers are manipulators who treat their partners badly. The drive for money is just another expression of their bad treatment. Lol | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:48:11 PM | I was getting on great with someone until she asked where I lived.
I told her and she said that it was rough ! its not !
Good riddance ! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:02:09 PM | To be fair, though, the POF website isn't really built in such a way to be "golddigger-friendly." At least as not as much as other dating sites.
Other dating sites allow the person to list the specific income of the person they want to date. At those sites, I have seen women clicking on "$100,000 or more" as the desired income for who they'll date. This website doesn't offer that option. Another reason to like this site, I guess.
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:26:05 PM | | Sometimes I get the feeling some ladies may have have misread 'Plentyoffish" and thought it said "Plentyofcoin". | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:42:44 PM | ^^^^^^I truly feel sorry for anyone who ends up with you. If your very first qualifier is along the lines of "what does he do, what does he make, what does he drive, is he generous, where does he live" etcetera, you will never ever truly love someone - except yourself. Disgraceful.
I don't feel sorry for me.
That you waste the time and energy to do so is actually pretty sad.
Maybe you live in that pretend world where the sky is made of cotton candy and "Love Conquers All"
IT DOES NOT
What someone does for a living, what they earn, what they drive, where they live - those things along with a ton of other factors help to define someone as a person. No one lives in a vacuum.
You want to make it sound like there are only two kinds of people in the world, people where it's the only thing that matters and people where it doesn't matter at all. It's nice for you to think that way, it's nice to rationalize that the women you can't get are somehow flawed instead of you just not working hard enough or being smart or talented enough to raise your overall game to compete.
To people who think money doesn't matter at all, most of those people are those who don't have money. In fact, I think that people who try to rationalize that are just plain stupid. It's stupid because money absolutely matters. It matters whether you eat or not. It matters if you sleep in a warm bed or not. It matters because it's the tool of life.
You seem to think if you care about finances and appreciate those who work hard and try to be smart with their money , that it means those people will never find true love. Well how easy is it to find true love when someone is living hand to mouth, barely scraping by, living in a shack and half starving? How do you find true love when your kids have to go to a crappy school in a drug infested neighborhood because you married someone who couldn't help you to afford better? How do you find true love when someone you love or know gets sick and you can't afford to get them the best medical treatment?
There are plenty of women out there who won't give one damn about how much money you have. But the catch is you probably don't want to f.uck them. They are fat. They are unemployed. They are uneducated. They are saddled down by several children from previous relationships. They are just out of prison. They are drug abusers. They are drunks. They are socially inept and have no friends. They are so ugly their face could stop a clock. You want people to OVERLOOK THE MONEY ISSUE WITH YOU, BUT WOULD YOU OVERLOOK THESE KIND OF ISSUES WITH THESE WOMEN? I think not. So cut the bullshit with your sanctimonious preening about people needing to look in the inside and not care about the circumstances of life.
Live in your little fantasy world, the rest of us will deal with how the world really works. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:19:51 PM | Well I will say that for once I will actually agree with the Dancing Queen. And for the poster who goes back to his highschool days as a reason for men thinking that all women are gold diggers. I say grow up! I was told that you couldnt get pregnant the first time you had sex, do you think I still believe that today? Anyone who uses highschool of all places as a model to base life long criteria on is ridiculous. And to all those divorced male friends you have that have "been taken to the cleaners" it is funny how you only hear one side of the story and assume that what is being said to you is truth. To some people actually providing a place for their children to live and funds to feed and clothe them would call it taking care of business, not being taken to the cleaners.
And if you are making 30-40k a year I hardly think that you fall into the income range that a true gold digger would be targeting. Get real and stop blaming all of your dating failures on your income bracket. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:24:47 PM |
How do you find true love when your kids have to go to a crappy school in a drug infested neighborhood because you married someone who couldn't help you to afford better?
There are plenty of women out there who won't give one damn about how much money you have. But the catch is you probably don't want to f.uck them. They are fat. They are unemployed. They are uneducated. They are saddled down by several children from previous relationships. They are just out of prison. They are drug abusers. They are drunks. They are socially inept and have no friends. They are so ugly their face could stop a clock
Wow! With a selfish attitude like that you would not be worthy any amount of any compassion, respect, or love. You also sound like a perfect example of the kind of person the OP was referring too. Thanks for providing evidence that people like you indeed do exist.
Exactly the kind of female that any smart man should avoid.. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:04:31 PM | OP,...there will always be gold diggers both male and female and it is up to the individual to know how to wen them out and to know the difference
Money has only brought me problems in the past and would not wish them upon anyone,...So just be careful what you wish for as sometimes the costs are just not worth it!!!!!!!.........I was very happy once upon a time and then a large sum of money came into play and my partner turned into this man I no longer knew and definitely did not love...... | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:36:38 PM | | I have to add my 2 cents. I agree that this issue isn't liimited to strictly men or women. It's simply a sign of how our society has progressed towards greed. Money should, in my opinion, never define who a person is. Yes, a lot of well off people are more motivated, intelligent etc., however, a fair amount of them are also less moral, self centered etc. A cross section would show many good and bad characteristics. Not all men/women "gold diggers" have to be shooting for the big $$$ either. Some are content to take enough money/substance from others to get by as long as they have minimal effort to obtain it. Gold diggers aren't always about the "big score", some are more concerned about how much effort they have to expend to get what they want. Money is a necessary evil, but it is by no means a good judge of who a person is. Some of the happiest people in the world have very little cash/assets, just what they truly need to live on, while some of the most unhappy people have more money than they could ever spend. Money does not define a person. Also, to disclaim DancingQueen's theory, I do make pretty decent money, but it is no substitue for plain and simple personality, which I pride myself in having more. It does not take a lot of money, comparitively to have all the necessary essentials in life. What it does truly take is, sound priorities, self restraint, and intelligent decision making. I, personally, don't think all women are gold diggers, but I'm not foolish enough to believe they all have the purest of intentions, either. I know this got a little off subject, but I think it all pertains to the thinking involved. I live by the theory that I've seen many times and swear by.......the man makes the money, the money doesn't make the man. Money has never, and will never define who I am or how I see anyone. Be it how much I have or how much they have. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:39:06 PM | | Well I'll give you credit for being young maybe born with that proverbial gold spoon in mouth. Could you be more callous in your response, probably not, thanks for being materialistic, now join the republican party. I guess you haven't figured out that true happiness does not come from having wealth, but true riches come from knowing ones self, good friends, family bonds, finding that which makes you happy and having fun. Have you heard the one about the elephant and the mouse? It goes like this, Once there was an elephant who fell into a quicksand trap. As he was crying out a mouse happened to hear and runs to the spot. The mouse says" well Mr. Elephant you have fell into the quicksand trap." The elephant replies," Yes I have, is there anyway you can help me out? The mouse takes off and runs and runs around the jungle. Finally he finds a porsche and drives it back to the sand trap where the elephant hooks his trunk around the bumper and pulls him to safety. The elephant is very grateful and promisses the mouse he will come to his aid if ever the need should arise. Well afew weeks pass and as the elephant is walking around the jungle he hears a small cry coming from the sand trap. He rushes over to find the mouse that saved him weeks earlier in a similiar predictament. "Well Mr. Mouse, your stuck in the sand trap." The mouse replies "you know you owe me one." "Not to fear", says the elephant and he proceeds to run and run around the jungle but he can't find a porsche anywhere. Finally he just goes back to the sand trap, straddles his legs on all sides, let's his member hang down and the mouse climbs it up to safety... do you know what the moral of the story is? If you have a big member you don't need a Porsche. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:42:04 PM | | Oh sorry my prevous post was directed at the dancing queen what the f#%$^ abba? Your only 22, you really did have a F@#%$ up childhood. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:08:26 PM | TheDancingQueen,
Maybe you live in that pretend world where the sky is made of cotton candy and "Love Conquers All" ... IT DOES NOT
Couldn't agree with you more, about living one's life about cliches like 'looks don't matter' and things of that nature. Some people have those beliefs, and it is a fantasy world one would have to live in to believe something on that scale -- but I don't think that's what people are trying to say tho (not most of them anyway).
it's nice to rationalize that the women you can't get are somehow flawed instead of you just not working hard enough or being smart or talented enough to raise your overall game to compete.
Just because people are turned off by highly superficial and materialistic-#1 women, doesn't mean they're suffering from sour-grapes syndrome -- ie saying that they're flawed because they can't get them. There are plenty of ugly and/or unintelligent women who are highly superficial and materialistic too, because they are trying to compensate for the lack of what they've got and what other gals have more of.
Otherwise, you mine as well say that women who are turned off by overly arrogant and self-righteous guys suffer from sour grapes, because they can't measure up to a guy who's picky. When a woman gets older, the somewhat common tendency to be attracted to such guys wilters away, and they are genuinely very turned off by such guys -- it's a weakness of theirs, not a strength.
When a lot of people get past the range of college years (usually until later mid 20s), they don't want to be Paris Hilton, but actually be genuinely turned off by what she represents. They tend to be much less into overly arrogant and self-righteous guys or overly superficial, materialistic girls who's all about having some goods (from a guy or otherwise).
It isn't a black & white issue... not at all. It doesn't mean a poor, low-rent guy or a stunningly handsome rich guy, with only those two options in the world. Of course, every woman should want the stunningly handsome rich guy in that scenario. That's how the real world works, and it should. I think where many of us differ with you on, is the difference between a guy being financially stable (middle class on up) vs a guy having to financially provide FOR a woman. A more mature mindset is once he is comfortably financially stable, anything more in the materialistic world don't carry much weight when it comes to someone to fall in love with.
As far as women who don't care how much money a guy makes -- well some of them may be trailer trash, but many are also the opposite -- rich themselves. To many women, all that matters is that the guy has goals & ambition, and if he's making $40,000, it's all good if he's doing something to be proud of. It's not all about a guy being wealthy, having not a decent car but an awesome car, etc. that acts as a requirement for him to be a great lover and partner. I think that's just as much of a fantasy world as thinking that the world is made of cotton candy. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:15:01 PM |
and if he's making $40,000
There are men that make $40,000 a year? Geeezus ~ no kidding???? 
~OT~ I was married and had no clue how much money he made. He certainly knew how much I made. I would have been happy if he would have worked 1/2 the year. Sigh. He was funny, though. Guess maybe I got $40,000 worth of giggles rather than bank deposits. JMO  | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:34:17 PM | Personally, I don't have a problem with women who say that money is something that they factor in. It's being honest. I see it as no different than liking someone who is beautiful, smart, or kind.
If I said that I wanted someone who qualified for Mensa, would I be brain digging?
If I said that I wanted a beautiful woman, would I be body digging?
If I said that I wanted someone who was kind and loyal, would I be heart digging?
What I do have issues with is how dishonest women are when they talk about money, career and men.
Let's be honest, most of us strive for financial security. Many of us wish we had a higher quality of life. And many of us wish that we were financially free.
When women talk about their ideal mate, very few of them wish that their mate was poor or even middle class. Whether that is their realistic expectation in dating, does not change the fact that their ideal includes a man with money. Regardless of how you weigh it, that it is part of the ideal indicates that it is weighed in at some level in the "overall" package.
To say anything else is disingenuous at best, outright lying at worst.
Now before people start chiming in with the typical "Not me!" refrain, let me relate an experiment that I have been doing for a while.
I've been back on the dating circuit since the beginning of the year, and have been struggling in terms of what to say when the inevitable "what do you do?" question comes up. Since I'm financially free, I don't have a specific title per se and can describe my vocation accurately with any number of titles.
For the first couple of months, I would use a job title that sounded like a typical mid-tier professional, but did not give the impression of any unusual affluence. I found that I would get about 2 to 3 out of 10 numbers from random women I would meet when going out. This is a fairly typical number of responses in my experience.
Then, just to see what would happen I started using a job title that indicated a significantly higher level of affluence. Guess what happened? I started getting numbers on an order of 8 to 9 out of 10. So much so, that when I stepped away to get a drink, some women would actually follow me to continue conversations.
Now, I like to think I'm a charming guy, but I ***KNOW*** for a fact that I did not become 300% more handsome or charming in the span of 30 to 60 days. What is even more interesting, is that women would become especially vocal during our conversations in volunteering that "money wasn't really important" to them.
I would never say that out of those extra 5 or 6 women who gave me their numbers that they were all gold-diggers, however what I would say is that women attribute significantly more value to affluence either consciously or unconsciously than most of them are willing to admit.
I don't fault them for that, any more than I would fault a man for being influenced by an especially beautiful woman. Reality is what it is I suppose.
Perhaps I'm hoping for far too much in wishing that people would just be more honest about what they want and have to offer in a relationship, but then I guess we all are sometimes careful in voicing what we want or what we have to offer for fear of seeming either greedy or arrogant. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:31:36 AM |
On the other hand, most of the women I know turn down guys paying for their dates, drive their own cars, and could care less what kind of car their boyfriends or dates drive.
Fellow guys: We must all chip in and do whatever it takes to acquire this lady's personal phone book!  | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:03:52 AM | | in response to this thread, i am glad that people are being more forthcoming with their real life experiences about what really counts in relationships(ie money is a big influence)like many people on here i feel this is more likely to influence a female on her descision on whether to date a man or not as how a female looks is likely to influence a man.Inthe case of females i feel its a subconscious thing which is why they never actually admit it,for example in my country ,England,we operate on a class system (ie working class,middle class)and if you have a guy who is working class(this defined by his occupation)and he is attracted to a girl who is middle class then he would have little to no chance of seriously dating the girl.why is this ?.money of course!!please let me point out that i say this not to upset anyone in particular but am just saying what i see around me .Its just that its very rarely quoted in profiles on plenty of fish,i know to say that you would only date a person from a particular background would sound awfull but that is the way that a lot of us think, as is becoming increasingly clear. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 7:57:46 AM | Highly interesting thread this is.
In my area power and affluence are VERY prevalent and truly count for much more than they would in other places. So much so that one of the first three questions asked of me is about my work.
Is it really necessary? Depends. Does it bother me? Not really.
I understand that women want to see a complete picture of their potential mate and can glean personality characteristics from the knowledge of what he does for a living. The rub lies in the motivation. You will find acceptability in the above. However, if a girl asks the same to meet the end of getting the dollar-signs-in-the-eyes effect, well...reprehensibility.
A good friend of mine is a mid-level exec in a Fortune 10 company. On his own merit, he owns many toys, eats out every night, takes nice vacations, wears designer clothing. He has all the trappings of an affluent lifestyle. For about five years he has been in a relationship with a successful dentist who has earning power nearing seven figures and has NO issue receiving gifts and being taken care of. Because my friend is showered with VERY nice things (even though the scale is relative) despite being able to take care of himself...does that make him a golddigger? Does it make him greedy? Or does it say that he has placed value upon himself and found a way to make his SO recognize it and act accordingly?
I think all people, men and women, should follow the notion that the third question above dictates. If you're with someone that cares about you, why shouldn't you expect them to do nice things for you? One could say that it would be like running your life as it is a business, but not quite.
Uhoh, gotta go. Later!
F. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:19:02 AM | i've dated (note i said DATED and not SLEPT WITH) a psych professor, a thoroughbred trainer, a neurosurgeon, an architect, an engineer, and a couple musicians. with the exception of the throughbred trainer, i found myself bored to tears!!!!!! i don't care how much a man makes or how much he wants to spend on me. if he doesn't have something intesting to say and an engaging way of saying it, sayonara.
however...within the past year or so, i find myself searching for something even more elusive. show me a man who can: light a bowdrill fire, make cordage, find fresh water, build and plumb a shelter...basically one who knows how to survive. i feel that, within the next 10-20 years we will run out of things to spend money on and the aforementioned skills will increase in importance.
i also realize that any partnership involves exchange of goods and services and i do have skills, abilities and knowledge that i'll willingly share with the right person. what each party brings to the table will determine the success of the undertaking. i can grow damn near anything. i have natural healing skills. i can cook. i'm not afraid of hard physical labor and i can go days without eating or drinking (i prefer not to, but i can if need be).
we need to develop a more acute awareness of the weaknesses in our society and help each other to overcome them. money is only part of the problem. i support facing the reality that western culture cannot survive at the rate it's going. we need to release our instinct to compete and embrace a model of cooperation. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:35:56 AM | So charliedawg,
You're saying that Republicans(elephant mascot) don't need Porshes, because they have big members. 
I hate when people just have to work in ridiculously snide biased comments that have nothing to do with the topic.  | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 11:51:41 AM | verygreeneyez,
There are men that make $40,000 a year? Geeezus ~ no kidding???? I was referring to $40k a year as being low for a guy, but I should clarify it being frugal for a single guy in a big city like San Francisco where DancingQueen lives. I think it's great you didn't know how much money your significant other makes -- as long as you know that financially things are fine! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 11:59:18 AM | | I'm so bored with this golddigger conversation. Who wants to buy me lunch? *big wink | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:38:09 PM |
It's true. All women are golddiggers or have been in the past.
Bullsh*t.
I have never once based my attraction to anyone on their finances. I barely even ask these types of questions.
Maybe it's a function of the fact that I'm not looking to get married and make babies.. never have been interested in either... I don't know, but I do know that you can't claim "ALL anyone is whatever" blanketly like that about anyone and expect to be credible at all.
As for the competition theory... meh... maybe, but I'm also not overly interested in beating someone out for a man's affentions. I realize that to an extent, I am competing whether I try to or not, but early on... if there's too many hoops to jump through to get a man to want me... I say f*ck it. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:47:02 PM | I do NOT beleive that all women are golddiggers. But then I'm an incurable optimist (with my face you kinda gotta be)
However I would say that of my past girlfriends 90%+ were gold digging.
I would say that I think young girls are worse for this for the simple reason that after a few nightmare relationships you girls have learnt that all that glitters is not gold.
I would also say that when approaching a potential girlfriend you'd be amazed at the difference it makes if they think you are doing well financially. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/8/2007 12:55:07 PM |
As for the competition theory... meh... maybe, but I'm also not overly interested in beating someone out for a man's affentions. I realize that to an extent, I am competing whether I try to or not, but early on... if there's too many hoops to jump through to get a man to want me... I say f*ck it.
I totally agree with this line of thinking.
Plus, in reference to other posts:
I think that more men would like to make love to a golddigger than marry her. Why? It is way cheaper. lol. I am in neither category, tho!
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