| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 1:28:58 AM | No, I do not anger easily..at alll.
The fact that I have not said **** YOU to some of you shallow ***holes by now should demonstrate that I have patience.
Again, you have not either read my profile or the thread. Either of which you are dumbasses. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 1:43:27 AM | Hey JD, you wouldn't by any chance have these stats available/posted/published somewhere (not on fish-site of course :-) for a little reading/checking/reading by a less initiated guy? Especially what you mentioned as statically verified patterns that make a man more desirable by making him appear to be more wealthy. It's only fair to ask, since things based on relevant statistics would be expected to be kind of verifiable. Just asking  I'd hate to think that what gets called statistically proven may end up being, how do they call it ... anecdotal evidence  Gives statistics a bad name if you know what I mean 
Say, I remember only one case where I hit the wall for not being, ahem funded in accordance with expectations  , but many cases when I hit the wall for being a foreigner, you know, with accent :-) Not in a sense of not getting any, God forbid  but in a sense of not being considered for anything more then, ahem, any :-) So, while I might tend to suspect that posting my bank statement would fix that, shall we say issue :-), I'd tend to suspect that there's a difference between being considered desirable for any :-) vs. being considered beyond that. Might change my mind if you can show me some convincing numbers and patterns of course | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 3:18:52 AM | | Well I agree with everyone asking what someone does for work is just part of conversation and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself would not date a man who said "well I am self employed but I do not have any income because there is no work for me to do, or I collect SSI because I was hurt 15 years ago and cant work, but do you want to take a ride on my Harley?" I could care less if a person works at WalMart as long as you show some drive in your life, you do not have to be rich to be happy. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 3:24:57 AM | | lol...I knew it...he's a self-proclaimed nice guy in his profile, gentlemanly and chivalrous. Now the nice guy is telling women to eff off and calling them a**holes. And he's so offended by someone asking him what he does for a living that he's frothing at the mouth mad. Yep...that's typical of the self-proclaimed nice guys on here. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 5:16:23 AM | "Ok, I will readily say this..
He Wrote:
She just wrote me back and was just wanting to start a conversation with me. She was interested in me and wrote to aplogize..which I accepted and
might I also add..apologized to her as well.
Ya'll chill lordy lol"
Gee What a Guy!!! He apologized too!!!!! As I might add...... !
RUN EMAIL GIRL RUN!!!!!!!! There are plenty of fish out there you don't have to crawl to any of them... Nice guys not in front of someone else's BMW and wearing a rented tux..... dime a dozen guys who post themselves in a "Wedding Suit" . Just the type I avoid like the plague! Posers and phonies abound online.
Arugula wish I could express myself as freely as you have.....Got my Vote!
The questions was...' is it offensive to ask a man's occupation in a first email' (paraphrased for the sticklers in the crowd) .. has gone so far afield....from the subject . Did I ever have to edit this one.... lucky we have rules for posting.....!
Not LOL!!!!! Girlflower | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 5:20:55 AM | | If I were asking, it would be to make conversation because my job is important to me. It's something that most people can relate to! | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 5:22:04 AM | I also should probably add that I have somewhat of a fetish for great sheets, my current ones are 1000tc.
I have them, and I'm certainly not rich.....the secret ? Ebay 49.95 ...of course I watched the bidding all day to "win" them.....LOL
Sooooo.........His sheets don't impress me.
Wonder what he does for a living..???? LOL | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 5:22:31 AM | Hey Brad,
Atleast you know to stay away from those hung up on what your proefession is (or how much $ do you make).
Sure it comes out in conversation but the first question-no way!
 | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:27:51 AM | Someone's profession/job is not a proxy or indicator for level of income or net worth. But assuming a person does something she/he does not hate, preferrably studied, or trained for or liked (eg nurse) that gives some indication of the persons interests and personality, IMO.
I always ask what they do.
I find it "offensive" if they ask me but only because it means they have not really read my profile where I explain what I used to do and what I do. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:38:07 AM |
And when a woman asks a man the first time out what they do for a living I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEIR MIND IS GOING, ---- KA CHING, KA CHING.
Must be great to be psychic.
Still ignoring the fact that he left his profession OFF of his profile? So why wouldn't someone ask?
This whole "it's bad manners to ask" think is bull.. complete BULL. There's NOTHING rude about asking what someone does for a living. It is NOT akin to asking bra size either.
Wake up and smell the obvious. You leave stuff out of your profile on purpose, and it WILL be one of the first questions you're asked about. Period.
The OP is showing himself as the type who:
1) Offends easily and over innocent questions
2) Has gotten nasty rather quickly when called on that fact
3) Decides that the majority of women are shallow because they see it as a reasonable getting-to-know-you type of question
4) Is too thick to realize that leaving his profession OUT OF THE PROFILE is very obviously WHY it ends up being one of the first questions he's asked
Things will likely take care of themselves. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:41:53 AM | | You have to give the person a chance to email back & forth before you jump to conclusions. Maybe they are just trying to break the ice & if your profession is not there on your profile it brings up questions. Sometimes people are trying to hide the fact that they don't have a job & you have to respect that a woman wants to make sure she's not conversing with a bum. I think that if the woman is the money-hungry type then it will show sooner than later. Just keep your eyes & ears open & give a woman a chance! If she starts asking how much you make then you can jump to conclusions! | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:43:57 AM | Well Brad ~ Hummm, ~ to be offended ~ requires one to be delicate ~
for how can a stranger offend? ~ if you are strong in who You are.
Annoyed perhaps ~ but to offend? ~
We are what we do ~ like it or not ~
I am an Ac Contractor ~ yet I am much more
but that is a place to start. ~
After 39 years , it's no bragg ~ I assure you
Jesus was a Carpenter's son. ~
And so it goes ~ so it's not shallow ~ it's a place to start
The harder you are to offend ~ the stronger person you become.
Dar | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:55:33 AM | Ok you people are NUTS if you choose to ignore the fact that women, by their very nature are inclined to choose a potential mate based on their access to available resources....in our case...income. Does this mean ALL women???? No of course not...but we ALL know that this behavaviour not only EXISTS but is in fact PREVALENT in the dating world today. Even the supposedly enlightened women who "never care about such things" have been influenced enough throughout their lives through family, friends and the media to be just tainted enough to get offended at such questions without ever asking where the disgust they feel comes from...could it be latent shame???
I know because I've experienced it AND seen it all over the place in our pop culture. Please play dumb elsewhere if you honestly wish to argue this point.
The seemingly benign question "So what do you do?", is in many(not all) cases a clear "qualifying" type of question...it essentially asks..."so how is your access to resources???"...and ultimately "what kind of lifestyle could I expect if I were your parner?".
What is it with people that they can't be open minded enough to really answer a legit question simply because the "known to be true" subject matter isn't politically correct??? Why must you always attack the poor sod who's brave enough to ask the unpleasant questions???
I too liken this behaviour to the depraved nature of man to seek only beauty and youth. I accept that as a male of the species, I've been wired a certain way. I accept that to overcome this is my responsibility and I accept that not all men are so enlightened.
So ladies and gents...grow up...ask and more importantly ANSWER the tough questions because they are indeed the key to our next evolutionary step. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:58:15 AM | There are many reasons to ask what someone does for a living in our modern society.
Maybe I was ill-bred, ill-educated, and remain uncouth... but it seems perfectly normal to me.
1. It shows interest in who you are as a person. This is a dating site, anyone responding to you is trying to get to know you. A full time job is a LOT of a person's waking hours in a week... it's a HUGE part of who they are.
2. They're trying to make conversation. It's an opening question for a reason- it leads to many other questions that can be asked. It also allows for simple questions like, "How was your day?"... which mean different things to different people. To some people that's a one word answer... to others you get a lot of details.
3. They're feeling you out. This could mean that they're looking for someone with money, but it could also mean that they're trying to weed out BS artists. Some people DO make up a totally new personality online.
Again... if someone comes up to me and asks me what I do for a living, I would find it a great deal less offensive than I would if they asked me my favorite sexual position.
It's fine that it bothers you that women ask you that. You are who you are... but I don't understand it... and I probably never will. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:04:06 AM | | Agree with Msg 9...asking what you do is simply conversation; most people do this when first meeting someone in the offline world, so it's no different in the online one - esecially as it's the only question you didn't answer in your profile. Thinking it's as offensive as asking someone if they deepthroat is ridiculous, IMO; as is being paranoid that someone's asking only to find out how much money you make. Perhaps they're just wondering why you didn't state your profession in the first place. I don't have mine listed for several reasons...the title is too long for the space provided, most people wouldn't know what it stood for, and it's not easily explainable in 10 words or less...but when they ask, I tell them. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:05:30 AM |
The seemingly benign question "So what do you do?", is in many(not all) cases a clear "qualifying" type of question...it essentially asks..."so how is your access to resources???"...and ultimately "what kind of lifestyle could I expect if I were your parner?".
Or you know.. it could be.. because he had left it OFF his profile.
Why is that so hard to comprehend?
I wonder when guys ask me what I do for a living (even though it is in my profile already) if they're sizing up my fortune... or lack thereof. Most everyone asking anyone this question is simply making conversation. Those of you arguing otherwise, well... it's a fair bet that you're a bit paranoid. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:06:22 AM | msg 227 kinda says it all.... some gentleman and self proclaimed "nice guy"... oh no. he does not anger easily at all....
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:08:54 AM | Brad,
When I ask a man about his profession, I am not trying to find out how much money he makes, but I do want to know if he can support himself. However, there are other reasons why I ask; his profession gives me clues as to the type of man he is. Ialso ask, "Do you like what you do?"
If a man is not happy with his job, I usually want nothing to do with him. I lived for 25 years with a man who always complained about his job, yet he did nothing to change his work status. It is my firm belief that if a person doesn't like something as important as a job, then he/she should take steps to remedy that problem. If a man (and I speak of men because I am not looking for a woman) is willing to stay in a job that he hates, what does that say about his personality?
Professions also give other clues about about a person, i.e. linear vs. cyclical thinker, concrete vs. abstract thinker. If a man can stack cans on shelves at Wal Mart all day for 20 years, sorry, he and I probably won't have much to talk about. In the same vein, I have found men who have PhDs in sciences sometimes find my more esoteric way of looking at life as alien. Of course, this is not true in ALL cases, and I do evaluate everyone as an individual.
I want to know if a man is self supporting because I am not going to support anyone but myself and my cat.
I do agree with you, however, the query should not be included in the first message. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:10:10 AM |
Posted By: bdpowell on 6/5/2007 2:00:38 PM
Subject: As a guy, I find it offensive...
Message: I personally find it extremely offensive when the first message I get from a woman inquires as to what my profession is. To me, it's no more offensive than in sending a first message to a woman asking about her cup size or if she deepthroats.
I have had this happen more than once and would like someone else's perspective.
I'm sorry, I guess the shallowness amazes me at times.
Brad
Saw this thread yesterday. My response...
A potential partner may see themselves as having worked very hard to attain a certain position in life; they may expect that to be rewarded by a partner who worked equally hard.
My response to that is this...if you're so successful and not a gold digger, where does happiness fit into the equation if you are financially covered anyway? Do you really want someone who has worked themselves to death like you have and may not have any time or energy for you like you don't for them? Ponder that one when selecting a partner...if of course love is your objective. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:13:20 AM | I did personals a long time before I met my sweetheart and trust me ladies, when you run into a man who gets miffed out something like asking him his profession, you better run. As you can see in post 227...
that is what you will find when you MEET that kinda easily miffed person face to face ... you will end up leaving the date feeling verbally abused by the self proclaimed nice guy... and in my experience is the shallowest of any men you will meet from an online dating site. They are also the ones with all the stange and freakish situations in life... and full of blame that everyone else does not understand or has not been fair and open with them !!!
Trust me and don't waste your time with easily miffed men who do not feel secure enough to be open and honest about themselves and their lives. but of course, some of you already know that and were just luring his true self out. lol | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:17:21 AM | Well, bdpowell, you received an apology from her so the point is moot now. I don't expect that she was being shallow in her initial contact. Anyway, my advice would be to keep a sense of humour and don't get too offended by things here on POF. 
Buuuuuut, having said that, *teehee*, I still think you're an oil magnate incognito! Yah, that's it --and can you please tell your buddies to lower gas prices? pretty please? | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:22:45 AM | Answer to clickfinder . . .
Statistics: Not anecdotal - not at all. While I have graduate level training in statistical analysis, I am not a professional researcher. But the sampling was real, the numbers were real, etc. Would my research methodology pass a university level review? - probably not. Was it much more than anecdotal? - most certainly. And - No I won't pass out copies of the results.
But if you wish to do it yourself - it is quite easy to perform. Just secure some email addresses and register here with multiple member profiles. Then progressively and subtly make changes and substitutions. I won't go into detail - just use your imagination and set up a contact and response tally system in a spreadsheet based upon the lures or lack thereof.
Bottom line - one element of sampling shows that when two male profiles are posted - with all other 'attractiveness' features are equal (actually identical) except one male displays evidence of disposable income, wealth, elevated job level status, etc. (done in an understated - non 'showy' manner - the profile showing wealth evidence receives more frequent contacts initiated by women and higher receptivity to contacts that he initiates with return contact from the woman.
Personally I believe the folks on this thread are tired of this subject. But I will make one more comment. I believe it is 'Okay' for women to seek financial security in a mate - I think it is good common sense to do so. What I don't like is all the pretense that it is not a part of what women seek - because I know (statistically) that it is.
And it doesn't matter what one woman thinks or does - it matters what hundreds of women actually do - statistically.
Joe | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:29:26 AM | | I have asked guys that frequently, but not for the reason you seem to think. I don't care how much money a man makes, I'm just curious as to interests we may have in common (My last relationship was with a man who made less than me) Besides...all those stupid advice pop-ups tell us we should ask you questions about yourself, lol | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:29:42 AM | I never looked for financial security in a mate....
maybe because my parents and extended family were loaded and I knew that having
parents/ family who were loaded was far better than seeking it from some man.
They helped me get an education and raised me to know the TRUE value of money...
I guess I'm old fashioned but I think women are making a terrible mistake to think a man will provide for all their needs.........
it is much easier to provide for your own, get an education... than to bargain for it from a man...
no begging to go live in the Virgin Islands, no begging to have pink decor.... no male ego ( usually inflated) to have to suck up too....
it can free a girl to find a real man... one who does not base his success in life on his high income... and of course we all want men with high incomes, speciafically residual income... so we don't have to spend our money yes its all true. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:30:20 AM | I don't know if it's generational, but in my social circle it's asked by women because most of us really love what we do whether full or part time. It's more about what your job is in relation to what you wanted to do or love to do in life - your passion, your purpose. Most of us have our own money so we aren't really concerned with yours.
I never ask, and oddly enough I meet a lot of men who volunteer that kind of information to me...including their assets and salary. I find THAT offensive when it's presumed I give a sh1t. | |
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