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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:54:52 PM | "If he had personality, character and charisma, his wallet wouldn't matter. "
Not true -- I have tested this - statistically - on singles site venues and typically a woman's perception as to desirable personality, character and charisma is very much colored and altered by indications of the man's wealth.
Test results most often demonstrated - that when a man displayed attributes of wealth - especially when done subtly and not overtly - he became much more acceptable - much more desirable, even perceived as being younger - and most importantly he was much more contacted as initiated by the women --as compared to when the same profile did not indicate any such wealth attributes.
Bottom line -- most - but not all -- women want security - most often seen as financial security and when it is indicated - the man becomes much more desirable - regardless of his physical attributes or age.
It doesn't matter what one woman or another may do --- it matters what the statistically significant numbers of women do.
Joe | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:57:58 PM |
One thing you need to learn is asking someone what they do for a living isnt the same as asking how much money one earns?
That is 100% true but this was that 1st email:
Nice profile. I think you are very handsome.
What is your profession?
2 wee comments and 1 question. I can totally understand why the OP arrived at the conclusion he did! | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:59:35 PM | | Would you be more comfortable with someone who said "You spend 1/3 of your life sleeping. How do you spend the other 2/3?" That's a question I got. I replied "working and relaxing". Then they asked what I did for a living. I said "I work a 40 hour week." They never wrote back. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:02:54 PM |
It doesn't matter what one woman or another may do --- it matters what the statistically significant numbers of women do
really?thats what matters? so I guess it matters that the majority of men that contact us want sex matters too? Hmm... and here I was ...holding out for a guy that wanted more? silly me | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:09:49 PM | Well JD....... I would say your statistics are based on ONLINE experiences. That, I could see or agree with. You are going by what you read. The person's character, personality etc. doesn't truly come out until you meet in person. So they are scanning the profiles, like one scans resumes for a job. But you are also trying to sell yourself on here by giving information on who you are. Is there anything wrong with knowing someone's profession. Sometimes, a person who has a white collar profession, seeks someone on the same level. Someone who went to college, wants a college educated mate. Someone who only graduated High School, wants someone with the same education level.
Gawd....... this is whyI hate online dating. What happened to the "Real World" 
If a guy is worried about his wallet and gold diggers.... then my advice is " Don't open so much, keep it simple" you will see who sticks around and who doesn't
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Genrae
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Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 207 | |
| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:14:23 PM | BDPowell, for me, it depends on what context the question is being asked. If someone just simply begins an e-mail or a conversation on a dating site, by asking you what you do for a living, that would be a bit of a put-off for me too. But if, in the course of a few e-mails or conversations the question is asked, it's perfectly normal. But there's an appropriate time and place.
I completely understand your analogy regarding a man opening an e-mail by asking a woman’s bra size or opening with a sexual comment. What a turn-off, and it give you the same uncomfortable feeling that you might get if you think a woman is trolling you for financial reasons. 
After reading a few, somewhat nasty, comments regarding your profile (particularly the one regarding you being in a tux and in front of a Beemer) I took a look at your profile, expecting to find it to be arrogant and distasteful. On the contrary, it is a very nice, polite, respectful, and well-written profile,  In my "never to be humble opinion," those were unfair attacks. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:15:42 PM |
Now, if he goes for some implanted, hot body, beauty.... is that to say that is any different than a woman going after his money? Both would be superficial motives.
So what if he has been exploited or burned. I was cheated on once, so now do I judge all guys as cheaters? NO........ I learned from it and became a better judge of one's character and actions.
Also, don't you think women all worry about a man being after her or using her for sex? Is that any different than using a man for his money? So maybe we shouldn't put our sexes on here either... one might use us for it.
The bottom line is , a person is going to like you for you and who you are. You are to be the judge on the type of people you pick and be smart enough to see the red flags of what they are all about.
Well let's see;
-Women "go after sex," too, and are attracted to good looking men exclusively. I'm not damning them, it's just the way there are.
-Some people who get cheated and exploited take it very, VERY hard, more so than you or I, it seems.
-Both men and women often do go for superficial motives at times; not everyone, but many do.
Smart Blonde, I don't care if you call me superficial or not, but I admit I like good-looking women and date them. Does this mean do I think they are all good people? No, some are, some aren't, and I don't stay with someone that's going to give me a hard time. I like to stay in shape, and I'm attracted to athletic (shaped) types---it isn't the only kind of women I've dated, but that's true nevertheless. If I was a couch potato, I'd have no right to complain. I'm not stating you believe it's a crime because I like pretty women and openly admit I select them, but . . .
Let's face it. There are women out there that go for popularity, status, social standing, and successful men, and want the package as well. I used to shake my head at it when I was younger. I got over it when I found out that even they have serious problems . . . BUT there are women that will go for a bigwig no matter how much of a "hot guy" (that's what more than one woman have told me in person) I am. They could care less if I enjoyed reading philosophy or metaphysics in the past or critique off-the beaten track films. I'm sure some believe I'm a meathead since I practice MMA, despite the fact it's a honorable sport, not a gladiator-style, bloody fight to the death. They're wrong, but I'm tired of convincing them. They pass me up sometimes.
That's life.
I agree that someone should like me for who I am, but it appears that several seem to have trouble even bothering to get to know me since I've been written off as just another worker bee or intimated by the fact I'm not a simpering metrosexual that tries to fruitlessly keep up with the Joneses. I've surprised the living hell out of women with what I was like, what I knew, and what has happened to me over the years, but here's the kicker: they didn't get to know me right off the bat since I wasn't a powerful figure in the community or a someone with deep pockets. I'm not going to cry about it. Yes, it's too bad for them, but it doesn't solve the matter when so many have done this over time, and, apparently, I'm not the only one.
The OP is the converse of that. Supposedly, there are certain women that are going for him because of his material wealth, monetary appearance, status, and assets. Can anyone blame him for being a little untrustworthy? | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:16:21 PM | I personally don't care what a guy does or how much he makes.... every woman knows its not how much he has or makes but how much he has left over to spend on you...
we want to know residual income....  | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:25:15 PM | Dark....... my comparison was men think woman go for the wallet first and woman think men go for the T&A first. They were superficial comparisons. The only thing different is....... You get to see the T&A and we don't get to see the wallet. lol So now, does one make the other one any better?
So we all are superficial to some point aren't we? Guess life isn't fair for either sexes is it.
If I wanted to hide my money status...... I wouldn't post a pic of my BMW, mention 1000 count sheets, and an expensive tux.
I am done and tired. I haven't had this much drama in my life since who knows when.
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:36:14 PM | I find it offensive when someone driving infront of me doesn't use a turn signal before a turn. How meaningful is that? Not very. So what if you're offended? Which has more meaning: you taking offense or someone asking the question? They appear to be of equal value . . . which is little. If someone said this previously, oh well. I'm feeling lazy, and I don't want to read nine pages of obvious responses to an issue someone your age should be able to put into perspective, besides saying, "I find it offensive."
A lot of people like to talk about work. It's a simple icebreaker for most people. Hell, be flattered that a woman is asking you something rather than concentrating on the negative--the alterior motives for asking the question, when it might be simple curiousity. People might ask that question face to face because they're nervous--and can't think of anything else to ask--not because they want to fark your wallet, so the same thing might apply online. (Never mind that it's weird if someone gets nervous asking a question through email; people become nervous about all sorts of strange things.) If you find it offensive every single time someone asks this question before YOU think it's appropriate, then this seems to be more YOUR issue than anyone else's.
So what is your cup size anyway?  | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:41:46 PM | "JD most women who want financial security have.. jobs.. "
Maybe so - but not shown by statistically sampling on venues like POF.
It may be your experience - your attitude - your opinion - but number sampling counts - not one story - not your story.
Even when a woman has a job - it does not equate to what I stated. Men often make more money than women - (as is often complained about). Lots of single women would like to retire and or have more than their one salary will provide.
It is called security - and that is not a bad thing. Smart people seek security.
Joe | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:45:06 PM | You may be on to something there surirrly - if you find WAY TOO MANY men on singles match sites who are crude and want nothing but sex on the first contact - then numbers count and maybe statistically that is the majority here - or at least the most active in sending out emails.
It wouldn't surprise me - because it may be one of the reasons my sincere letters get drowned out.
Joe | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:45:25 PM | summer I agree with your post , esp the last sentance.... the one before the cup size
;)
You got that right ! | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:57:12 PM | It is amazing how most people do not read the entire thread before disseminating their stupidity. It is almost like they were interrupting a conversation and then be offended by the fact that they only caught part of it.
I continued to be amazed by the shallowness.
Brad | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:58:12 PM |
Dark....... my comparison was men think woman go for the wallet first and woman think men go for the T&A first. They were superficial comparisons. The only thing different is....... You get to see the T&A and we don't get to see the wallet. lol So now, does one make the other one any better?
So we all are superficial to some point aren't we? Guess life isn't fair for either sexes is it.
If I wanted to hide my money status...... I wouldn't post a pic of my BMW, mention 1000 count sheets, and an expensive tux.
I am done and tired. I haven't had this much drama in my life since who knows when.
One "gets to see the wallet" when someone is cataloged for the type of shoes, vehicles, profession, long term financial goals, peer perception among colleagues, and the social circle one inhabits. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:02:46 PM | "Is there anything wrong with knowing someone's profession"?
NO and I did not say that.
"If a guy is worried about his wallet and gold diggers."
It is much the same as women who complain about brutish SEX solicitations --- men get weary of women looking for someone to repair their 401K plan - and others holding out for her Soul Mate and the soul mate must be the guy - that magical prince who also has all the jewels.
Yes - what happend to the real world? It is called Life Happened.
The fact is - most of us do not get to circulate in the real world much any more - you know -- high school, college, parties and the used to be world of employment where one could actually meet a mate without being accused of sexual harassment. So we are stuck with places On-Line . . .
Bottom Line - I would rather not be posting on this forum.
I would just like to meet a woman who didn't write me a note - like the one I received tonight . . . "well, if our goal is to enjoy each others company shouldn't it start first here and if it doesn't there is no need to come here??????Ah ha! Let me see your uniqueness. I know it is there. I am gorgeous. But I want my mind and self loved as well. Or at lease appreciated. Later . . .
To which I responded . . .
I have no idea what you are talking about.
**********************
With email like above -- it is more entertaining to Pontificate on the POF forum.
Later -- Joe | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:18:52 PM | Smart-blonde replies-If I wanted to hide my money status...... I wouldn't post a pic of my BMW, mention 1000 count sheets, and an expensive tux.
Most people would praise a good tailor..as for the BMW...it was my exgf's. Thank god, both are gone. ROFLMFAO! Both had problems. Not that I don't.
I do have 1000tc sheets. I love em!
So what. I posted pics of me at my daughters wedding, yes I paid for it. So **** you. I wore a TUX at my daughters wedding. Yes it was rented, yes it was tailored. Yes, I was pleased with the way it looked. I would also like to add I catered her wedding, no I do not have a catering business. Just love to cook.
The pictures were current.
So many, so shallow. lol
Brad | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:28:10 PM | | cmon people, brad has a right to pick and choose what he wants to get offended over. Im wondering, if a simple question from a stranger on the internet is 'extremely' offensive to him, then what would be simply offensive? not enough ice in his iced tea? | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:30:07 PM | i read the whole thread...i think you're maybe a bit too touchy about the subject...so now that you've learned that the question may be coming, don't take offense to it, just use the question as an avenue to find out more about her...as per why she wants to know...like for example where she emailed you back and apologized...i wouldn't knock myself out about it.
i get asked all kinds of retarded questions in emails....just be polite and carry on...
i don't think this question is all that bad. Aren't you interested at all in what they do? i look at it as them showing some interest in you. You seem on the ball enuff to work and dig a little more thru conversations to find out if there's ulterior motives.
Thanks for the thread though...it's always nice to read shallow opinions, and there's lots of those on this one. that's for darn sure.
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:50:20 PM | So what. I posted pics of me at my daughters wedding, yes I paid for it. So **** you. I wore a TUX at my daughters
Thank you for showing the true gentleman you are by using that type of language to a woman. Never once did I say a vulgar word to you .
Obviously you can't understand other's view points. I was making a statement to the other's post about not listing your profession because of gold diggers. That statement was if someone was trying to hide the fact that they had money because of their profession and wanted to ward of gold diggers.......... those are things you would not want to flaunt.
You know for being 51...... and some of the remarks you have made to others... (screw you, **** you etc.) I would expect a little more from a man your age and especially if you are a professional man.
You need to go to your PCP and get something, before you have High Blood Pressure or a heart attack. Obviously, you anger easily and respond with vulgarity. | |
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| As a guy, I find it offensive...
Posted: 6/6/2007 1:26:20 AM | Gotta say...you describe yourself right off as a gentleman raised with chivalry...& then post vulgar replies to people who respond to your OP? Either your self-description is way off, or perhaps you wrote your profile while sober and your replies while overwise. Either way seems like red flag territory to me.
And in response to your OP...I love to talk with people about their careers & like to talk about my own as well, & don't feel in the least offended when people ask since to me it's a perfectly reasonable, normal question & can lead to good discussion & understanding. And, since this is a dating site, I'd like to know what career a potential date chose since some careers, like some people, are more interesting to me than others to discuss. It might also tell me a little about our common interests and education levels. Since I have a post-grad education, I do prefer to date others who are post-grads as well or at least are college grads. I don't plan to remarry, & am not looking for someone to finance my future or pay my way on dates, so an income level that's vastly lower than mine could be a potential problem for dating....just as an income vastly higher than mine could be. I know several attorneys who are not at all wealthy, though they, more than the average person, probably have as much $ as they want and need. One last comment.....as others already said, your own profile displays clues re: your financial status, so, frankly, I think that you actually want women to ask. | |
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